Wasn't intending to get another chapter up this soon, but . . . well here it is. You all wanted more info on Gold's past, right? Don't forget you asked for this!

I do thank all of you for the feedback - please keep it coming, I appreciate it! Lots of angst in this one.

I do not own 'Once Upon a Time.'

Chapter 14

Twenty two years ago . . . . . .

"You said I'd be done. I know that, but – look, I just don't want to do it anymore, alright? You promised me that I could go back to surveillance after the last assignment. No. I understand." Gold said as he spoke on the phone, then Gold slammed the phone down in anger.

"I don't know what you're so upset about – you're one of their best agents, of course they want you out in the field." Milah said as she entered his office.

"I almost got killed the last assignment. Not that you give a damn." Gold said, looking up at her.

"What did you want me to do, Ian? Fly out to Moscow and sit by your bedside and hold your hand?" Milah asked.

"That would have been nice, yes." Gold replied.

"Gwen was there. And you were fine." Milah said. "I have a hair appointment – get dinner ready for Bae."

"Yes, heaven forbid you should miss your preening session to take care of your son." Gold said angrily.

"When do you leave?" Milah asked.

"Not soon enough for you, apparently." Gold replied. "I have a quick assignment in Boston next week with Gwen before I go."

"I'll be back in a couple of hours." Milah said, barely interested. "Make sure Bae does his homework." Milah left the room. Gold sighed in frustration and stood up from behind his desk just as Bae peeked into the room.

"Papa?" Bae said.

"Hey – you get any of your homework done yet, Bae?" Gold said as he walked over to the boy.

"Why do you and Mama always fight?" Bae asked.

"I don't know." Gold replied, and he reached out for the boy and hugged him. "So what do you want for dinner tonight?"

"Can we go to Granny's? Please?" Bae asked.

"I suppose we can do that." Gold said.

"You have to go away again, don't you?" Bae asked.

"Just one more time. This will be the last time Bae, I promise." Gold said. Bae began to cry. "Hey – what's wrong, my boy?"

"I don't want you to go away again. Because I'm afraid you'll die, papa. Please don't leave again papa, I don't want you to die." Bae said. Gold hugged the boy again.

"Hey – hey, I'm not gonna die, alright. Listen, I – I won't go. I'll find a way, alright? I promise. I'll find a way out of it, I'll find a way to stay." Gold said, hugging Bae tightly.

A noise from downstairs awakened Belle from her sleep. She groggily rolled over to reach for Gold, only to find his side of the bed empty. "Ian?" she called out as she sat up, but there was no answer. Belle listened carefully and heard the noise again. It sounded like a muffled scream to her. Belle began to get nervous. Shaking, she opened the nightstand drawer – Gold told her that he kept a pistol in the drawer. It was gone. Now becoming even more afraid, Belle reached for her phone, the one that Emma had given to her. She hadn't used it up until now. Belle placed the call to Emma despite the late hour.

"Belle? What's wrong?" Emma answered.

"Ian's not here. I woke up and he's not in bed and – there are noises coming from downstairs. It sounds like voices, and I thought I heard someone scream. Emma, what if someone is here, what if he's hurt?" Belle asked.

"Alright – listen, it'll be okay. I was on my way home, I'll be there in a bit. Gold showed you how to get in the room in his study, right?" Emma asked.

"Yeah." Belle replied.

"Alright, go in there and wait – do NOT go downstairs." Emma said.

"I thought there was security here." Belle said.

"There is – I'll try to get in touch with them, everything will be fine. Do not go downstairs, do you understand?" Emma said.

"But – Ian -"

"Trust me, Gold can take care of himself just fine." Emma said. Belle hung up the phone and walked over to Gold's study as quietly as possible. She could still hear noises.

"Oh Ian – please be alright." Belle said. She turned and looked at the stairs, and was tempted for a moment to go downstairs, but Emma was right – Ian could take care of himself. She made her way into the study, opened the hidden door, and went inside.

Twenty-two years ago . . . . . . . . .

"You were supposed to cook him dinner not take him out for hamburgers." Milah said angrily as she got dressed for bed.

"The lad never goes anywhere, Milah – not unless I'm here, he says you don't even let him see his friends." Gold said, sitting up in their bed. "He wanted to go out to eat, what's the harm?"

"He got an 82 on his last math test. He doesn't deserve to be going out to eat." Milah said.

"He's eight, Milah. You can't expect him to be perfect in every subject all the time. He does his best." Gold said. "Maybe if I were around more to help him with his homework he'd do better, lord knows you're useless when it comes to that."

"Excuse me for not being a genius like you are." Milah snipped. "I do my best, too." She climbed into the bed with him.

"Right, of course you do. When you're not too busy getting your hair or nails done or prancing about town gossiping and – other things." Gold said. They were both quiet for a moment. "I'm going to work on getting out of this assignment. Bae doesn't want me to go."

"Bae never wants you to go. You spoil that boy; he clings to you whenever you're home and you do nothing but coddle him." Milah said.

"He's my SON – and in the last three years with all of the assignments I've been on I cherish every moment I have with him. I'm sorry that he bores you so much, heaven forbid you should actually try and be a parent to him."

"You don't know what it's like to be raising a child on your own half the time." Milah said.

"And that's my fault too, I suppose? I was perfectly happy working in surveillance. You're the one who pushed for me to get out there in the field. I never wanted that. I'm not cut out for it, Milah, you know that – even Gwen knows that, she really pressed for me to be taken off active duty after Moscow." Gold said.

"She mothers you too much." Milah said. "She's supposed to be your mentor, not your babysitter."

"At least she gives a damn about me." Gold said. "I want out, Milah. I'm done." Milah turned and looked at him.

"You're a coward, Ian. You could have one of the most decorated careers ever – you moved through the ranks of MI6 faster than anyone, you were transferred to the CIA before you even turned twenty-five, and you are on a track to nothing but success. Why would you want to give that up? Because of that little mishap in Moscow?"

"Mishap? Milah, I was stabbed in the chest twice, I almost bled to death. When it happened all I could think about was Bae – what would happen if Bae lost me? I know what it's like to lose a parent as a child, Milah, I do NOT want Bae to have to go through that." Gold said. "And heaven knows you wouldn't give a damn – you'd probably marry the next man that looks twice at you. You never loved me. I'm not even convinced you like Bae all that much, you're not exactly the maternal type."

"How dare you imply that I don't love my son?" Milah asked angrily.

"You don't love anyone but yourself. You have no concept of the word. Even poor little Emma, the child had no home, no family, and you couldn't show her the least bit of compassion."

"Oh good god, that was three years ago Ian, let it go. You only wanted to take her in because you felt guilty for killing her parents." Milah said.

"I LOVED that child. BAE loved that child. I would have been glad to be her father – proud to be. You just don't want me to have any happiness in my life, that's your problem. It has to be all about you." Gold picked up a pillow and stood up.

"Where are you going?" Milah asked.

"To my study." Gold replied. "Like you'll even miss me. Why don't you ring up one of your little boyfriends that I know you're cheating on me with, you really think I'm stupid enough not to know about that?" Gold headed out of the room.

"Yes, be a coward, Ian. Run away from your problems, that's what you do best." Milah said. Gold stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

Belle waited nervously in the room hidden behind the wall. She sat trembling, crouched in a corner as she heard footsteps coming from inside the room she was in. "Belle." she heard a voice whisper. Belle breathed a sigh of relief as she stood up. She ran over to Emma and hugged her. "You okay?" Emma asked. Belle nodded. "I couldn't get ahold of security; cell reception isn't always good where they are, unfortunately. But it's okay, we'll take care of things." Belle looked up to see an older woman standing next to Emma – she had gray hair and Belle guessed that she was likely in her early 70's. "Belle, this is Gwendolyn Potts – I just picked her up from the airport."

"You're Mrs. Potts. It's nice to meet you." Belle said.

"You too, dear." Mrs. Potts replied with a thick cockney accent.

"Alright, enough with the introductions, let's go see what's going on." Emma said. She headed out of the room, and Mrs. Potts followed. Belle followed behind them. "What are you doing?"

"I'm going with you." Belle said.

"Right. No you're not. You stay here." Emma said.

"Well, why does she get to go?" Belle asked. Emma started to laugh.

"Are you kidding? Gwen's been an agent for over fifty years, she knows what she's doing more than anyone." Emma said. "Just stay here – if anything happens to you, Gold will kill me."

"He'll be fine dear, don't you worry." Mrs. Potts said, and Belle watched as the two of them left the room. As soon as they were out of sight, she ignored their orders and followed behind them.

Archie Hopper cried out in pain as Gold's cane came down upon him. "Now – would you like to try again?" Gold asked.

"If I tell you she'll kill him." Archie said.

"Again – still not a good answer." Gold said, and he raised up his cane.

"Regina Mills!" Archie screamed. "It was Regina Mills!" Gold sat back down, straddling the chair once again.

"Well – that's more like it." Gold said. He reached onto the table for his gun and pointed it at Archie. "Alright – little bug man – where is she?"

"I don't know." Archie said, practically in tears.

"Do not lie to me!" Gold screamed, and stood up and lunged for Archie, and put the gun up to his forehead.

"I swear I don't know." Archie said. "She found me. M – My father – she threatened to have him killed. He's an old man, he's sick – I needed help taking care of him, the money she gave me pays for his medical bills. If she finds out you know she'll kill him."

"So you offer up Belle instead." Gold said. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't just put a bullet in your head right now."

"How about because your girlfriend is upstairs freaking out right now because she woke up and heard the commotion down here?" Emma said from behind. Gold turned and looked up at her.

"Put the gun down, dear." Mrs. Potts said, entering the room. Gold turned and looked back at Archie.

"No – no, he has to die. He can't get away with what he did to Belle, he has to die." Gold said.

"Please. I'll tell you anything you want to know, please." Archie begged.

"You don't want to do this, dear. You're not thinking clearly right now." Mrs. Potts said.

"Belle has to leave because of him. It's HIS FAULT!" Gold screamed, and he grabbed Archie by the neck and began to choke him.

"He's being dealt with, you can't do this dear, this isn't how you handle things." Mrs. Potts said.

"Gold, if you have one more slip up they are going to send you away and you'll never see the light of day again, is that what you want?" Emma asked. Gold let go of Archie's neck and the man gasped for breath. Gold still held the gun at Archie's temple.

"Ian?" he heard Belle's voice say from behind him. Emma and Mrs. Potts both turned around and looked at her.

"I told you to stay upstairs." Emma said, gritting her teeth at Belle angrily. Belle ignored her and moved toward Gold.

"Ian – please don't do this. This isn't who you are, you don't want to hurt him." Belle said as she got closer to him.

"It's his fault. You're not safe because of him. He has to die." Gold said, not looking back at her.

"No – no he doesn't. And you don't want him to. That's not who you are, you're a good man, Ian. I see it. You don't want to hurt him, I know you don't. Please prove to me that I'm right." Belle said, and she reached for him and put her hand on Gold's shoulder. Gold shivered and his hand began to tremble. He turned and looked at Belle, the gun still in his hand. Emma walked around to the side of him just as Gold let go of the gun; Emma caught the gun before it fell to the ground. Gold reached for Belle and held onto her tightly. "It's okay. Everything okay now." Belle said as she ran her fingers through his hair. "Come on – I'm going to take you back upstairs, alright?" Belle put her arm around him and led him out of the room.

Gold sat on the edge of the bed, still trembling a bit. Belle walked over to him with a glass of water. "Here – drink some water, alright?" Belle said. Gold nodded and took a drink.

"I'm sorry." Gold whispered after he finished.

"We'll talk about it in the morning." Belle said. "Come on, you're shaking. Lie down." Belle helped him lie back as Mrs. Potts entered the room.

"Is Dr. Hopper alright?" Belle asked.

"He'll be fine. Emma is taking care of him." Mrs. Potts said as she walked over to the same side of the bed that Belle was sitting on. She sat down on the bed and took Gold's hand. "I thought we had talked about this before I left, dear. You were doing so much better, why would you do that?"

"I don't want Belle to leave. I thought if I got him to talk – I could finally find her. Then Belle could stay." Gold said. Mrs. Potts turned and looked at Belle, then looked back at Gold.

"Why don't I go make you some nice warm tea? I think you and this young lady have a few things to discuss." Mrs. Potts said, and she got up and left the room.

"I thought she was just your housekeeper." Belle said. "Emma said she's – an agent." Gold nodded.

"Gwen has been my partner for – over twenty-five years. She was my trainer, and my mentor – taught me everything I know." Gold said.

"She seems like a lot more than that. She took care of you, didn't she? All these years." Belle said, and Gold nodded.

"No one else wanted to. She was stuck with me." Gold said. "I finally talked her into retiring four months ago. She'd been wanting to go back to England one more time. Tried to get me to go with her, but – I just wasn't ready for that. After I lost Bae – she was the only one who was there. She took care of me. She retired from active duty and – stayed here with me." Gold was quiet for a few moments, then spoke up again. "Belle, I – I wasn't cut out for active duty. I never wanted that, I just wanted work behind the scenes, like I do now. The agency offered it to me and I wanted to turn them down but my wife, she – she pushed me into it. Said it would give me better chances for advancement if I did my time in the field. She said – she said if I didn't do it I was a coward, and my boy would know that his father was a coward."

"Ian. You're not a coward." Belle said as she touched his face.

"I had to do things, Belle – I had to see and do things that I never wanted to see or do and it – changed me into – well, into this. And I had to get out. I couldn't do it anymore, Belle – I just couldn't do it anymore." Gold said, his voice trembling. Belle pulled him into a hug.

"You can tell me anything, you know that." Belle said.

"You asked about my leg the other day. I didn't want you to see it." Gold said. "Because that's how it all started. Everything I am today – the monster that I've become – all started because of that. Because of what I did."

Twenty-two years ago . . . . . .

Gold and Mrs. Potts stood in an alley in downtown Boston. "You're sure this is where they're gathering?" Gold asked.

"Have I ever been wrong before?" Mrs. Potts asked. "Any progress on – getting your assignment switched?"

"No." Gold replied.

"I'm so sorry, dear. I tried to talk them out of it, but – you know how they are." Mrs. Potts said. "You passed the psych eval, they said. Not a thing wrong with you."

"Yes, well I don't want to be labeled as mentally unstable, then I'll never work." Gold said.

"You're just not meant to be out in the field, dear. That says nothing bad about you, you're a brilliant man and one of our best agents. You're just more cut out to be behind the scenes and that's fine." Mrs. Potts said.

"Too bad they didn't take my leg out or something in Moscow, then they'd have to take me off of active duty." Gold said. They heard a noise coming from inside the building.

"I'll go around the front, just in case. You can handle things back here?" Mrs. Potts asked.

"It's just a small cell we're breaking up, what's the worst that can happen?" Gold asked.

"Be back in five minutes." Mrs. Potts said, and she went around to the front of the building. Gold stood by himself in the alley, his gun aimed and ready. He watched as a door leading out to the alley opened and a tall man stepped out, his back to Gold.

"Turn around. Hands up." Gold said, pointing his gun at the man. The man turned around slowly, and raised his hand up, pointing his own gun directly at Gold. Before the man could even fire, Gold lifted up his gun and shot the man directly in the temple. The tall man collapsed to the ground. Gold looked down at him for a moment, shaking. Still pointing his gun at the man, he moved toward him. Gold bent down and checked the man for a pulse – there was none. He was dead. The man's gun lay at his side. Gold glanced at the man's gun for a moment. He hesitated for only one second, then he pulled his sleeves down and picked up the man's gun, placing it in the dead man's hand. Still shaking a bit, he sat down on the ground next to the man, and maneuvered the gun in the man's hand. He pointed the gun at the front of his own right leg, manipulated the dead man's finger to pull the trigger, and fired. Gold screamed out in pain, then pointed the gun once again, this time at the ankle. He fired another shot directly into his own ankle, then let out a loud, pained scream.