Shadow and Rose

by Lady Norbert

A/N: Surprise! I did not abandon this story, never fear. I've just been having my butt kicked by the holiday season because I work retail. But rest assured I've been giving Alistair plenty of thought at odd moments, and I have lots of things planned that I think - I hope - you'll all enjoy.

Chapter Fifteen: Antique Warden Crossbow

Finely calibrated and balanced, this crossbow fires especially hard and true. It has weathered the years quite well.

And we are again come home to Soldier's Peak.

The shimmery purple barrier was still very much in place as we approached, which I took to mean that all within was well. Elissa reached out and touched it, smiling as it shattered. "Excellent, just as Morrigan promised. Well, Zevran, Shale - welcome to the home of the Grey Wardens."

"Incredible," Zevran said, gazing up at the citadel. "I admit, I was skeptical of your descriptions, but I see now that you quite possibly did not do it justice. It is a marvel."

Shale was much less impressed. "And there are more squishy companions found here? How exciting. But so long as it does not keep birds, I suppose it may be endured."

The barrier sprang back into place once we were all inside the curtain wall, and a familiar barking echoed through the courtyard. Elissa immediately dropped to one knee, and a few seconds later, Toby came barrelling into her outstretched arms. "Told you I'd be back, didn't I?" She rubbed his ears. "Has everyone been well?"

He barked, rolling onto his back for a moment, then righted himself again. "I see. Well, that's why I left you in charge," she told him. "Can you go get the others?" He barked again and took off.

"You have a mabari?" Zevran looked even more impressed. "We have few of them in Antiva, but I understand not just anyone is able to own one."

"They're special creatures," she agreed, rising. "Come, we'll introduce you two to the rest of our company."

The courtyard was bustling with activity; Teagan's refugees had evidently arrived in our absence. We were just greeting Bodhan Feddic when I heard footsteps on the stairs to the keep, and we turned to see Leliana, Morrigan, and Sten. "You seem to have picked up a few strays since you were with us last, Elissa," Morrigan drawled.

"You could say that, I suppose." Elissa looked amused. She made the introductions. "I want to speak to each of you in turn," she added, "about the tasks I set you before we left, but I think we could all do with some rest first. The barrier seems to have worked well, Morrigan, I thank you."

"Hang on," I said. "Didn't you tell me that the barrier was tied to the Warden's Oath?"

"Yes."

"Then how did the refugees get in?"

"I found a discarded Warden's Oath token in my quarters," Elissa explained. "Morrigan used it to create the spell, and to open the barrier as needed. It sounds like everyone's been busy," she added.

"I don't suppose the bath house is operable?" Wynne asked hopefully.

"It was the first thing they fixed," Leliana assured her. "Come, Zevran, I'll show you where you can sleep."

He followed her - rather eagerly by the look of things, actually, I wonder what he thought she meant - and Elissa turned to the others. "Sten, I will seek you out once I've had some sleep myself," she said, and I could see how tired she really was. "Morrigan, if you'll walk with me to my quarters, I'd like to talk to you privately. Shale, make yourself at home." She glanced at me and smiled, then the two women headed off together. I suppose she wanted to give Morrigan the grimoire away from anyone else's eyes. Wynne headed off to take a bath, and Shale followed her through the courtyard. It was kind of funny to watch people duck out of her way.

"The Warden looks weary," Sten commented. "As do you all. Was your venture to the ruins at Ostagar a successful one?" He eyed me and added, "Or was it a shopping trip?"

"What? Oh - the armor." I shook my head. "This is... well, it's a long story. Let's just say that yes, we succeeded in what we went there to do, and while we were out I came into possession of a family heirloom."

"Interesting. And the elf? The golem?"

"We took a side trip to Honnleath and made use of that control rod the merchant gave us," I explained. "None too soon, either, since the place was crawling with darkspawn - we were able to save some of the villagers at least. Zevran... I'm not sure how to explain Zevran."

"With words, I should think."

"Point taken. I'll be blunt - he tried to kill us."

"And he is not dead why?"

"Because our fearless leader is the queen of giving people second chances, I guess."

He groaned, and shook his head. "Her heart is mighty, but entirely too soft. It will be her downfall yet."

"Well, he's bound to her by oath." We turned to walk inside - I wanted food more than rest - and I described the situation. "So far he's been as good as his word. He could have easily escaped when we were in Honnleath, if at no other time, but he helped us with the fighting."

"We still must be vigilant."

"Don't I know it."

It's good to be back here, and I have to say I'm impressed with how much the refugees have accomplished since they arrived. A couple of them managed to bring livestock, so the stable is getting used for that rather than as the wood workshop Elissa had originally imagined. There's a cow - I'd sort of forgotten how nice fresh milk tastes - and a couple of sheep that are being sheared as we speak. There's also a few chickens, which everyone is doing their best to hide from Shale.

Mikhael Dryden is working on Cailan's armor for me. New padding, some slight adjustments to the sizing, and a good polish are really all it needs. He also sharpened Duncan's blade, and I had Sandal Feddic add a couple of runes.

Elissa's running herself ragged, I swear. She sticks her adorable little nose into everything. If she's not talking to Levi Dryden about his stewardship, then she's going over Sten's notes and drawings, or examining the storehouses, or getting Zevran fitted up with better armor, or talking to Wynne about how she's feeling.

Oh, right, I didn't mention that. See, Wynne collapsed shortly before we came back to Soldier's Peak, and Elissa's been beside herself about it. Apparently, Wynne's... well, I wouldn't call her an abomination, but it's something not entirely different. She died, back at the Circle of Magi, but a friendly spirit in the Fade brought her back to life and is sharing her body. It's a bit odd. She seems all right most of the time, but I know Elissa worries. I do too.

So it would seem there is a kitten.

One of the refugees brought a small cat. Useful, as far as that goes, for keeping mice out of the granary and whatnot. I like cats. Apparently, so does Sten.

We found this out tonight at dinner, when Leliana gave him that smirky sort of look that Wynne sometimes gives me if I look at Elissa for too long. "I saw what you were doing, Sten."

Everyone turned to look at him in confusion. He just paused in his eating and raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"Don't play innocent with me."

"What are you talking about?"

"You. Playing with that kitten."

Well, the whole table had gone quiet by this time. Sten put down his spoon and declared, "There was no kitten."

"Sten, I saw you," Leliana insisted. I saw Elissa trying not to smile. "You were dangling a piece of twine for it."

"I was helping it train," he replied.

"You're a big softie!"

"We will never speak of this again."

"Softie!"

"That's enough, Leli," said Elissa mildly. "Zevran, pass the bread, please. Wynne, how is your knitting coming along, do you have enough yarn?"

"Oh, yes, my dear, thank you."

"Knitting?" I repeated.

"She asked for some good wool yarn. Between Bodahn Feddic and the shearing, I got her as much as I could," Elissa told me. In a quieter voice, for my ears only, she added, "She wants to make Sten a cloak. None of the ones we have here are large enough."

Wynne's so nice, she really is. But I still can't get over the mental picture of Sten, of all people, playing with a kitten.

Zevran seems to be settling in well with our company. I can't quite make him out. He's ready enough to like anybody, and to be perfectly honest, he flirts with everything that moves - even Shale. (Not Sten, though. Probably wise.) Shale is a lot harder to get to know, not least because it doesn't seem to want to know anyone. It tolerates Elissa well enough, and it seems to have taken a sort of liking to Sten, but I could be wrong.

We had snow in the night, but today was pretty nice, so we were all out in the courtyard enjoying some winter sunshine, except for Morrigan. I can't make her out either, and I've known her longer than anyone here other than Elissa. I think she only eats meals with us because Elissa asked her to, because she keeps to herself more often than not. I want to say she's just not capable of developing any attachments to anyone, but if that's true, then she's got Elissa completely fooled. Elissa thinks that Morrigan really is her friend - she told me that after she turned over the grimoire, Morrigan admitted that Elissa's the first friend she's ever had. I would certainly have no trouble believing that. But I'm not convinced. I still think Morrigan, and her mother, have some sort of long-term plan, and we've become the pawns in it. I'm fairly sure she wouldn't do anything to hurt Elissa, but I still don't trust her.

Anyway, the rest of us were out in the courtyard. Sten was observing Elissa and Leliana, who were sparring. Leliana's coming along very well with her sword studies; she's apparently more used to a bow or a dagger, but she asked Elissa to show her how to swordfight. Zevran was observing them too, but in a very obviously different way than Sten was. Shale was just standing quietly in one corner, watching everyone. Wynne was sitting on a bench the Drydens had placed under one of the pine trees, knitting that cape for Sten, so I went and flopped down at her feet.

"It seems like we got back to Soldier's Peak just in time, with this snow," she said. "But I do love it. It makes everything sparkle."

"Winter was always my favorite season when I was young," I admitted. "Arl Eamon had some stable boys around my age, and we used to have the most wonderful snowball fights."

"Don't get any ideas," she advised me. "I think you'd have some volunteers, but with all the people Bann Teagan sent to help out here, there's really no room for it." She was right, no question. Between the Dryden relatives and the refugees, there are a good two dozen people in the fortress, and that's not even counting our party.

"That's all right. There's enough activity."

We both watched the swordplay for a little time. "Leliana really looks up to Elissa, I've noticed," Wynne remarked. "I get the feeling that trusting people isn't something that comes easily to her. Then again, I get the feeling that this is true of a number of our companions. It's remarkable how they've grown to put their trust in Elissa."

"She's something else," I agreed.

"You know, I asked her about something the other day," Wynne continued. "Do you remember when we held the funeral for your brother, and she cut off one of his braids? I asked her why, and she said she wanted to give it to Queen Anora if they ever met - that she thought the queen might like a token of remembrance."

"That's considerate."

"It is, but I was surprised to learn that she and the queen have never actually met. I honestly would have thought they could have been raised to be friends. They're close in age, both very intelligent women, fully equal in birth and beauty."

"I can't agree with that, Wynne, you know I can't," I objected. "Equal in birth, yes, but not in beauty. Anora can't hold a candle to Elissa."

"And you're so very unbiased on that subject."

"Well... all right, you have a point."

Morrigan just made me jump out of my skin a bit. I was walking through the hall to the room where I'm staying, and I came round a corner and she was... there. Skulking in the shadows, as it were.

"What are you doing?"

"Looking for you." She fixed me with those creepy yellow eyes of hers. "I have a question for you, if you do not mind."

"I do mind, but something tells me you don't care."

"You are observant. In truth, though, I do wonder. Is it permissible for two Grey Wardens to... oh, what is the word I search for..."

"Caboodle?"

"Fraternize. That was it." Her eyes were just a bit narrowed. "I have been watching you both, you know, ever since Mother sent me off with you. 'Tis growing more obvious by the day - by the hour, even."

I sighed. "What's wrong with fraternizing? Not that we've - you know. Done much of it."

"That was more than I needed to know. But it seems most undisciplined, for an organization that claims it will do whatever is necessary to end the darkspawn threat."

"One thing has nothing to do with the other." I really didn't understand what she meant.

"Oh, no?" She smirked. "What if a Grey Warden were forced to choose between the Warden he loved and ending the Blight? What should his choice be?"

I sputtered. She was comparing apples and oranges, wasn't she? How could I ever be forced to choose between my love for Elissa and my duty to the Wardens? In my mind, they've essentially become the same thing, since she is the only other Warden. "That is a ridiculous question," I finally managed.

"And I have my answer. Most kind of you." She folded her arms. "Having said that, I would say one thing more. I do not approve."

"Good thing I've never been concerned about that, or my feelings would be really hurt."

"Setting aside the whole issue of fraternization," she said, ignoring me, "my objection is a very basic one. It comes to this: you are not good enough for her."

I still don't trust her, but apparently I have to admit that she does have some genuine fondness for Elissa. "Well, for what it's worth, Morrigan," I said, "I agree with you."

"Impressive. Leliana spoke truly, then. You do have more sense than a stone."

Elissa's overdoing it, I think. She's a little too enthusiastic about our purpose here at the Peak.

When we're indoors, she's adopted the habit of not usually wearing her armor, a habit that most of us are slowly adopting as well. (Not Morrigan, of course; then again, she doesn't wear armor in the first place.) Levi Dryden managed to pick up some simple outfits, cotton and linen mostly, and it's become quite usual to see our commander walking around inside the keep wearing a white tunic and trousers. I have to admit that these clothes are a lot more comfortable for sitting, and they're rather nice for sleeping as well.

Tonight she was doing both. She disappeared after dinner, saying something about continuing reading some book she unearthed up in the library, and we didn't see her again for hours. I accepted Zevran's challenge for a game of backgammon, but by the time we were done I was a bit concerned about Elissa and went in search of her.

She had three books open on the table, and had apparently been taking notes about the history of the Grey Wardens. She was slumped across her papers, one arm curled under her head, making the funniest little snores I've ever heard in my life. Toby was sleeping under the table, but he - unlike his mistress - awoke when I came in. "Easy, boy," I said softly. "Let's get her to bed, shall we?"

He barked at that, apparently in approval, and watched me shake her gently. "Elissa. Wake up, sleeping beauty."

"Hm?" She raised her head and rubbed her eyes. "Ah...Ali...?" My name got cut off in the middle by a yawn; I don't think anyone's ever called me "Ali" before.

Once I'd gotten her to understand that it was late and she ought to be in bed, she let me help her up and I walked her to her room, Toby at our heels. As she opened the door, I held up my candle so she could see her way to the bed, and was pleased to see that the rose I gave her sits on the table next to it. She picked up her own candle and lit it off of mine, then tilted her head up so she could brush a kiss to my cheek. "Thank you, Alistair... I'll see you in the morning."

"R-right." It took every ounce of willpower I possess to make myself leave the room. This journal entry is a bit on the illegible side because Maker's breath, my hands are still a little shaky.