Shadow and Rose

by Lady Norbert

A/N: I know a couple people have said they were waiting for this particular chapter. I hope you won't be disappointed in how I chose to handle it. The conversation between Alistair and Morrigan in the hallway is taken from Dragon Age: The Revelation, an eight-page comic written by David Gaider (yes, that one) and illustrated by Aimo (yes, that one). It was supposed to have happened in the game itself but was cut for time, and if you haven't read it yet, you really should.

Chapter Thirty-Five: Kaddis of the King's Hounds

Kaddis is a special "warpaint" that is used by mabari handlers so that the mabari can tell allies from enemies in the thick of battle. Different kinds of kaddis give different benefits to mabari. As with mabari collars, these benefits can be either offensive or defensive in nature. The designs of this particular kaddis date back to King Calenhad, and are often used by the royal army.

Everything's taken a turn for the terrible. I almost don't even know what I'm writing or how coherent it will be later, but I must write it all down while I can. With the threat of Loghain removed, we could use the remains of the Imperial Highway to travel from Denerim to Redcliffe, which allowed us to move much faster than usual. But we arrived to find things in an uproar.

One thing I don't think I explained previously is that we asked our allies to meet us here so we could then march together to battle. Riordan had been listening in on the Archdemon - some senior Grey Wardens can do that - and he was pretty certain he knew where we could meet the Blighted forces. Unfortunately, the Archdemon was apparently counting on that, and fed Riordan false information! He and his darkspawn are really assaulting Denerim! They've been spotted less than a day's march from the city gates, and while Eamon's sent messengers to warn the populace to evacuate, there's no telling whether they'll be able to outrun the darkspawn.

We're leaving at first light, of course. But it makes me sick to think of what we're going to find. All those people, including all the refugees who fled their homes for the safety of the city, and how many will die before we can get there? I keep thinking of the people we know who live there - the elves in the Alienage that we only just saved, and Brother Genitivi, and good Sergeant Kylon and his men, and even my sister and her family. It's more than I can stomach.

But wait, there's more.

Riordan asked for a private audience with Elissa and myself. I assumed he wanted to discuss strategy for the battle, which turned out to be kind of true, but not exactly what I envisioned. What he really wanted was to explain to us the secret of the Grey Wardens, why we and only we are capable of stopping an Archdemon. I'm not convinced I have the straight of it, but essentially, if an ordinary person lands the killing blow on the Archdemon, its soul will just hop into the body of the nearest darkspawn, turning it into a new Archdemon, and the cycle continues indefinitely. However, if a Warden gets in the fatal strike, the Archdemon's soul jumps into the Warden's body instead, because the Warden is the nearest tainted being. The difference is that darkspawn don't have souls of their own, but Wardens do, and so the two souls - the Warden's and the Archdemon's - more or less cancel each other out. And they both die.

To destroy the Archdemon, to vanquish the Blight, a Grey Warden must make the ultimate sacrifice. And there are only three of us in the first place.

We all stood in silence for a minute or two after Riordan finished speaking. Predictably, Elissa found her voice first. "I will be the one to take that blow," she said softly.

Riordan smiled. "It warms my heart to see such courage," he said. "But it need not come to that." He reminded us that he is the senior Warden here, and that his Calling is not far away - he's been sensing it approaching for a little while now. So if at all possible, he wants to be the one to give his life.

I bit down a scream at the idea of Elissa dying to kill the beast. I know what she was thinking - Ferelden needs its king, she wants to protect me, so forth and so on. But Ferelden's king needs his queen. I dont want to lose Riordan either, of course, but at least I can accept his rationale. He sent us off to our rooms after that, saying we needed to rest. I hardly think sleep is likely to find me anytime soon. Plus, something else happened and I don't know what to make of it.

I rounded a corner, brooding on the whole mess, and finally I just had to stop and try to take it all in. It's just too much. I'd die myself rather than let Elissa make the sacrifice, but I know her too well to think she'll give me the opportunity. I scrubbed at my face and then glanced up to see Morrigan, who was leaning against the wall. I was so startled by her sudden appearance that I asked, rather stupidly, "Don't you knock?!"

She gave me a look. "'Tis a hallway."

"Yes... well... we march on Denerim tomorrow. Some sleep would be good," I told her. "If you witches even sleep. Or maybe you could turn into a cat and chase some mice, that might be fun." She didn't have a cutting retort for me, which is strange for Morrigan. She seemed distracted, almost sad.

I started to push past her and go up the stairs when her voice stopped me in my tracks. "Do you love her?"

I turned around, both irritated and baffled. After all these weeks of her talking about how nauseating we are together, why would she need to ask? "What kind of question is that?"

"A simple one."

"You wouldn't understand. You don't care about anyone." That was cruel of me, I know, especially since I know it's not true... but I'd just had too much emotional information stuffed into my brain.

"I care," she replied, in an unusually quiet voice. Then she asked, "We are not waiting for the Orlesian Wardens, are we? T'will be just the three of you, in Denerim?"

I couldn't figure out where she was going with this. "Riordan says we have a chance." And we do, provided we understand that only two of us - at most - will survive the battle.

"Alistair." I had turned away again, but her voice brought me back. "If asking a friend to do something terrible would help... would you do it?"

"You want advice from me?"

"'Tis come to that, yes."

"So... you have friends?"

"Only one." Elissa's name hung unspoken in the air between us.

Finally, after a moment of trying to guess her intentions and failing utterly, I said, "If it would help, absolutely. We need all the help we can get." I don't know what she wanted from me, but she looked like that wasn't quite it. She folded her arms and looked away, nodding curtly. Not knowing what else to say, I continued up the stairs, but I could have sworn I heard a faint sniff behind me.

So now I'm terrified, upset, confused, and shaken. I should definitely be able to sleep, right?

I hear footsteps outside my door. I'd wager anything Elissa can't sleep either.

Well, that much was true.

I'm not sure whether I ought to write down any of what came next. For one thing, I gather it's supposed to be a secret. Who knows whether this record might at some point fall into unfriendly hands? But even if it remains a private document for good and all, I just... I don't want to remember a lot of it.

I'll be brief in what I do say about it. Elissa was clearly distressed when she entered my room, and asked a ridiculous favor of me. It involved Morrigan, who - if I'm to believe what I'm told - is now pregnant. Assuming everything went as planned, when the Archdemon is killed, its soul will take up residence in the body of her unborn child, and be purified.

I never want to think about what was asked of me again. Truthfully, I'm amazed I was even able to do what was needed. But it's done.

One thing, however, is interesting enough and painless enough to record. After the ritual (as she calls it) was completed, Morrigan and I had what was undoubtedly the longest and most civil conversation we've ever had. She invited me to ask any questions I had, which she seemed to think was only fair. I satisfied my curiosity on a few points, none of them worth mentioning here, and then one more.

"There's something I've never understood," I said. "Elissa and I are only even alive today because of your mother."

"'Tis true enough. Mother always intended for this to happen, I expect."

"Right, that part I get. So of course she needed to save me. But did she ever explain why she saved Elissa?"

She paused. "In truth, I asked the same thing while you both lay unconscious in our hut," she replied. "Mother never was one to explain herself overmuch, though she appeared to deem it a reasonable inquiry. The only reason she gave, however, was to say that Elissa had impressed her favorably on your first visit to the Wilds. Courtesy, she said, is a rare currency in these troubled times, and it would have been wasteful to allow the senseless death of one who disperses it so generously." She shrugged. "Make of it what you will. I can offer no more meaningful explanation."

So with the ritual to exhaust me, I had an easier time falling asleep than I had expected. Elissa came to wake me in the cold gray of pre-dawn, setting some food on the table by my bed. "Are you all right, Alistair?"

I had never heard her speak so timidly. "I'll be better when this is all over," I admitted. "You?"

"The same, I suppose."

It took me a few minutes more, as I swallowed the dry crusty bread and chased it with some ale, to realize why she was looking at me like a frightened bunny. "It's all right," I told her. "I didn't expect things to go this way. But if what I did saves you, saves Riordan... then it was worth it."

She gave me a soft sort of look. "You're such a good man, you know. You're going to be a wonderful king. I'm so proud of you."

"Not as proud as I am of you," I told her. "Are you sure you still want to marry me when all this is over? You could probably do better."

"Hmm. Do you think so?"

"Hey!"

We both laughed, while we still could. "Let's get through this mess first," I suggested, "and afterward, if you change your mind, we can talk about it."

"Or maybe you'll change yours."

"Oh, no, I don't think that's likely."

We finished our breakfast, and I could hear the sounds of others rousing throughout the castle. It was the last moment we'd be alone together, possibly ever, so I pulled her to me and kissed her before letting her go. I just hope I'm not really letting her go. I can survive almost anything else, but not that.

So now we prepare to march. I don't expect to open this book again until the battle is won. If it isn't... well, then, I probably won't be opening it again at all.

Let the blade pass through the flesh,

Let my blood touch the ground,

Let my cries touch their hearts. Let mine be the last sacrifice.

Andraste, guide us all; Maker, go with us.