Shadow and Rose

by Lady Norbert

A/N: Time to blow Alistair's secret wide open. Sorry, Ali.

Chapter Nineteen: Redcliffe Elite Shield

Made for the men of Arl Eamon's personal guard, this is finely made, with the mark of a Redcliffe craft hall imprinted on the inside.

Judging by the way my ink smudged on those last few sentences, and the chuckling that woke me when one of the Redcliffe maids entered my room a little while ago, I fell asleep while writing in this journal. Having now washed the ink off my face and rewritten the words so I can actually read them again, I'll continue.

Whether the Havenites (or whatever they call themselves) figured out that we escaped via the dock, I'm not sure. I do know that the night seemed very long. Once the cloaking spell no longer seemed necessary, we lit a lamp and Zevran sat at the front of the boat to hold it so the light shone out over the water. Nobody said much; what was there to say? I know eventually Wynne parceled out some of our rations, and suggested that Brother Genitivi get some sleep if he could, but all I could think was how badly I wanted to get to Redcliffe. I just kept rowing, and rowing, and rowing, even when it felt like my arms might fall off.

Sten watched the sky. Apparently the Qunari know how to figure out their direction based on the position of the stars, and he was able to tell us if we were veering off course at all. Good thing, too. Lake Calenhad is, like Genitivi pointed out, really big. You really can't see all the way from one side to the other even by daylight, and it wouldn't have been difficult at all in the night for us to end up on the wrong shore. We were pretty confident that the people of Haven weren't about to actually leave Haven in search of us, but we could have encountered a bunch of other problems.

Eventually, the sky began to change colors, and as the first ray of sunlight shone on the water, I could see the towers of Redcliffe Castle in the distance. I really am pretty well convinced that Andraste, or the Maker, or both - well, some combination of divinity got us through the mission. Zevran put the lantern away, and Brother Genitivi woke Wynne (who had managed to doze off for a bit).

As our boat approached, guards on the castle's battlements caught sight of us. I guess we stuck out a little bit among the fishermen. I heard shouting, and could see people moving, but I couldn't make out anything distinct, so we just rowed closer to the castle. There is a gate, on the very lowest level, which opens directly onto the lake; there's sort of an underground river in the sub-basement of the castle. Someone hauled open this gate, and we rowed right into the castle. A few of Eamon's soldiers were there to meet us, probably to make sure we really were who they thought we were. One of them was Ser Donall - it was good to know that he was able to leave Lothering before it fell to the darkspawn.

"I'm glad to see you again, Alistair," he said. "We wondered when you would arrive. The rest of your party turned up two nights ago."

"They're here?" It occurred to me for the first time to wonder just how long we'd been gone. I had honestly lost track of the days, and even this journal wasn't of much help since I recorded so little of our march to Haven. (What can I say? It wasn't the most riveting journey.)

"They are indeed, and in greater number than when last you and I met. Lady Cousland has been extremely anxious for your arrival. I expect someone is notifying her as we speak."

"Are they all right?" asked Wynne. Someone else was tying up the boat, so I climbed out and offered her a hand. "Brother Genitivi here should be seen by the arl's physician as soon as possible."

"I believe they were all well; they made no indication otherwise. Lady Cousland's golem is in the courtyard, but the others were asleep to my knowledge. You'll likely find them upstairs. Lawrence, Garret, assist the brother," he said, turning to a couple of pages. "Take him to the infirmary, then ask the headwoman to send some breakfast up for him. You are an honored guest here, Brother Genitivi; let me bid you welcome on behalf of my lord."

Since Genitivi was thus taken care of, I lost no time getting upstairs myself. Sure enough, Elissa, Morrigan and Leliana were waiting for us in the main chamber. They had a few minor bumps and scrapes, but otherwise they seemed unharmed, and it was all I could do not to kiss Elissa. I haven't said much about it in my entries, but I missed her badly.

"How did it go? Were you able to secure the elves' assistance?" I asked instead.

"It took some doing," she replied. "We'll all trade stories later. Did you get the Ashes?"

I couldn't help feeling a little proud as I pulled out the pouch for her. Her blue eyes widened. "Sacred Lady of the Flame... you did it! I knew you would!" She turned toward the fireplace, and for the first time I noticed Bann Teagan. "They did it!"

"Wonderful!" he cried. "Let us go at once to Eamon's side and see if the Urn's healing powers live up to their reputation."

And he's awake.

It was interesting to watch. The pouch of ashes was placed on Eamon's chest, and there was a mage still on hand from after Connor was saved from the demon, who uttered some kind of a spell. Little beams of light came shooting out of Eamon's body; it was honestly rather beautiful, but then, the truth is that magic often is. The Chantry just doesn't like to admit it. And then he opened his eyes, and sat up. "Where am I?"

"Be calm, brother," Teagan said gently. "You have been deathly ill for a very long time. Do you remember nothing?"

"Teagan, what are you doing here? Where is Isolde?"

"I am here, my husband," she said, taking his hand. I've never heard her speak so warmly. I guess she really does love him. Then he asked about Connor, and she sighed. "He lives, though many others are dead. There is much to tell you, husband."

"Then... it wasn't a dream," he said heavily.

"Suppose we give you some privacy," Elissa suggested in her thoughtful way. "Our new arrivals need some breakfast, and we need to hear about their success in the Frostbacks. You can explain everything to His Grace, and we'll convene with you later today."

Teagan agreed, gratefully, and our group made its way to the dining hall for some food. Wynne and Sten and Zevran and I were all so tired that talking was something of a struggle (Morrigan found it funny that I was too tired to talk, but that's Morrigan for you), but I think we managed to get the most important points of our adventure across. I'll check with Elissa later and make sure she definitely knows everything that happened.

They also told us about their parley with the elves, but again, I was so tired that I'm not sure I've entirely got the straight of it. Apparently, the girls had to make a bargain with the Dalish Keeper, Zathrian, in order to get the elves to fulfill their treaty. He sent them on some harebrained quest in the forest for a werewolf heart. That's all I really remember; I came up here after we finished eating, started writing things down, and fell asleep. When Elissa and I can talk privately, I'll get the rest of the details.

Hm, I'm being summoned. Eamon's ready to talk to us all.

Oh, that was just fantastic.

It started off well enough. Eamon talked about how troubled he is by everything Teagan and Isolde told him, which is only natural. Then he thanked us all for what we did to save him and his family, not to mention Redcliffe itself, and of course he pledged his men to combat the Blight. And he declared every last one of us Champions of Redcliffe, and presented us with one of the shields he has made for his personal bodyguards. (I guess there was no way he could give one to everybody, and it's not like most of us even carry shields anyway. Come to think of it, only Elissa and I do.)

But then we started talking about Loghain, about how we're going to defeat him. "We can scarce afford to fight this war to its bitter end," Eamon said. "I could unite those opposing Loghain, but not all oppose him. He has some very powerful allies. Someone must surrender if Ferelden is to have any chance of fighting the darkspawn. I will spread word of Loghain's treachery, both here and against the king; it will give his allies pause, but we must combine it with a challenge Loghain cannot ignore.

"What do you suggest?" asked Elissa.

"We need a candidate for the throne, one with a stronger claim than Loghain's daughter the queen," Eamon continued, and he very deliberately did not look at me. "Teagan and I have a claim by marriage - our sister was Rowan, Maric's queen and Cailan's mother. But we would seem opportunists no better than Loghain. Alistair, however, has a stronger claim of blood."

I saw Elissa wince, and Wynne nodded gravely; everyone else just looked confused. "What claim do you mean?" asked Zevran.

"It is not commonly known," Eamon continued, "but Alistair's father was King Maric. By the laws of succession, he is the only remaining member of the Theirin line, the last known scion of Calenhad, and therefore is the rightful King of Ferelden."

You could have heard a pin drop with how quiet the room got. Even Toby was silent. "And... all this time... you never told us?" Leliana sounded shocked.

"Well, it's not like it's something that comes up in conversation," I retorted. "'Is there any stew left? Hmm, I should sharpen my blade tonight. By the way, I'm the bastard son of the dead king.' Doesn't really have any poetry to it, you know?"

Morrigan was eyeing Elissa. "You were aware of it, however, were you not?"

"I was." She shrugged. "But it was not my secret to tell."

"Are you certain of this, brother?" asked Teagan.

"I would not propose such a thing if we had an alternative," Eamon replied, "but the unthinkable has occurred."

"And what about me?" I blurted. "Does anyone care what I want?"

"You have a responsibility, Alistair," Eamon insisted. "Without you, Loghain wins. I would have to support him for the sake of Ferelden - is that what you want?"

"No, my lord," I grumbled. I couldn't take the way everyone except Elissa and Wynne was looking at me, like I'd suddenly grown a second head or something, but I stayed where I was.

"I see only one way to proceed," said Eamon. "I will call for a Landsmeet - a gathering of all of Ferelden's nobility in the city of Denerim. Ferelden will decide who will rule, one way or the other, and then the fight against our true enemy can begin." He turned to Elissa. "What say you, my lady? I do not wish to proceed without your blessing."

She looked a bit startled. "My blessing, my lord?"

"I'm told that you are now considered Commander of the Grey Wardens in Ferelden, which means that you are the one leading the war against the Archdemon," he replied. "The days are coming when the entire kingdom will look to you for guidance."

I don't think she entirely liked that, to be honest, but she kept her face neutral. If I didn't know her as well as I do, I'd probably have been fooled too. "If it's my blessing you need, Your Grace, you have it. Do you think the Landsmeet will work?"

"That depends," he admitted. "If we cannot get a consensus in the Landsmeet for Alistair, we cannot afford to oppose Loghain either. Does that mean Loghain could win? Perhaps - so we must see that he does not. Ferelden must stand united to defeat the darkspawn. A fractured country cannot win. So we must give it our best efforts. Have you delivered all of your treaties to your allies?"

"All but one," she said. "We must still go to Orzammar and speak with the dwarven king."

"And you will need time for that - time that we may not have in spades," he said grimly. "Very well. I will send word for the Landsmeet to convene in Denerim in exactly six weeks' time; some of the nobles will need time to make their way there from the more remote parts of Ferelden. Once you have conscripted aid from the dwarves, return here to Redcliffe, and we will make our way to Denerim together."

So now I'm sort of holed up in my room, since we're leaving at first light, and I suppose Elissa will be by sooner or later to talk to me. I'm not mad at her, I'm really not - I'm not even mad at Eamon, as far as that goes. I can see where neither of them felt like they had any choice. Maybe we don't.

I guess I'm mad at my father. That doesn't really make any sense, does it? I'm mad at him for being who he was, and creating me. I was brought kicking and screaming into a world that has told me all my life that it didn't want me. I've been abandoned and ignored and looked down on and pushed around. Except for that one shining blue-eyed light down the hall, I've never felt like anyone wanted me for me, for Alistair. I mean, even Duncan did his best to protect me.

Come to think of it, so did Cailan. Duncan said that Elissa and I were hand-picked by Cailan to light the signal beacon, didn't he? Is this why you did that, brother? Were you trying to keep me out of the fighting just in case everything happened exactly the way it did - so that Ferelden would still have a Theirin king?

I can't be king.

Can I?

I'll mess it up. I mess everything up, sooner or later. I'm amazed that our half of the party came back from Haven in one piece. How can I run a country?

But if I don't... then Loghain wins.

Maker help me. I don't have a choice.

I was right, of course. Elissa came to my room at the first opportunity, to give me a hug and tell me she's sorry to have put me in this position.

"Love, it can't be helped," I said. "I'm not thrilled about it, obviously, but I guess it's better to put me on the throne than Loghain. Marginally, at least."

"A little more than marginally, I'd say, but I suppose I'm slightly biased." She smiled.

I wanted to change the subject, then, so I asked her to tell me again about her time in the Brecilian forest. It was even weirder than I first understood. I got the werewolf heart part right, but it was a little more complicated than that. The werewolf was named Witherfang, and it was the leader of all the werewolves in the forest - the werewolf curse originated from it. Zathrian claimed he needed Witherfang's heart in order to break the curse and save those of his clan who had been bitten by werewolves. Only that wasn't quite the truth. Witherfang was actually the Lady of the Forest, a woman who - well, not a woman exactly, but that's the form she took. It seems that Zathrian had two children, a century or two ago, who were attacked by humans and ended up dead. He cast the werewolf curse on them in retaliation, by creating Witherfang/the Lady of the Forest. He summoned the spirit of the forest itself and forced it into a physical body. So Elissa basically had to broker peace between the warring factions, convince Zathrian to undo the curse, and then both he and the Lady of the Forest died. The other werewolves all turned back into humans, the bitten elves got better, and the clan promised to send warriors to fight beside us.

I think I've got all that right. Close enough, anyway. While they were there, Elissa also helped the elves with one of their halla (it's a sort of deer that they use as a pack animal) and fixed a messy relationship between two young elves in love and ran around killing a few revenants in order to unearth a massive suit of armor. "I don't think it would properly fit anyone but Sten," she admitted. "They call it the Juggernaut armor, in the documents I found buried with one of the pieces. It belonged to some famous warrior in times past. I've sent it off with Bodahn Feddic to Soldier's Peak so Mikhael Dryden can clean it up a bit."

"That's something I've always wondered," I admitted. "Bodahn goes off periodically to get fresh supplies and the like, and he always manages to find us again. How do you suppose he does it? This isn't a tiny country."

"I've wondered that too," she said. "I think it must have something to do with Sandal's enchantments. He must have one that functions like a compass, or something along those lines. It's the only thing I can imagine that makes any sense at all."

"My dearest, since when does something have to make sense in our lives in order for it to be true?" I challenged, and she laughed and admitted I had a point.

"I missed you terribly, Alistair," she said. "I missed all of you, as far as that goes, but you most of all."

"I missed you too. More than I can say."

"I didn't get to mention it earlier, but you did so well on the quest for the Ashes. I knew you could do it. I'm so proud of you."

"That's what Duncan said too," I mumbled. She raised an eyebrow. "I didn't tell you that part, did I? I didn't want to talk about it in front of Morrigan." I told her about the Gauntlet, and meeting up with Duncan's ghost, and I showed her the talisman the spirit had pressed into my hands. "He said he's proud of me - of both of us."

"You got to say goodbye," she said softly. "I'm glad for you. I... I wish I could have gone. I wonder who I would have seen - my father, most likely. It must have been quite an experience, seeing Duncan and then actually standing in the presence of the Ashes. Maybe someday we can go back there."

"I'm sure Genitivi would like that - he said something about wanting to share it with the world - but I'm pretty sure the people of Haven will not be happy about it," I said grimly. "Well, we'll let the Chantry figure out what to do with them."

Elissa's gone back to her room, now. Like I wrote earlier, we're leaving at first light. Before we go to Orzammar, we're escorting Brother Genitivi back to Denerim so we can be sure he gets there safely.