ANOTHER SHORT CHAPTER BUT I THINK IT'S COMING ALONG QUITE WELL. KEEP THE REVIEWS COMING GUYS BECAUSE THEY REALLY DO MOTIVATE ME TO WRITE MORE OFTEN! IT'S BEEN A BUSY FEW WEEKS BUT I THINK I'M BACK ON TRACK NOW!

Chapt. 16

Wednesday passed and Claire still hadn't heard a single word from Matt. He had stopped calling, but really she didn't blame him for not calling anymore. Why should he with the way that she had ignored him? She ate her dinner on the beach alone Wednesday and when she got ready for work on Thursday she felt as though she had sand weights sitting on her shoulders. Her whole body felt heavy and beaten down with the weight of this thing with Matt and she said a silent prayer that today he would come into the café and talk to her. She knew that she only had to pick up the phone and call him herself but still for some reason she couldn't make herself do that.

Walking in the back door to the café she saw Sadie sitting at the table eating a bagel and sipping on her coffee. "Morning Claire, are you feeling any better at all today?"

"Honestly, no not really, but I guess I'm partly to blame for that. I don't know why I can't just pick up the phone and call him. It would be so easy, so simple, but I just can't do it."

"It's called pride, and my dear you were robbed of yours for so long that now that you have it in tact you can't let it go. I would be willing to bet you anything at all that Matt understands that too. It's all going to be alright and work out though, just wait and see."

With a smile to her boss and friend Claire headed to the front of the store to get ready for the shift ahead. She worked straight through and when it was nearly time for lunch she started watching the door, silently willing Matt to walk in. By the time she clocked out and took her seat for her break she let her shoulders slump, knowing that if he weren't here now he wouldn't be coming at all. That day she finished up her shift and clocked out, grabbing her purse and headed out the back door to the employee parking lot with her head down. Taking her keys from her purse and keeping her down, she didn't notice that someone was standing right beside the driver side door of her car.

Just before she got to the door to unlock her car she noticed the black, beat up converse and the frayed jeans. Her tears began to fall before she even allowed her eyes to look up and confirm what she already knew. Arms, strong and sure, went around her shoulders and held her as she cried. Finally she pulled away and looked at Matt, fighting still more tears.

"You stopped calling," she whispered.

"You weren't answering and I know I had to of filled your machine up a time or two. I didn't want to drive you further away than I had already." Matt's eyes were wet with unshed tears as he looked at her, searching her face for some sign of forgiveness. "Claire can we please go somewhere and talk? Will you please let me explain?"

Nodding, Claire opened up her car door and settled herself behind the wheel. "Meet me at Subway, down near the park. I've been craving a sub anyway." When he nodded she pulled her door closed and drove away, still wiping at the tears that didn't seem to want to stop flowing.

Twenty minutes later they had their food and were settled on a large patch of grass near the little pond in the park. They ate quietly, watching the kids across the bridge flying their kites and playing tag. Their squeals of excitement and happiness carried on the wind to every corner of the park and filled the air with childlike joy. When they had finished their sandwiches Matt finally made eye contact with Claire and gave a weak smile.

"Claire I'm so very sorry for this mess and for not talking to you before. I had my reasons and in my head they all made perfect sense to me, even if in reality they were selfish and ended up hurting you."

"Matt, if you would have told me, it would have made all the difference in the world, and you had every opportunity to do it! You lied to me, when I trusted you, you lied to me. That hurts more than anything else I think. It's like you were someone I didn't know at all."

"I know and I can't make you understand just how terribly sorry I am. I've been miserable this week not talking to you. It's my fault though and I take full responsibility for that. I just, well see I thought that if you knew that I wrestled for a living… well I thought that you would walk out of my life and not look back. I wanted to tell you so many times, but it never seemed right. I was afraid of losing the one person who knew me, all of me, and not only accepted me but loved me and wanted me in their life. Not telling you got me exactly what I was trying to avoid. I was stupid and I know that now. I just hope and pray that you can forgive me."

Claire felt the tears clogging her throat, working their way up to her eyes, drowning her in their tidal wave of emotion. He had with held his career from her because he was afraid of losing her, and that was her fault entirely. She was the one who had told him that she wanted no part of any kind of sport at all anymore, even if it was a friendship. She knew Matt though, and she knew that he wasn't like Logan in any way at all. Matt cared more about her than any man ever had and she had risked that by making him believe that she wouldn't want him around if she knew what he did. She really needed to re-evaluate her life and the way that she handled things if this was the kind of pain that she was causing herself and others.

"Matt, I should be the one to apologize. I never should have put you into a position where you thought that you had to lie to me, just to keep me in your life. I can't tell you how wrong of me that was. I forgive you a million times if you will only forgive me once."

Matt shook his head and rubbed his eyes roughly, not wanting to let the emotion he felt show. "You're asking me to forgive you, after I was the one who lied and betrayed you and your trust? You're too good, you know that?" He took her hand in his and held it tightly. "Claire you have done nothing to be forgiven for at all. If you feel that you need it then okay, it's yours, but I can assure you that you haven't done anything to be forgiven for."

They sat in silence for a minute until Claire scooted closer and allowed herself to be wrapped in arms that weren't threatening with their muscled definition, only comforting and loving. "Matt, why must you be gay," she asked with a smile in her voice. "You're absolutely everything that I want in life and all that I think I need to be able to love again, the way that I did all those years ago, and yet you're totally off limits."

He laughed and whispered in her ear, "Did it ever occur to you that maybe I'm all those things because I am off limits?"

"Nope, that has nothing to do with it." She shook her hear the way a child would when denying the robbing of a cookie jar.

Laughing Matt rested his head on her shoulder, looking out over the pond watching the kids playing. "You know, there are other guys out there who would be good for you too, if you would just give them a chance."

"Like who, your friend Stephen? I don't think so Matt. He's not what I'm looking for at all, and I'm not who he's looking for either."

"I never said him that was all you, so obviously he isn't too far from your mind. Of course that is merely an observation on my part and I could be totally wrong. Besides, there are other guys out there who aren't in this business, who aren't over muscled, and who are respectful gentlemen."

"Matt, I'm not looking for love."

Silent for quite a while Matt finally whispered, "What if loves looking for you Claire?"