A/N On The Universe: This follows neither the anime nor the manga, really, but is set in an alternate timeline and or AU. There is not going to be any Alchemy in this story, but hey I found a happy medium. I kept Ed's Auto-mail arm and leg. :D
A/N on Reviews: I adore getting feedback and constructive criticism, but I do have one request to make. When commenting, please bear in mind that your comments and suggestions, both good and bad, are your opinion only, rather than (in general) a statement of fact. It is easy to accidentally insult or offend an author by sounding demanding and entitled in a written review, and I know that is never anyone's intention. By all means tell me if you think something seems a bit off, but give a moment's thought to how the tone of your review might be received. Thanks!
Rating Information - Rated "M" overall due to scenes of an explicit or disturbing nature later on. Please check each chapter for each rating or warnings.
Warning: I'm tired of writing warnings, from here on out expect (M)ature all times. Things are about to get heated up in here.
Beta: konfessor2u- the best beta in the world. She makes it so I don't embarrass myself.
I own nothing but the plot.
-Roy-
The first thing I realized upon waking up on my side was that I was in a stranger's bed surrounded by a foreign room which wasn't my hotel suite. I also had a dull headache at the base of my skull; the moment I cracked my sandy eyes open, the dreary throb intensified and made me want to shut them to the first rays of the morning sun peaking through the high windows of the room.
The second thing I noticed upon waking was an annoying beeping sound coming from the foot of the bed. I grimaced and lifted my head from the pillow, opening one eye to glare towards the end of the bed.
The beeping stopped and I closed my eyes again with a deep sigh of content. Burrowing back into the blissful warmth that surrounded me, not caring it was obviously not my bed. I inhaled deeply, pressing my face into the pillow which smelled rich and sweet with a distant dreamy scent clinging to its white fabric. I was awaking slowly and properly but being encased in warmth and with the fact I was terribly tired, I found the feat unattainable and entirely illogical at best.
My arms were heavy with sleep, but I still managed to slowly drag them up from the safety of the blankets towards the pillow beneath my head. This is when I took notice of my hands; they were touching soft and warm skin. I lazily re-opened my eyes, and a truffle-full of golden hair filled my vision.
Oh, that's right…
Edward's messy head was tucked beneath my chin as he slept on peacefully.Not a stranger at all, I smirked into the crown of the man's head. I felt the gentle pattern of his breathing tickling along my neck. This is blissful, I thought through the sleep still hanging around my consciousness… I pulled the boy's body closer to my chest, hugging him like a child would a favorite stuffed animal or toy for comfort.
Wonderful…
The realization I actually wanted to hold the boy in my arms didn't come to me like a lightning bolt or a sudden understanding. It didn't hit me all of the sudden, leaving me swirling in the wake of shock and confusion. No, it had slowly filtered into my sleepy mind until I had no other choice but to accept I wanted this man in my arms. I wanted him for more, for… more than a petty one night stand…
I felt warmth spreading through my chest, what are you doing to me Edward? I thought with a smile pulling on the corner of my mouth. My hand ran up the length of the blonde's back and dipped underneath his black tank top so I could touch more of Edward sleep warmed skin. The other man let out a sigh of a moan at my touch. I pulled my head back just slightly so I could see Edward's relaxed face. He had shifted in his sleep, his head tipping upwards as he followed the warmth of my retreating touch. My eyes traced the length of his sharp jaw edge; the nearly invisible morning stubble caught my line of sight as the light reflected off the blonde hairs I found lingering on the boy's face.
Edward really was a very beautiful man. I thought with a subtle smile touching my cheeks. This I couldn't deny in my sleepy state of mind… and honestly, doubt other people would contradict this fact. Edward was simply too beautiful to argue against. The saddest part though, was Edward couldn't see his worth through his own eyes, or how others saw him from theirs.
I learnt this through a small window of time last night as I watched Edward's eyes turn a darker shade of gold and his hand tried in earnest to cover the fading scars along his chest from my eyes. I'd felt my heart tear, ripping at the seams as I observed the dim expression taking over Edward's uncanny beauty. A look of what appeared to me to be his stifling shame bore to the world on his painstaking angelic face.
He has nothing to be ashamed of… He's so fucking beautiful. The thoughts were running rapid in my mind at this point... awaking me further.
I remember clearly, the feeling of a strong pull coming over me— a need in which spoke to me in whispers; a single voice saying too help this fallen angel on his knees before me. One who's obviously been scared and marred from past wrong doings.I swore at that moment in time, I pledged to myself but most importantly I gave a silent vow to the man before me. A solemn promise I would never allow that shadowy look to cross Edward's face again, if I could help it.
My fingers grazed the soft tender flesh of the younger man's back as I was brought back to the present. Edward's skin danced under my touch with another muffled mew escaping his slightly parted mouth. He shifted in his sleep again, his chin tilted upwards, his hot breathe ghosted over my lips mere inches from his lax parted mouth. I had the sudden nagging urge to close the gap between our lips, stealing a kiss from the resting boy. Edward's mouth was so,very close as his head was tipped back in sleeping compliance. It would be so easy… so very, very easy.
I couldn't... I just couldn't... It wasn't alright. I argued with myself.
But it would be so simple... so simple... Mind numbing close... close enough to take...A taunting voice was echoing in my slept mused head. Just do it... take... take... take it... you've already done it.
I closed my eyes, breaking the line of sight from the defenseless man resting in my arms. Fuck...the curse resonated with in my mind. All my blood had decided to pool between my legs, my sex growing at the mere thought of kissing Edward's sweetly upturned mouth. My length twitched inside my boxer briefs; nestled firmly against the boy's narrow hip. All I wanted to do was rut against the warm smooth skin of the blonde body with my morning erection. But I wouldn't… I will not…Edward had been so afraid last night… I couldn't scare him further; he wasn't ready so soon…
I reopened my eyes at such an uncharacteristic thought. What was this feeling in my chest…? What was this man doing to me? In the span of one night, my playboy mentality was flittering away from me effortlessly and without much of a choice on my part.
What are you doing to me Edward? I question again quietly in the recesses of my mind. A soft look reached the span of my face as I looked down upon blonde's perpetual frowning eyebrows. Even in his sleep he is scowling… I thought comically with a ghost of a smile befalling my down, I let my lips graze the skin of the boy's forehead, his golden bangs tickled my nose and at this I really did smile. …this feels so domestic, almost natural…. A tired yawn snuck up on me while I pressed my cheek affectionately into the crown of Edwards's sleep-mused blonde head.
It was still early enough in the morning I could fall back into sleep; not something I usually would do. I normally roll out of bed at the first sign of light. Today though, sleeping in Edwards's warm comfortable bed, with my little pretty lover in my arms, I found myself tumbling back effortlessly into a dreamless slumber.
The next time I awoke, I was on my stomach and I was alone in bed. My arm reached out to the other side of the mattress looking for a warm body to hold on to but only came back with a palm full of long since cold sheets. It was an unfriendly greeting to a half asleep mind. It instantly woke me up like a bucket of iced water being poured over my body. I pushed up with my arms so I could rest on my elbows, my hands finding my face as I rubbed sluggishly at the sleep from my sandy eyes.
"Edward?" I spoke out gruffly into the quite room but only silence echoed back.
I swiped at my eyes again, before pulling myself into a sitting position my legs tucked beneath my body, the sheet tangled around me. A tired frown formed on my face. Where was he?
"Edward?" A worried undertone hung to my words like a starved man trying to hold onto the last piece of day old stale bread.
What the… I though scanning Edward's bedroom but the blonde was nowhere to be seen.
Hmmm, strange, I thought shifting my legs, trying to kick the sheets off my lower half but it was still tangled around me, and so were my boxers… I continued on thinking with an annoyed huff. I leisurely untangled the sheets from around my waist as I glanced over towards the empty side of the bed.
Edward, I thought his name longingly looking over my shoulder at where he had been laying. He wasn't there and obviously hadn't been there for quite some time. The chilled sheets edify that clearlyand if my instincts were correct, Edward wasn't in the apartment as well. I let a hand run through my untidy black bangs, pushing them up and away from my face. It was all for naught—when my hand fell from my head all the hairs fell back across my forehead, as they always would.
I raised my eyebrows and sighed heavily; having untangled myself from the mess of sheets I swung my uncooperative legs off the bed. My bare feet came into contact with cold wooden floor, sending a chill up my spin. I shivered but did my best to just ignore it.
Taking a moment to look around, the room looked bigger in the day light. There were books scattered randomly around laying on different surfaces. I observed a pile of unsorted multi color books sitting forgotten under a table to the right of the bed. My eyes scanned the titles and authors slowly, most of them being non-fiction, history, chemistry, and things of that sort. It was amazing what you could learn about someone's private life by simply taking a look around their house. Edward was an avid reader and it seems he reads for knowledge alone. I smiled; it was a total Edward-ism. Right down to the fact, he would probably have a snarky remark to retort about how fictional books will rot your mind. I shook my head at my thoughts.
The digital red faced cloak on the side table caught my eyes.
-9:01 am-
I scoffed at the time;I hadn't slept this late in years, moving my eye away from the clock. I notice asilver key lay on top of a piece of yellow notebook paper, creased in half, perched at the edge of the wooden side table. My name was written in sloppy penmanship across the front. I picked the key up to inspect closely before palming the chilled medal. Next I slide the paper off the table; thumbing the corners together I open the page.
Roy—
I needed to leave early this morning. I didn't want to disturb you. You looked tired. Don't wait around for me; I won't be home till later tonight.
Thekey is a spare, lock up after you leave. Don't lose it, I expect it back!
Do fill free to use my shower, fresh towel are on the rack in the bathroom. Your shirt and jacket are also dry and are hanging on the railing of the staircase down stairs.
Ed.
P.s. don't steal anything.
Reminder: I'm a cop.
I read Edward's vague message and then for good measures I reread again.
My eyes scanned the words on the paper trying to decipher the meaning beneath the hazy note that could have meant anything. The letter was so indistinct, so, so… bloody vague… His words meant nothing but all together they meant everything and I was left confounded. It was saying something for me to be confused when it came to the subject of men, and whether they wanted me or not... and that was putting it lightly.
In one breath, Edward was giving me a key to his apartment.
Okay, giving was technically the not the best wording, more like: letting me borrow it… And then in the next he was telling me to not wait around for him. Can you say: Mix signals, much?
A hefty sigh fell from my lips as I looked at the yellow piece of paper in my hand. Slapping the page back to the table moments later, I stood abruptly with a disgusted groan falling from my mouth.
"Oh, Yuck."
This is when I realized that I was -in fact- in dire need of a shower, the crusty evidence of Edwards and I last night excursion between the sheets was still clinging to the front of my stomach.
With the motion of my body, the dried semen was flaking and peeling and I was thoroughly disgusted. I was very thankful for Edward suggesting I could use his shower but even if he hadn't extended the offer, I would have still gone ahead and indulged myself.
So freaking nasty, I thought as I hobbled down the stairs awkwardly.
Crossing the living room I entered the bathroom, the door shutting mutely behind me. My bare feet came into contact with the cold tile flooring, a subtle chill raced down my spine. I brushed it off and flicked the light switch to my right. Fluorescent lighting lit the small bathroom, bouncing and reflection off all the white porcelain in the room.
In front of me there was an old fashioned *farmhouse drain board sink attached to the far wall. The only reason I knew what type of sink it even was, was because my Grandmother had the very same kind in her old farm house. As a child I spent my summers with my Gran, and I remember clear as day her ranting and raving about the benefits of owning such a fancy sink. I could still hear the sweet cadence of her voice. A fond smile found its way onto my face, my hand still lingering on the forgotten light switch. I moved my hand away and the motion of my arm reminded me of the filth still clinging to my stomach. I grimaced and walked towards the bathtub/shower pushed up along the opposite wall of the sink in the tight room.
The shower itself was claw foot porcelain finished bathtub. Edward must have installed a water nozzle to the tub because these types of bathtubs usually don't come with shower capability and this one did. I pushed the heavy duty clear shower curtain out of the way to reveal the tall shower head connected high above the curtain itself. I flipped the silver nozzlel labeled 'hot' on, and the water came pouring out like a rushing waterfall from above my head. I barely moved out of the way as the water turned from cold to warm. The room filled with steam as the temperature rose. I slipped out of my boxer briefs and set about my business…
- 15 minutes later -
Freshly washed and smelling like Edward's fruity shampoo, I stood in the middle of his large livening room in nothing but a too small powered blue towel and my chilled dog-tags hanging around my neck.
...Where had I placed them, I questioned myself for the tenth time since exiting the bathroom. I glanced around the room, looking for my missing slacks.
Remembering abruptly, I had taken them off up stairs last night. I paused at the memory rushing to the front of my mind, a lusty smile stretched along my lips. Oh yes, last night…My avid thoughts sent a spike of heat through my stomach, a phantom pleasure riding on a memory.
Pushing the feeling away, I started towards the stairs at an even pace. I was still feeling hopeless with what to do with the whole Edward thing. The man was an enigma in his entirety. He made me feel emotions I thought were lost and dead to me.
I have never cared or shown an ounce of remorse in my entire straight chasing career. I just didn't trouble myself about the other man's feelings or wants, it was all about me.My pleasure, my wants, my needs… –This is not too say,that my lovers didn't feel pleasure because they always did. I made sure of it. - It was my show but everything didn't have to be all about me. Sure,I was running things as the certain and dominant partner but I'd never experience guilt because of this.
I –usually- didn't care… I –normally- would just fuck and then be gone by the next morning.
No strings, no burdens, no worries.
This has been the logic keeping me sane in all this insanity. How I've kept my heart safe...
Then I met Edward Elric, and everything went to shit. From the moment I watched the dark emotion taking over the younger man's bright eyes. I knew I couldn't play him the way I had all the others. I couldn't take advantage of his bared weakness… I just couldn't… it was too much. So, I did the next best thing… I didn't use him… Instead I brought both of us peaking over the edge; I took us to the finished line without even trying to penetrate the willing man beneath me. It was something which wasn't like me at all and was a completely new and strange trait.
Edward may have been willing at that point, but what would've happened if I had gone all the way? My sanity question, but then again, this -odd- feeling I was experiencing could all just come down to the fact I hadn't fucked Edward. I'd had a plan and I threw the blueprints out the window when I let my -up till then- dormant conscious catch up to me.
A deep sigh fell from my mouth as my foot found the hollow flooring of Edward's bedroom. I instantly spotted my pants lying in a heap of a pile at the foot of the unmade bed. Walking over towards them, I picked up the black dress slacks from the floor. Something plastic and square fell out of the pocket and landed noisily on the wood flooring next to my bare foot. With another sigh blowing through me, I bent down at the waist to pick up the object.
My cell…I thought palming the phone, I clicked the power button on the top right corner and the screen flashed black -an indication it was in needed of charging.-
Ahmmm of recognition sounded deeply in my chest, before I tossed the black phone on the unmade bed. It must have been the beeping sound which awoke me earlier.
I finished up quickly, putting my pants and my wrinkly white undershirt back on. Edward had a long mirror hanging on the door of his wardrobe. I gave myself a stern look, pushing my black hair away from my eyes. The walk of shame never looked so good, I thought forthright watching my rumpled reflection. I gave myself a tired fake smile, flashing my pearly whites at myself before the false emotion slid away and the look of a confused man with guilt filled my vision. I sighed at my stubbly face, a deep shadow hanging under my eyes, I really needed to shave but it was going have to wait…
Walking away from the mirror feeling a little less then pleased, I slide the silver key laying forgotten on the nightstand -fucking key- into the palm of my hand and then into my pants pocket. I leaned over the rumpled bed in the same motion as I picked my dead phone up off the untidy sheets and put it into my back pocket of my slacks for safe keepings. My dull eyes fell onto the blonde mans pillow and with a mind of its own my left hand reached out to stroke the pillow in a timid caress. I felt my heart skip a beat and I knew what I wanted… Edward. Then my dense logic came crashing down.
What are you doing? My commonsense asked hand flinched back at the query from the rational side of my brain. When has our heart ever skipped a beat?When have we ever felt anything other than the want and need for sex…? The questions pulled at my insides… I needed out, I was having trouble having a bias attitude to the bizarre feeling coursing though me. It was too much, there was just too much of Edward surrounding me to think straight… but oh how I want him…
Getting to the bottom of the stairs, my bare feet slapping the wooden flooring towards the front door. My shoes were where I left them last night, hastily pulled off and thrown aside in a pile. I hurriedly pulled them on without even putting my socks on. –Not like I knew where they were anyhow.-
I feel like I am missing something… I thought looking around the vast room. My eyes landed on it… My dress shirt and black over coat, hanging neatly on the banister where Edward had left them before he'd abandoned me this morning...
Quickly, before that thought could settle in, I darted across the small space, grabbing up my shirt and coat. A small sigh blew through me again. The motion of the fabric rustling through the air had picked up Edward's natural scent scattering it around the room and I was once again left pondering this strange emotion running through me. I wanted this man, like no other that I've had before… What made him so different? The fabric of my white shirt was balled tightly between my fingers as I brought it towards my nose. I inhaled deeply breathing in my own scent present of the shirt but also the lingering sweetness of Edward's clinging to the cloth.
I'm turning into a hormonal teenage girl… I thought as I breathed in deeply again unabashed, trying –and succeeding- to catch the intoxicating aroma.
My heart fluttered down into my stomach and I knew I was terribly lost. Throw me over board because my feet were already drenched. My eyes snapped open at my internal musing, -when had I closed them? -
The shirt gave a slight tearing sound, signifying I was holding to tightly. My fingers uncurled from the wrinkly fabric in my hands. With a forlorn sigh, I swung the fabric over my shoulders and put the scratchy shirt on. Not caring if the button were correctly lined up or tucked in. I grabbed my black wool coat still hanging on the banister and strung that over my shoulders as well.
I felt very unsure about myself, it was a feeling I was unfamiliar with and I was quite unhappy with the fact I was experiencing such emotions. With one last despondent look upwards Edward's loft, I turned and left the boy's apartment. The apartment door quietly opened and closed with a dull muted sound of air fluctuation.
My left hand sunk into my pant pocket, retrieving the spare key the boy had left me to lock up his home. I inserted the tepid silver key into the lock and this is when it hit me…
I had left no contact information for the boy to get a hold of me. He didn't even know which hotel I was staying at. I realized I could just walk away and Edward would never have to see me again. I would be gone, and he would have only a memory of an awkward romp between the sheets with a middle aged man. My nostalgic feelings of guilt and remorse wouldn't be there.
No strings, no burdens, and no worries
Yes, Edward could still get a hold of Riza and figure out where I was, but I really doubt he would do something like that. Seeing: he would have to admit he actually wanted to see me, and there little to no hesitation, that Edward would actually want to track me down. If anything, he would be overjoyed about my abrupt disappearance.
It would be a blessing to both parties, I wouldn't have to feel this odd sensation in my chest every time I think of the boy –because I would be long gone- and Edward wouldn't have to submit to my will.
The wooden door to Edward Apartment stared me in the face; my hand stopped mid-motion of locking the door. I could walk away now, place the key under the mat, and just walk away… The idea sent cold jolts of remorse through my veins. 'Could I disappear like that?' I asked myself unexpectedly, my tired head came to rest on the dark surface of the door in front of me at the question… Could I?
The answer was yes; it would be the best for the both of us… The turning of the key and the sound of the lock slamming shut in the quite hallway finalized the thought. Without thinking too much on it, I placed the silver key under the askew 'welcome' mat, and then dropped the rug back into place.
I shoved my hands into the fronts of my pockets and walked away down the moldy hallway. I kept repeating to myself it was for the best, but the gnawing in my stomach left me thinking I was doing something illogical. The further I got away, the more I felt like something was wrong. That something was off, I paid no mind to it and continued to walk. One foot in front of the other… Until Edward's apartment was a fleck in the distant. The busy streets of Central washed away all my thoughts, the ambience of the lunch hour rush whizzed past me as I slowly walked back to my hotel.
The feeling in my stomach didn't die away; it only got worse with every step I took towards my destination. I couldn't shake the feeling that something was terribly wrong, but I was ignoring it summing it down to the fact I had just stood Edward up.
It was only when I got inside my room, and plugged my dead cell phone into charger did I find out there really was something wrong…
With one phone call, my world was thrown off its axis. A conversation no one wants to receive.
"—Roy, Maes is dead…"
To be continued...
1. .
*GASP!* Oh, how you all must hate me. Cutting it off right when it was getting somewhere! I know I'm good like that.
Well, I do have to apologize for such a long wait… I'll try and NOT make any excuses but honestly, I'm a mom of a very energetic little boy of three years of age. That's a full time job in itself but on top of that, I go to school 4 times a week and on top of ALL THAT, I love video games! I'm a hardcore nerd…-like hardcore, hardcore- I play all sorts of games, and Saint Rows the 4th JUST came out. So that has been eating up a lot of my time. *cough cough* not saying my writing isn't important. Thing is, I can only write when the muse is talking. And he's been silent for a couple weeks. –I was worried for a bit. He went missing suddenly-. I do believe he is back thought, which is a good thing.
Next Chapter will be from Edwards P.O.V, and its almost finished! So, you all are going have to wait to find out what is happening with Roy the chapter after that… *buahaha* I know I'm evil. TTFN
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