CHAPTER NINETEEN

La Girl was situated in Copacabana right next to Le Boy, and was one of the few women only bars in Rio. It was still quiet, the lines had not yet arrived although that would likely change in the next hour or so. An impressively solid woman with short spiky hair and a serious face stood at the entrance, her tattooed arms crossed across her chest. When she saw Marina, her face lit up.

"Nina! It's been too long!" she cried and swept Marina up into a bear hug. "Where have you disappeared, huh? Once upon a time you used to come at least once a week!"

"Carmo!" Marina replied squeezing the woman tight. She was dwarfed by the bouncer's considerable height "Let me introduce my girlfriend to you, this is Clara, Clara, this is Carmo. She's saved me from more than one embarrassing situation over the years."

"A pleasure, Clara." she said, "and I can tell you, this woman... she's a wild one! And the girls would fall over themselves, didn't they? Heartbreaker!"

"Ai, Carmo, don't you go scaring Clara with stories!"

"My mouth is shut." she said pretending to zip it up and throw away the key and then winked at Clara, "but if you want to know, you just come and find me."

Clara laughed.

"I can't decide if I'm curious or not!"

"Some things are best forgotten, don't you think?" Marina said pulling Clara towards the entrance by the hand.

Inside the music pumped and the lights flashed but the dance floor was largely empty. The space was intimate. Some of the seating around the edge of the room was occupied by patrons. In a corner a group of young woman sat with their drinks. One of them - dressed in a button up shirt, slacks and short bubblegum blue hair spiked up into a peak - gestured animatedly as she told a story and the group erupted into laughter that just carried over the sound of the bass. Clara watched them curiously. She'd never seen so many lesbians in one place at the same time. She noted how one of the girls had her arm slung casually across the shoulders of another, how they looked at each other and kissed, a proper kiss, before turning back to the story. She became aware that she'd tensed involuntarily at the display of affection and realised that she'd never seen two women kiss before because two women, or two men for that matter, never kissed in public, it just wasn't done. It invited too many problems, exposed to much prejudice that simmered just below the surface of society. Just last week Clara had held Marina's hand as they walked down the street after a movie and there must have been something about their body language that gave them away because a group of young men had hung out the window cat-calling, whistling and making lewd homophobic remarks. Clara had turned to them and asked them what the fuck they thought they were doing, shaming themselves like that, what cowards, feeling a deep anger shooting up and out of her. One of the men's faces had turned thunderous, his hand moving to the door handle - dyke sluts, he'd show them a thing or two, just needed a good man to fuck them - and the others in the back had howled their encouragement. Clara had paused then, grasping for Marina's hand and pulled her around the corner onto a busy street. She'd looked back furtively, relieved to see the lights change and the car disappear amongst traffic. Marina had remained quiet except for a few measured words of caution, she couldn't react like that if she wanted to stay safe. This was her reality now, Clara had realised, being with a woman could never be as simple as just that, it came with all the injustices of an oppressed, maligned minority. With incidents like that, she would have to learn to swallow her sense of justice and bear it. She'd been aware of it, of course, in an abstract sense and she'd been aware enough not to touch or hold or kiss Marina the way her wanted to when they were in public but it wasn't until that moment she'd realised why she couldn't. It wasn't to avoid the frowns of disapproval, it was to avoid being attacked.

Her quiet act of defiance in the face of that realisation was to proudly hold Marina's hand in public just the same.

They ordered a drink at the bar, a beautiful woman with short shorts and a top that revealed ample cleavage served them and they settled down on a comfortable corner seat where they could observe the room at their leisure. Clara was surprised to find she was nervous being here. All the time she'd been dealing with her feelings about Marina, she'd been dealing with a woman, in the singular. She'd thought about society's reaction – namely her family's reaction - but it hadn't extended to include the concept of the lesbian community in any shape or form. She'd not wondered about other lesbians other than to wonder how many people had found themselves in her situation and what they'd done. And these people were far far away, a mere though to her. The concept of seeking them out, of having anything to do with them was foreign but now that she was in a relationship with Marina she wanted to go somewhere where she didn't need to censor herself so she'd asked Marina to take her out to the places lesbians went. There weren't many.

They sipped on their cocktails and Marina moved in close and nuzzled her neck. It sent a shiver down Clara's spine. She drew Marina in for a kiss, letting the low lighting and the music wash over them, letting herself revel in the freedom of being able to kiss her girlfriend in a public space and not have to worry about who was watching. She tasted of her red sky martini, of strawberries, cranberries and amaretto liqueur. She drank her in eagerly. They barely noticed the room filing up until they parted, somewhat disheveled, their eyes dilated.

"I'll get us some more drinks." Clara said and she slipped out of the booth, making her way between the growing crowd. As her drinks order was being prepared she turned to survey the room, looking at the diverse women gathered. What a different world from her life with Ivan and Cadu! Her eyes drifted back to Marina's corner and she frowned. Someone had joined Marina at her table. She couldn't see anything except long flowing brown hair and a pretty dress. She probably wasn't older than twenty-two. What's more she was leaning in, her lips close to Marina's ear, a hand on her shoulder, telling her something over the loud music. Marina laughed, her hand moving to hold the woman's forearm. Clara pursed her lips. Perhaps this one of those girls Carmo had mentioned before. Well. She quickly gathered their drinks, weaving through the bodies that were starting to press in on each other, her eyes trained on Marina's figure. She slid into the seat and Marina turned to her, her lips parting to say something but Clara didn't give her the chance, she kissed her soundly, feeling triumphant when Marina seemed to melt beneath her lips. She pulled back and turned to the woman – girl rather – seated next to Marina... and gasped, her hand flying to her mouth and her cheeks flushing a deep red.

"Luiza?"

Luiza was sitting there, her wide eyes morphine from shock to merriment. She laughed.

"I wasn't expecting that..."

"What...I mean, you're not gay are you? Didn't we discuss this not so long ago?"

"No! I'm straight."

"Then what on earth..."

"My girlfriends and I like to come here every now and then when we're sick of men groping at us in the straight clubs."

"Oh." Clara said and then frowned. "But wouldn't you just get hit on here by women?"

"They're much more respectful, believe me. I'll take unwanted lesbian attention over unwanted male attention any day."

"Oh."

Clara took a sip of her drink and she could feel Luiza's eyes burning into her.

"So... you and Marina, huh?"

Clara's eyes drifted to Marina who had sat back and was watching the interaction with amusement.

"Oh God, Luiza, no one knows, only your mother, please, don't tell anyone."

"I won't say anything." she said and looked between them, her expression showing how much she was dying to ask questions but didn't know how to start. She waited a moment longer but Clara was deep in her drink.

"Well, I'm happy for you, aunt." She said leaning over and clasping her hand. "I'm going to go join my friends, I'll see you later."

She disappeared into the crowd. Clara turned and buried her head in Marina's shoulder.

"Oh God." she said

"It's okay, Clarinda. She took it really well!"

"She's my niece! What if she accidentally lets slip to my mother or to Ivan or god knows who else?"

"I doubt she will, but if she does, you deal with it. Besides, you will have to come out to them eventually..."

Clara was well aware of this. In fact she'd had a few sleepless nights wondering how she could break it to Chica, Filipe – and mostly Ivan. The thought terrified her. She'd barely said anything to Cadu about their relationship either although she knew he knew, obviously.

"I'm not ready yet, Marina."

"I know, my love. But you know it's just putting off the inevitable. Sometimes sooner is better than later."

"Yes, I know. I know! I'll do it, soon, I promise. I know it's hard on you, having to sneak around like this. Not being able to come to family gatherings with me... but I've barely separated from Cadu, they need time to get their head around that before I drop this bombshell."

Clara sat up and took a great big gulp of her Caipicopa cocktail and then another, finishing it off.

"Want another drink?"

Marina looked at her nearly full glass.

"Right. I should stop. 'Cause we both remember what happened last time." she said as a happy buzz started to envelop her.

"I have very fond memories of that last time."

Clara laughed and tapped her upper arm playfully. She settled back against Marina who draped her arm over her shoulder. They watched the crowd as the night deepened and the music beckoned.

"Would you care to dance with me?" Marina asked when she'd finished her drink.

The DJ was just sliding into a new song.

"My face above the water
my feet can't touch the ground, touch the ground
and if feels like I can see the sands on the horizon
every time you are not around..."

As they reach the dance floor the music was starting to build. To one side she could see Luiza and her friends dancing, bodies committed to the beat of the music. Clara caught her eye and Luiza grinned and jumped up and down enthusiastically, blowing a kiss.

"I'm drifting away,
wave after wave..."

Marina pulled her close, her leg between her thighs, their hips swaying in time to the music, her arms sliding up her back, rocking them in a sensuous dance that made Clara's head spin, the beat reverberating in her chest, the guitar riff burrowing into her body, making her think of remote beaches and road trips, of endless summer days tinged with that sense of nostalgia.

"Wave after wave
slowly drifting..."

Their eyes locked and they moved in unison. It was entirely different to the first time they'd danced to the crooning sounds of Dan Torres, this was sweaty, hot, pulsing with all the bodies moving to the rhythm, it was sex barely disguised. Grinding, arching, their bodies sliding together. Hooded eyes and parted lips the music spun around them like tendrils, transporting them. They kissed, lost amongst the sea of women and Clara felt a sort of euphoric joy move through her. She hugged Marina's small frame to her. They danced until their feet hurt and Clara was convinced that she could tell Chica that she was dating a woman and loving it, no big deal.