Shadow and Rose

by Lady Norbert

A/N: I'm sorry I've been gone for so long! You might have noticed I started another fic in the meantime (not my fault, all Andrea's fault as usual), and to be fair Alistair's been pretty quiet. But he started getting chatty with me earlier this week, so it's time we found the Urn of Andraste.

I've been told, via assorted sources, that the DA writers aren't that big on happy endings. You've probably figured out by now that this story isn't going to be flawlessly canon - this chapter is a good example of that - so maybe it's not too surprising when I tell you that they and I have different ideas. This story will have a happy ending. I hope that's okay with all of you.

Chapter Eighteen: Cultist Medallion

A very large bronze disk, bearing the symbol of Andraste.

We've branched off and gone our separate ways, now. Elissa and her group have begun their march south, to the Brecilian Forest, to seek the elves, while the rest of us head west in search of Haven. It's the first time since the day we met that Elissa and I have been separated, and I guess it's not hard to guess that I'm not enjoying it.

I watched the four of them (and Toby) until they were gone from my sight, and Wynne nudged me. "It's time to go," she said gently. "You're in charge now."

"And now you'll find out just why Elissa normally leads us," I retorted.

"It'll be fine, Alistair." Zevran and Sten were walking ahead of us, and as she fell in step beside me, I noticed that Wynne's expression was a little... guilty.

"Is something wrong?"

"Remind me that I owe Elissa an apology."

"An apology? You? Whatever for?"

"I said to her... well. The truth is, Alistair, I told her a few weeks ago that I wasn't sure it was a good idea for the two of you to become involved." She held up a hand before I could protest. "I was concerned that it would create problems. That you would become sidetracked from your duties, too invested in each other."

"I see. But you want to apologize?"

"I was wrong," she said simply. "I can see that now. She's very good for you - and you are very good for her. She carries so much on her shoulders, and you give her the strength to bear those burdens. And she gives you a kind of peace that I think you have been seeking for a long time. So I apologize to you, and I will apologize to her too."

I thought about that. "You're right," I said finally. "She does give me peace. There's a powerful reassurance that comes from knowing that somebody loves me for who I am, not what I am."

"I can imagine that must be true."

My turn at night watch. I don't think I ever realized just how far away the Frostbacks really are. This feels like we've been walking forever. I know it's not a greater distance than we've already traveled to get to other places, but I guess it feels like it is because it's so uphill.

"Do we even have any idea what we're going to find in this Haven?" Zevran asked tonight, over supper.

"Honestly? No. This place is strange - I've never heard of it, and I was forced to study the whole of Fereldan history and geography while growing up," I admitted. "If it weren't for Brother Genitivi, who knows how long it would have stayed a mystery."

"And who is this Brother Genitivi, exactly?" asked Sten.

"He's a lay brother of the Chantry, and an accomplished scholar," Wynne put in. "He's widely respected throughout Thedas for his work - he has spent his whole life studying the various cultures of the continent, the history, religious beliefs, everything. It's said that he is the only living man to have visited every corner of the country. I'm told he's even been permitted to spend time in Orzammar to study the culture of the Dwarves. He came to the Circle Tower some years ago; I met him, briefly. A very genteel, respectful person, as I recall; he has a soft voice and kind eyes."

"I just hope he's okay," I said. "Elissa was concerned he might be in danger. Considering what happened to us at the Spoiled Princess, she's probably right."

As usual, she was. It's only now that everything's over that I have the chance to update this journal on what happened. Shortest form, we've been to Haven and we miraculously survived. I'd truthfully be willing to believe that Andraste Herself got us through it.

We didn't realize we were approaching Haven until we were actually there, when a guard confronted us on the road. The fact that there was a guard was enough to make me pause. He regarded us suspiciously, and I immediately sensed that we shouldn't mention Genitivi or anything about why we were really there. We acted like we were just travelers passing through.

"You may trade for supplies at the shop," he said, pointing at a building. "Then I suggest you be on your way. Outsiders are not welcome in Haven. They bring change."

"Where is everyone?" asked Wynne, looking around. "The village is so quiet."

"Most of the residents are in the Chantry with Father Eirik."

"Father?" I repeated. "You have a male priest?"

"It has always been thus in Haven. We do not question tradition."

We all sort of looked at each other and shrugged. What do you say to something like that? So we trudged up into the village, which was just... creepy for how empty it was. Not completely empty, though. There was a little boy singing a weird song about 'Bonny Lynn,' who didn't seem to appreciate being questioned. He was playing with what looked horribly like a human finger, and knowing what I know now, it could well have been. He tipped us off to something, though; he said that he was too old for his mother to tell him what to do, and that soon he'd be old enough to go 'up the mountain.' When we asked him what that meant, he stopped talking.

We did trade for supplies in the shop, and the shopkeeper seemed relatively normal, but he was definitely giving off an aura of 'don't ask questions.' "I don't like this," I said when we were outside. "I think we need to go up to that Chantry and demand some answers."

"Do you hear it?" Zevran asked, as we mounted the second incline. "Singing from the Chantry. The whole town, by the sounds of it."

We entered, walking slowly toward the crowd of people clustered around a fur-clad man preaching. He broke off suddenly as he caught sight of us, and promptly ended the worship service in spite of his reproach to our manners. A woman tried to protest, but he waved her away, and the Chantry was shortly emptied of all but ourselves, this man, and a few guards.

"Father Eirik?" I guessed. "We're looking for a Brother Genitivi."

I don't remember exactly what he said. The rantings of a madman. I do remember him saying something about being a father 'wanting to protect his children,' or some such nonsense, and then he and his guards attacked us. Thank goodness for Wynne's healing magic, that's all I can say. Once they all lay dead, I looked in a chamber just off the main worship hall, but there was nothing of interest inside.

"Alistair!"

I came back out and saw Zevran contemplating a wall on the other side of the room. "There's something not right about this," he said as I joined him. "I think it's a false wall."

"Sten, give me a hand." Between ourselves, we managed to push the false wall out of the way, and sure enough, there was a man lying in the room on the other side. His monk's robe suggested that we'd found our target, and even better news, he was breathing. Wynne attended to his injuries as best she could, but she warned that he needed a proper doctor.

Brother Genitivi was a little surprised by our rescue, but very grateful. I wished Elissa was there; she would have known all the right things to say to reassure him and make him feel better about everything he'd been through. He took the news of Weylon's death sadly but in stride, and seemed very upset by the news of Arl Eamon's sickness. "I'm so close," he said. "The temple is just up the mountain. Father Eirik wears a medallion that unlocks the door - I've seen it. If you can get it, we can get in and find the Ashes."

We retrieved the medallion from the man's fallen body. We had to be careful, and stealthy, but Brother Genitivi directed us up the mountainside. I had to half carry him because he was so weak. "They've become a cult," he told me quietly. "The people of Haven - I think once upon a time they were good people, devoted to the protection of the Ashes. But somewhere along the way, they've been corrupted, and now they..." He shuddered. "Blood sacrifices," he managed. "I know that happened to one of the Redcliffe knights who came to save me."

Once we reached the massive door, it took a little puzzling on Genitivi's part to work out how to use the medallion to unlock it. It opened to reveal an absolutely gorgeous temple - well, it must have been at one time, but it's started to fall apart. There were holes in the ceiling where snow was drifting through. "By the shifting skies of the Fade," Wynne murmured. "This is magnificent."

Brother Genitivi begged us to leave him there in the entrance hall. There were a lot of inscribed columns that he wanted to study. "These could tell us things we don't know about Andraste's life! Besides, in my condition I'll only slow you down." He had a point, so we left him there, happily scribbling notes and muttering to himself.

It was a long fight. Rather, it was fight after fight after fight. I felt like an absolute heretic, spilling so much blood in a place that was consecrated to Andraste Herself, but they didn't exactly give us a choice. They rushed at us with madness in their eyes. Once we had cleared out the main temple, we walked around it for a little. There were so many books, some of them very old and filled with who knows what sort of wisdom... all I could think was how much Elissa would covet them for the library in Soldier's Peak. We didn't have much room in our packs, though, so taking any of them would have been difficult. Maybe sometime we can go back, or... or something. I don't know.

We passed through a series of rooms with statues depicting individuals from Andraste's story. "Is this a male or a female?" asked Sten, looking up at one. "I can hardly tell."

"That's Maferath, Andraste's mortal husband - and Her betrayer," Wynne explained. "And this is Archon Hessarian, who converted the Tevinter Imperium to the worship of the Maker."

Sten looked unimpressed. "Even in stone, Tevinter arrogance shows."

We entered a series of underground tunnels, mowing down even more crazy cultists. Also dragons. No, I'm not kidding - they had some kind of hatching ground in one of the larger chambers, and we had to kill all the drakes and dragonlings they'd managed to breed. That was bad, but not as bad as what was yet to come.

In the largest cavern, we were confronted by the cult leader. Father Kolgrim, he called himself. He was even crazier than Father Eirik had been, and that's saying something. He was so mad that I have a hard time remembering his words, but I do remember the part where he said that "Perhaps, through Andraste's mercy, Her greatest enemy will become Her greatest champion!"

I had to ask what he meant. He started babbling about how the Ashes were inside the chamber that lay ahead on the mountain path, and that Andraste had been reborn in the body of a dragon. But until the Ashes were destroyed by the addition of a vial of dragon blood, She couldn't return in her full glory. He wanted me to take this blood into the chamber and desecrate the Ashes. "Blood carries power, strength, knowledge. Through it, all the power that is held in the Ashes will be returned to our Lady." He added that there was a guardian inside the shrine who prevented the cult members from doing this themselves, but that this guardian wouldn't recognize us and so we could probably do it. If we did, we'd earn forgiveness for all the deaths we'd had to cause.

For a moment or two, I did consider it. Not actually defiling the Ashes, of course! But I considered playing along to make him think I'd do it, so that we wouldn't have to fight. And then I thought of Elissa, and what she would do. How strong her convictions always are, how great her faith is. And I told him no. Needless to say, that didn't go over well.

"You know nothing! Andraste revealed herself to us! We are her chosen! To arms, my brethren! Andraste shall grant us victory!"

So we had to kill all them, too, and it wasn't easy. He had some pretty strong mages backing him up, and Kolgrim himself was no slouch in battle. We took a good lengthy rest once they were all dead. "At the rate we are going," said Zevran, between gulps of healing potion, "we will have to kill the entire village in order to get back to Redcliffe alive."

"Let's hope it doesn't come to that," Wynne said.

After we felt strong enough, we made our way out onto the mountainside through a gaping hole in one wall. We'd barely started to walk across the bridge leading to the second chamber when a screech sent us all diving for cover. A high dragon soared overhead and landed on a nearby peak. "Now that is ataashi!" said Sten, in the most awed voice I've ever heard him use. I guess that word means 'impressive,' or something like it. Strangely, the dragon didn't seem remotely interested in us, and as far as I could tell it curled up and went to sleep.

"That must be the dragon they think is Andraste. Where did they ever get such an idea?" Wynne wondered.

We decided that running was the best course of action, in case the dragon decided to try for a little pre-nap snack, but it still paid us no mind. Once we were inside the chamber opposite, we found ourselves confronted by a knight. He introduced himself as the Guardian of the Ashes, the man - Havard was his name, if my memory serves me correctly - who after Andraste's death had gathered the Ashes and brought them into the Frostbacks so the Tevinters could not scatter them. I told him that the Imperium is not nearly as powerful as they used to be.

"Ah... is it not? Then perhaps this is the beginning of the end..."

"What can you tell us of this cult?"

The Guardian then talked about how he, and other followers of the living Andraste, had built the temple and the shrine in order to protect Her forever. They founded the village of Haven, so that descendants of the original followers could continue the upkeep of the buildings, but a few generations back, Kolgrim's great-grandfather or someone like that had gotten some delusions of grandeur. "Our Andraste has gone to the Maker's side; She will not return. The dragon is a fearsome creature, and they must have seen her as an alternative to the absent Maker and His silent Andraste. A true believer would not require such audacious displays of power."

After he explained all this, he looked at each of us. "There is suffering in your past; your suffering and the suffering of others. Alistair, Grey Warden," he said. "You regret the death of Duncan, and your brother Wardens. You feel that you should have died in Duncan's place."

What could I say? He was right. If I'd died instead of Duncan, he would be the one leading the quest, and everything would be better. At least, most things would be better.

"And you, Sten of the Beresaad... you murdered a family. Do you feel that you have failed the Qunari by allowing them to be seen in such a light?"

"I have never denied that I failed," he replied.

The Guardian started to ask Zevran about a particular assassination that he suspected Zevran regrets, but Zevran interrupted him. "Yes, I regret it, and no, I do not wish to discuss it." His tone was almost hostile, but not quite.

"Ask your question of me, Guardian. I have my answer ready," said Wynne.

He asked her about her faith. "You are the wisest of the group, and often provide advice to the younger," he said. "Do you really believe what you say? Or are you parroting what you learned in the Circle?"

"Of course I have doubts sometimes. Only a fool would be sure of themselves at all times. But yes, I do believe."

This accomplished, the Guardian said that we had a handful of trials to get through before we could be deemed worthy of the Ashes. He wouldn't elaborate on what those trials were, but we found out soon enough. He called it the Gauntlet. "The way is open. Good luck, and may you find what you seek."

Oi, hand cramp. Had to take a break.

Anyway, once we were ready to proceed, we entered the first room of the shrine. There were what looked like ghosts lining the sides of the room, eight in all, and they identified themselves as individuals from Andraste's life. Each asked a question that we had to answer about different virtues or thoughts. Andraste's mother spoke of dreams; her best friend spoke of singing; Archon Hessarian talked of mercy while his wife claimed vengeance; Maferath was jealousy, Havard was the mountains, the Dalish elf Shartan was home, and the disciple Cathaire was hunger. It was weird. Every time we correctly answered their riddles, the ghosts or whatever they were would turn into wisps of smoke and go hurtling at the locked door that was the only way forward. When the last one did this, the door opened itself.

It was the next room that made my heart stop. Because hovering in the air, looking down on me with the most kindly expression, was Duncan.

"Alistair," he greeted me.

"Duncan?!"

"Why do you blame yourself, Alistair? There was nothing you could have done. You were doing exactly what the king and I commissioned you to do on the morning of battle. You lit the signal fire."

"Not that it did any good..."

"It did. It was the last thing I saw before death claimed me. And I knew in my heart that you had succeeded, and that you and Elissa could survive. That hope was not lost, even though Loghain had betrayed us. You gave me hope. I could not ask for more than that."

"I would have protected you if I could," I told him.

"I know. But now... you have a different task. You and Elissa must stop the Blight. It's up to you. Here, take this." The ghost pressed an amulet into my hand. "Think of us, your brother Wardens, when you look into its reflection. Remember us, but free yourself from this burden of guilt. I am - I have always been - proud of you."

He faded from sight, and I fell to one knee. I could hardly breathe from the exertions of trying not to cry. Wynne came and put a hand on my bent head.

"I'm all right. I'm sorry."

"So that was the late Commander of the Grey. An excellent leader, from what I am told," said Zevran. "I know Elissa speaks highly of him."

"And with good reason." I forced myself to my feet. "Come on, let's see what's next."

Well, what was next was... us. The third room contained spirit doppelgangers of the four of us, and as far as I could tell they had all the same spells and skills and whatever else we ourselves do. It was a hard fight, but at least it was just that - a fight. The puzzle beyond it, on the other hand, was confusing. As I said at the time, Andraste apparently favors the clever. We had to cross a seemingly bottomless chasm. There was a sort of bridge there, but it was as ghostlike as Duncan had been, and we had to move around and stand on specific trigger stones in the right order to make the parts of the bridge turn solid. "I'm sure there is a moral in here somewhere," said Zevran, "something about building bridges with friendship, and such. Something poetic."

The very last room, where we could see the statue of Andraste on the far side, was the most awkward. There was a lot of fire, and a pillar declaring that one had to purify themselves in the flame in order to be worthy of the Ashes. So I had to have the others help me remove all my armor down to the smallclothes, and then I walked through the flames. They didn't hurt; I guess it was a mirage. Once I had crossed, the fire disappeared and the others could join me and help me dress again.

The Guardian entered the room, and seemed quite pleased. "You have been through the trials of the Gauntlet. You have walked the path of Andraste, and like Her, you have been cleansed. You have proven yourself worthy, pilgrim."

With his blessing, then, we approached the statue - and the Urn at its feet. "I didn't think anyone could succeed in finding Andraste's final resting place," I admitted, "but here... here it is."

"Mother of Mercy! It is real!" said Zevran.

"I could not have asked for a greater honor than to be here. I will never forget this feeling," said Wynne, reverently. Sten was quiet, respectful despite his disbelief.

I almost felt wrong taking a pinch of the Ashes, but the Guardian had said it was all right, so I put some into a little pouch to keep safe. We bade farewell to the Guardian, and then we realized we had a fresh problem. How could we get ourselves, and Brother Genitivi, out of Haven before anyone realized the amount of sheer carnage we had unleashed?

We headed back to the temple, and showed the Ashes to Genitivi, who I could swear almost cried. He was about finished taking his notes, and I explained our predicament. "There is a dock," he said thoughtfully, "leading out onto Lake Calenhad. It is nearly sundown now. I think if we slip down there under cover of night, we can steal a boat and escape that way. I don't normally encourage theft," he added with a grim smile, "but under the circumstances, I think the Maker would overlook it."

It wasn't easy, but that's what we decided to do. We could hear shrieking as we passed the Chantry - they must have discovered the bodies - and I knew they'd be watching the roads. The guard, and the people who had been in the Chantry when we first arrived, would be looking for us. "Into the trees," said Wynne. "I can cloak us for a little while, but not long. We'll have to be fast."

There was a boat lying upside down at one side of the dock, and I hefted it into the water while Zevran hunted for the oars. I had Sten lift Genitivi into the boat, Wynne following. "Someone's coming," she hissed. "Hurry!"

Voices and torches were on the move in the distance. Though I had confidence in Wynne's cloak, she couldn't muffle our sounds, and we pushed off hurriedly. "Let's hope this thing is seaworthy," I muttered. "Come on - row. Redcliffe borders the lake at the southern shore; if we just keep heading in that direction, we should reach it around daybreak."

"Let's hope," said Genitivi. "It's a big lake."