When I returned to the apartment the welcoming arms of Enobaria and Angel greet me. Enobaria told me that President Snow is very excited to meet me and that he is very proud of my sacrifice.
Angel quickly ushers me to me room and tells me to wash up and get some rest because my interview with Caesar Flickerman was tomorrow.
After entering the room the first thing I did was run into the bathroom. I stayed in the shower for two and a half hours. I was scrubbing my body to make sure all traces of my victims' blood off of my skin. I scrubbed my hands the hardest however. I wanted all the parts of my hands that killed Cato to be gone. I never want to look at my hands again.
Most of the time I spent in the shower I was just sitting in the middle of the shower wanting, craving all of my sins to wash down the drain with the dirt and blood that was formerly caked on my skin.
I sat in the shower and cried. No cameras are on me now. I don't have to be strong Clove that every child in the Capitol and in most districts looks up to for strength and inspiration. I can be Clover. Someone I haven't been in a long time. Then I realized that in most of the arena I was Clover. Clover was the one who fell for Cato, Clover was the one who felt bad after Cato killed the boy from 3. Clove was there too though. She helped kill the girl with the foxface and Katniss and even Cato.
Everyone talks about how the arena makes you tougher. But they are wrong. The arena makes you feel and it makes you love and it makes you become your true self, which may or may not be a vicious, bloodthirsty killer.
I climb into my bed, the same one that I slept in the night before the games. But there is one big difference: Cato wasn't lying there beside me. I don't have the right to be sad. It's because of me that he isn't here. But I have to remember that if Cato was here, I wouldn't be. Clove was the one that told me this. But Clover was laying in bed sobbing and cried herself to sleep.