As always, I can't thank you enough for the kind feedback and I notice I have more followers now, so welcome!

This one is angsty and - stuff. It was a challenge to write but needed to be done before moving on. LOTS more 'action' stuff in the next chapter (no not like that, this isn't a M-rated fic!). Comments are much appreciated!

Chapter 23

Gold awakened the next morning with his head throbbing. Leroy had given him a bottle of the Scotch he requested, and after Belle had fallen asleep for the night drank almost half of the bottle. Fortunately he wasn't so drunk that he forgot to hide what was left in his suitcase before he fell asleep on the cot next to Belle's bed. He would have given anything for one of Belle's hangover concoctions that morning, but unfortunately she was in no place or condition to make one and even if she were, asking for one would be admitting that he had been drinking, and he didn't wish to do that. Besides, it was only at night, just to help him sleep – he hadn't had a thing to drink the entire day before. It had been a trying day for both him and for Belle and he just needed something to calm his nerves. He could manage this, he told himself.

Gold looked up at Belle's bed – it was empty. He immediately panicked. "Belle!" Gold called out frantically. "Belle!"

"In here." he heard Belle call out from the bathroom. A moment later, Belle came back into the room with a nurse assisting her. Gold stood up to help her back into bed.

"Thank you." Belle said, and the nurse left once Belle was settled back in bed.

"You look better." Gold said, sitting down on the edge of her bed. Belle was sitting up a bit more and was wearing a fresh gown.

"You look awful." Belle replied. "Are you sure you're taking care of yourself?"

"I'm fine." Gold lied. "Just had a rough night."

"Didn't look that rough to me. I've been up for about four hours now and you've been out cold the whole time, I don't think you moved once." Belle said.

"What time is it?" Gold asked.

"Past eleven. I already had breakfast and the nurse gave me a sponge bath and changed my bandage and my gown. Oh, and washed my hair with this dry shampoo. I feel so much better." Belle said.

"Well, I um – I guess I was tired." Gold said.

"Your eyes are red. Last time they looked like that you had a hangover." Belle commented.

"I was just – up late, I guess – everything caught up with me. I'm okay." Gold said. "But look at you – how is the pain, is it better?"

"Not as bad. I only took one pain pill this morning, it's really settling down." Belle said. Gold reached over and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"That's good. I'll talk to the people in Boston, I think maybe tomorrow we can move you there." Gold said. "Hey, I um – I got something for you yesterday, was going to give it to you last night but you were pretty tired so I thought I'd wait a bit." Gold reached for a bag that was sitting on the nightstand and handed it to Belle. "Go on – open it." Belle struggled to open the package and whined in frustration. "I'm sorry, here – let me help. See, this is something you'll work on in Boston, they'll teach you how to use your left hand more effectively until you can have use of your right hand back." Gold helped her open the package. Belle smiled a bit when she saw it. "It's um – one of those kindle things. I know you prefer actual books but while you're recovering this will just make things more accessible for you. I set up an account for you and everything, so you can purchase whatever you like – books, magazines, whatever you please. And um – well, I have a little stand in here for you hook to your bed and put it on, you can adjust the height, this way you don't have to worry about holding it or turning pages while you read." Gold took the stand out and showed it to her.

"Thank you. You're very sweet." Belle said.

"I um – I also got you a phone, Gwen is getting it set up, she should have it here this afternoon. It's another pre-programmed phone but this one's a bit different, you can call out and get incoming calls from me, Gwen, Emma and Ruby. "I um – I'm going to take a shower and change and – see if I can scrounge up something to eat." Gold told her.

"Ian?" Belle said just as Gold was about to stand up.

"Yes dear?" he replied.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Belle asked.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Gold asked.

"Because you haven't been out of the house in twenty years and up until recently you could barely walk down your driveway without having a panic attack. Because I got shot and the past few days I've barely been awake and in pain when I am and I know how worried that's had you. And because, even though the past few days are a bit of a fog to me, one thing I do remember is that, despite your outward behavior and trying to act like you're completely fine, every morning since I've been here you've looked worse than the previous morning." Gold sighed; his Belle was far too smart to pull anything over on her and he knew that once she started to become less drug-addled she'd pick up on everything. "So – are you alright?"

"No." Gold admitted.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Belle asked. Gold kissed her on the forehead.

"Let me shower first." Gold said. "Get something to eat. Then we'll talk." Belle grabbed his hand.

"Ian – I've said it before, you can tell me anything." Belle said.

Gold said nothing, and he kissed her on the forehead. He walked away and went into the bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror. What on earth was he thinking, drinking that much last night? And being foolish enough to think that Belle wouldn't notice. He knew he had to tell her. But what would she say? She'd be angry with him. She'd be disappointed. She'd leave him, he just knew it. Everyone that he loved left him eventually. He wasn't going to let that happen with Belle.

Gold had lunch catered for himself and Belle, trying to avoid any conversation as they ate. Belle finally broke the silence.

"Are you going to tell me anything?" Belle asked. Gold looked down.

"It's – been hard. Harder than I thought it would be. I just need time to adjust to being out of the house." Gold said.

"I think you need to talk to someone." Belle said.

"I'm talking to you right now." Gold replied.

"You know what I mean." Belle said.

"Yes, well – that didn't go very well last time I tried it." he told her.

"So try again. Ian, you can't be the only one in your line of work that has these – problems. Doesn't the agency provide services for that?" Belle asked.

"Yeah, but – most of the best ones are in D.C. And I'm not going there, not when you're still recovering, not when – Belle, I'm not even sure I'm ready to go to Boston, and that's nowhere near as far." Gold said. "But I'm going to because I know you need me."

"I need you to be alright. I think you would have been if we could have just taken all of this slowly, but – well, that didn't happen. Is there any word on – who shot me?" Belle asked. Gold hesitated for a moment.

"No." Gold replied. He didn't think Belle needed to know that Killian Jones was behind the shooting; no need to upset her with that news. "Sweetheart, I – I'll get through this, just as you will. I have to make arrangements for Boston today, so – I'll be gone for a bit. I'll be with Gwen, so – don't worry about me."

"If I told you not to worry about ME, would you listen?" Belle asked. Gold didn't say a word. "Maybe when we get to Boston they can find someone there for you to talk to. When are we leaving?"

"You and Ruby will be going ahead of me. Hopefully tomorrow if I can get all of the particulars arranged. I'll be there a day or two after, I just need to take care of a few things here." Gold said. He kissed her on the cheek. "When we get to Boston, I'll – I'll see about – talking to someone. I promise."

"Okay. I'll miss you." Belle said.

"It'll only be a couple of days, love." Gold said.

"I'll still miss you." Belle replied.

"I'll miss you, too." he agreed, and he kissed her once more.

The next day, Ruby and Belle boarded a plane for a flight to Boston. Gold had Leroy and David Nolan travel with them, and he and Mrs. Potts returned to the house. Upon their arrival, Gold made his way upstairs to Bae's room. He sat down on the edge of the bed, took out one of his photo albums, and began to look through it. He had been up there for over an hour when Mrs. Potts entered the room.

"Ian – dinner will be ready in about an hour." Mrs. Potts said. She sat down next to him.

"I'm not hungry." Gold told her.

"I didn't ask you if you were hungry, I said it would be ready and I expect you to eat." Mrs. Potts said. "We have a lot of work to do tomorrow." Gold didn't respond. "I got a call from Ruby about fifteen minutes ago – she and Belle arrived just fine, Belle is getting settled in for the evening. She said she'd like you to call her – said she tried your new phone but you didn't answer." Gold still didn't respond. "You have to let him go, Ian. It's been twenty years. I know it's not easy, and maybe I've been a bit too – protective of you all this time. But if you're ever going to move on with your life – I have to stop doing that. Does Belle know you've been drinking again?" Mrs. Potts asked, and Gold looked up at her, stunned. "You think I didn't notice? My dear, I've been an agent longer than you've been alive, did you really think I wouldn't figure it out? Already gave a good scolding to Leroy, he won't be getting you anything more."

"I just needed it for a bit. I'll stop." Gold said.

"I hope so. That girl loves you very much but I'm sure there's a limit of what she'll tolerate." Mrs. Potts told him. "What do you want to take with you? The van is coming tomorrow to move the equipment, and I've already got most of your clothes packed. Got Belle's things too."

"My spinning wheel." Gold said.

"That's on the list as well." Mrs. Potts said.

"My china set." Gold said.

"That little broken cup in particular, right? Alright, I'll pack it up in the morning." Mrs. Potts said. "Anything else?" Gold looked around the room. "You can't take this room with you, Ian."

"I don't want to leave him." Gold said, his voice trembling.

"Ian – he isn't here. He hasn't been here in twenty years. He's right here." Mrs. Potts said, and she put her hand over Gold's heart. "You don't need a room to have him with you." Gold remained quiet. "How about we take the photo albums, and you pick out a few other things." Gold still remained silent. "Ian – if you're going to move on with Belle – really move on – you have to say it. You'll never be able to move forward until you say the words."

"I don't want to." Gold said, beginning to sob.

"I know you don't, dear. But you have to. He would have loved Belle, you know that, right?" Mrs. Potts said, and Gold nodded his head in agreement. "He'd have been so happy for you. To see YOU happy. That's all that lad ever wanted – for you to be happy. You want to honor his memory? That's how you do it. You go to Belle – and you make a nice life with her. And be happy. But you have to admit what you haven't wanted to say out loud all this time."

"Gwen, please -" Gold begged.

"I'm here, Ian – you can do this." Mrs. Potts said. Gold looked at the framed photo that was sitting on the nightstand.

"My boy – my Bae. He's – he's dead. My son is dead." Gold finally said, and he broke down sobbing in Mrs. Potts' arms.

"It's alright, dear. Everything will be alright now. I promise." Mrs. Potts said, hugging him tightly.

Mrs. Potts and Gold spent the next two days getting things ready for their move to Boston. They had to take all of their surveillance equipment and transfer it. The CIA found them a secure house to stay in there; it was nowhere near as large as the Storybrooke estate, but it was a beautiful home. In the two days that had passed, Gold had managed to refrain from taking a drink. He knew that Mrs. Potts was right – it was time for him to move on. Their move from Storybrooke was intended to be temporary, but Gold had other plans. He knew that if he wanted to move forward with Belle – he could never go back there.

He missed Belle terribly while they were apart, even for such a short time. They spoke on the phone several times a day. He was anxious to see Belle, and as soon as he arrived in Boston, he made his way to the facility that Belle was staying at to see her. Gold entered the room that was assigned to Belle; he was carrying a bouquet of a dozen red roses. He noticed that the door to the bathroom was closed and the light was on in there, so he presumed that she must be in there. He set the roses down on her nightstand, then sat down in a chair and waited patiently. A few minutes later, a woman who was not Belle came out of the bathroom. She had dark hair with a pixie haircut and was wearing scrubs and a nurse's jacket. "Who the hell are you?" the girl asked. She reached into her jacket, pulled out a small pistol, and pointed it directly at Gold. "Get up."

"I see security is still good here." Gold said, immediately complying. "If you'll please tell Belle that -"

"Shut up. Move one inch and I will shoot you. How did you get in here?" the woman asked.

"Through the door." Gold said. "Miss, I assure you that I am permitted to be here."

"Where's your ID?" she asked.

"Forgot it. I haven't – been here in a while. Mine is a bit dated, I believe I'll have to get a new one." Gold said.

"What's going on?" Belle asked, coming out of the bathroom.

"Get back there." the dark-haired woman said.

"Ian! Don't hurt him, please, this is Ian – I was telling you about him." Belle said. The woman glanced at Belle with a look of puzzlement, then at Gold.

"This is – Ian Gold?" she asked.

"Not what you were expecting, I take it? And while I appreciate the fact that you are very capable in your job and I will inform my superiors how impressed I am, could you please be so kind and put the gun away?" Gold asked calmly. The woman lowered her pistol and put it back in her pocket. Belle moved to his side and Gold put his arm around her. He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

"You look wonderful, sweetheart." Gold said. Belle was wearing a loose t-shirt with the right sleeve cut away so that her arm could fit through, and a pair of sweat pants.

"Ruby got these for me, she got me several sets and cut away all the sleeves." Belle told him. "They told us here that this would be best for therapy. Ian, this is Mary Margaret Blanchard, she's one of my nurses and therapists."

"Very nice to meet you, Miss Blanchard. How long have you been with the agency?" Gold asked.

"Seven years." Mary Margaret replied. "I was in ROTC while I was in nursing school and I got recruited."

"Well, as I said – very impressive." Gold told her.

"Sorry about the – gun thing." Mary Margaret told him.

"No matter. I probably would have been upset if you hadn't done that, you had no idea who I was." Gold told her. "So – how is my Belle doing?"

"She'll be having a therapy session in about an hour, but – I'll let you visit till then. I was just going to help her brush her hair, but – if you want to do that you can." Mary Margaret said.

"Um – alright." Gold said. Mary Margaret went into the bathroom and came back out with a hairbrush, handing it to Gold.

"We'll work on this tomorrow." Mary Margaret said. "By the way, is that – one guard still out there this morning? David something?"

"David Nolan." Gold said.

"Yeah, that's him. You know him?" Mary Margaret asked.

"He's a fed but – good security officer, trust him implicitly. Hired him personally for this assignment." Gold said.

"Is he single?" Mary Margaret asked.

"As far as I know." Gold said.

"Straight?" Mary Margaret asked.

"I've seen no evidence otherwise." Gold said. Mary Margaret smiled.

"When's his next day off?" Mary Margaret asked.

"Tomorrow, I believe." Gold said.

"Thanks. Be back in an hour." Mary Margaret said, and she bounded out the door.

"Didn't know I was running a dating service here." Gold said.

"She's been mooning over him since yesterday. Come on, let's sit." Belle said, and she sat down on the edge of her bed. Gold sat down next to her. Belle glanced at the flowers and smiled. "They're beautiful, thank you."

"Nowhere near as beautiful as you, love. You look so good, sweetheart. The pain is better then?" Gold asked.

"It's getting there. I can handle it better now. I'm still taking pain meds, but – not as much, just a low dose of Vicodin. I'll probably get one after therapy. They said I can probably start weaning off of narcotics in a few days." Belle told him.

"That's good." Gold said.

"I just had a shower – a REAL shower, and Mary Margaret washed my hair, she showed me how to wash my face and brush my teeth with my left hand. It's tricky, but I think I'll manage, I just need to practice." Belle said. "You going to brush my hair? It's all dry now, I don't want it to tangle."

"Alright." Gold said, looking down at the brush in his hand. "What do I do?"

"You've never brushed a woman's hair?" Belle asked, laughing a bit.

"No. Milah used to have a fit if I ever touched her hair, and – well, as I've said – it's not like I have an extensive resume of experience with the ladies." Gold said.

"It's not that hard. Just – run the brush through it gently until all of the tangles are gone." Belle said.

"Okay." Gold said nervously. Gold started to run the brush down Belle's hair.

"Ow." Belle said.

"Sorry." Gold replied.

"Just – slower." Belle said. "You brush your own hair, right? Same thing, just – mine is a little thicker."

"A lot thicker. Mine will have fallen out and you'll still have a full head of yours." Gold said as he continued to brush her hair carefully. "You, um – your roots are showing."

"I know. Ruby said she knows how to do touch-ups, she took a clipping of my hair to get the right color, she's actually out shopping right now for that and a few other things." Belle told him. "Do you want me to keep this color? I mean – after everything is over."

"Well, I've never known you as a blonde, but – it's not my hair. What would you like?" Gold asked.

"I don't know." Belle said. "Been a blonde my whole life, but – I kind of like the dark hair, it makes me feel different. I might keep it for awhile."

"Well – whatever you prefer. Doesn't matter to me." Gold said as he continued brushing.

"I'll be glad when I can curl it again." Belle said.

"You look beautiful." Gold said. He stopped brushing her hair and Belle turned and faced him, then smiled. Gold reached out and touched her cheek.

"You were scared, weren't you? When it happened." Belle said.

"Terrified." Gold replied. "I don't know what I would have done if I had lost you."

"Well, I'm here. And I'm alright." Belle said. She moved forward and kissed him softly on the lips. "You know when we – I mean, when I get out of here – I think we need to talk about taking this relationship to the next level. If you're ready." Gold looked at her nervously.

"There are still things we need to talk about, Belle. Things I haven't told you yet." Gold said.

"I know. You will – when you're ready. Then we can be together." Belle said.

"Sweetheart, it's been so long." Gold said.

"Ian, you'll be fine. It's me. I love you." Belle said, and she kissed him again.

"And I love you." Gold agreed. Belle reached for his tie with her left hand and began untying it.

"What are you doing?" Gold asked.

"Showing you what I've learned." Belle teased, as she undid his tie and began unbuttoning his shirt buttons.

"This is what you're doing in therapy?" Gold asked.

"No. This is what I'm doing right now. Learning to use my left hand." Belle said playfully as she unbuttoned several buttons and put her hand down his shirt.

"You are enough to drive a man mad, do you know that?" Gold asked.

"Good. Then kiss me again – it's working." Belle told him. Gold pulled her close with his arm around her left side, careful of her injured shoulder but still with intense passion as he kissed her deeply, tracing his tongue around the inside of her mouth. Belle continued to run her hand up and down his chest, unbuttoning more buttons until his shirt was all the way open.

"Hey I got the hair color and all the other stuff you -" Ruby began, then gasped when she saw the two of them. Gold immediately pulled away from Belle and began to re-button his shirt, his face turning red from embarrassment.

"Ruby, I didn't – think you'd be back so soon." Belle said.

"Yeah – obviously." Ruby said.

"Miss Lucas, I – take it that you're getting settled just fine at the apartment I arranged for you." Gold said.

"Yeah, it's – big. I didn't expect such a fancy place." Ruby said.

"Well, I wanted you to be comfortable." Gold said. "I um – received four of your background checks – quite a colorful youth you had, Miss Lucas."

"Those were supposed to be sealed records and it wasn't that bad. I was just fooling around with some friends, I didn't do anything illegal, I swear. I was just – like Belle. Wrong place at the wrong time." Ruby said nervously.

"Miss Lucas, I don't care what you and your friends did at that age, it's not like I didn't do anything stupid when I was a young lad." Gold said.

"He has a lizard tattoo on his shoulder that he got when he was eighteen, you want to see it?" Belle asked playfully.

"No. She does not." Gold said as he put his tie back on. "Incidentally, Miss Lucas, this isn't a job application at IHOP, we're the CIA, if I wanted to I could find out what your kindergarten teachers said about you on your report cards."

"Is my phone being bugged?" Ruby asked.

"I don't know. But I would presume that to be a possibility." Gold said.

"Ian, stop scaring her." Belle said. "Please ignore him Ruby, he likes to do that. Be intimidating. It didn't work with me."

"Yeah, I can see that. Either that or – well, maybe you like that sort of thing." Ruby teased, and Belle laughed a bit. Gold simply looked flustered.

"I'm leaving. I still haven't gotten settled in where we're staying. I'll be back later today." Gold said, and he stood up and turned to leave.

"Ian!" Belle shouted, and Gold turned around. "Aren't you forgetting something?" Gold looked around.

"I don't think so." Gold said.

"She wants you to kiss her goodbye. Honestly, men are so clueless sometimes." Ruby remarked. Gold blushed a bit, embarrassed. He walked over to Belle and gave her a quick kiss on the lips.

"I'll see you later, love. Do well today in therapy, alright?" Gold said.

"I will." Belle said, smiling at him as he left the room. She sighed after he left. "He's a lot better than he was a few days ago, I was worried about him."

"So what are you planning with him – future-wise?" Ruby asked.

"I don't know. We haven't really talked about it." Belle said. "Other than we want one. I'm sure we'll figure it all out once I'm out of here."

Gold entered his bedroom at his new residence. The movers had brought several suitcases into the room, one of which was the carry-on bag he had with him on the plane. He opened this bag and took out the framed photo of himself and Bae and placed it on his nightstand. Gold then rummaged further through his bag, and found a small bottle of liquor that he had managed to snag while Mrs. Potts wasn't looking. He looked at the photo and sighed, and then he opened the bottle and drank it down in one swallow.