Abby held her hair back as Susan retched over the toilet bowl. She rubbed her back in circles as she kept vomiting and only stopped when she sensed she was somewhat settled. She helped her up and slid her right hand under Susan's pajama top "Does it hurt?", she asked as she felt her abdomen for tenderness.

Susan shook her head "It's just stomach flu…" but Abby still stuck a thermometer in her ear "You have a fever… 101.2. Just go back to bed, I'll bring you something for your stomach". She made sure Susan was back under the covers before padding to the kitchen. She poured water into the kettle and walked towards the boys' room. They slept soundly and Abby stood in the dark listening to their breathing. It always calmed her.

She remembered doing the same when they were babies, terrified that they would stop breathing. Susan would find her asleep with a hand resting against their belly, snuck between the crib bars.

Abby tucked the covers closely around each one of the boys before returning to the kitchen. She steeped a teabag in hot water and took the mug to their room. She had an early shift but there was no way she was going back to sleep at this point.

Susan was on her side hogging most of the bed, she sat next to her and pushed back the tendrils of hair that stuck against her forehead. "Take this…", she said gently as she handed her two caplets and the tea "You're a little dehydrated".

Susan complied and took a few sips, gauging the reaction of her own stomach at the intruding liquid "You should be asleep, you have an early shift…".

Abby smiled "Do you expect me to sleep like a baby with you puking your guts out? I'll call Brenda to let her know you won't be coming in".

Susan shook her head, her eyes closed "I really have to go… I have scheduled interviews for the new R2s…".

"That's too bad, because you're not coming out of the house today". When Susan started to protest, Abby deadpanned "Doctor's orders".

Susan sagged into her pillow and mumbled "I'll call Corazon and ask her if she can take the boys to school then…".

Abby shook her head, took Susan's hand and squeezed it "I'll take them to school. Just try to rest, ok? I'm here, you're not alone anymore…".

All her life Susan was used to being in charge. When she finished high school, it was clear that she was the only grown-up at home, picking up not only Chloe's slack, but her parents' too. When she left for med school, she felt like her life had finally begun and she kept expecting for something truly exciting to happen. As the years went by, Susan started to accept that maybe she was meant to have what people called a normal life.

But Susan didn't want normal. Normal was boring. She wanted passionate, fiery love to sweep her off her feet and that's why she fled Arizona.

She wasn't used to having someone to lean on, so Susan didn't say anything, but Abby's words warmed her chest.

She knew it wasn't the fever.

It wasn't easy getting back into County's hectic rhythm but Abby had missed feeling useful. Inside hospital doors', Abby knew what to do. Having to pee in a cup every other day was humiliating but also a humbling reminder that she wasn't perfect and that she shouldn't take nothing for granted.

Things at home were much better. After all the tension in the first weeks, Susan was now letting Abby ease back into their family dynamic. They had done it gradually so that they could rebuild the bridges between them and also because they wanted to keep a united front for the sake of the children.

It meant they had to relearn how to be equal in their relationship and how to court each other again. Sometimes it was just coffee before Abby's AA meetings or Susan's yoga classes, but they made the effort to spend time together. Susan would work her schedule around Abby's, even if it meant the rest of her week would be crazy. It was worth it. They were worth it.

Susan knew a cozy café not far from U of C where most patrons were undergrads and they would spend their day offs there, Abby updating her charts, Susan writing down the chapters on a new study she was leading. After leaving the kids at school, they would choose one of the most secluded booths and they would work all morning before lunch.

They'd sat opposite each other, each one typing away and stealing warm glances every now and then. It was nice being close, they missed working together.

Abby was good at people watching, a habit she preserved from her bar hopping days, and bad at focusing on incomplete charts so she watched closely the purple haired waitress that smiled a little too much at Susan while she took their order.

"That girl has a crush on you", Abby said matter-of-factly when she was out of earshot.

Susan's eyebrows went up and she shook her head "What? No!".

Abby smirked "Oh, yes". They both kept quiet when she returned with their food and the girl cleared her throat before smiling and stammering "Your hair looks super nice... Huh, enjoy your meal".

Susan watched her out of depth as she scurried back behind the counter and Abby chirped knowingly "Told you so".

"My gaydar sucks", Susan sighed as Abby stole one of her french fries.

She waved the tube in her hand "Lydia, I need a favor". The nurse nodded before pushing the lounge door open "Give me a minute, Weaver needs me!".

Carter looked on from the couch as he munched on a chocolate bar "Do you need help?".

Abby tried to catch her hair in a tall ponytail "Huh, it's okay. I can wait...". She checked her texts in the while and smiled at the screen "Don't be late. I'm cooking. Love you xx".

His voice startled her "Come on, I'll do yours if you do mine". She watched as he stood up and stretched his neck.

It was still weird to have Carter back at County. Not only because he was gone for so long, but mostly because it felt like he was never gone. He was part of that place. Carter showed her the own tube in his hand "I need to check my enzymes".

He came close and took her forearm. She watched as he applied the tourniquet, opened a new kit and took a syringe. He felt her veins, swiped alcohol on her skin and slid the needle effortlessly.

Abby looked at him "What enzymes?".

"GFR's", he said with a pretense smile that didn't match his eyes. Abby couldn't help the shock showing on her face "Your kidneys?".

"I'm on the UNOS list", he nodded as he handed her the blood sample.

"I'm so sorry, John", Abby whispered and watched as he stoically rolled up his sleeve. It now made sense that he was back in Chicago while waiting for a kidney.

She returned the favor and took his blood "Is Kem coming soon?". She averted her eyes from his arm when she realized he was silent.

"I'm not sure, we're in this weird place...", he smirked.

Abby felt sorry for him. There he was, a millionaire with nothing but sadness edged in his face.

"Does she know?", Abby looked him in the eye and watched as his shoulders sagged "I don't want her to come back just out of pity...".

"You should tell her", she said as she discarded the syringe in the trash. Abby wanted to tell him to not lose time over miscommunication but she felt it wasn't her place. Carter nuzzled his knuckles on her cheek and his sad eyes were on hers. She recoiled, surprised by his gesture. He sensed her discomfort and took his blood sample "Thank you".

Abby went back to admit and picked her last patient of the day. A ten year old girl with leukemia. Just great. She talked gently to the distraught parents and watched their lifeless gaze as she told them the words they were dreading to hear: their daughter's body wasn't fighting anymore.

Abby was sick of disease and death.

She thought about Eric. Sometimes it felt like he was away on a trip and she wouldn't think about him for a day or two. But then her eyes would stumble upon a picture and reality crashed upon her. She would never see him again.

He was gone.

When she got home, she hugged her boys until they squirmed out of her arms.

After dinner, Abby read to them until they fell asleep. When she returned from their room, Susan was at the sink doing the dishes singing along to some Taylor Swift or Miley Cyrus song - she couldn't really tell apart any of those new pop stars.

She hugged her from behind.

"Bad day?". Susan could sense just from how tight Abby was holding her. She turned when she felt Abby's tears through her shirt.

"I miss him so much", Abby whispered and Susan nodded "I know you do... come here...". Susan wanted to tell her not to cry because she hated seeing her like this, but she remembered how not crying had been a problem before, so she just held her and soothed her the best she could.

The warmth of Susan's body settled her. Abby nuzzled even closer and whispered "Promise me you won't die…".

"Well, I will die eventually… ", Susan parted to look Abby in the eyes. She wiped the tears from her face and cupped her cheeks "I'm not going anywhere soon, okay?".

Abby nodded and pushed herself up onto the tips of her toes, Susan smiled before kissing her lips softly but Abby didn't want reassuring kisses or gentleness. She wanted to feel alive and to brush away her thoughts, so her tongue sought entrance at Susan's lips and her hands groped her sides impatiently. Susan understood what Abby needed and complied. It was hot in theory, but making out in the kitchen with the kids asleep in the nearby room didn't seem like a good idea. She sighed as Abby sucked her earlobe "Not here…".

Inside their room, Susan watched Abby closely as she unbuttoned her shirt. She stopped her by stilling her hands on her chest "Are you okay, baby?". Abby didn't meet her eyes so she used her forefinger to lift her chin. Susan didn't want them to have sex with Abby obviously so upset.

In other times, Abby would've nodded, but now, in front of Susan's intense gaze, she couldn't lie "I'm a little… shaky. There are so many things we can't control…". Susan locked her arms around Abby's hips and swayed them both a little as she nodded at her words "What if we worry about what we can control?".

Susan knew that depression didn't go away with a magic pill, Abby was still struggling. She pressed her lips against Abby's forehead "I'm gonna run you a bath. How does that sound?". Abby was exhausted and stifled a sigh "Sounds like heaven".

The sound of water running calmed her. Abby stood staring at the wall full of photo frames. Pictures of the two of them, baby pictures of the boys, snippets of how blessed they were.

Kneeling down beside the bath, Susan swirled the water around to make bubbles. She looked over her shoulder and smiled "All set".

Abby undressed and arranged her clothes in a neat pile. Susan helped her step into the warm water and Abby closed her eyes in pleasure as the bubbly water enveloped her.

She looked so peaceful with all the bubbles around her that Susan smiled contently at the scene before her. She lowered the lights and smiled "Enjoy…".

Abby relaxed her head against the cold back of the tub and almost pouted "You're not coming in?".

Susan's email inbox was waiting for her but Abby was all vulnerable and looking beautiful and she couldn't say no to her. She undressed and stepped into the tub, sitting in the space between Abby's legs. She felt Abby's arms curling immediately around her middle and her forehead rested against her shoulder blade.

Susan didn't want to wet her hair so she pinned it up and Abby contemplated her neck with hooded eyes and pure fascination. She leaned and pursed her lips to the hollow under her earlobe and dotted kisses along her neck and jawline. Susan moaned at her touch and Abby was enthralled: they were both alive and healthy and it was almost a miracle that they could love each other with such intensity.

The combination of cold air and warm water made the fine hairs at Susan's neck stand and Abby pressed herself against her back, cupping her breasts firmly, making sure her thumbs rubbed her nipples with intent. She loved Susan's breasts and how sexed up she was just from stroking them. Susan's head trashed back at the contact and Abby found her lips with her own.

They kissed lazily while Susan took Abby's hand unceremoniously and placed her fingers where she needed them the most. Abby didn't need to be told twice. Her movements were restricted by the tub, but she rubbed circles between Susan's legs, while her other hand teased her breast in a delirious counterpoint. She nuzzled Susan's neck with her lips, loving the softness of her skin, the scent that was unmistakenly hers.

Susan couldn't do much more than to brace herself on the sides of the tub and remember to breathe. She recalled Lamaze classes, remembered giving birth to their sons with Abby by her side whispering I love yous and you're doing greats in her ear.

She felt Abby's teeth sinking into her shoulder and she knew she was hot and bothered as well. Susan wanted to somewhat give back but couldn't untangle herself from Abby's arms and frankly, she didn't want to. Not when she was this close and Abby's fingers were now stroking her in such a delicious rhythm.

It almost overwhelmed Abby as she recalled that she could have lost this. "Come for me, baby...", she whispered as she shifted her fingers inside Susan, knowing just from her breathing that she was so close.

Susan just groaned as the bright and beautiful colors exploded behind her eyes.