Hey lovely folk here it is, a bit rushed and riddled with mistakes as per usual! Lol. It seems that I'm off again on Sunday for another week so I'm aiming to post a chapter on Sunday but I'm not sure how much writing I'll get done while away, so I imagine I won't post again until the following Sunday, I apologise in advance for the inconsistency of my updates for this period but it will get back to normal! Meanwhile, I hope you enjoy!

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

They hadn't meant to but somehow they found themselves naked on Helena's couch on a Friday night. With the apartment to herself for the first time since she'd come to live with Helena, Clara had taken the opportunity to invite Marina for a movie night and it had quickly evolved into a make-out session reminiscent of her teenage years. She had ended up wedged under an instant Marina. When a hand had pushed up her top to expose her breasts, her hungry mouth claiming a nipple, Clara had stopped protesting at this inappropriate and frankly riské development. Forty-five searing minutes later, the residue of orgasm was still flush on their skin, they lay with a throw draped over their bodies and the murmurer of the movie "The Way He Looks" in the background. Marina had scored a copy from the producer whom she knew. She now lay on top of Clara her chin propped up on her hands.

"I can feel you watching me." Clara said smiling, her eyes closed. "What?"

"Do you ever... I don't know... miss being with a man?" Marina asked after a beat.

"Why do you ask that?" Clara frowned and cracked an eyelid.

"Well, I don't know... you were with them exclusively up until now."

"And now I get to be exclusively with a woman and let me tell you, it's somewhat of a revelation."

"You know, if you do miss it," she said putting the emphasis on 'it', "we could always try some toys..."

Apart for that one drunken reference by Clara in Paris, this wasn't a topic they'd directly addressed again in spite of having spoken quite openly about sex and what turned them on. Clara had seemed uncomfortable, possibly even surprised at how frankly Marina spoke of these things at first, Marina guessed it wasn't something she'd discussed during her marriage to Cadu much, if at all.

"Do you want to use toys?" Clara asked

"If you wanted to, then sure."

"Have you used toys before, with other partners?"

"Well sure. But not everyone. It's not a necessity for me."

"What type of toys?"

"Um... mostly dildos of various types. I've tried other things too."

"And although you are a lesbian, you ...enjoy being penetrated by a … well, penis?"

Marina chuckled.

"I tend to prefer the more colourful, not so penis looking dildos, but yeah, it feels good."

"Huh." Clarina seemed to contemplate that a moment, the edge of her mouth quirking up.

"I can see what you're thinking, you little thief, you like the idea!" Marina said.

"You know, you never cease to amaze me, my love. You keep opening up all these new worlds for me."

"You've never used toys before?"

"Well... no. I mean why would I? I had a real one."

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean anything. Lots of hetero couples use toys. A lot of guys like to be penetrated by a dildo too, you know. There are also butt plugs and anal beads, nipple clamps - "

"Aaaah, Marina!" Clara cried, screwing her face up, " I appreciate, honestly I do, the fact that we talk about these sorts of things but I don't need that visual, thank you!"

"You know it's at times like these that I remember you are a sheltered housewife, oh believe me there are so many things far more out there than that."

"Maybe so, but this sheltered housewife finds what we get up to plenty adventurous. Although, if we were to try... you know, a toy... that could be nice."

"Oh, nice, huh?" Marina asked arching an eyebrow.

"Yes, nice!"

Clara laughed and tickled Marina, making her squirm until she fell between the back seat of the sofa and Clara's body, begging for the torture to stop. When Clara relented she rested her head in her hand, looking down at her girlfriend, her fingers combing through Clara's hair.

"You're nice." Marina said and snuggled in.

"Have you ever been with a man, Marina?"

"Me? How do you mean? Sex?"

"Yeah."

"No. I've kissed men, but never slept with one."

"You've never been attracted to them?"

"Not really. It's always been girls for me. Even before puberty- I used to have the biggest crush on my female teachers..."

"How old were you when you had your first girlfriend?"

"Oh. Maybe eleven? Or was it ten? I think it was ten. She had the prettiest blond hair and such a smile! I would bring her flowers and sweets just to see that smile."

"I bet you were quite the charmer with the ladies even back then."

Marina laughed.

"I guess."

"You've had a lot of girlfriends, haven't you.?"

Marina propped herself back up.

"Do you really want to know?"

Clara fingered the edging of the throw that lay across her chest.

"I guess not. I don't like the thougtht of you with anyone else."

"I've noticed." Marina said.

"You have?"

"Well when Luiza was at the club the other week, before you knew it was her. You were jealous, weren't you?"

"Well I thought it was one of those girls Carmo had mentioned..."

"You don't have to worry about them. You know I'm entirely loyal to you, right? I've had no eyes for anyone else from the moment I saw you."

"But don't you miss that? Being free to go after all those girls like you used to, to go out partying?"

"Honey, I am free and I choose to be with you because like I've said... in all those girls I was searching for you."

Marina watched Clara closely and hoped she believed her. She did have a colourful past, one filled with a string of conquests, to put it bluntly, that she had drawn into bed and then discarded when she grew tired of them. They had all come willingly, enticed by her charm, her wealth and that look in her eye that promised a wild adventure. How easily they had succumbed. How easily she had grown bored of them. That was why she had never brought them home, that way she could leave their bed whenever she wanted and never call. Then she would go home to Vanessa, dear, familiar Vanessa who was always waiting for her, although she'd long ago realised they were better friends than lovers. Every time Vanessa welcomed her with open arms and loved her like no one else knew how to even as the voice in the back of her head told her this wasn't quite it. It was just more it than anything else. Then sometimes the girls would find her at the club, see her leaning seductively in, whispering something to another girl, dancing with another girl, kissing another girl. She'd been slapped a few times. She'd been saved by Carmo more than a few times. That was part of why she'd left for London. But even there she'd fallen into those predictable patterns and so she'd come home, determined to start afresh. Then she'd seen Clara and everything changed.

"You couldn't get rid of me, even if you tried." Marina said and kissed her softly.

"Good." Clara said, her arm pulling Marina in for a kiss.

As she finished speaking they heard the sound of voices at the front door and the jangle of keys as they slid into the lock.

"Crap!" Clara said leaping off the sofa and starting to gather their scattered clothes, "quick! Quick the bedroom!"

Two naked bodies scurried into Luiza's old bedroom just as Helena and Virgiolo entered the front door and they fell on bed laughing into the duvet cover, their hearts racing.

"Where's my bra?" Clara asked as she rooted through their pile of clothing.

"Ummmm maybe it fell under the coffee table?"

Clara groaned into her hands and laughed.

Marina was dressed, combing her hair with her fingers and checking her make-up in the mirror, when the knock at the door came.

"Ladies?"

Helena's voice drifted through.

"Ummm, come in!" Clara called out buttoning her jeans and then wrapping her blouse around her upper half.

An amused faced poked through and then a bra, dangled between her fingers.

"Forget something?"

"I'm so sorry, Helena..."

She grabbed it and dropped the blouse to put it on. Helena stepped through.

"Virgiolo found it, just so you know. So he's figured it out."

Clara's hand's rose to her burning cheeks.

"Please ask him not to say anything." she said

"He won't. But honey, you gotta let the cat out of the bag at some point. It's not fun having to keep this from mum and Filipe. Or anyone else for that matter. I'm glad I can talk to him about it now, it's been on the tip of my tongue so many times."

"Thank you." Clara said.

"So," Helena said, turning to Marina, "you coming to the family dinner tomorrow night?"

"I, uh..."

Marina turned to look at Clara whose head was bent down, staring at her toes, silent.

"No." she said, after a beat, "no, I have a few things that need doing, so maybe another time."

"Ah." Helena said and let herself out.

Marina waited for Clara to say something but she didn't.

"I should get going too, I guess, my love," Marina said

"I wish you could stay." Clara said without looking up.

"Me too."

Clara accompanied her to the front door and kissed her goodbye. Marina put a finger under Clara's chin to raise her eyes.

"I'll see you soon." she said.

xxxx

As ever, family dinner at the Fernandes' was a rowdy affair. Ivan was tearing around with the dog and Clara was having to remind him no balls inside every few minutes. In one corner Ju and Jairo were arguing but trying to keep it down. Nando was sulking on the sofa, watching them while Cadu was trying to discuss something to do with the cafe with him until Filipe slapped a beer in his hand and told him to cheer up. He did it with the gusto of a man already well on his way to inebriation. Virgilo was fussing as he arranged his father comfortably on the couch while Helena and Chica were flying around putting the final touches on the table lay out, making sure everyone had a drink and access to snacks. Clara stood to the side her red lipped cellphone in her hand texting.

"Let me guess who that is for." Luiza said slyly as she drew near.

Clara laughed.

"Guilty."

"I think it's awesome, you know, aunt. I never would have guessed, you always seemed so happy and... well straight..."

"Yeah, it kinda hit me like a bulldozer."

"I did wonder, you know. I figured it had to be something pretty big to make you divorce Cadu."

"I think Cadu and I would eventually parted ways even if she hadn't come along."

"Really?"

"Really what?"" Helena asked as she approached, handing a drink to both women.

"Oh, aunt says she would have left Cadu regardless of, well, you-know-who." she said conspiratorially leaning in and dropping her voice to a whisper.

"Oh... yes, you-know-who, huh?" Helena smiled wide as she seemed want to do whenever Marina's name came up in regards to Clara.

"Who's this?"

Filipe had sidled up on them unawares and was now standing there, his beer at his chest and swaying just a touch.

"Oh nothing." Clara said hastily and slid her cellphone into a hidden pocket in her dress.

"Hmmm, Clarinha, nothing? Who's this you-know-who?"

He was looking at each of them in turn and narrowing his eyes as if he might be able to read their minds. He pinned his gaze on Luiza.

"Go on, spill! Has my sister found herself a new man? Is that it?"

"I..." Luiza was looking furtively to Clara but Clara didn't know how to stop the train wreck she saw coming.

"No, there's no man, Filipe." Helena said smoothly, "and I think it's time for dinner, right?"

She gestured for Filipe to come but he ignored that, instead he was looking at Clara. Damn it, he wasn't going to let this go.

"No, no, I want to know, why does Helena and Luiza get to know and not your own brother. What were you texting? Let me see, was it this you-know-who?"

"I think dinner sounds like a great idea, Helena, let's go sit down for dinner." Clara said and began to move towards the table. For a second she though she'd escape but as she did she felt Filips arm slip around her waist pulling her unsteadily back. She yelped and hit his arm with her fists.

"Filipe, stop it, let me go!"

He didn't though and then his other hand slipped into her dress pocket and he fished out her celllphone. He danced back laughing, switching the screen on an looking at who she'd been texting.

"Filipe Fernandes , you give me my cellphone back right this minute." Clara said in her best authoritarian voice.

"Not a chance!" he said moving just out of reach of her grasping hand.

Clara became aware of the silence in the room. She looked around. Everyone was looking at them and she felt a cold sweat break out. Shit, shit, shit.

"Get Ivan out of here!" she hissed to Cadu and when he didn't seemed to move, she said, "he can't find out like this, okay!?"

That seemed to rouse him. Cadu called out to Ivan and asked him get some drinks from the kitchen.

Out of the corner of her eyes, Clara saw Chica's face narrowing into a frown and moving towards them. Shit, shit, shit.

"Filipe, come, I'll tell you in the bedroom..."

But Filipe wasn't listening.

"Holly..." he was laughing, "Oh my god, are you serious?! Clara, you dirty dog! You and Marina!?"

Clara felt the air escape out of her as though she'd just been punched in the gut.

"Filipe, give it back, let me talk to you in the bedroom..."

"Can I see you later tonight? I miss you, my love, I need to feel you in my arms if only for a moment..."

"Filipe! Stop it!" Clara cried, tearing the cellphone out of his hand, "you're drunk and you're making a scene."

Her cheeks were aflame and she wished that she was anywhere but standing right here. A black hole in the floor would be very welcome right now.

"I'm making a scene? You're the one..." Filipe was saying.

"What on earth is going on?" Chica whispered stepping in, "Filipe. Go sit down."

Mutely Clara let Chica drag her into the bedroom, eyes following them. She sat down at the edge of the bedroom and she knew that her mother was waiting for her to say something. She felt small and naughtly, like she had as a child when she'd been bad.

"So. What's this about you and Marina?" Chica finally said when Clara remained silent. "Speak to me, Clara. What is this about you and Marina?"

"I... I'm sorry." she whispered.

"Why are you sorry, what is this? Speak to me! Did I understand correctly that you and Marina are...are..."

"Yes."

Chica was silent. Clara drew her eyes up tentatively, she was standing there, her hands on her hips, staring at her with a look on her face she couldn't decipher. Disappointment maybe? Anger? Disgust?

"We're lovers." she said.

Chica inhaled.

"You mean you've... slept with her?"

Clara nodded. "I'm in love with her."

Chica paced across the room and lent on the dresser.

"Is this why you left Cadu and divorced him so swiftly?"

"Partly."

"Oh dear God..."

"I wanted to tell you, mum, I just, I didn't know how to... I'm sorry..."

"I think I need a moment, Clara. Would you mind getting me a glass of water?"

"Uh... okay."

Clara rose and moved to the bath room, filling up a glass from the tap. When she returned Chica was gone. She moved to the door and she could hear her mother brightly telling everyone to sit down at the table and to pay no heed to Filipe's little outburst just before. Clara slipped into the kitchen where Cadu had Ivan sat at the bench mixing up some lemon water.

"You okay?" Cadu asked.

Clara shook her head.

"Are you okay with Ivan tonight. I just... I have to go..."

"I'm fine."

"Thank-you." she said. She wished she could hug him right now, she knew it would make her feel better but instead she squeezed Ivan close to her and kissed the top of his head.

"My darling, I'll come and say goodnight to you when I get back, okay?"

"But what about dinner?"

"Sorry, my love, I promise I'll be back soon, okay?"

She grabbed her purse from the couch and slid out the door, paying no heed to the cries from the table to come back and sit down. She dialed Marina's number.