Second after second passes by while silence controls the scenario. The German Shepherd stares into the brown face of his beloved friend but no muscle moves, no grin or smile appears but also no tears show themselves or any sign of hate in the golden eyes, that could rip Chases heart out and throws it away like an empty box of cereal, signalizes something even worse than death itself. As if he can't decide what to do or how to feel after such a sudden confession. While both males are just starring at each other silent and without moving even once, their brains are analyzing every word the German Shepherd just said and every little sign of Zuma, whether it was a small smile, a sudden widening of the Labrdadors pupils, a shaking lip or something his body did. Everything could answer the one question: How will Zuma react?
"Wow... I said it. I finally said it! I can't believe it! I finally told Zuma everything I always wanted to say since I first saw him. It feels really, really good... As if a big and heavy rock, which putted a lot of pressure onto my heart, suddenly disappeared... As if I have nothing to worry about anymore! But... There is still one thing that makes me feel a little bit uncomfortable. Why isn't Zuma reacting? The whole time I spoke he just stood there and watched me with open eyes and an almost emotionless face. But... is his face a little bit reddish now? Or is it just my imagination? Maybe it tries to support my hopes for a happy ending. I think I can't believe my own eyes now... Maybe they are just telling me lies and faking the reality until it matches with my own predictions... I must wait until he finally tells me what he thinks. I can always trust my ears after all", the police pup tries to give himself a reason to wait and to explain what his mind is trying to tell him. In the meantime Zuma tries to understand what just happened. He knows what happened but why? Why did it happen? And why now? And why Chase? "Did he just said... that he loves me? Or did I maybe misunderstood him! Maybe he said love but he only wanted to tell me how much he enjoys my companionship and how much he loves spending time with me! But... He wants me to become his mate... his partner... He wants a relationship! Wow... I never imagined Chase telling me that he loves me... I always thought he was straight as no one else! But he isn't? Is he gay... Or is he just bisexual? It doesn't matter to me because both of them means that he really means what he said! That he loves me... And I... love him too!" He always did. There was a reason why he asked Chase to show him around when he first came to the Paw Patrol headquarter... He needed a reason to talk to him because he really wanted to spend time with him or at least get a few information. Ryder already told him about every pup but Chase... He was one of a kind! He was loyal, mature, focused on always doing his best and kind... Zuma never met someone like him in his entire life... At least no one he wants to remember. And just listening to the German Shepherds description made his heart skip a beat or even two!
His chance came when he arrived and saw him in the row with the other pups. His clean and almost shining fur, his bright eyes and the smile... He felt how his heart melted away and just desired to meet him for the very first time. And it went really good! They talked and laughed together which was the best thing that ever happened to him. The mature voice even aroused him a little bit and he felt how his whole body was tickling and getting hotter and hotter every word he said. These feelings became stronger each and every day since he joined the Paw Patrol and every time he went on a mission with Chase he tried his best to make him proud. He always saw him as his role model... his hero... He wanted his acceptance more than anything else in his life. And he got it when they became best friends... But it wasn't enough for him... It was never enough...
Every night he dreamed of the German Shepherd and every time he heard his voice the arousing feeling returned. And this feeling got stronger and stronger but he had to ignore it. It wasn't right... Chase would never be gay! Zuma is gay since and even before he met his first boyfriend back in his old hometown but the relationship went really bad... A dark-gray Beagle with blue eyes and a soft, lovely voice. He was always gentle and calm and never tried to change his boyfriend... His name was Lance and he was on a vacation with his owner but this little detail stood a secret until he went back without even telling Zuma about it. In the meantime Zuma was ready to finally reveal his secret to his whole family... His sexuality and his secret relationship! His father was angry as never before... he was sad, angry, terrified and disappointed at the same time while his mother only cried and cried. They thought there was something wrong with their son. A mistake in their kind of raising him up or maybe a bad influence. As both of the Labradors cried and argued about their sons passion for males and his most likely hard and horrible future and tried to blame it on each other Zuma just fled into his room. The Labrador felt horrible and, secretly, ran away to the hotel in which Lance stayed for the duration of his trip but he wasn't there anymore... He went away and never returned but he left a note for Zuma... A farewell letter, at least more or less:
"Dear Zuma, I'm sorry that I kept it a secret but... I won't stay with you forever. I'm going back to my hometown in Austria... Yeah, the Austria in Europe... I know I should have told you about it in the first place but I was afraid you would leave me because of it so I lied to you... I lied to you the entire time.
I will miss you and I will never forget you but I will live on and you should consider the same.
You have a loving and caring family and a beautiful world you can explore but you'll have to do it without me... That doesn't mean you'll have to do it on your own but... Not by my side...
I'm really sorry and I hope you will forgive me one day...
Your ex-boyfriend, Lance"
Zuma couldn't believe his eyes! His first love lied to him every second! Every word he said based on a lie! Their entire relationship based on a lie... He even risked his relationship with his family for him and gained... nothing... nothinh but a broken heart. He cried... he cried a lot as he just laid in front of the hotel at the beach until no tears were available anymore. It was the worst feeling he ever knew and it even got worse when he had to explain everything to his mother and his father. They weren't sad and they surely weren't feeling sorry for their only son! They saw this problem as a second chance for Zuma to finally become normal. At least their kind of normal. Leave the past behind and start to act like a normal male again. Search for a girlfriend, marry her one day and become father. The love Zuma felt for Lance was nothing more than a mistake for the dark brown female and the orange-golden male Labrador. Some sort of a experiment or maybe he had to much time and became curious about same-sex relationships. They even told him their opinions and, as a result, Zuma lost himself in a depression that slowly took over his mind, his feelings and lastly his heart.
When he left his home he was somehow glad to leave everything behind... his past, his love, his family... His old self. He promised himself to never listen to his heart again. It only brought sadness, despair and it only damaged everyone he ever cared about... especially himself. Almost two weeks went by as he traveled through the land. In this time he met a lot of new pups but not even one of them could touch or even reach his heart. Not one pup was a friend for Zuma... Until he met a young boy. That boy was Ryder. Ryder had this strange but somehow addicting happiness and courage which slowly crawled into the brain of the brown pup and overcame his mind. And the rest of the team showed him kindness, acceptance and support. Slowly the emotions came back and Zuma felt happy and glad to have pups around him for the first time since he lost his... old friend. And then there was Chase... A male pup who treated him like a real pup and, what was most important, a best friend. His laugh, his voice, his appearance and his actions... Everything about him finally revived the Labradors heart! And it felt this feeling again. This strange feeling which was only connected to bad and sad memories... Love tried its best to put him under its spell again and even though he promised to never let something like that happen again... Zuma never tried to resist! He accepted it and even enjoyed it! The love he felt was different... The love he felt for Lance wasn't as deep and strong as this one... Lance was handsome, good looking and easy to get but Chase was a challenge, a task, a mission! A mission he wanted to complete at any costs... And now his chance finally came! But the fear of witnessing the same thing he always tried to forget never vanished... It stood in his mind and held him back every time he tried to say something. Sometimes he thought about leaving the Paw Patrol but then again... Chase was there and a life without him wasn't worth to live anymore... He had no choice but to stay with his crush while the most beautiful dreams, hopes and fantasies but also the worst nightmares and fears fought in his mind and his heart... And the war kept going and even today no winner can be crowned.
"Chase...", Zuma finally says his first word after a silent eternity but he stops again. "Zuma...", the German Shepherd answers as he slowly turns his attention towards the brown paw in his own paws. It shivers... It shivered all the time since he began his confession but his own movement covered it but now he stands still. He isn't that excited anymore but he is scared of the possible reaction. "I... I...", the Labrador mumbles as he closes his eyes tightly and just concentrates on his inner voice. "I can't risk it... I just can't risk it! He will vanish when I say yes... He will go away and I will be alone again! I won't risk it! No!" The brown pups mimic turns from confused to worried and even despaired as he makes up his mind to figure out what to do. "I can't... I can't become your boyfriend... I'm sorry Chase...", he finally admits as he pulls his paw back and places it next to the second front paw onto the dirty ground.
"He... can't?" These words are traveling from Chases ears to his brain and then to his heart, in which they bury themselves. Pain and sadness rushes through the pups chest as his brain finally understands what just happened. "Zuma... rejects me? No... Why? What have I done wrong? I tried my best to show him what I feel for him! I tried my best to show him how much I care for him! How much I love him... and he rejects me?" With loose ears he stares at his friend, who slowly turns his back towards him, makes a few steps and just stays silent while a quiet whimper escapes. "Zuma? Don't you love me?", he asks but gains no answer in return so he just continuous, "I'm sorry if I misunderstood you all the time but I always thought you liked me the way I like you... Or at least enough to try it... Please, think about it one more time. Maybe it was too sudden and you weren't prepared for-" "I love you Chase...", Zuma interrupts the speech of his buddy, who stares at him with an surprised face. Slowly a small smile builds itself up but disappears again as his brown pup-friend takes a small peek over his shoulder with sparkling eyes and a partly wet fur in his face. He cries but tries his best to cover it up so Chase won't worry about him but his plan fails as the police pup notices these little details. "That is the reason why I can't be your boyfriend...", he explains as he returns his glance towards the ground in front of him again. "Zuma... What is bothering you so much?", the lovely mature voice behind his back answers and gets louder as Chase comes a little bit closer.
"It's nothing! Really... I don't want to talk about it okay? It is something I have to deal with all alone. You wouldn't understand it... Maybe you should leave me alone for a while...", the water-loving Labrador explains as he closes his eyes again to just forget about everything around him. The only thing he sees now is darkness and darkness alone but suddenly a different picture appears and it is one he never wanted to see again. A dark-gray fur... The fur he would always recognize... Lances fur. And his voice that speaks to him. "Zuma... You can tell me everything. You can trust me... Remember?", the males voice reaches the brown ears and spreads goosebumps over his entire body as Zuma just sits there and mumbles to himself. "No... Go away... Please, leave me alone... I can't trust you... Never! Never again!" The thing he doesn't know is, that Chase is the one who speaks but not the words Lance said. "Just try it and explain it to me. Maybe I will understand and even If I won't it doesn't matter. Talking about problems often solves them or at least takes the pressure away... You can trust me...", Chases speaks with a quieter and softener tone so his voice sounds a little bit kinder and a bit more carrying. "Maybe this will work... I hope so." But his thought stops as he hears the mumbling voice of his crush, who speaks to himself with a slowly growing volume. "What is he doing? Something bothers him very much! I must help him! He seems to be scared and in pain by the sound of his voice", Chase realizes and, out of fear, instantly steps right behind the brown Labrador and sits down. "Zuma... Listen to my voice. Everything is okay. Do you understand me? Don't worry and calm down... You have to snap out of whatever you are doing right now. It doesn't sound healthy and I fear something could happen to you... Zuma?", the pup tries to convince his friend and to support him but without success. The Labrador continuous his mumbling and begins to sweat while tears are running down his cheeks again. "I will stay here … with you Zuma... forever...", Lances voice promises the Labrador while a heartbreaking laughter grows louder and louder every second that passes by. "No... Stop it! Stop lying! I won't believe you! Just go away! Leave me alone!", Zuma screams and begins to wiggle around and to stomp with his front paws as he sniffs more and more. "Why can't he leave me alone... Why can't he just go away forever... He left me before so why can't he leave me again and for good this time! Lance, what do you want?!" Zumas mind is slowly crumbling as he asks one question after the other without even searching for an answer. The sudden voice of the male Beagle paralyzed his happiness, his love and every enjoyable emotion he could ever feel and supported the sadness, the fear and, the most out of all of them, his anger and hate he feels for the male!
"Zuma! Wake up! Whatever you are doing right now, stop it! Please! Snap out of it!", Chase screams back and instantly places his left paw on the right shoulder of the Labrador. The sudden pressure only supported the imagination and leads to a new picture. Zuma turns his head towards his shoulder and opens up his eyes just to see a paw. But not a brownish paw! A gray paw which belongs to Lance. "Don't touch me... Take your paw away...", Zuma whispers but Chase can't understand what he tries to say. It was way to quiet and the voice was shaking way to much. "Zuma... Please...", the German Shepherd whispers as a single tear runs down his left cheek and his grip tightens. "Zuma... Become my boyfriend again...", Lance whispers while the laughter turns to screams and whimpers. The growing pressure, the sudden change of sounds and the request the lying male just asked him for is way too much for Zuma to handle and, with one quick move, he slaps the paw away, turns around and pushes the pup in front of him as hard as he can. "Lance! I said no!"
Chase stumbles backwards with widened eyes and an open mouth prepared to let out a scream but instead he stays silent. The police pup just can't understand what just happened. His crush... shoved him! He slapped his paw away and just shoved him... but one thing was even stranger about his actions. "Why did he pushed me? It was an accident... It must have been or does he really want me to leave him alone... And who is Lance? He shouted Lance as he pushed me but... Who is he? Or she? Or is it some kind of nickname or code or just a phrases or-" He tries to find an explanation for the Labradors actions but the sudden pain, that runs through his back and through his entire body interrupts his thoughts. He landed hard on his back as a cloud of dust appears out of nowhere and covers him. The dirty ground turns his brown fur even darker and a sudden, even stronger pain travels through his mind and gives him a weak headache. He landed on a small rock with the back of his head. Luckily it wasn't a big one but still it really hurts. In the meantime Zuma turned his head away so he can finally concentrate with success. Lances voice is finally gone and the screams and whimpers also vanished ... And the pressure also melted away! But a new sound hits his eardrum and it is a voice he would always recognize. It is Chases voice! "Ow... My head... What was that all about and who-oww... ow, ow, ow..." Instantly Zuma tries to find the source of the voice but the dust-cloud covers it slightly but enough to fool the scared and surprised Labrador. "Chase... Are you hu...", the Labrador asks almost shouting but stops as the brownish blockade disappears and releases the German Shepherd out of its prison for everyone and every pup to see. He lays on his back while one paw covers the damaged area at the back of his head. His fur is messed up a little bit and full of dust and earth. One of his eyes is squinted while the other one stares at the ground but suddenly looks around to make sure that he is not in danger or something like that. "Chase...", Zuma whispers as he begins to shake again and blinks as often as he possibly can. "No way... I must be dreaming! This must be a dream! Or more likely a nightmare... I could never push Chase and hurt him... I could never...", he loses himself in his thoughts full of panic, fear and a huge amount of regret. He can't believe what he just did... He pushed Chase! He pushed him and now he is hurt! Zuma really attacked the pup he loves...
"Zuma... What?", Chase asks stammering but stops again to concentrate on his next move. He wants to get onto his paws again but his back is preventing it for now. The shock dived deep into his bones and made them weak and unable to handle any kind of pressure so he has no other choice but to stay the way he is right now. "What happened? You were whispering something crazy and it sounded like absolute nonsense... What were you doing?" "I... I...", the Labrador tries to explain but he can't. If he tells him about what just happened to him he would be forced to explain everything! He would be forced to... share his past with someone... Something he never wants to do as long as he lives. But he must say something or Chase would get even more suspicious and a suspicious Chase can solve every riddle or find anything he looks for no matter if it is an object or some information. No lie is there he can't detect and no place where he won't find you. "What should I do... What should I do? I can't tell him the truth. I can't handle it! And he surely can't handle it either! He wouldn't understand... What should I do...", Zuma asks himself while he still stares at the whimpering German Shepherd, who still covers the back of his head. "Chase... I'm sorry that I pushed you... I can't explain what happened but-" "Why not? You acted as if someone tried to pupnap you. As if something evil and scary haunted you... What happened?", Chase interrupts his crush and finally raises to his paws but one of them still protects the hurting area which sends waves of pain through the furry body. They grow and grow with each second and almost makes Chase blackout but luckily he catches himself again. "Chase! I'm really sorry! Let me help...", Zuma says scared because of the sudden actions of his best friend and slowly walks towards the brownish pup but, to his horror, he takes one step back and whimpers.
This really broke the Labradors heart as he saw how scared his friend was. He was afraid of him... Zuma knew letting someone in his heart would only bring pain and despair. Chase realizes what he just did and widens his eyes as he quickly returns to his former spot but now Zuma is the one who steps back. "You're right... You should leave. I will only hurt you even more when you stay here...", the brown pup mumbles and turns his face towards the dirty ground but Chase disagrees with his very own solution. "No! I didn't mean to do that! It wasn't me who did it. My brain tried to protect me-" "From me... Your brain is clever. Your brain knows when someone is dangerous and when you should run away or hide or... dodge. I should go... I'm the villain here and the villain should go. That's how it always was and that's the way it will always be... Sorry...", Zuma finishes the Shepherd sentence but with the wrong words. Chase wasn't about to say such things! He wanted to say that his brain tried to protect him even though it wasn't necessary. He would never hurt him! And Chase knows that! "Clever brain? Not really... Stupid brain fits way better right now...", Chase thinks as he watches his crush backs up. Zuma turns his back towards the police pup and begins to walk away but Chase won't let that happen.
With quick movements he places the protecting paw next to the other one and runs after him. "Zuma! Wait!" With these words he grabs one of the front paws and holds it with his old protecting paw. "Chase... Please just le...", the usual calm and relaxed captain begs quietly but stops as he notices a strange color on the German Shepherds paw. It is red... red and a little bit brown. Dust and dirt covered it a little bit so it must have been wet before. But the still red area must have been dry already... "Chase... This was the paw you used to cover the back of your head... right?", he asks and gains a nod as an answer. This leads his eyes to widen and his breath to stop for a short duration. "It can't be... No... It can't be... Is it?" He can't even finish his thoughts because he is way to scared of the possible reason for the reddish colored pawfur. Slowly and very, very carefully he pulls his own paw back and places it on the same spot Chase placed one of his own before. This sudden pressure creates an intense pain but Chase withstands it because Zuma obviously tries to figure something out. After a few seconds he pulls his paw back and stares at his... now also reddish fur. "It is what I thought! It is... blood... Chase bleeds because of me!" This new gained information made everything even worse! He not only harmed his most important pup in the whole world... he also ripped his skin open and caused him to bleed!
"Zuma... What is it?", the police pup says worried as he notices the shaking paw, the shocked face expression and the mumbling of his crush. "No... no... no...", Zuma repeats nonstop as he switches his glance between his own paw and the face of Chase, who watches him. "Zuma?", Chase repeats and tries to place one of his paws on the other pups shoulders but this one just dodges and shakes his head while he explains: "You... are bleeding! I made you bleed! It is all my fault! I... I..." With these words he just turns around and runs as fast as he possible can. "Zuma! Wait! It's not that bad! I don't even feel it anymore!", the Shepherd shouts as he follows the pawsteps of the captain but a sudden object catches his left hind paw and causes him to trip. "Zuma... Please wa-ahhhh!", are the last words he can say before he lays flat on the ground. The only thing he can see is his best friend running around the corner of one of the cliffs. "Zuma...", Chase whispers as he slowly stands up again but he can't chase after him right now. The recent accident really caused him some trouble. His hind paw is a little bit sore now and a few scratches cover his chest and legs. "Please... Come back..."
I think I know what you most likely think right now:
What a lame idea of Zuma having something like a trauma or paranoia just because you wanted to add some drama to it... Well, that is one reason but there is also another reason why I chose this kind of solution. When I watched Paw Patrol Zuma was always the one who was happy and fun-loving the entire episode... I never saw him really sad or worried and that reminded me of a friend of mine I met on a Cosplay Convention. She had a boyfriend and her boyfriend also left her without telling her why and when. She also tried her best to act happy so no one would worry about her and that would somehow explain for my why Zuma is always happy...
And if this explanation somehow explains my actions and you actually like it you can tell me :)
I would appreciate it very much
Also do you like Lance? I actually do and I have no idea why... Strange but kind of understandable. After all I created him!
Also I am already working on the next chapter and I can tell you already it will most likely become the longest chapter I have ever written in English xD