Chapt 24
That week was spent with Claire doing research on her project. Between her days at work and school she spent her time at the computer drawing up business plan ideas, sketches of how she envisioned it all, and making plans of all the things she was going to have to do to actually get this thing up and running. Thursday when she went into work she made sure to arrive ten minutes earlier than usual.
"Sadie, do you have a minute? I need to talk to you."
Putting the coffee pot back in its place Sadie turned and sat two cups of coffee down on the table in the back room. "Sure thing, if you'll have coffee with me while we talk."
Claire smiled nervously and sat down taking her coffee cup in her hands. "I want you to know that I love working here. It's been a wonderful experience and I wouldn't trade it for anything at all. I appreciate the opportunity that you've given me here and I'm so glad that I met you." Claire nervously took a sip of her coffee and continued. "After the New Year, I don't think I will be able to continue working here."
Sadie nodded slowly. "Okay, I can respect that. Do you mind if I ask why?"
"It's nothing bad or against you at all! Since I've been here I've been thinking about ways to make a difference in people's lives. People like me who were abused, people who are looked down on, and people who are misunderstood. I've been putting together a plan of something I'd like to do to accomplish that but I just think it's going to take up more time than I have right now. If that isn't enough notice I can stay on a bit longer, but I really think this is something I need to do."
Sadie smiled at Claire and took her hand in hers. "Claire, you've been the hardest and most dependable worker that I have ever had. I won't lie; it's going to hurt losing you. I understand what you're doing though and I think it's great. I support you one hundred and twenty percent. Anything that I can possibly help you with, I will. The only thing that I will ask of you is that you stay long enough for me to find a replacement and you train them. I'll start looking right away so you should be able to stick to your time line."
A smile broke out across Claire's face. "I can promise you that I won't go anywhere until you have someone to fill my place and I have them fully and completely trained. I knew that you would understand. Thank you so much."
The rest of the week went by in a blur and before Claire knew what had happened Christmas was only six days away. She'd agreed to have Sadie and Stephen over just as they'd done for the Thanksgiving holidays and this time PJ was being added into the festivities. Matt's mom wasn't going to be making it so Claire was sure that things would be okay having him there. Even though Matt's family wouldn't be able to make it would be a happy holiday, Claire would be sure of that.
She had to admit that she wasn't thrilled that Stephen was coming again, but at the same time she didn't believe he should be alone either. Since the night a few weeks before at Taco Mac she had done all that she could to keep her distance from him. Just his presence made her cringe and her skin crawl. She didn't know why it was, everyone else seemed to love the guy, but she just couldn't manage even the tiniest like for him.
"Hey you, can I come in?"
Claire jumped, startled at the voice coming from the doorway of her home office. Turning she saw Matt standing there with his usual grin watching her. "Hey, yeah come on in," she said shuffling her papers around so that he couldn't see what she was doing. "I didn't hear you come in."
"I'm not surprised. You looked awfully lost in your thoughts when I got to the door. Surely you're not working on your off day, and so close to Christmas at that."
"Oh, no, of course not, I was, um, just working on my Christmas lists. I still have to go shopping for gifts and the food and everything else. I've been slack this year on it all." Opening her top drawer Claire dropped the papers into it and closed it with a silent click. "So what brings you to my side of town today anyway?"
"Actually the very thing you were just working on. I needed to go to the mall and do some shopping and thought you might like to go along for the trip. I figured you hadn't done much shopping either since it seems like lately you're always so busy." His eyes found the toes of his beat up converse and he tried to hide the slight trace of hurt that clouded his eyes. "You seem to be to busy to do anything lately."
"Oh, Matt, I'm so sorry! I have been neglecting you and our friendship and I'm so very sorry! I just need ten minutes okay? I need to change clothes, fix my hair, and grab my purse and we can head to the mall okay?"
"You don't have to; I just thought that maybe you'd want to get out for awhile."
"I do," Claire said. She felt horrible for making him think that she was too busy for him. That wasn't the case at all. Hopefully he would see that soon enough. "I need to do some shopping too remember?"
"Okay then, I'll meet you in the living room." He stood and hugged me tightly and placed a light kiss on my lips. The kisses were as deeply passionate as they were a month ago, but now they held a tender promise of eternal friendship and a love you can only know when you aren't in a relationship. Smiling Claire headed to change.
Five hours later…
"I still can't believe that you remembered everything you wanted to get people when you left your lists at home. That's amazing to me."
Laughing Claire said, "It's not like I had so many people to buy for. I mean there were mom, my grandparents, Sadie, PJ, and Stephen. That was all I had to get and gift cards covered some of those. That definitely made it easier."
Matt was carrying the bags for her, always the gentleman, and when they arrived back to her house he helped her in the house with her things. "So, do you feel like a movie or something? A walk on the beach maybe?"
"Oh Matt I don't know. I think I should really get to doing a little work."
He ran a hand through his hair roughly, leaving it standing up in short spikes all over. "Alright Claire, I want to know what is going on. You're hiding something and I know it. I wish you would just talk to me about it! Why is Sadie looking for help?"
Claire's head jerked up and she stared at him. "What are you talking about?"
"There was a help wanted sign in the window when I stopped in this morning for coffee. I don't get why you're trying so hard to hide whatever this is, but I hate it. Are you moving back to Louisiana? Is that it?"
He looked so incredibly sad at the thought that Claire was possibly leaving Tampa that she reached her hand out to him. He pulled away, not allowing the contact, and she glanced down to the floor. A tear slid down her face, the knowledge that she was inadvertently hurting her best friend breaking her heart.
"So I was right, you are going back? Please dear God Claire tell me you're not going back to him."
Her head snapped up and she said, "NO! I mean, no I'm not going back at all. I'm staying right here in Tampa. I just… well… oh hell come here." She walked off toward her home office and took a seat at her desk, pulling a chair up beside of her for him to sit in. She reached into the drawer and pulled out two folders and the papers she had been working on when he had come in hours before. "This is what I'm doing these days. This is why Sadie is looking for help."
"What, your Christmas lists? I don't get it."
"Just sit down and I will explain." He took the chair she had pulled up and she pulled the main folder to the top of the pile.
"Project Restore and Renew," he said, "I don't understand still."
"Since I've been here I've felt like I needed to do something to make a difference in people's lives. I been searching for a way to do that and a few weeks ago I found it. I've been busting my ass to get the wheels in motion and to make it happen."
"So, what exactly is this project all about?"
With a deep breath Claire felt her nerves go haywire. She had never voiced out loud all that she was about to tell Matt. Not to anyone at all, not even herself. Having it all on paper and saying it were two different things. "Well, it's going to be about restoring and renewing lives of people from all different backgrounds. I want to start an agency and a shelter to help people who need it. The agency I want to be a counseling center, education center, and a healing place all in one."
His face filled with admiration and he smiled slowly. "So you're starting a place for women who've been through what you have, and who are still going through it? That's incredible and I think it's a wonderful thing."
"Not just women like me," Claire said shaking her head. "It's going to be a place with many departments working to achieve a common cause. I want one department for those women out there who are like me. The ones who've left and survived, but I think that the women who are still going through it need a different kind of approach. I want something just for them. I want something for the children who are abused, the teenagers who are struggling with addictions, teenage pregnancy, and the whole nine. Then," she looked down then, suddenly unsure. "Well then I want one department to focus on the issues of the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered population. I want them to be able to have a place to go where they are accepted, loved, and made to feel like they really and truly belong. I want something to help those who can't deal with who they are deal. I want to have a branch of that department for the families of those people then a branch for the families who can't accept their loved ones, to educate them and get them to see what they are missing out on."
He was quiet and she watched as tears pooled I his eyes, breaking through the dam of lashes to roll down his cheeks. She waited for him to speak and before he could she began again. "I don't want you to think that I'm going to tell everyone that you… well I mean I would never betray your secret and I hope you know that. I know it seems like a lot to take on but I think I can do it. No, I know I can do it and …"
"Claire, if anyone can do it it's you. I'm not worried about you telling everyone that I'm gay, I know you better than that. It's just that, well in a way I feel like you're doing it to help me. No one has ever cared so much before and I love you more for it."
Throwing her arms around his neck she hugged him and smiled. "I'm glad that you aren't upset about it all."
"Why on earth would I be upset about you helping all those people? So, tell me, have you looked into any office spaces or anything?"
Laughing at his changing of topic she shook her head. "I've looked at a few places here and there that I really like but I've not met with a realtor yet. I'm saving all that for after the first of the year. Here let me show you what I've got done so far." She pulled out the papers from the folder and the two got lost in her plans for the future.