I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday! Thank you as always to all of my readers and a special thank you those who leave feedback, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. Next chapter will have more flashbacks, and most if not all of the details you've been waiting for regarding Gold's past should be completely revealed within the next three chapters. :) More hints in this chapter - happy hunting for them!

I do not own 'Once Upon a Time.'

Chapter 18

Twenty one and a half years ago . . . . . .

The man at the door handed Gold two packages. Gold thanked the man and went back into his office. He sat down behind his desk and opened the first package; it was a video tape. Gold stared at it for a lengthy amount of time, then put the cassette into the video player in his office, turned on the television monitor, and sat back. It was a surveillance tape of the house back in Storybrooke, and Gold discovered that it contained endless footage of Milah and Killian Jones cavorting in the house while he was away with Bae – in his own bed, on his office desk (which he would certainly have replaced, if not burned), and of course, in the library, their seemingly favorite room in which to engage in all sorts of debauched behavior. It was all the evidence Gold needed. As he plotted his next move, he wasn't sure who was more stupid – himself for thinking that Milah ever loved him, or Milah for not figuring out that he would probably bug the place while he was away. Milah was never the brightest bulb on the tree, but she wasn't a fool. He presumed that she was so caught up in her dalliance with Jones that she lost all semblance of common sense. Gold clicked off the video after he'd seen enough and glanced at the other envelope. He picked it up and opened it; a sad look came over his face as he read the papers inside. He was hoping he wasn't right on this one. He set the papers down when a knock came on his door.

"Hi. Did you read my analysis?" Regina asked as she peeked her head into the door.

"I did." Gold replied. Regina entered the office.

"And?" she asked.

"And what?" Gold asked.

"What did you think?" Regina asked. Gold reached into his desk drawer, took out a piece of paper, and handed it to Regina. She looked it over. "This isn't possible. I spent hours working on this!"

"And you missed some of the most obvious clues, Miss Mills. Honestly, this one was so simple my son could have figured it out. If you read my notes you'll see that you missed things that were right in front of your face. If you can't discover those things in a written scenario – how on earth can you expect to find them in a real life situation? You're too trusting; that's your problem."

"As opposed to you, who doesn't trust anyone. I don't want to end up like you." Regina said.

"Well, then perhaps working for the CIA isn't the field for you. Oh, and by the way – just to prove my point." Gold said. He handed her the papers that he had just read from the envelope that was delivered to him. Regina glanced at the papers then looked up at him angrily.

"This is a lie." Regina said.

"Oh, I don't think so, dearie." Gold said. "And that's without even having his social. Imagine what else I could find."

"No. No, this is wrong. You're wrong. There's a logical explanation for this and I'm going to find out what it is." Regina said.

"The logical explanation is that your boyfriend has been lying to you. The question that remains is – why." Gold said.

"You had no right. I didn't ask you to do this, you had no right." Regina said.

"I'm with the CIA, dearie. That alone gives me the right." Gold said. "Would you have rather not known?" Regina doesn't respond. "Who exactly did he TELL you he was working for?"

"He said he's a courier for a local company, he didn't give a name. Maybe he doesn't know." Regina said. Gold chuckled a bit.

"Really, dearie? You knew who they were as soon as you saw the name and you don't work for them. So unless your boyfriend is the stupidest man on the planet, trust me – he knows." Gold said. "And if I may say so – the fact that you've been dating him for three months and knew nothing about his place of employment doesn't exactly put you in the best light. So now that you've been enlightened to the real world – perhaps on your next assignment you'll take a more cautious approach."

"I still say he's innocent." Regina said. "Maybe he's being blackmailed or something."

"Miss Mills, it is my experience that there are no truly innocent people in this world, apart from children, and even some of them are a bit shady. If I were to ever find one I'd consider it a miracle, and I don't even believe in that sort of thing. You do what you like with this information. My recommendation is that you use it to your advantage, but – well, that's your choice. Now if you'll excuse me, I have plans with my son." Gold told her.

"Who's watching him?" Regina asked.

"My partner came into town, she's spending the morning with him, and I promise you she won't have some shady boyfriend sitting in my apartment when I get there." Gold said.

"Your partner is Gwendolyn Potts, isn't she? I've read about her, she's a legend." Regina said.

"That she is. Taught me everything I know." Gold said.

"You really think Daniel is in with this – organization?" Regina asked.

"Well it doesn't matter what I think. What matters is what you think – or more importantly – what you're going to do about it." Regina held the papers that Gold gave her in her hand and slunk out the door sadly.

Belle awoke and sighed as she felt Gold's long and gentle fingers running through her hair. She looked up at him and smiled sleepily. "Good morning, sweetheart. Happy birthday." Gold whispered.

"Thank you." Belle said, sitting up. Gold gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Gwen made your favorite breakfast. She's on her way up with it now." Gold said.

"You're very sweet. You didn't have to do that." Belle said.

"I had to do something for your birthday. What kind of a boyfriend would I be if I didn't?" Gold asked.

"Are we officially that? Boyfriend and girlfriend?" Belle asked.

"I suppose we are." Gold said. "I mean – if that's what you want." Belle smiled at him.

"That's what I want." she replied, and Belle pulled him into a kiss just as Mrs. Potts entered the room.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'll – I'll just set this down and pretend I didn't see a thing." Mrs. Potts said.

"It's alright, Gwen." Belle said. "Thank you."

"You're very welcome, dear." Mrs. Potts said as she set the tray down on the bed, and she looked at Gold. "I'll get everything ready then." Mrs. Potts left the room.

"Get everything ready for what?" Belle asked as Gold moved the tray of food in front of her.

"I have another surprise for you." Gold said. "Eat your breakfast and – well, it should be ready after."

"Not even a hint?" Belle asked.

"Eat. You'll get your surprise soon enough." Gold said. Belle complied and finished her breakfast, then got out of bed, showered, and dressed for the day. She was instructed by Gold to meet him in the study when she was finished. Belle stepped into the study, where Gold was waiting for her. "Come with me." Gold said, and he took her hand and led her into his hidden room.

"What's going on, Ian?" Belle asked. Gold led her to a large computer screen, and motioned for her to sit down.

"This." Gold said, and he turned on the computer. Belle sat back and watched, and gasped when her father's image appeared on the screen and began to speak.

"Belle. I'm told that you'll see this on your birthday. I just want you to know that – well, that I'm alright. And I miss you so much, my dear sweet girl. I know that you can't be here right now, but – I'm assured that you're safe. I'm also assured that – well, that you'll be home as soon as you can be. I hope you're not frightened Belle, wherever you are, but – well, knowing you I'm sure that you're being a very brave girl. I'm sure you're facing whatever you must face with grace and dignity as you always do. Happy birthday, my beautiful angel. I love you."

The screen went black and Moe French's face disappeared. Belle burst into tears when the message ended, and quickly began to sob.

"Papa." she whispered quietly. Gold stared at her, bewildered and unsure of how to react. He then moved behind her and put his hand on her shoulder.

"Belle, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you, I thought you'd like it." Gold said. Belle stood up, turned to face Gold, and wrapped her arms around him tightly.

"I love you." she whispered. "Thank you. Thank you for letting me see my papa again." Belle kissed him on the cheek.

"Well, you'll see him soon for real, I promise." Gold said.

"I can't wait for him to meet you." Belle said as she stepped back and faced him, holding his left hand.

"Yes, I'm sure he'll be wildly impressed because don't all fathers imagine that their daughter will grow up to fall in love with a lame, reclusive old man?" Gold quipped sarcastically.

"You're not old." Belle said, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "And you promised me that we'd work on the reclusive thing, right? You had a life before, Ian. You can have one again."

"I'll try, Belle." Gold whispered.

"Do you want to start trying?" Belle asked.

"Of course I do." Gold replied.

"Then come with me." Belle said. "Downstairs."

"Belle, what are you doing?" Gold asked suspiciously.

"I've had an idea for a couple of weeks. Just follow me, come on." Belle said, and she grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the room.

When they reached the foyer of the house, Belle stopped at the hall closet door. "Belle, what are you up to?" Gold asked.

"You said you wanted to try, right?" Belle asked.

"Try what?" Gold asked.

"Living." Belle replied, and she opened the closet door. She took a long coat off of a hanger – it was a man's coat, and it appeared to be just the right size for Gold.

"Where did you get that?" Gold asked. Belle smiled sheepishly.

"I knew you didn't have a warm jacket because you never leave and so I asked Mrs. Potts to get one for you. For when you were ready." Belle said.

"Ready for what?" Gold asked.

"To start living again. Here, put it on." Belle said.

"Belle – we can't go anywhere." Gold said.

"I know that. Just put it on. It's my birthday, don't you want to make me happy?" Belle asked. Gold sighed.

"Alright." he complied. Belle helped him put the jacket on, then stood in front of him and straightened his collar.

"My goodness, you look smart. So handsome." Belle said, and she kissed him on the cheek after she finished buttoning the jacket. Belle then reached into the closet, grabbed her own coat from off of a hanger, and put it on. "Let's go then." Belle said, taking his hand.

"Belle – I already told you – we can't go anywhere." Gold said.

"Well, we can't leave the property, but – we can go for a walk. Outside." Belle said.

"Sweetheart." Gold said, a pained look coming over his face. He looked as if he were about to cry. Belle reached out and touched his cheek.

"Ian – it's a gated property. And I know you have the entire place under surveillance. Nothing will happen. You have to start somewhere, love. Just a little walk on the grounds, we won't go far. You can do this. Think of it as a little baby step toward your goal. And I'll be right there with you. Let's just go out for a bit. If you get uncomfortable we'll stop and we'll come back in, alright?" Belle said. "There's no need to be afraid, Ian. I'm right here."

Gold had thought himself a coward for the longest time; he wasn't even sure that he remember what it was to be brave. But looking at Belle – all she had given up in her own life, through her own bravery – he wanted to remember what being brave was – if only for her. "Alright." Gold whispered quietly. He grabbed Belle's right hand with his left and gripped it tightly, as if his life depended on his ability to hold onto her. Belle opened the door and they stepped outside. In twenty years, Gold hadn't stepped outside the door any further than opening it to retrieve whatever had been delivered. And within seconds, he cautiously stepped outside with Belle and walked several steps until they were standing in the driveway. Gold's heart began to race and he began to shake.

"It's okay. You're doing fine." Belle said, and she moved in closer to Gold, putting her arm around him. They took a few more steps, and then stopped. Gold was still trembling, and Belle looked up at him and saw that he looked quite pale. "Come on – I think this is enough for today, let's go back in." Gold nodded but didn't say a word. Belle led him back to the front door; they had barely gone a few hundred feet from the door. Gold breathed a sigh of relief when they entered the house and the front door closed. Mrs. Potts stood there waiting for them.

"Let me take your coat dear, I'm so proud of you." Mrs. Potts said to Gold as she helped him take his coat off.

"You did it. You went outside." Belle said happily as she touched his cheek. Gold didn't say a word to her. "Why don't you go into the living room, Mrs. Potts will get a fire started. I'll go make us some nice, warm hot chocolate." Gold nodded in agreement. Belle took off her jacket and flitted out of the room. Mrs. Potts led Gold into the living room and Gold sat down on the sofa. Mrs. Potts went over to the fireplace and started up a small fire, then sat down next to Gold.

"Are you alright, dear?" Mrs. Potts asked as she put her hand on his leg. Gold looked up at her.

"I don't know if I can do this, Gwen." Gold said. "We barely went a few hundred feet and I panicked."

"It's been twenty years, Ian. It'll take time. That was Belle's idea – small steps. I didn't tell her that I tried the same with you, many times, and you would never comply because I figured she had a better chance of convincing you – and I was right." Mrs. Potts said.

"Every step I take away from this house, Gwen – is a step toward me facing what I did. Really facing it." Gold said. "And I don't know if I can do that. I don't know if I want to do that." Gold's voice began to tremble.

"Ian – you have a choice. You either have to leave Bae behind – or leave Belle behind. Bae isn't coming back, Ian. But Belle is here. And it's very clear to me that the only way that girl is leaving is if you demand it to be so. But you can't have them both. That's what you have to accept." Mrs. Potts said, and she stood up just as Belle entered the room carrying two steaming hot mugs.

"Gwen, would you like to join us, I can make another cup." Belle said.

"Oh, no thank you, dear – I have some errands to run, I'll be gone the rest of the afternoon. You two enjoy your time together. I'll see you later." Mrs. Potts said, and she left. Belle sat down next to Gold and handed him a cup. They both took a sip and then set their cups down on the coffee table.

"I thought you did well." Belle said, taking his hand. "Are you alright?" Gold turned and looked at her.

"I don't want you to leave me, Belle." Gold said, and he reached out and touched her cheek.

"Who said anything about leaving, I'm not going anywhere." Belle said.

"There are things you don't know about me yet, Belle. And when you find out – you may not want to be with me." Gold said.

"You know you can tell me anything, Ian." Belle said. Gold picked up his hot chocolate and took another sip. "I've, um – I found some books in the library that have information on agoraphobia. I know they're somewhat dated but – well, what I gather from them is that you're not really afraid of going outside of the house – you're afraid of what will happen when you leave. I want to help you, Ian – but you have to open up to me and tell me what it is. What are you so afraid of?" Gold sighed.

"I've done things, Belle. Terrible things. Unforgiveable things." Gold said.

"It was part of your job, I understand that." Belle said.

"No. Hopper – what you saw. That wasn't part of my job. That was me – losing control. And it's not the first time." Gold said. "And I'm not even sure it'll be the last."

"But you stopped." Belle said. She reached up and touched his face. "Because I asked you to." Gold's eyes welled up with tears.

"That's because you make me want to be a better man, Belle." he told her. "I'm sorry that I – well that we didn't get very far on our walk."

"It's okay. You were out of the house. We'll keep trying, that's all I want. We'll walk a bit further next time. And then further the time after that. And then when all of this is over – maybe by then we'll have made it to the main gate, and we can go into town." Belle said. "We can show those people that you're not some monster – you're just an ordinary man."

"I don't know if I know how to be that anymore. An ordinary man." Gold said. Belle moved her lips to his and kissed him.

"Yes you do." Belle whispered, smiling at him. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him again, this time causing him to fall backward on the sofa, pulling her down on top of him. Belle began to remove his tie as they kissed for several minutes, until Gold pushed her away.

"Belle, we can't do this." he said.

"You're right. The condoms are upstairs, I'll go get them." Belle said.

"No, Belle – that's not what I meant." Gold said, grabbing her arm as she started to stand up.

"Ian – you said you wanted to wait because I was leaving. I'm not leaving now, I'm staying." Belle said.

"Belle – I need to – you need to know everything about me before we take that step. And I need to – I need to know that I can be – well, that I can be an ordinary man again. It's just not fair to either of us otherwise." Gold said. "I'm sorry sweetheart – I don't want to ruin your birthday, I just – I need more time."

"Okay." Belle said. "And I'm sorry too, I don't mean to push you, I would never do that. And you didn't ruin my birthday, it's been a lovely day so far. How about this? We can just stay here and cuddle and drink our hot chocolate."

"That would be nice, we can do that." Gold replied. Belle laid down and snuggled up next to him. Gold began to run his fingers through her hair. "For the longest time – I never believed that anyone like you existed, and if they did, they certainly wouldn't cross my path. And yet here you are. You are truly my miracle - my beautiful Belle." Gold said, and Belle sighed and smiled happily.

Twenty one and a half years ago . . . . . .

Bae bounded into Gold's apartment as Gold limped behind him and closed the door. Bae was carrying a toy airplane that Gold bought for him at the Air and Space Museum, and he mimicked a plane flying, complete with noises, as he ran through the apartment. "Bae – that's enough, you need to settle down, it's getting late." Gold said. Bae set the toy down as Gold sat down in the living room, and climbed onto the sofa with Gold.

"Can we go there again, papa?" Bae asked.

"Bae, that was our second trip there, how many times do you want to visit?" Gold asked.

"I wanna go every day!" Bae said excitedly.

"Come here." Gold said, and he put his arm around Bae. "How would you feel about living here?"

"You mean forever?" Bae asked.

"Well – forever's a long time, but – for a while. I have a chance to work here, full-time, starting in the fall. It'd be a new school year for you, and you could go to a school here, they have lots of good schools." Gold said.

"But I go to school in Storybrooke." Bae said. "My friends are there. And Granny's Diner is there. Nobody makes a hamburger better than Granny."

"Well – there are places that have hamburgers here. And we could still visit Storybrooke. And you can still talk to your friends on the phone." Gold said.

"Is mama coming to live here with us?" Bae asked. Gold sighed.

"No. Your mama won't be living here. It'll just be you and me." Gold said. "And Mrs. Potts of course will be here from time to time."

"Mama doesn't want to be with us anymore, does she? She wants to be with Mr. Jones." Bae said.

"Bae – your mum loves you, I don't ever want you to think that to not be true. She's just – different than we are. You'll see her. You'll visit, as much as you like." Gold said. "It's your choice, son. You're a big boy now, you're old enough to know what you want. If you want to stay with your mum and visit me – that'd be fine."

"I want to stay with you, papa. I don't want to live with mama and Mr. Jones, I want to stay with you." Bae said, and he hugged Gold tightly.

"It's alright, Bae. You'll be with me then. I'll never leave you, I promise." Gold said.

The next morning, Gold awoke to the sound of the phone ringing. He grumbled as he reached to answer it. "Gold." he mumbled sleepily.

"How dare you!" the voice on the other end screeched at him.

"Well, hello Milah. I take it you received at least one of my – gifts." Gold said. "Which one would that be?"

"You have the nerve to serve me with divorce papers while you're gone, and have the gall to demand full-time physical custody of our son?" Milah asked angrily. "You'll have that boy over my dead body."

"Don't tempt me, Milah." Gold said. "And there is no court in the world that will consider you a fit mother when they see what I have to show them. You do understand what I do for a living, right? I mean, you should, it was mostly your doing that pushed me into this field in the first place. Anyhow – it's amazing how advanced surveillance equipment is nowadays. And so tiny – you can hide it anywhere. Records audio, too. You and Jones have been having quite a time of it while Bae and I have been gone, haven't you? I wonder what a family judge will think of it. That's my second surprise, it should be arriving soon so that you can get a preview. Just a small snippet – wouldn't want to give everything away. That's your department."

"You bastard." Milah said.

"We have court date set for Tuesday. Bae and I will be extending our vacation until then, I'll see to it that he catches up on what he misses in school." Gold said.

"So you're really leaving me?" Milah asked.

"You left me ages ago, Milah. I'm just finishing what you started. I'll see you in court." Gold said, and he hung up the phone.

Gold and Belle lay asleep on the sofa, their arms wrapped around one another, having both dozed off into a lazy afternoon nap. Belle was startled awake by a muffled ringing coming from her pants pocket. She pulled away from Gold, who grumbled as he turned onto his side, sat up, and reached into her pocket to pull out the phone that Emma had given her. Gold awakened as the ringing became louder, and he immediately grabbed the phone from Belle. "Who is this? Hello?" Gold said, answering the phone. There was no answer on the other end. Gold slammed the phone shut and sat up.

"I thought no one was supposed to be able to call that number." Belle said.

"They're not." Gold replied. He angrily flung the phone toward the fireplace, where it landed on the still burning but diminishing flames. Gold stood up and reached for his cane.

"Ian, what's happening?" Belle asked nervously.

"I don't want you to worry about anything, alright?" Gold said as Belle stood up. He kissed her softly on the lips. "Go get a couple of books from the library and come upstairs to the study. I need to do some work and I want you as close to me as you can be."

"You said I was safe here." Belle said.

"You are." Gold replied. "I just need to take care of some things, alright? Everything will be fine." Gold pulled Belle into a hug and looked off behind her with a look of anger on his face.

"That should have him running scared." Regina said, a smug look on her face, as she turned to look behind her at the other person in the room. "I guess he found his miracle after all. Too bad it won't last." Regina said, and she laughed a bit to herself.