It was pitch dark outside but Abby couldn't sleep. She sneaked out of bed slowly, not wanting to disrupt the peaceful slumber of her companion and crept barefoot to the kitchen. She leaned with her elbows propped on the counter and lit a cigarette. The microwave clock announced it wasn't even 6 AM, but her system craved the nicotine.

For the past two years, she and Carter had been gravitating around each other, waiting for the right moment. Now that they were finally together, Abby couldn't really explain the woman asleep in her bed.

This was going to get messy.

Abby didn't do romance. Richard always whined about how she never made an effort to be romantic. She'd slaved herself pulling double shifts so the creep could finish damn med school - it didn't get more romantic than that, she mused. She'd had great expectations with Carter. They had been friends and supportive of each other and now that they were a couple, they felt like strangers. He kept trying to fix her, trying to groom her, dragging her to fancy restaurants and charity galas, like he was testing if she was the appropriate choice for first lady or something.

Deep inside, she knew she was being unfair. He went through a lot too and she was just making excuses for her behavior.

She didn't feel butterflies in her stomach for anyone, but she couldn't deny the giddiness every time she found Susan's eyes on her. She began to notice little details like how Susan always cocked her eyebrow slightly when she signed charts, how her skin always looked rosy and fresh even after a graveyard shift, how she closed her eyes and threw her head back when she laughed at her sardonic jokes.

Abby realized something was going on when she found herself holding her breath at the contact of Susan's hand on her side, in the middle of a trauma. She'd done it casually, just so that they wouldn't bump into each other when she reached for the defibrillator paddles and Abby froze at the recognition of what was happening to her.

She then spent weeks looking at the other woman, trying to figure out if the awkward attraction was reciprocated, feeling completely out of her game. Susan would always find her in smoke breaks and always got her coffee the way she liked it. They discovered they had a lot in common and, with her, Abby could watch Fear Factor and read gossip magazines without feeling like a bimbo.

One evening at Susan's, after a few beers that she shouldn't be drinking, Abby let herself cross a line that she knew was dangerous. Susan was telling her about another terrible blind date but Abby wasn't really listening. She cupped her cheek tentatively and pressed her lips to hers. They did the unthinkable and when Abby took the El back home, she missed her stop, lost in her thoughts.

They'd decided, sensibly, that they would forget about what happened so they wouldn't ruin their budding friendship.

But that night, a few weeks later, Abby got home and found Susan at her doorstep. As soon as she shut the door behind her, Susan's lips travelled the curve of her neck and Abby forgot everything about being sensible.

When Abby asked Susan to stay the night, she'd said yes.

Enjoying the buzz from her cigarette, Abby smiled at the presence in her bed. It was exciting and full of possibilities. Abby was unsure about a lot of things but she knew she wanted to keep her there.

Susan woke up rested like she hadn't felt in weeks. Abby slept peacefully against her shoulder and she wished they could stay like this indeterminately. Inside that room they were shielded from everything.

She'd needed last night. Before the accident, whenever they made love, she sensed Abby wasn't really into it. She now knew it was the alcohol and the depression, but she'd needed to prove herself that Abby still wanted her and that's why she'd spent her lunch break shopping for sexy underwear in State St the day before.

Susan was relieved that they'd still clicked like they did but what moved her about the night before was that she could finally read Abby's eyes again. She had seen lust and love, but also fear and doubt. They were on the same page, after all.

She checked the time but it was too early to call home and check on the boys, so she texted Corazon to call her when they'd wake up. Susan mused how long it had been since she'd stayed in bed late and couldn't remember the last time she had stayed late in bed not alone.

Like on cue, Abby shifted and stroked her side. Both of them knew that Susan would leave in a few hours and they'd seize each minute they had. She felt Abby's hair tickling her as she snuggled closer and sighed against her skin "I miss this... I miss watching Disney Channel with the boys hogging the bed".

Susan nodded and brushed her fingers against Abby's cheek "They miss you so much...".

Abby let her mind wander "Susan... I know I screwed up. I am so sorry...".

Susan shook her head and tried to sit against the headboard "Don't... please don't do this now. I... I know you didn't do it on purpose, I know that. I'm doing my best to... let go of that anger. But it scares me that you'd put them in danger like that... I never had doubts before...". It was conflicting wanting, craving Abby but also fearing what would happen when she went back home.

Abby nodded and stammered "I understand. I just... I love them so much... I can't... not be their mother".

Susan smiled softly "Don't be silly. They're our sons, I would never... I'm just trying to do what's best for them. I want us to be together... I do. It's just... I've been so tired and lonely... I know I can get over this... I'm working on it".

She was rambling but Abby knew what she meant. Her actions opened a breach of trust between them and she couldn't blame Susan for waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Abby took Susan's hand, nuzzled her cheek against it "Just don't give up on me... I need you...".

It was reciprocated. Susan wanted her back home, wanted them to be like they were before Eric died. They had each other's back and while it took her some time to accept that she wasn't alone anymore and that it was okay to rely on someone else, now Susan couldn't picture her life without Abby in it. They argued, because Abby could be picky about stuff like Susan leaving items of clothing all over the place or forgetting something on the grocery's list but they were a team. A good one.

Mom was so happy when she got home that Mark even let Joe be the first to hug her. He was the big brother, after all.

When she opened her arms to him, the boy buried his face against her chest. "How's my little man, were you good to Corazon?". Mark nodded and kept his arms around his mother, she always gave the best hugs.

"Did you give Mommy my letter?", he asked eagerly.

"She was so, so happy... She said she would write you back", she winked.

The little boy was relieved not only because his other mommy liked his letter, but because the one he had in front of him looked like herself again. She was so sad all time since Mommy went away.

Joe claimed her arms again and Mark returned to his cartoons. His little brother shrieked in laughter because Mom was a fierce tickler and he liked that noise. Corazon shook her head, chuckling softly at the banter.

Mark knew people frowned upon his family because they didn't have a daddy. It would be great to have one to play ball because his mom's pitch was really lousy, but he didn't feel like he needed one. He had two mothers whereas most people only had one and there were days where they had pancakes and ice-cream for dinner and they'd snuggle up in their bed, the four of them, and watch cartoons together.

Mark didn't understand why people said mean things about them but he guessed they were just sad that they don't have two mommies like he and Joe.

"Dear Mommy,

I hope you are okay. I miss you a lot and Joe does too. We hope you can come back home soon. Mom said we couldn't go because it's a long travel but I wouldn't have minded. I hope you like my letter. Mom said when you come back we can go see the Cubs. I know you don't like baseball very much, but it would be really cool if we all went. Do you want to go?

The fish are getting too big, Mom says we may have to change them to a bigger fish tank. She said if you agree we can set the new fish tank in our room. I promise I can take good care of them, like feeding them and cleaning the water filters. Joe can help too.

I was second in math marathon at school, Mom got us burgers and sundaes. It was great.

I have a calendar to count the days until you can come home - 27 days to go.

Do you see any coyotes in the desert? It would be really cool if you do.

I love you Mommy.

Mark"

Abby's eyes welled up once again. She had read the words over and over again and pressed the paper against her lips, before placing it next to a recent picture Susan had brought.

It was just the three of them smiling and Abby swooned a little. She knew every parent thought their children were beautiful, but her boys were truly adorable with their blonde heads and bright eyes. She always said in jest that she was glad they took after Susan - they would never know for sure if they looked like the donor they used, they were anonymous for a reason - because their boys looked like little princes to her.

Every now and then, Abby thought about the child she could've had with Richard. He would be a teenager by now. The abortion was probably her biggest regret and she sometimes thought how her life would've been if she'd kept it. She'd probably still have divorced Richard because as much as she loved him, they'd grew apart and she wasn't the same gullible girl she was back then. Richard was the first man Abby truly trusted and she gave herself completely because she believed he was the one. After he cheated on her a number of times, Abby promised herself she wouldn't give herself like that to anyone else ever again.

She did just fine until Susan came along.

Spencer winced when she saw her boss suturing a drunk guy in the suture room. Susan hummed distractedly as she closed the muscle with a 4.0 vicryl, the younger doctor closed the door behind her "Dr. Lewis? I can ask an intern to do it...".

Susan cocked an eyebrow at her "It's okay. I can manage a head lac. Plus, I need the gurney". She signed the discharge form and handed her the chart "Dispo him. We're backed up and I can't even understand why. Are you good? I have to go back up".

Spencer nodded "Go, we're fine".

Susan walked to admit, eyed the board and then announced she was going upstairs, the paperwork on her desk also needed to be tamed.

Her assistant smiled when she saw her "Dr. Lewis, something arrived for you...", she nodded towards her office's door.

Susan went in and stopped in her tracks when she saw the flowers on the desk. She sat on her chair and fingered one of the petals.

"To my beloved" - the accompanying card read and Susan smiled as she reached for her phone.

"They're beautiful", she said when Abby picked up.

"I was asking myself if they'd messed up the order", Abby's voice creaked a little.

"I was in the ER all day...", Susan couldn't hide the smile in her voice.

Abby replied gently "I wish I was there".

"You'll be in a few days. Happy anniversary", Susan whispered, glowing inside.

Abby fumbled with her keys, she sucked her breath in and pushed the door open. The familiar sound of TV and her children surrounded her immediately. She dragged her trolley behind her and stopped when she heard their screams.

"Mommy!", the boys jumped over the sofa despite Susan's protests and Abby went to her knees as she couldn't really stand with the two of them around her neck and she wasn't really feeling her legs either.

She hugged them tightly and dotted kisses on every inch of them she could find, the sweet scent of her children soothing her anxiety. "I missed you guys so, so much...", she cried softly against their hair. Abby opened her eyes and noticed the banner that spelled "Welcome home mommy" across the living room. Susan stood teary eyed and smiling at the picture before her.

Joe looked at her with a questioning eyebrow "You're staying forever?". She nodded and kissed his chubby cheek "I'm not leaving ever again...".

Mark took her hand and dragged her into the living room "We made this for you...", Abby was overwhelmed and looked around smiling, taking in their home. She smiled at him with tears in her eyes "I love it. Thank you...", the boy pulled at her arm and nodded in direction of Susan. Abby chuckled and faced her partner "Hi...".

"Welcome back", Susan smiled before Abby cupped her face and kissed her softly. Susan held her in her arms in silence, no words were needed. Both women had longed so much for that moment.

Mark whistled, overjoyed at his mothers finally together and Susan pulled out of their embrace to give him a warning stare "You know I don't want you doing that...".

He shrugged with a cheeky grin "Sorry Mom...".

Joe jumped up and down on the sofa "Mommy, we have cupcakes!".

Susan just shook her head in defeat "Boys... calm down...".

Abby sat down on the sofa and both boys jumped to her lap. She held them tightly and looked at Susan with so much love in her eyes that she had to sit down too. It was too much, their boys bantering, the scent of Abby's shampoo, how her hand stroked her own hand, her dark eyes luminous again. Susan rested her forehead against Abby's and let the warmth wrap around her heart.

Abby avoided the ER purposefully. She knew she'd have to face everyone, but today wasn't the day. She used the emergency stairs and was out of breath when she reached the fourth floor, proof that rehab managed to get her out of shape. She'd have to work on that before coming back.

Kerry Weaver's assistant told her she was already waiting for her and she knocked lightly on her door before entering. Kerry smiled and stood up when she saw her, greeted her with a hug "How you doing?", the redhead smiled as she gestured at Abby to take a seat.

"I'm better...", she nodded carefully. It was embarrassing talking about this to her boss but she only had herself to blame.

"I wish you'd said something... I know how grief undermines you", she smiled but the smile didn't reach her eyes. Abby remembered how destroyed Kerry was when Sandy died.

"I have trouble talking about my own issues... I'm working on that too. I hate that they're right. Rehabilitation really is a long-term deal", she smirked.

"The boys must be thrilled?", Kerry smiled as she searched for Abby's file on her computer.

She nodded "Yes! I missed them so much, I thought I would lose it... I'm sure I won't screw up again because I won't survive another three months without them".

Abby was now serious and Weaver knew what she meant. She couldn't picture herself away from Henry for such a long time.

Kerry explained Abby how her case was handled under the Physician Health Program and how her reinstatement would be handled. At Susan's request, she hadn't reported her to the state's license board but in exchange Abby would have a probation period that could go up to five years. She would be randomly tested up to 5 times a week and had to attend AA or Caduceus meetings. Unannounced visits to the work place were to be expected. If she agreed and complied, it would be expunged from her HR file at the end of her probation time.

Abby was pensive, she didn't know how she'd handle having people looking over her shoulder all that time but she didn't really have a choice. It was either that or being reported and losing her license for practicing medicine under the influence. She was learning the hard way that there were consequences to her actions.

Weaved sensed her doubts and looked her in the eye "It's a good deal, Abby. Turns out Susan's a more ruthless negotiator than I am", she smiled.

Abby nodded knowingly "She can be persuasive...".

"She loves you. Just sign the goddamn papers, Lockhart". Weaver used her brash chief of staff tone but Abby saw nothing but friendship in her eyes.

Having Abby around was exhilarating and exhausting at the same time. The boys were on a constant high but Susan couldn't blame them. She even joked that she was feeling a little jealous of all the attention they were giving to Abby but she was just happy to see her children bonding again with the woman she loved. She missed seeing them like this.

Abby continued her treatment. She'd go to AA meetings, group sessions, therapy sessions. She had to give it to her that she was doing it without further ado. Susan was having a hard time handing the reins back to Abby, but it was good not having to be only adult in the household anymore.

Their sons' well-being had been her main focus and what kept her together in the past months so Susan kept following the same routines and tried to juggle her schedule around them as she had done in the past months.

She parked her car the best she could and rushed into the school yard. They would be late for karate class but she couldn't really have left the meeting in the middle of the chairman's speech.

One of the assistants smiled at her "Dr. Lewis". She reciprocated the smile but stopped when she didn't see the boys in the play room.

"Have you seen my kids?", she asked and the woman looked at her with a doubtful look "Huh... your... Dr. Lockhart was here earlier".

Susan nodded and pursed her lips. Abby could've at least told her she'd get them. She searched for her phone inside her purse and realized she left it at the hospital. That's just great. She contemplated going back to the hospital to get her phone but it wasn't worth it, the traffic would be crazy.

Susan shifted right a few blocks down to the academy where the boys had karate classes every Wednesdays. Their instructor smiled when he saw her peeking in and he came closer. Susan looked around "Okay... this is going to sound strange, but have you seen my kids?".

He looked alarmed "I didn't...".

Susan shook her head smiling "My partner picked them up from school, I guess we missed each other...".

The man shrugged his shoulders "I guess they'll be playing hooky today...".

Susan returned to her car and was fuming all the way home. She expected them to be there but the house was empty. She looked for their home phone and dialed Abby's number, she waited for her to pick up. Nothing.

Now Susan was beginning to get nervous. Abby was still on leave and had a meeting at County, they'd talked briefly before the meeting and she didn't mention anything about getting the boys.

She sat on the sofa and waited. She knew she shouldn't be so anxious but all kind of thoughts raided her mind. What if something had happened? She knew bad news travel fast, but still.

It was way past their bedtime on school nights when she heard keys dangling and saw Abby and the kids coming in. The boys began rambling about how she took them to the Navy Pier and how they rode the Ferris Wheel, Abby smiled at them but quickly picked on that Susan wasn't amused.

"Boys... go change into your PJ's and brush your teeth". Abby spoke softly but the boys sensed the weird energy and they complied quietly.

"What were you thinking?", Susan asked between clenched teeth as she came closer. "You get them from school without saying anything, making me look like an idiot! Today is Wednesday. They have karate on Wednesdays!".

Abby rested her hands on her hips and kept her voice in a low tone "I know that. But they begged me to take them to the Navy Pier... I couldn't really say no to them... I called you four times...".

"I left my phone at the hospital. I called you like ten times!", Susan was pissed and Abby knew it.

Abby fumbled with her pockets and retrieved her cell phone. She winced "I'm sorry... Joe must've silenced it when he was playing with it earlier... I'm sorry".

"We have routines, Abby! It's what kept us sane while you were away! You can't come now and swirl it all around because you want to play good mommy!".

"I called you to warn you that I'd get them... we just missed each other...", Abby tried to reason with her and spoke as softly as she could.

"Don't do this again", Susan hissed.

Abby wasn't used to Susan talking to her like this. "What, I can't pick up my kids from school now?", Abby scoffed. Susan was over-reacting big time.

"We all know how good it went last time", Susan replied without thinking. She regretted her words as soon as she heard herself.

Hurt was etched in Abby's face but she didn't answer back. She pursed her lips and turned her back to Susan "I'm going to tuck them in".