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HERE'S CHAPT 8! HOPE YOU ENJOY IT!

Chapter 8

The next few weeks Claire and Matt spent a lot of time together. He would visit her on her lunch breaks at work, walk her home at night, and they shared movies and dinner more often than not. They had gotten closer than she had ever thought she would be with anyone. It didn't occur to her that people might take their relationship the wrong way and assume that there was more there until she went into work one Wednesday morning in early September.

"Morning Claire," Sadie greeted her. "How are you this morning?"

Yawning Claire smiled. "Tired I guess. I was up late studying for my finals for this quarter. It's kicking my butt, but Matt's been a huge help."

Sadie smirked at Claire's mention of Matt. "So, what's going on with you two anyway? Everyone's jealous that you were able to snag him, when they have all been trying so long with no success at all."

Claire was silent a minute and then she shook her head with a small laugh. "It's not that way with us at all Sadie. I told you that I'm not looking for a relationship with anyone right now, and I meant it. Besides I'm not his type."

"Then he should change his type. So it's really just friends with you two huh?"

"Yes, that's it with us. He actually has a degree in marketing so he helps me a lot with school. Plus he's great to talk to and he's funny. I love hanging out with him. It's a nice change from the last guy I hung out with."

"Anything is better than that jerk," Sadie said. She was one of three people who knew of her past, even if it was only because Claire had felt the need to explain the restraining order against her ex-husband. "So I was wondering, if your not doing anything Friday night if you wanted to go out with me and my friends. We're just grabbing dinner and drinks. Nothing big really just out and about girl time I guess."

"I would but Matt has already asked me to go to the fair downtown with him. Next time though I'm all in," Claire said. Then seeing Sadie's face and knowing that it had sounded as though she had a date she said, "It's not a date, at all. I'm merely going out with a good friend, nothing more." Sadie just smiled before she walked away to get ready for the work day.

That afternoon Matt came over for a picnic dinner on the beach, something that was fast becoming a weekly thing for them, and Claire smiled at him in the light of the setting sun. "You know people think that we are dating right?"

He laughed in that way he had about him and she giggled too. "I have heard the mumblings about you and I. Of course you have to remember that only about three people here know about the fact that I'm gay, so people will assume if I'm spending time with a beautiful, charming lady that we are a couple. Does it bother you?"

"Not at all, I know the truth so it's okay. So can I ask you something?"

"You just did, didn't you?" She threw a seashell at him and he laughed again. "Okay! Okay, ask me whatever is on your mind."

"I've never known anyone who was gay before. I've not been exposed to a lot I guess. Why not just tell people that you prefer men though? I mean why hide who you are?"

Matt was silent for a long time. "I guess because sometimes you just know when it's best to be you, and not flaunt who you are. Does that make sense at all? It's like yes, I am gay, but I can be gay without everyone knowing that I am. I don't have to tell the world when the majority of the world doesn't get it, they think it's a choice and it's not at all. I mean, who would choose to be bashed and hated, just because of who you love. Who would willingly lead a life that could possibly get then killed?"

"Killed? People really get killed for being gay still huh? People are so hateful in this world, and it's so damn sad. So, you don't think it's a choice, you think that you were born to be gay?"

"No I was born to be me. It just so happens that I am gay, but it is who I am. I was made this way, so yeah, I guess in a way I was born this way. There's been plenty of research done on people who lead this life that actually shows there is a gene inside our minds that make us who we are." He shook his head and said, "It sounds like I'm talking about a vampire or something. The bottom line is that I'm not ashamed of who I am, but I'm also well aware that who I am isn't someone that everyone can accept."

"I understand how it is not being able to tell what your life is really like I guess."

Matt wrapped his arms around Claire and held her. "Do you think you will ever date again Claire? Do you know now that all men aren't like your ex husband?"

"I guess that's something I've always known and now at this point I don't really think that it's fear of finding someone like him but it's more the words that he said to me that won't let me out of their grasp. I guess there could be a small part of me that has that nagging fear that you don't really know someone until it's too late."

Resting his chin on my head he said, "Claire you deserve to be happy and to have someone love you. All guys aren't so bad and you just have to believe that you are worthy of a good guy, and that there are good guys out there still."

"You're a good guy and you love me, so I have all that you want me to have."

Laughing Matt said, "Oh no ma'am, you know good and well that wasn't what I meant. Seriously Claire, if you were to date someone, what would your ideal guy be like?"

Claire was quiet and thoughtful for a minute before answering him. "I've not given it a lot of thought really. I guess in all honesty he would be a lot like you. Kind, caring, and humble, with a big heart and an easy smile, someone who could make me feel at ease with him would be a must. He would have to be funny and yet serious, and he would have to understand where I've been and respect it."

"Okay, what would make you not date someone then?"

Again, Claire thought a minute before voicing her response. "I wouldn't be able to date someone who had a temper. That would be a major no-no for me. I don't think I could see me dating some big muscled up guy either. It would be far too intimidating for me. Obviously no more football players and I think he ruined me for all sports. I can't even watch anymore."

Matt was quiet for a minute before he said, "Well it's late; you better get in since you have your first round of finals in the morning. Come on, I'll help you get things in before I go."

Half an hour later Matt was backing out of her drive way and his mind was spinning. He hated feeling like he was lying to Claire, misleading her in anyway, and he knew that one day she was sure to find out what he did for a living. He was afraid that when she did find out what he did that she would run from him. He hated the thought of it all because she had quickly become one of the closest and best friends that he had ever had, and he never wanted to lose that with her. How could he just tell her that he was a professional wrestler after all that she'd been through in her life? He had a feeling that the sport would not only set her on edge, but that she would be afraid, and run. Slamming his hand into the steering wheel he bit off a curse. What the hell was he doing lying to her and putting them both in what would end up an incredibly awkward position?