2.
Levi sucked in a quick breath and raised his fists to eye level, feeling jumpy and slightly out of breath. Ever since he had started giving Mikasa Ackerman hand-to-hand combat lessons, he'd had to work out that much more, just to be sure she wouldn't be able to pass him up. Scowling, he focused on the black dot on the punching bag and began pounding at it, one, two, three times per second, feeling the vibration from the impact travel up his arms every time.
He'd been at this regimen for at least three weeks now, waking up earlier and earlier just so he'd beat her to the gym and get in some quality alone time, when he could clear his mind and prepare for whatever Erwin threw at him that day. And whenever she came waltzing in, he knew he wouldn't be able to keep his thoughts to himself, feeling very vulnerable in her presence.
Because for some reason, she had that odd effect on him; the bubbly, heart-pounding feeling that he'd missed something vital in his life since…ever, and it worried him. It had been for this exact reason he was the way he was: cold, stoic, tough, and seemingly bored with life, because he had seen the way love, or whatever that stupid feeling was called, could mess with a perfectly normal person's head, heart, and spirit. And to him, it was most definitely not healthy. It screwed up intelligible thoughts, placed lovers in catastrophic danger, and made people do such irrational things, Levi was sure they wouldn't be themselves ever again.
But that's how it was beginning to feel. Every day she walked into the same room, accidentally touched his hand while handing him something, purposefully punching him in the side so hard it made him feel faint.
And he hated it. And…embraced it?
He swung his fist into the punching bag, a little off target, and the bag swung off its hook, crashing to the ground.
He wasn't strong enough. To break this cursed fantasy. And he hated himself, her, for it.
Levi sagged against the wall, bandaged hands crossed in front of his face. He'd have to break it somehow, break the dream. Or was it? Perhaps if he suppressed it all, forced himself to forget, it would go away.
But for some reason, deep inside, he felt his mind scream no, please no, I need this, I can't do this without her, and he cursed and swore, feeling something wet race down his cheek.
He needed her? For what? And why? Captain Levi didn't need anyone. He had had to learn that it was every man for himself at such a painfully early age, and that no one would ever love him because the world wouldn't permit it. His master had always said so. He was a thief, betrayer, murderer and no honor or love would ever come to him willingly, and he would never be able to earn it.
But every smile, gentle touch, soft word that she shared with him, every one, knocked him back a few steps and his heart would swell with a strange emotion. It almost felt…happy. But he'd never really known happiness so he couldn't be sure.
Levi sighed, wiping the sweat from his neck, and noticed MIkasa wander in to the gym. She quirked her mouth in that weird half-smile she always gave him when she thought people weren't looking, but frowned at the broken punching bag on the floor. He scowled back, shaking his head, and looked away, not wanting to fall into her dark eyes again, knowing that if he did, he'd drown.
Perhaps it was okay to feel. Perhaps he did need her. Erwin had gotten into the habit of commenting that the Ackermans were the strongest team he'd ever encountered, but that one couldn't exactly work without the other. So maybe having feelings was stronger than not.
He stood up, stripping off the sweaty shirt, and gave a slight nod back to Mikasa, who was already pounding away furiously at a second punching bag that she'd hung up, and turned to leave for the showers.
"You don't have to be alone, Captain," he heard her murmur at his back. "It's okay to feel weak. Just as long as someone is willing to help you through it." He could hear her voice waver just the slightest bit.
"I am."