This is actually something I thought of a little while ago.

Summery: Just imagine a real old black and white show with women fainting left and right and men smoking pipes. Then throw Spencer and Derek in there and you have this. Kind of cracky I guess.

Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds.

Music: Fall Out Boy – 20 Dollar Nose Bleed

Notes: What is this? Two updates in one day?! Yeah, I know, crazy right? Since I'm trying to be bit more reliable, after I finished the road trip fic, I figured I'd start this one for next week. Twenty minutes later and I'm too excited to wait for next Friday.

BREAK

"Honey, I'm home!" Derek sang, swinging the door open and strolling into the kitchen.

"Oh Derek!" Spencer popped up from his seat at the table. "You're early! Dinner isn't even ready yet!" He wiped his forehead, leaving a perfect little smear of white on his forehead.

"That's all right, dear." Derek licked his thumb and erased all traces of the flour with a quick swipe. Spencer blushed. "I have a delicious looking meal right in front me." Derek winked and caught Spencer's lips in a kiss. A high pitched oooohhh came from the wall, but Spencer and Derek just ignored the invisible people like always.

"Derek!" Spencer said, patting down his apron and tugging on his hair, the blush on his face even brighter.

"Yes?" Derek replied, trying and failing to sound innocent.

Spencer leaned forward and Derek puckered his lips in anticipation. Spencer leaned to the side and slid Derek's jacket off, brief case and all. Derek stumbled before he gained his footing back. Spencer grinned.

"I'm going to go put these in the bedroom and I'll be back, quick as a wink." Spencer smiled and slipped from the room.

Derek sighed and plopped down in the seat Spencer had vacated earlier. He put his chin in his hand and looked forlornly into the distance. The canned laughter came from nowhere and as always Derek didn't even twitch.

A screech like beeping filled the small kitchen and Spencer came bustling back from the bedroom, apron askew over his pleated skirt. Spencer pulled the oven open and black smoke billowed out, curling up to hang around the ceiling. Spencer waved a hand in front of his face and coughed. He nabbed an oven mitt from the counter and reached blindly into the smoky depths.

Derek half rose from his chair as he watched the drama unfold before him.

Spencer grabbed a glass pan and swung it towards the table. The pan slid a bit, but stayed on the counter. Spencer left the oven open to clear out. He was still coughing a little as he peered into the pan.

"Oh Derek!" Spencer whimpered. His eyes sprung up tears that weren't from the smoke. "I've ruined dinner! I've burnt my pot roast!" he wailed.

Derek hurried from his place to gather Spencer in his arms. The usual awww came. "Spencer, it's okay. You almost never make this mistake. You're still the best spouse ever. I promise."

Spencer sniffled. "Are you sure I'm cut out to be with you! I mess up so much! I burnt dinner! My shoes do not go with my top, according to Mindy next door! I'm such a disaster!"

Derek kissed Spencer's forehead and looked deep into his husband's eyes. "This is a terrible TV show," he whispered.

Break

Ah, I love making fun of overly dramatic TV shows.

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