CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Clara had spoken at length with Ivan, patiently answered his questions, Marina solid at her side, as she explained why her relationship was not always accepted and asked if he could be brave and strong when people didn't know better, like Matheus. He'd nodded, promising not to fight next time and as his eyes had drooped with fatigue Clara had felt he would be fine. She marveled at how resilient he was in the face of instability and change, at how he'd overcome the difficulties of the last few months. She caressed his forehead as he fell asleep and his breathing deepened, watching him like she had when he was a baby.
It was getting dark outside and she felt the adrenaline that had sustained her evaporate, leaving her deeply tired. Marina pulled her to the empty bed next to Ivan's, sitting her down and removing her shoes, then she climbed on as well, cocooning them in the blanket, legs tangling , faces close together
"How are you?" Marina murmured
"I'm better. I was so scared, Marina. Thank you - for coming and being here with me."
"Honey, of course. Nothing is more important to me than the two of you, I was so worried too. You and he are my family."
Clara smiled her radiant smile and cupped Marina's cheek, looking at her, seeing so much compassion in those eyes.
"I love you so much, Marina. Truly. So much." she whispered pressing their foreheads together, pulling Marina's lithe body to hers. They settled, falling into the stillness of dusk. For some moments they lay quietly letting the presence of the other sooth the worries of the day away. Marina's hand had slid beneath Clara's shirt, resting on the skin of her waist, the thumb moving rhythmically backwards and forwards.
"Tell me about your day." Clara said softly.
"Well, apart for this, it was good. I booked that job that Van sent my way, so that's going to be great. I sent through the photos for my book so now I just need to write the text that will go with it and we can start working on the layout. Oh! And I almost forgot - I actually got an amazing phone call from a woman called Beatrice today."
"Who's Beatrice?"
"She saw the article in the gossip column about us. She then researched what I was working on and found that interview that I did on the red carpet – turns out she's a big supporter of the queer community and a patron of the arts. She wants to meet with me to discuss the possibility of financing my exhibition!"
"Really?! Marina! That's amazing!"
"I googled her and Clarinha - she was involved in the NOH8 campaign in the US and a number of projects for LGBTQ artists."
Marina's eyes sparlked as she spoke and Clara could help but smile at her infectious enthusiasm.
"I'm so pleased!"
"Who knew that being outed in the media could open doors like this!"
"You know what, Marina? I've learnt many things over the last few months, but one of the most important things I've learnt is how important it is to be real and authentic. Because it's when you are that the hand of God's grace can be felt."
Clara's fingers played at the nape of Marina's neck, fingers threading into her hair, pulling her in for a kiss.
The sound of a throat clearing behind them interrupted the moment. Clara started and looked up to see her mother in the door way.
"Mum!"
Chica waved her down, her eyes resolutely looking to Ivan. She moving to his bed and kissed him.
"Is he okay?"
"He's uh... he's fine. The doctors just want to observe." Clara said, extricating herself from the bed and smoothing her hair down.
"Good." Chica said and sat down pulling a small box from her bag, a 100 piece puzzle that she must have picked up on the way over. She placed it on the night stand. "For tomorrow, when he wakes up. He's been asking me to do a 1000 piece puzzle and I keep putting him off because you know how I get, Clara. I'd sit there until it got done. So this is to let him know that that's what we'll do when he's back home."
She'd taken his small hand in hers and she squeezed it .
"Oh my beautiful boy." she said, "My beautiful boy."
Clara sat in the chair next to her and watched the profile of her face, seeing the worry etched there. Chica's eyes finally glanced up to Marina who'd come to sit on the edge of the bed.
"I'll... go get a coffee." Marina said and slipped out of the room.
Clara waited for her mother to say something but nothing was forthcoming.
"Thank you for being here." she finally said.
"How could I not? Helena and Filipe said they'd be by later."
"Yeah, they texted..."
Silence, again.
"I'm sorry if that article upset you, ma."
".. And I apologise for bursting in on you like that. I was shocked and I reacted badly." Chica said.
"I won't lie. It hurt. I thought you were with me on this and I need that so much...I don't want to be ashamed or have to hide. I shouldn't have to." Clara said.
Chica was quiet for a few beats.
"I saw Cadu. He told me what happened – how Ivan ended up in hospital."
Clara took a deep breath to quell the rise of guilt but it couldn't stop the tears the sprung to her eyes.
"I was afraid of this, Clara."
"I know... But I can't live my life based in fear..."
"And what about Ivan?"
Clara put her head in her hands, elbow digging into her thighs. This was the tight knot that had been lodged in her chest from the moment she'd found out what had happened. With a few words Chica had pierced to the heart of the matter and she knew she had no good answer for this. Her beautiful, sweet boy lay in hospital because of bigots and homophobes, because she loved Marina.
"What am I supposed to do, ma? Leave her?"
Chica looked to her with compassion.
"No." Clara whispered, "No. It's not right. I can't do that..."
The though alone made her chest constrict. Every cell in her resisted this idea, it was almost physical it was so strong.
"How do you protect your son, then?"
"I...I don't know." Clara said. "I don't know."
She started to cry, her shoulders shaking and she felt her mum's arms wrap around her. It scared her so much, the thought that Ivan or Marina or she could easily be harmed for something as simple as love. How could something so beautiful give rise to something so ugly? She felt how precarious things were, how volatile the world in which they lived was. It was so wrong that it was like this. It made her angry and frustrated because she felt important to do anything about it. Chica crooned softly in her ear, rubbing her back.
"I love you, Clara, no matter what. I want you to know that. No matter what." Chica said when Clara's tears had stopped." and I promise I'll try harder to be okay with this. To be here for you." she said.
"Thank-you." Clara said. It made her feel a little better.
Chica left shortly after and Clara curled up on the empty bed, here eyes looking out into the night outside. She felt Marina's presence at the door, felt her slip in behind her.
"You okay my love?"
"Yeah. I think so."
Marina didn't ask anything more, maybe she sensed that Clara just needed to be held in silence.
"Marina?"
Clara pulled the hand that rested on her stomach up to nestle between her breasts at her heart center.
"Yes, my love?"
"Move in with me."
There was a pause. "You want me to move in with you?"
"I want you to move in with me."
"I … uh... really?"
"Yes."
"Are you sure?"
"You don't want to?"
"I just... I wasn't expecting that.."
"I know it may seem like odd timing... but the only thing that's been holding me back is fear – and not even my fear about us but fear of what people will think. Fear of what mum would think. And Cadu. And Ivan. I don't want to live in fear any longer. So will you, Marina? Move in with me?"
"Yes, my love! I would love move in with you!" Marina said and kissed the nape of her neck and then she laughed softly. "You're amazing, Clara, you know that? Truly. Something like this happens and instead of letting the fear win, you face it."
Clara turned on her back to look at Marina, her hand rising to stroke her cheek.
"It's the only thing I can do." she said and she pulled Marina down for a kiss.
Xxxx
Everyone was there. Diego- thankfully exonerated of his partner's dirty dealings and in a snappy suit - Vanessa, Flavinha, Giselle. Even Branca had deigned to make an appearance hanging off the arm or some handsome young man. Helena, Virgilo, Louisa, Filipe. Cadu had arrived with Veronica and even Chica had come. Critics and journalists, art patrons - the cultural shed was buzzing with the sound of small talk and the clinking of champagne glasses.. Mounted on the walls were Marian's pictures, photographic essays of the every-day female hero, their faces in all their shapes and sizes looking boldly out, inviting the viewer to look deeper, beyond the mundane of their lives, past the eyes that spoke of hardships to see grace and beauty. Beatrice had just taken her leave after enthusiastic congratulations and the promise of sitting down over a wine to talk about Marina's next venture. The critics seemed impressed. Marina now stood taking a moment to sip from her glass and turned to Clara.
"I think it's a success, my love."
"I think you might be right." Clara said and slipped an arm around her waist, kissing her on her cheek. "You've outdone yourself! I'm so proud of you."
Marina grinned. It had been an intense couple of months of planning and photographing but they had been happy months. A satisfaction Marina had rarely felt had permeated the entire project, satisfaction coming from her new founds sense of self-reliance, from the hard work of rebuilding her business and from having someone she loved to come home at the end of the day with whom she could share the ups and down, with whom she had built a family. And although cashflow was not restored to the days of old, it was significantly better than when she'd had to choose between filling the car up with petrol or buying lunch. This had taught her restraint, the importance of discipline, the necessity of strategic spending when budgets were tight. It had made her more level headed when it came to business decisions instead of deciding based on whim and whimsy. She'd learnt to appreciate the small things like eating a home-cooked meal, like buying fresh produce from the farmer's market, like drinking a coffee at home, on the couch with Clara curled up next to her. And home was no longer a mansion with a pool and fully fitted out studio, it was a humble, cozy apartment. Simple. Perfect.
Moving Marina into the apartment had been a swift affair as most of her belongings were already at there. Vanessa had helped move the rest of her things in and it had made Marina so happy to finally have her friend back – not quite as it was before but she was okay with that.
Ivan had been delighted to gain the undivided attention of yet another adult and tended to pop between their place and Cadu's so often as to make locking the bedroom door a necessity after one particular incident that had required them to sit the boy down to talk about the birds and bees. As with all things he took it in his stride although he had screwed up his face and stated he didn't see the appeal of doing stuff like that. Clara and Marina had laughed.
Things with Cadu were still reserved but there had been no more fights and he and Clara finally seemed to be on the same page when it came to Ivan. Marina knew Clara missed him and she hoped they could one day be genuine friends. When Marina had asked, Clara had been honest and she said there were still times when she felt strange seeing him with someone else but she said she felt she'd gained enough distance to be genuinely happy for him and to wish him the best in his relationship with Veronica.
"Marina, Clara."
Chica had siddled up to them.
"I'm impressed, Marina. These are stunning photos."
"Thank-you."
"I hope the reviews are excellent."
"I hope so too!"
"You'll be coming to the family dinner on Sunday?"
"I woulnd't miss it for anything."
"Good. I'm counting on you being there. And maybe then we can talk about you taking the family photo like we discussed."
"Yes, of course."
"Good." Chica said walked away.
Marina turned to Clara.
"I feel like I've been given the official seal of approval!"
Clara laughed.
"Looks like she's finally succumbed to your considerable charms. And who can blame her. You are looking particularly stunning tonight."
Marina's signature red lipstick and satin deep blue dress draped from her figure in a way that had Clara just a little bit distracted. She leaned in close to Marina's ear.
"How much longer until I can whisk you home?" she asked, her voice low and throaty which made Marina's breath catch.
Xxxx
"Marina? Are you ready yet?"
"Just a second... you promise not to laugh, okay?"
"Moi? Laugh? Ha! I promise nothing."
Clara lay naked on their bed, her chocolate hair falling over her shoulders and across her breasts as she waited for Marina to emerge from the bathroom.
"Well, I'm coming out!"
The door cracked open and out stepped Marina in her silk night robe.
"Jesus, Clara! You can't do that to me!"
"What?"
"Just lay yourself out like that, so... nubile and ready for the taking."
"But I am ready for the taking..." Clara purred and then narrowed her eyes as she looked at Marina's hip area.
"Is it under there?"
"Yes. It's on."
Clara laughed and bit her lip.
"Can I see...?"
"Please try not to laugh, okay. I'm feeling a little awkward about this."
"Why? You said you've done this before."
"I have done this before but I don't know... I feel... well, I don't know, it's you."
"I promise not to laugh. Now stop stalling."
Tentatively Marina undid her robe, pulling it away from her shoulder, letting the material slip revealing her slender body. Clara clapped her hands over her mouth to stop any sound coming out.
"You promised!"
"I'm sorry my love, it's nerves, I swear. It actually looks – well hot. It looks fucking hot."
"You think so?"
Marina stood naked at the foot of the bed but for a harness and a semi-translucent blue dildo protrduing from it. It bobbed a little as she shifted her weight.
"I do. Now come here."
Clara sat up on her knees, pulling Marina towards her. Her hands skimmed down her torso, lightly brushing the underside of her breasts and down to the harness. They'd ordered the toy online together after a couple of glasses of wine when Clara had felt bold enough to suggest they actually try this. Marina had been delighted at how adventurous Clara was getting and after they'd placed their order she'd bent her over the kitchen table and given her an orgasm to remember.
Clara's hand wrapped around the dildo, just to feel what it was like.
"Well?" Marina asked as she watched Clara's concentrated gaze
"It's very... phallic."
She laughed
"Yeah, that it is."
"And it has that bit for you, so you feel something too?"
"Yeah, it's already in."
Clara smiled shyly and leaned in. They kissed, their mouths opening, deep, penetrating, their hands smoothing across skin. Clara pulled Marina's hand down and pressing it to her center.
"See how wet I am?" she murmured. Marina slipped a finger in and groaned, spreading the juices along Clara's slit. She pushed her down onto the bed so that she could hover above her, spreading Clara's legs. She grabbed for a bottle that sat on the night desk and she rubbed lube onto the shaft of the dildo. A ripple of excitement traveled up Clara's body as she watched. Marina rested the head of the toy at Clara's opening and looked at her.
"You ready?"
"Yes."
Marina pushed her pelvis forward, sliding into her, their eyes holding.
"That okay?"
"Mmmmm, yes."
Marina rocked backwards and forward, creating a delicious friction, making Clara sigh.
"God, you are so beautiful." Marina said. Clara's eyes fluttered closed, her hands resting on Marina's ass, urging her deeper, feeling the flex and release of her muscles as she thrust in and out of her. She heard the way Marina's breath began to change as the rhythm increased, growing more shallow and she thought there couldn't possibly be a sexier sound than that. She moaned when Marina covered a breast, rolling a hardened nipple against the palm of her hand . Their pace increased. Marina pulled Clara's hands up, pinning them above her head, putting her entirely at her mercy, laid out on the bed as Marina's hips moved faster between her legs. Marina kissed her, a hot, wet kiss. Clara wrapped her legs around Marina's waist, feeling the dildo sink deeper into her, filling her, stretching her.
"Look at me." Marina whispered. Clara complied, looking up into her smouldering eyes. There was something intoxicating in that gaze that made her tremble. Something intense and deeply arousing.. Marian's thrusts increased in urgency, slapping into her, making her arch. She panted as the warmth of the fire in her belly spiraled up her spin making everything tingle, making everything ache in that delicious way. She was so very wet. Marina bit her lip, groaning as she moved, their cries intertwining, their bodies merging as the urgency built, until they seemed to be but one body, one soul, moving in union. They came together, their bodies tensing as the wave crashed through them.
Marina's body weight came to rest on to of Clara's. They drifted some time until Clara pulled at harness.
"My turn." she said.
Once secured, she looked down at her pelvis to see the penis attached. It felt oddly empowering. To feel the dual head inserted inside her and to then see this bold, unapologetic appendage strapped on. She moved over Marina, seeing the anticipation in her lover's face as she lay there, supple and willing her body still flushed from sex. She smoothed her fingertips along the torso, kisses trailing across the smooth skin, finding those secret, sensitive places she'd come to know, eliciting sighs and moans, making her way down, her face coming to rest between her legs. She dipped her tongue in to taste the tangy sweetness that told her she was ready. She lingered a moment drinking her in, teasing her opening, that fleshy nub. Then she sat back on her heels, pulling Marina up to straddle her lap. She lowered her onto the dildo, watching as Marina arched back, watching the way her face shifted at the sensation moving inside her, how she ground down, her hips undulating in an intoxicating rhythm, a slow hypnotic dance, the pressure on the shaft of the dildo sending a corresponding vibration to the one inside Clara. Clara took a nipple on her mouth and sucked, circling it with her tongue, feeling a sense of triumph when Marina gasped and her hands dug into shoulders, her pace increasing. Clara fingernails scraped down her back and as it grew more frantic. They clutched at each other, tumbling down onto the bed searching for that angle to undo them. Clara flipped Marina onto her stomach and entered her from behind, marveling at this foreign sensation of being able to, with a thrust of the pelvis, make Marina cry out, her hips lifting off the bed for deeper penetration. Marina's hand slid between her legs and began to massage her own clit which made Clara growl and move faster, her hands holding Marina steady. She could see the pressure building, pants turning to little cries of pleasure, building to a crescendo, feeling her own body respond. Within moments Marina was shuddering as an orgasm enveloped her body and Clara followed swiftly this second time longer, more intense, pushing her entirely out of herself as electricity coursed through her so blinding it was almost unbearable.
They came to rest in each others arms, a lassitude enveloping them, pulling them towards sleep. How far she'd come, Clara though as her climax dissipated, from where she'd been when she'd first seen Marina. From a tentative woman who thought herself nothing to one who knew herself to be bold, strong, desirable and felt no shame is seeking and taking pleasure. From a woman living in fear to a woman who had had the courage to hold Marina in her arms and love her, to face the prejudice of the outside world and stand firm – to a woman who stood independent, who had discovered abilities she didn't know she had or even wanted to have, to a woman who understood herself more fully than she ever had before. It felt round and full. It felt good. It felt right. And she owed it to the woman in her arms, this divine creature that had bewitched her with a mere look. As she surrendered to sleep, Marina body pressed into to her, her final coherent though was that for so long she had been unaware that she had been lost, drifting, her choices dictated by the expectation and the norms of others. She'd been asleep, slumbering fitfully in a reality that wasn't quite her, wasn't quite right but that now, finally, by the grace of God and by the gift of Marina's patience and love, she had found herself. She had found her way - to exactly where she needed to be.
The End
To my dear, dear readers. Here we are at the end. And I can't express my gratitude for making it this far, for sticking to what became a rather mammoth story. Your support is the reason I continued this and it's been a gift in so many ways over the last half year, I enjoyed this process a great deal and feel sad that I'm saying good bye to the fictionalised versions of Clarina that emerged in these pages. I may write another story but I do have a lot going on in my life and I simply won't have the time to dedicate to such regular updating. I wouldn't mind doing an AU story, so if anyone has ideas of what they'd like, please leave a comment!
xxx 100%Shipper