~~A.N.~~ Some romance going on!What do you guys think? Tell me when you can!Woo! Also I don't own the lyrics to Bleed American by Jimmy Eat World.
Diary of Amy Williams
While traveling with the Doctor still
Something that I have been trying to figure out while traveling with the Doctor is this, what is the worth of a life. What does it really mean to him, it almost seems like that we're just invisible just a whimsy to him, taking one of us and running away with us. Then when he's done playing with us he'll throw us away, like a child's toy that he's discarded. When do we start to matter? When we're gone and he finally realizes that he's left us for dead? That we can never be normal again? We will always be looking up into the sky trying to find that madman with a big blue box, watching, waiting, hoping. Does he ever come back for us? I don't know anymore...
Present Time
Alexandra POV
I looked down at the words that Amy had left in this journal, she seemed scared and afraid of what was to come to her in her life running with the Doctor, I felt bad for her... then afraid for myself. If the Doctor was to ever tire of me what would I do? I had no home to go to, no one out in the world to care for me, how would I survive? I didn't even have a full high school education, the only job that I would be able to get is at a fast food joint or became a homeless person. Neither option was very promising to me and there was no way that I could become successful in anything, just at the mercy of the Doctors will. I looked up at the ceiling of the council room, my feet propped up on the guardrail that kept me from falling off whenever the TARDIS began to take off.
" TARDIS? Do you think that the Doctor would ever get tired of me? Like... get rid of me?" I asked a bit nervously.
"You ask if I think that he'll stop wanting you? My answer is no, but if he thinks that making you leave to keep you safe is the best thing I can't say for sure if he will or not. But, from the way he is acting... I'd think that you will be here for a long long time," I could hear the smile in the TARDIS's thoughts as she projected them into my mind.
" TARDIS one more question?" I said as I smiled a bit.
"Yes little one?" her motherly tone that she used with me always made me smile.
" Do you think that he really loves me?" I asked my heart kicking into hyper drive, half of me not wanting to hear her answer.
"That little one is something that you'll have to figure out on your own, that is a journey only for you and the Doctor to take," I sighed but nodded, it was sort of unfair to ask the TARDIS to tell me that sort of thing anyway.
Little did I know that the Doctor was right below me and knew about what I had asked the TARDIS, his eyes downcast, a sadness lingered in his heart that I felt any doubt about how much he loved me. He looked up at my feet on the rail then pushed his hair back walking up to the main level where I was, I blushed seeing him still strucken everytime that I saw him at how handsome he truly was. He smiled down at me then plopped down on the floor next to me putting his feet up on the rail as well.
" Alexandra? I have a question for you, what does it mean to save a life?" the Doctor asked me tilting his head a bit to the side to look at me.
A lesson that my mom had taught me came to mind, " You can never save one life. Because that one person that you help or save will go out and help others. Really with that cycle... you can change the world through one singular person. It's beautiful really."
" Who taught you that?" the Doctor asked amazed at my mature answer.
" My mom Donna did... she taught me a lot of things like that before she passed away, I'm amazed that I can remember half of what she had told me," I said tracing the planes of his cheeks and jaw with my eyes.
" Donna... Donna Tarvin?" he asked curiously, " What was your moms maiden name?"
" Oh Donna Noble. My Great Grandpa Wilferd Motts was related to my Grandma Noble... but I don't really know her. But Great Gramps is the best... I haven't seen him in a long time though.." I said a tinge of sadness in my voice, I really did miss Gramps...
The Doctor got a little fidgety but then he smiled at me, " She must have been amazing to teach you things like that."
Before I could respond he stood and pulled me up with him, " So! What should we do today!"
The Doctor babbled out a long list of planets and attractions that we could visit but I only had one place on my mind.
" Doctor? Can we go to Chiswick?" I asked looking up at him pleadingly.
Hesitation was apparent in his face but then it softened into a smile and he nodded, " You want to see your grandpa don't you?"
He didn't even wait for an answer, he just started the TARDIS with the shaking and the noise and off we flew to my grandpa's house. Joy filled my soul and I was almost shaking with excitement, I just wanted to hug him... that truly all that I need and maybe a little kiss on the forehead that Gramps used to do when I was a little kid. I realized that I hadn't been able to see my Gramps in person in such a long time, was he the same peaceful alien lover that would stand on that hill in Chiswick and stare at the stars? With his little red beanie that I had crocheted for him for Christmas, the same knowing smiles, the open acceptance in his eyes? I remember one sprin we were watching the stars together and he asked me what I was listening too...
Flashback.
Four Years ago
It was a warm evening so we didn't need coats, my feet were bare and the new spring grass tickled my toes, one of my ear buds were in my ear as I looked up to the stars. It was a peaceful night and the music resounded in my ear, things like Linkin Park, Three Days Grace, Rise Against and Jimmy Eat World. I loved these moments with gramps, the fresh spring air would blow my brown hair to the side while grandpa and I talked about our normal conversation took a different turn.
"What are you listening to Alex?" he asked me curiously.
" Oh... it's something called Jimmy Eat World." I said tilting my head back to look at him.
" Well let's listen together," he said and I smiled hooking my pocket speaker up to my MP3 player.
The song Bleed American came on and we listened to it one time through then again, and again. One the third time through my grandpa and I began to sing the song acapella together.
"I'm not alone cause the TV's on yeah.
I'm not crazy cause I take the right pills everyday.
And rest, clean your conscious, clear your thoughts with speyside with your grain.
Clean your conscious, clear your thoughts with speyside.
Salt, sweat, sugar on the asphalt.
Our hearts littering the topsoil.
Tune in and we can get the last call.
Our lives, our coal.
Salt, sweat, sugar on the asphalt.
Our hearts littering the topsoil.
Sign up it's the picket line or the parade.
Our lives.
I'm not alone cause the TV's on yeah.
I'm not crazy cause I take the right pills everyday.
And rest, clean your conscious, clear your thoughts with speyside with your grain.
Clean your conscious, clear your thoughts with speyside.
Salt, sweat, sugar on the asphalt.
Our hearts littering the topsoil.
Tune in and we can get the last call.
Our lives, our coal.
Salt, sweat, sugar on the asphalt.
Our hearts littering the topsoil.
Sign up it's the picket line or the parade, our lives.
(I bled the) greed from my arm.
Won't they give it a rest now?
Salt, sweat, sugar on the asphalt.
Our hearts littering the topsoil.
Tune in and we can get the last call.
Salt, sweat, sugar on the asphalt, our hearts littering the topsoil.
Sign up it's the picket line or the parade."
All night we seemed to sing that song together, just enjoying each others company, we sang so long and loud that we eventually got the police called on his for the noise we were making.
Present Time
" ALEXANDRA!" The Doctor playfully shoved my shoulder to the side and I looked at him startled as he brought me from my thoughts.
" Wh-what?" I said a bit dumbly.
"I said that we're here silly." The Doctor said smiling but I stood looking at him, " Well go on! I'll be right behind you."
I ran to the door before leaving I looked over my shoulder at him and said, " You know something? You saved my life.." I ran out into a Chiswick street.