I won't be able to post the next chapter for a week and a half and I apologise - I'm away for about a week and won't have access to the internet. I also won't have time to write during that time so will do my best to have the next chapter up for Wed week.

CHAPTER TWENTY

Marina arrived early, sunglasses on, a mocha latte in each hand and a brown paper bag pinched between her fingers. The receptionist greeted her warmly and asked her to take a seat. She lowered herself gracefully into the soft leather chair and sighed. She'd walked from the hotel and she felt a little out of breath and her shoes hurt her feet. Stupid, uncomfortable heels. She took a moment to arrange her hair, refresh her lips with her Yves St Laurent lipstick, noting that it was almost finished and wondering how she could possibly afford to replace it. As she finished the elevator doors pinged open and she saw Vanessa emerge. She stood up, smoothed her hands down her dress and held her breath. Vanessa, with her wild carrot red hair and pale skin. She hadn't seen her since the day she left. She'd been true to her word, she sorted everything out to do with the business but she'd done it all without having to see her. They'd spoken a few times on the phone, strictly business, but she'd effectively dropped out of Marina's life, just like that. And now here she was, her beloved Vanessa, her dearest friend, her family. Marina wasn't prepared how much she'd missed seeing that face.

Vanessa saw Marina almost immediately. She paused a moment and a ripple passed over her features before it settled into neutral. She moved to the reception counter, signed in and then walked slowly over to her.

"Hello, Vanessa." Marina said.

"Hello, Marina."

They sat down stiffly. Marina handed her a mocha latte and the brown paper bag.

"For you. It's our favorite. And a Danish."

Vanessa took them slowly.

"Thank-you."

She held both it in her lap.

"How are you, Van?"

"I'm good."

"How is it going at Flavinha's?"

"It's going well."

Strained silence.

"Aren't you going to ask me how I'm doing?" Marina asked.

Vanessa looked up with her clear blue eyes, searching her face and whatever she saw made her look away.

"No. I... I don't want to know. I'm sorry."

Marina sunk into her seat. She looked at her hands, her chest feeling heavy.

"I miss you, Van..." she whispered.

"Please, Marina. Don't."

"Why not? Don't you miss me too?"

"I can't, Marina..."

They were interrupted by a paralegal who showed them into the boardroom. The lawyer and accountant were already there and they wasted not time.

"They've unfrozen both your personal and business accounts. They've deducted your father's allowance but the rest, everything that came from money you directly earned is yours."

Marina felt a wave of relief flow through her. She grinned, she clapped her hands and smiled. She had access to money again! She wouldn't have to scrimp and save, she could take Clara somewhere nice, she actually fill up her tank and replace her lipstick!

"How much money does that make it, for the business accounts, that is?" Vanessa asked turning to the accountant.

"Just shy of R$570,000 ."

Oh, R$570,000! How much that sounded after living on so little. R$570,000! Even with half of that she could buy that equipment, she could rent a space. Somehow she'd get Vanessa to come and she could start earning real money again!

"And how much do we owe?" Vanessa was asking.

"All of it."

It took a moment for the words to register.

"All of it?" she said

"Well, you actually owe another R$3,822.35."

"But how? I don't understand."

Vanessa turned to her. "I told you we weren't managing for a long time. Some of these people have been waiting for months to get paid."

The elation of a moment before came crashing down. Marina wanted the chair to swallow her up. She wanted to be anywhere but here. Marina Mereille, internationally recognised photographer reduced to such a pitiful state that she couldn't afford to pay R$3,822.35. Where was her father? Why wasn't he here sorting things out?

"What about Marina's personal accounts?"

"That's in slightly better shape. Across all the accounts there is about 1R$6,892 and in a few months some of the investments will mature, giving you access to more."

R$16, 892 . More to come. Okay. She could work with that. She thought. How much was rent for a studio?

The lawyer and accountant continued to talk for a bit, explaining the intricacies. Marina didn't pay much attention except for when they asked if they wanted to file for bankruptcy. She'd looked up sharply and said no.

Vanessa rose to go, Marina placed a hand on her wrist.

"Van, wait."

Vanessa stopped and sighed.

"What."

"Are you just going to leave again, just like that?"

"Marina... I told you, I can't do this - "

"I need you, Van. The business needs you. I don't know what to do, I can't do your job! I take photos, that's what I do and you, excel at the business side of it."

"I can't come back, Marina."

"Why not?"

"You know why!"

"But what are you going to do, Van, how are you going to survive?"

"I have savings, Marina...""...and?"

"I'm helping Flavinha set up as a photographer."

"What?"

"I'm helping Flavinha start her own studio."

"Oh."

The sound escaped Marina as if she'd been punched in the stomach. That felt like betrayal.

Vanessa lingered a few more seconds and then said quietly. "I'm going now."

Marina didn't respond. She felt so terribly alone right then.

Xxx

At the same time, a few kilometers away, Clara was also sitting in a lawyers office across the table from Cadu. Nando was there but it was one of his colleague sat at the end of the table. He pushed a photocopy towards each of them.

"This is the split of assets as drawn up between the two of you, if you could please take a look and then date and sign at the bottom."

Clara looked down. The division was simple, they didn't have much to split. Her personal effects were hers, his his. The money, meager as it was, split in two. Their shared assets, their furniture, the pots and pans and books, the paintings... those sorts of things Cadu had thrown up his hands and said she could have what she wanted, he didn't care. The apartment was rented, Cadu would stay there with Ivan and that's where they'd fought. For the time being she'd said, once she had a place she wanted to re-address their arrangement. She couldn't bear the thought of Ivan not living with her for any length of time. Cadu had tensed his jaw and said he was adamant that Ivan would be with him. She'd wanted to throw things at him but instead she'd shouted at him until he'd walked out of the apartment and she'd been left alone in a home that was no longer hers.

They'd expedited their divorce to the dismay of her family. Chica, even as she'd dropped Ivan off for the morning had eyed her and said she didn't need to do this.

They signed and dated the necessary papers. As her pen scrawled her signature across the dotted line, she felt a small measure of relief. Mostly she felt strange though. She put the pen down and looked at her hand. Then she pulled at her wedding band and she laid it down beside the divorce papers. There. Done. She was officially a free woman.

"Cadu," she called out as he rose to leave, "I'll pick Ivan up. I want to take him for an ice cream."

Cadu looked at her. She wasn't asking if she could, but it almost felt like she was and she hated that. This was her son, she could damned well take him out to the beach for an ice-cream whenever she wanted. She turned and walked away before he could say anything.

Ivan was hanging out with Virgilo in his art studio when she arrived. He was absorbed in creating a series of animal clay sculptures, his head bent, his fingers a muddy brown. Clara kissed his sandy hair as he smoothed the ear of his elephant. At the mention of ice-cream he perked up and went to wash his hands. The past month had been difficult. She'd done her best to keep things as smooth for him as possible – she came every morning to prepare him for school and drop him off. Cadu picked him up. On nights when Cadu was busy, she would stay and cook him dinner. She often cleaned, tidied and did laundry. Every night she came and put him bed. It was like she was still living there but not, an uncomfortable middle ground that she bore because this wasn't about her convenience, it was about making the transition for Ivan as smooth as possible. And she felt like Ivan was settling, his naturally sunny disposition reasserted itself, she was hopeful that he would fully adjust with time. He hadn't come to sleep with her at Helena's yet though and that pained her. He knew he was welcome anytime and she longed to hold his sleepy body as she had done so many times, she missed it so much. It felt a like a distance between them, as though with this one act he was telling her that he was still angry with her.

At the beach they sat their feet buried in the sand with large waffle cones clasped in their hands. The sun moved in between fluffy white clouds casting shadows on the ocean.

"Mum?"

"Yes, my love?"

"Why do things have to change?"

Clara looked to Ivan, he was looking pensively at the horizon.

"That's a really good question. Maybe because everything changes. All the time. Like the tide coming in and going out, like the moon that waxes and wanes, like the seasons – things are changing all the time."

"Yeah, mum, but why?"

"Because, for reasons I don't really know, that is how the world works. In order for the world to continue, it needs to evolve and change. If it didn't it would be like a stagnant pond – it would start to smell and rot. For things to stay fresh and alive, we need change. "

"What if those changes aren't good changes?"

"Sometimes things change and you don't like them, but it doesn't always mean they're bad."

"So... you and dad splitting up, that's not bad?"

"In some ways yes. In other ways no. It makes me sad that you've been sad. It makes me sad that your dad has been sad too. I wish I could take that away and make it all better. But it's also good because we get to try new things and decide who we are as people.

"What do you mean, decide who we are as people?" he asked, his brow furrowed.

"Well I believe that every time we make a choice, we are choosing what sort of person we want to be. Often things happen and we don't have a choice about what happens but we do get to choose how we react to things. And that can be the difference between feeling okay and not feeling okay."

Clara watched Ivan as he seemed to take that in. He took a bite of his ice-cream cone and chewed.

"If you wanted to make me and dad feel better, why don't you come back home? Be a family again?"

Clara felt her heart sink a little.

"Your dad and I had a very happy marriage, Ivan. We loved each other very much and we still do. And most importantly we love you very very very much. But our love changed and sometimes you have to move on."

"Does love always change?" Ivan's voice sounded small and insecure.

"Oh, my darling," Clara said, putting an arm around his shoulders "many things change in life, but there are a few things that stay the same and one of them is how much I love you. That will never change, ever, ever, ever. You hear me?"

He nodded and she kissed his head fiercely . They sat a moment eating their ice-creams.

"May I join?" came the sound of a familiar voice. Clara smiled and turned.

"Of course" she said warmly.

Marina settled next to Clara so that their shoulders touched and kissed her cheek.

"Hello, love. Hi, Ivan."

Ivan peeked around the side of his mother.

"You remember Marina, don't you?"

"Of course, mum, I've met her heaps of times!"

"It's just been a long while is all. Aren't you going to say hello?"

"Hi, Marina."

"What sort of ice-cream did you get? Looks amazing!"

"I've got chocolate." Ivan said.

"Me too." Clara said.

"Well I think lemon flavour is best, but I guess chocolate is pretty good too."

"It's my favorite!" Ivan said.

"Do you want some of mine?" Clara asked, offering her half eaten ice-cream up. Marina held her hands and lowered her head to take a bite.

"Mmmm. It's good!"

Clara and Ivan looked at her and started to laugh.

"What?" she asked narrowing her eyes.

"Honey, you got some on your nose, here, let me..."

Marina leaned forward and Clara used her fingers to wipe away the offending smudge.

"All gone?" she asked softly.

Clara nodded her head and licked her finger clean. Ivan, who had been watching the interaction, stood.

"I'm going to go look for shells, okay mum?"

"Don't go above your knees in the water, deal?"

"Okay."

He ran off with his ice-cream in hand.

"So how did the divorce signing go?"

"As well as can be expected, I guess. It's done though. It's done. How about you?" she said brightly

Marina looked at Clara.

"It's okay to be sad."

Clara's face dropped a little. She looked around to see who might be looking and then entwined their hands. "I'm glad you're here, Marina."

"I'm glad to be here." Marina said. "I wish I could kiss you, right now."

"I do too!" Clara said , "But now tell me, my love. How did your meeting go?"

Marina told her.

"I believe in you, you know." Clara said when she'd finished, "I don't doubt for a minute that if you wanted to, you could learn the business side."

"That's just it, though, I don't want to!"

"But you don't really have a lot of options, do you?"

"No." Marina sighed. "I guess I don't. But it's not even that. Maybe I was stupid, but I honestly thought Van would come back to me and when she told me she's working with Flavinha..."

"I understand, my love."

Marina squeezed Clara's hand. They sat, the two of them on the sand, while they share the rest of Clara's ice-cream, their watchful eyes on Ivan crouched down by the sea's edge.