This Chapter is dedicated to [Dragons Chaotica] and [C.A.M.E.O.1 and Only,] who have both reviewed every single one of my chapters thus far. Thank you both.

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Chapter Five

Double for Nothing

Pain slowly turned his head. He had heard a thump. A quiet collision. In the tunnel. Now, an almost unheard ripple splashed against the enktrance to the cave. Almost. "So, you finally arrived," he said.

A chuckle rumbled through the place. Its owner couldn't have been more than seventeen. No. Sixteen. The Jinchuuriki.

"Yeaaaah. I kind of thought it would be useless to try and sneak in here." A loud crack, and a glow-stick appeared at one end of the cave. A scramble, more splashing, and a boy waded the last few steps out of the water that pooled at one end of the cave. He was a boy of no particular stature, dressed in a sort of orange jumpsuit, with blond hair atop his head and, Pain could just make out by the glow, three pale whisker-like scars across both cheeks. He was rubbing his head with his free hand. He must have hit his head in the passage. That must have been what made the sound. Curious. And pathetic.

Behind him one…two…three… heads bobbed out of the water.

"You are the Hidden Leaf's Jinchuuriki." The boy didn't reply. The water dripped off of his clothes. The other three ninjas remained silent in the water. "Go away. I do not wish to capture you here."

The boy, however, did not go away. Rather, he took the final few steps out of the pool and shook his feet dry like an animal. His sandals made a squelching sound. "Would you believe me if I said I was kind of banking on that?"

Pain did not blink. "Why is that?"

"Because you would want to know why the hell I would come trooping in here?" His three companions now also emerged from the water and hovered a few steps behind him, standing close enough to the water's edge to withdraw in an instant, and standing close enough to the Jinchuuriki to pull him along with them. A curious team dynamics.

And an impudent brat.

"And you felt this would ensure your safety?"

"For now."

"For now." The phrase echoed about for a few moments. For now. "Well then, talk, as you risk so much for this audience."

"I'm gonna guess that you know that it's about Utakata?" Pain said nothing. "Right, well, we wanna borrow him."

Almost despite himself his eyes narrowed infinitesimally. "…borrow?"

One of the other figures shifted uncomfortably at the boy's side. Pain's eyes snapped onto him. Hatake Kakashi, the Copy Ninja.

"Yeah, borrow," the boy said, drawing his gaze back again. "Here's what we want: we want you to lend us the Jinchuuriki Utakata until this time tomorrow. After that…" he took a shaky breath which mingled with that of the unconscious boy behind Pain, "…after that, you get the Bijuu, and we get the vessel." There was a noticeable intake of breathe behind him. Curious. It appeared that he had not discussed this plan of action with his team. What an idiotic child.

"If that is all, then we can, without any particular fuss, give you his corpse after the beast has been extracted."

"Yeah well, there's the issue of it being a corpse. See, we intend to kick the thing out and leave him alive."

For an instant curiosity nettled his mind. Extract the Bijuu and leave the Jinchuuriki alive? Impossible. A dilemma that had plagued the Ninja World for centuries. As far as he knew it had only been done once, and as the vessel had died that same night anyway it was impossible to judge whether the extraction had been successful in the long run. "I refuse."

Uzumaki Naruto winced infinitesimally. The boy needed to learn how to better control his emotions. "Why?"

"Why? Rather, why did you think such a ridicules request could possibly be granted?"

"…How many of you are there now? Hm? You, the Kisame guy, and two others, right? That's what we have down in Kabuto's book, plus the weird Tobi guy, who said he was a 'newbie' when we met him."

Pain rather sensed than saw Konan shift in the darkness of the cave behind him. Kabuto: Sasori's spy. The one who had betrayed Akatsuki. Uzumaki Naruto was foolish to mention his name here.

"Five of you." The number cut through Pain's musings. "And our info says there were ten of you at one time. You've been cut down by half and I'm willing to bet that pulling a Bijuu out of a Jinchuuriki isn't easy, even for ten S-class ninjas. I can imagine that it just royally sucks for five."

It was true that extractions were tedious and time consuming, but they were a necessary evil. "And you think you can do alone that which requires five of us, and you expect to have him alive?"

"I have a greater motivation than you do."

Another ripple went through Uzumaki Naruto's comrades. This time, however, it touched Pain as well. "…Oh? And what do you know of my motivation?" Wiser men would have flinched at his tone. But then, wiser men would have had the good sense not to enter the Akatsuki's hideout.

The Nine Tailed Fox Jinchuuriki seemed to be an utter idiot.

"Jack Shit," Uzumaki Naruto shrugged. "I only know one thing, and that is that no ambition of yours is worth tearing a ninja from her master."

"…Master?"

"That's right! This girl right here," the boy suddenly threw and arm back and clapped the person nearest him on the shoulder, "She's Utakata's student. And she's come to get him back! Because whatever a ninja is, he's nothing without his master's teachings!"

The girl, he saw now that he looked at her, was not a ninja. Or rather, a very poor one. She did not have the steel that the other three had, even the Jinchuuriki. However, she still stood there. Two idiots then.

Pain turned his attention once more onto the boy, his face still emotionless. "And who was your master then, to make you so passionate on the subject?"

Uzumaki Naruto straightened up suddenly, as if he was about to declare some famous name to the world, rather than the back-porch trainer that probably brought him up. After all, what ninja of any worth would train a Jinchuuriki?"

"My master is Jiraiya, the Toad Sage, one of the three Legendary Sannin!"

A rustling of paper behind him. Konan had shifted.

Ah. That ninja of worth. That explained so much.

Jiraiya-sensei. His own master. How ironic. He and the boy shared something. Pain looked at the child in a new light. Curious… so this was the sort of student Jiraiya-sensei would have been proud of…

The Six Paths of Pain crashed down upon the rock as one, driving pikes into the fallen white-haired ninja.

…How pathetic.

So, the boy did not yet know that his master, the man without whose teachings he was nothing… He did not know that he, Pain, had killed their master a little over two weeks ago.

How very pathetic.

"I see." All was quiet but for the dripping of water off the ninjas' clothing. "Well then, student of a Legendary Sannin, I will enlighten you in a manner that your master will not be able to: my purpose is my name. Pain." The room of silent. Uzumaki Naruto did not speak. The child did not understand. "Despite the surplus time and effort it may take for us to seal the beast, I would not offer you a solution that goes so far against my own means and ends."

"…So…your reason for not giving Utakata back to us is that you think it'll make Hotaru happy?" His grip tightened around the girl's shoulders. He was trying to keep her from shaking.

Pain did not answer, but simply examined the girl. She was a pretty little thing. Not as esthetically beautiful as Konan, but then, no woman was. This girl was still very much a child, despite her obscenely large chest. Babyfat still laired her cheeks, her dark blond hair still had a frizz to it, and her green eyes might have been quite lovely if they were not so red-rimmed and seeped in desperation. This girl… she did not think of the Slug Jinchuuriki as merely her master in training. She regarded him as- "You're wrong."

Pain couldn't remember the last time someone had said that phrase to him and lived. He again fixed his eyes on Uzumaki Naruto.

"You're saying that to give Utakata back to Hotaru would be to take away her pain, right? Well, try thinking of it as being able to give it again."

"…"

"Hotaru already felt the most acute pain you can feel when losing a loved one. She felt it… the day you took Utakata away. The day she found the crater where you fought. She knows that pain already. And nothing you can do… nothing I can do… can ever take that away from her. But say you give Utakata back to her. She'll be happier than she's ever been. And you probably think that your shitty little plans will all work out so…you can just kill him again, along with the rest of us. Double for nothing, see?"

"…You do not actually believe I will be successful."

"But you do. Sucker."

…So this was Jiraiya-sensei's other student. He almost seemed more of his son or grandson. However, the way his hair was arraigned, even the color it was almost like…

He was content to know that, by the light of the faint glow-stick, their faint eyes might not be able to pick up any similarities.

Jiraiya-sensei's pathetic student… sharing in his pathetic dream…

What exquisite pain he would feel when he would learn the truth – when this theory about loss would become a fresh, new reality and the news of death would arrive. Pain did not want to capture the Konoha Jinchuuriki quite yet. That was not part of his agreement with Madara. Pain had planned to capture the Jinchuuriki and invade Konoha in one fell swoop. But he did not want the boy's chakra all around here for Madara to come back and notice. He did not want to fight now. So… why not?

Why not accept the child's useless request?

Why not allow the boy the pleasure of striking deals with the man who murdered his master? Pain could just imagine the sickness that would go through this boy's frame a few days from now, perhaps a week, when he would finally learn the truth. When he would learn that he was in the same chamber as, and negotiated with, Jiraiya-sensei's killer – and did nothing.

"Very well. He's yours."

The silent shock that went though the cavern was like a volt. Behind him a piece of paper sounded as if it had torn in half – Konan's means of expressing astonishment. Curious. It had been a long time since anything had astonished her.

"…Naruto, Lady Hotaru," Hatake Kakashi spoke up now, never tearing his eyes away from Pain. Hm. So he was the team leader. Why then had he allowed the boy to speak out so freely?

A curious team dynamics, to be certain.

"You will collect Utakata. He's at the other end of the cavern. Be wary of the other Akatsuki member hovering over him. Sai and I will wait here to back you up." So he had noticed Konan. Of course: the Sharingan.

He would have expected the Jinchuuriki boy to let go of the little girl now, if for no other reason than to walk in a manner that would allow easy defense or attack. But he did not. He began across the cavern with one arm still clamed around the girl's shoulder. Why? It was insulting. Surly he could not be so confident as to be certain that Pain would not change his mind and attack him.

Uzumaki Naruto did not know the reason that Pain would not attack him now. He did not know for certain the reason, whimsical as it was, that he now allowed the Slug Jinchuuriki from his sight. He did not know anything. He was an idiot. And yet he walked with a confidence and certainty that said he did not believe Pain would attack him. He seemed to say with every step – 'Trust me, if you've put up with me this long, you're going to put up with me through the whole act. Really now. Take my word for it.'

He and the girl passed him without looking at him, their sandals squelching loudly with each step. All else was silent. For a moment the glow-stick that Uzumaki Naruto held in his free hand fell upon Pain's face. But they did not look. Fortitude mixed well with stupidity. He himself narrowed his eyes to slits and fixed them on Kakashi, who had been looking ahead and may have caught a gimps of him.

Funny. Had he seen the similarity? Doubtful. After all, he did not know of that curious bond of Masters which Jiraiya-sensei, Pain, and the Fox Jinchuuriki shared.

A rustling of paper. Konan must have gotten out of the way of the glow-stick just before it pooled over her. A small intake of breath. The Hotaru girl had caught sight of the Slug Jinchuuriki. The Fox boy made no attempt to cover his muttered curses. What made him so confidant? Was it really stupidity or was it…something more?

Again they passed him. This time the Hotaru girl was carrying the glow stick. Uzumaki Naruto had draped the other boy over his back. Again the light fell on his face. Again he kept his narrowed eyes fixed on Kakashi, curious for a reaction. Again there was none.

The group of now five reached their comrades. Hatake Kakashi then unclipped a devise that had been hanging from his green ninja vest. "This is a breathing mouthpiece. Put it in Utakata's mouth and summon two shadow clones. They'll drag you along when need be. You concern yourself with keeping this thing in Utakata's mouth, and keeping his nose plugged." He said all of this in hushed order. He did not dare disturb Pain's humor.

"Roger." Unlike this brat. In an instant two popping explosions punctuated the air and two clones of the Konoha Jinchuuriki had joined the party.

"Two days."

There was a splash. The two clones were already half way into the water. Hasty and reckless. "…Thanks."

"If the Bijuu is not here at this time in two days, I will find you all, and kill you. All…save for that girl." The girl named Hotaru blanched. "Uzumaki Naruto. You thought to play games with my ambitions, and so you used her and her love for her master as your example. I tell you now, if the Bijuu is not here in two days, I will kill you all, and I will make her watch as I one by one you succumb to my dream."

"…Right. That makes sense."

"If you kill the Jinchuuriki, and the Bijuu dies with him, or if you somehow extract it and it escapes from you-"

"I said I got it."

"…You will bring it back personally."

The boy snorted. "Sure, whatever."

A splash. Seven more splashes. Ripples. They were gone.

…

"Sakura, Kakashi here. Over." … "Yes, we have him. We're coming out. Over."… "Drop it for now. He'll need your attention."… "Right. Over and out." The radio crackled and then died. Now there was just the rhythmic slurping of water against the stone walls and the heavy breathing all around them.

After the initial dip of rock the tunnel actually rose so that about a foot of it was above water and they could travel via-doggy paddle along most of the way. It was just that one slope before the exit. And, since they'd been traveling in the dark, like ninjas to avoid detection, Naruto had cracked his head on it. And now he was going to have a bump. A big one. But, that wasn't his biggest problem. His biggest problem was the dead weight on his back. His clones swam around him making sure (now that they could use the glow-stick since they weren't hiding any more) that Utakata did not slide off of him and that his head remained above the water.

Stroke. Stroke. Splutter. Freakin' stroke! Really now, how long was this tunnel!?

As for what the weight on his back meant- That it meant that they had a chance- He wasn't thinking about that!

STROKE!

And stop. Or rather, wade. They had reached the end of the tunnel. Now was the tricky part. The entrance to the tunnel was practically at the bottom of the lake, which meant they were going to have to first swim down to the opening and then swim up to the surface. Kakashi-sensei had estimated that the given distance could easily drown an unconscious person who couldn't hold his own breathe. How the Akatsuki members had managed to get Utakata in here to begin with he didn't know. But then, since they had made the hideout, he supposed they had ways of getting in and out without dying either. Still all seemed like such a pain in the ass.

Naruto was thinking all of this as he tried to hold Utakata steady while one of his clones stuck the breathing devise into the vegetable's mouth. Ew. He was going to get spit all over his fingers. And oh joy, he was going to have to plug his nose. Spit and snot.

"Are you ready Naruto?" Sai and Hotaru had already vanished under the water. Kakashi-sensei was waiting for him. Naruto shifted around to hold Utakata awkwardly in his arm. He pinched the other boy's nose and then took a loud intake of air as an answer. Suddenly he felt two pairs of hands grab hold of his legs and tear him down underneath the surface of the water. It was all he could do to hold onto Utakata's nose.

It was in this manner that Uzumai Naruto was dragged out of the Akatsuki lair in the most undignified manner imaginable: basically swimming – being swum – backwards. His two clones were having a fantastic time 'accidently' kicking him as they swam at full speed down and up and out of that tunnel. His windbreaker was riding up his stomach and it would be a miracle if his forehead protector didn't slip off and OH CRAP Utakata's nostrils! No. All good. He was squeezing down on Utakata's nose hard enough to pop it clean off. Ha! Now wouldn't that be awesome. Keep the breathing thing in his mouth aaaand-

"What the hell are you bastards doing?! Why are you dragging me over sand?!"

It was thus that Naruto found himself on the beach, his two legs held high in the air by very gleeful clones, his pants half off, his belly barely scraping the sand, his windbreaker riding up over his face, obscuring his view entirely, and knowing only – from the raucous laughter coming from every direction – that he looked absolutely ridiculous.

"Naruto, cover yourself. You're shocking the ladies~" Kiba's voice drawled.

"FUCKING DISPEL!" With an 'oomph!' his feet hit the bank again and he scrambled to pull his windbreaker back over his torso and his pants back up over his boxers. They had a green leaf pattern! Nothing to be ashamed of! Freakin' patriotic!

…This was just another event to add his The Things He Would Never Live Down list.

When his vision righted, the first thing he saw was Utakata, still half submerged in the water, with Sakura and Hotaru leaning over him. "How is he?" he said, wanting nothing more than to get back in that water and wash the sand off his stomach and chest.

"Let's get him out of the water first." Sakura said. "I don't like what Neji said about the genjutsu on this lake. Naruto, if you need to bathe, please ask the help of one of your frogs." At any other time he would have argued. He hated trying to get the frogs to play personal-shower to him. It was embarrassing! However, right now he was busy pulling Utakata back onto his back.

"To Yamato's camping-house?"

"Quite."

And they shot off into the forest, as if never to return.