Warning: Bigotry ˈbiɡətrē/ noun intolerance toward those who hold different opinions from oneself.
-Edward-
It was 7:30 by the time I had walked the eight and a half blocks to Winry's shop. I'll be the first one to admit; I'd been dragging my feet the whole way here. I've said it before and I will say it again: I did not want to be here.
I sighed heavily as I looked at the yellow building in front of me. I'd been doing that a lot lately, I thought as I grabbed the green banister with my flesh hand. I lazily trudged up the stairs until I stood in front of the screen door, the yellow flecking pain mocking me for not knocking. An annoyance was already starting to boil within my stomach. I completely and absolutely, did not want to be doing this…My automail hand was in my coat pocket fiddling like a nervous twitch with the metal bolt that had brought me here in the first place.
Another sigh fell from my lips. I really need to stop doing that, I scolded myself as I raised my left hand to knock on the door. At my first rap on the frame, the oak door opened simultaneously as the screen door flew outwards and straight into my face.
My vision went wobbly, and I sank down onto the dusty porch floor. My only thoughts…that screen could sure pack a killer punch…
There was a high pitch ringing in my ears, but slowly my center came back to me. When I could finally see again, I noticed Winry was squatting down by my side and asking if I was alright, a worried expression lingering on her face.
I brought my flesh hand up to my nose to check if everything was still in place. My skin came back bloodied. That fucking door.
Winry asked again if I was alright and repeated how sorry she was. My chin tilted up towards her face.
"I-I-I…" I spoke but it wasn't my voice coming out. I opened my mouth a couple times, making sure my jaw wasn't also busted. After a few rolls, it felt better so I tried again. "I'm fine." I shrugged out of Winry's protective hands touching my shoulders nonchalantly and stood up on my unsure legs. Bad idea, my vision swam but my hand caught balance on the green banister lining the porch we were standing on.
I gripped the wood and let the world reset before trying to move. I felt blood dripping off my upper lip so I wiped at it with the sleeve of my red coat.
"I am so sorry, Edward," Winry said over my shoulder. "I didn't see you…" her voice trailed off, and I looked at her.
"It's alright," I spoke licking the remainder of blood off my top lip. My nose would be bruised but it wasn't broken. I was thankful for that at least.
Observing Winry standing a few paces away from me, I realized she looked absolutely the same as I'd last seen her. The day we broke up…I thought with a tinge of pain echoing in my chest. As the feeling of vagary burrowed deeper into my heart, I tried my best to ignore it…
Winry wore her baggy blue men's overalls, with the sleeves of the arms tied around her thin waist to keep them up. She was also wearing her black sports bra and a burnt red sash around her blonde locks. She even had a smudge of grease on her cheek. It brought back a fond feeling, actually seeing her standing before me, as though none of the drama had ever happen. I mused internally with a feeling of sentimental warmth burrowing in my body.
A smile of remorse tugged along my mouth. If I stood there and really thought about it, I felt like something was missing. I noticed this as my stomach didn't swim with butterflies in her presence nor did I feel the pull of my heart tugged in the romantic way. No, I wasn't experiencing any of these emotions. If anything, I was feeling content at seeing my friend.
"It's good to see you, Winry." It went without saying. I wiped at the feeling of phantom blood dripping down my face.
A smile lit her face as she nodded in agreement. "Definitely…it has been way too long."
The sounds of paws coming my way echoed around us. I really should have run hearing the uneven gait, but it was too late. The screen door knocked open and out blasted a quite familiar black dog. I was tackled to the ground and landed on my ass for the second time since arriving at the Rockbell Automail shop. Every square inch of my face was licked, while the happy dog wagged her tail above me.
"Den…" I said as I tried to push the dog off me, but she wouldn't move, "Alright, Den, I know you're happy, but enough is enough, ya' stinkin' mutt." I lightheartedly pat Den as I tried to stand.
"It never fails…" A smile stretched on my face at Winry's words.
Den had always had an affection for me. Ever since Winry found her on the side of the road, broken and alone, this dog has loved me. A feeling of regret hit me hard in the chest. I abandoned her when I left. I felt bad as I scratched Den's ears lovingly. I shouldn't have ever left her. I will have to make it up to the pup somehow. I was smiling as I stopped touching Den and finally stood up.
Den barked at me before trotting away with her tail wagging high in the air.
I breathed in deeply as I stood there with my hands in my pockets. It kind of felt like a homecoming of sorts, a virulent hiraeth feeling.
I never lived here, per se; I had just spent a lot of time here with Winry and Den. The thought made my stomach ache, in a bitter sweet kind of way. I let another sigh out -I'd been doing that a lot lately- before looking back towards Winry.
She was watching me with a frown on her lips as if remembering something unpleasant. As soon as she realized I was looking, a flip switched and a bright, toothy smile was beaming my way.
"Didn't think you'd be here so soon…" Her words died off as she raised her hand over her eyebrows in an attempt to block the rising sun.
"Well I-I…"
She shook her head as if disagreeing with what I was about to say.
"It doesn't matter… Just not used to seeing you up before noon, that's all… let's get you cleaned up inside." she spoke easily with a teasing smile. As if she still knew me. I felt myself grinding my teeth abruptly. She knows nothing about me…
I glared at her hand moving away from her head. I focused my frustration on that movement. She turned towards the door she just came out of and entered.
My signature scowl befell my face as I caught the closing screen and started following her inside.
"A lot of things have changed…" I bit back. "I've changed…" I added in as a subtle backhanded replied.
"I can see that." I couldn't see Winry's face, since her back was facing me, but I could still hear the condescending smile in her voice.
The smell of burnt oil and metal filled my nostrils as I walked into the automail shop. It made me crinkle my nose in disgust, I never did like the smell of oil, especially when it was mixed with the scent of antiseptic.
Once we were inside the white sterile room, Winry was all business. I'd seen her enter the serious mechanic mood a hundred times over. Somehow her bluntness never seemed to surprise me.
"—drop your clothes and jump up onto the table."
Okay, maybe it did still startle me…
"Winry!" I exclaimed boldly, grabbing at the lapels of my coat to drag it closer to my chest. "I'm not here for that type of inspection. I just need…"
My words were cut off sharply.
"Uh-uh Edward. It's been over six months since your last check up." Winry spoke, stepping around the table she'd been standing at.
"Something could be wrong…" She continued to talk, "Your bolts shouldn't be falling out like that…" her hand reached out to me and drug me towards the bed sitting in the corner of the room. "So get undressed. I need to take the top plates of your auto-mail off to look inside…"
I started to complain, but she gave me a sharp glare that had me quickly in the corner to undress.
-25 minutes later-
"Ouch, Winry, "I sucked my breath in between my teeth in a sign of pain, "that fucking hurt…"
"Oh no it didn't, you big baby," she scolded as she soldered another wire into place in my leg. Winry has just finished my arm, finding no damage after cleaning the residue out from between the wires.
However, when she opened my leg, she found a bunch of loose wires jiggling around freely. I guess that would explain all the pain I have been feeling…Winry began repairing the damage, and not in the gentlest of ways, lemme tell you.
A sizzling shot of hot pain laced up my leg as she reconnected one of the wires. "Fucking-hell, woman. That hurts…"
She mumbled under her breath about me being a baby again and went back to work.
"Seriously, Edward. How could you cause this much damage…? It's astonishing… Really!" Winry said setting down the soldering gun as she finished. Without thinking she casually moved her pale yellow hair from one shoulder to the other.
This is when my eyes caught it. A bright –fresh- purple mark on her pale neck. I quickly took in a shocked breath as a bout of adrenaline surged through my veins.
It wasn't long before she noticed that I had noticed. In quick motions Winry jerked her long blonde locks back where they had been covering the mark. She turned her face so I could only see her profile, but I still caught the blush riding the peaks of her cheeks.
I didn't understand why right away, but I was angry. Not at the fact she was with someone else. No, nothing as petty as that because I had already let her go. It was in the reason I knew the other guy was Russell… and that knowledge lit a fire under my ass.
"I see you're still with Russell…" My teeth clenched at my accusation in attempt to stop the rest of my nasty words from forming. I saw the confirmation flinch wash over her. So it was true…I thought with a dangerous heat backing my inner turmoil. I was lividly pissed off; I didn't want to be in this bed any longer. Fuck the damage in my leg. I voiced my wants clearly in a growl… "Lemme' up." I couldn't look at Winry; otherwise, I would say something I knew I would regret later.
I heard her sigh heavily to my left before she spoke timidly. "Edward don't be this way…"
My head whipped around towards her so fast; I had no control over the intensity of my glare. "What way would that be, Winry?" I said her name harshly like a slap to the face, and I knew she visible felt the sting.
"…the way I felt as I came home to my girlfriend of six years," I added quickly with venom in my words, "whom I trusted and loved, only to find her fucking my partner who I honestly thought was my best friend up till that very moment."
"Edward…" Winry whimpered out as a tear slid down her cheek.
I sat forward as much as my automail leg would let me. Not really caring I was making her cry. I'd never spoken this horrible to her, ever. I just had no control over what was flowing out of my mouth. I was still hurting, even though I had let Winry go. I couldn't help to feel the puncture wound of a bad break up baring into my hide. "Tell me, in what way am I being…?"
I tracked Winry's movements as she stood in the middle of the room with a stunned look riding within her cloudy gaze. She knew I was speaking the truth of the matter…
She continued to just stand there, blinking watery tears towards me. It wasn't going to work, not this time. I snorted while closing my eyes and flopped back onto the bed. This shit wasn't worth it… "That's what I thought… Now close me up, I'm ready to get the hell out of here."
The motion of Winry tucking wires and closing the plates on the fronts of my shins and thighs was done gently as if she didn't want to touch me anymore. I thought, Good; now I can get out of here.
When Winry was bolting the last screw into place, her small voice chipped in.
"I thought you would understand…" She kept her eyes facing downwards as she paused for a second, and in that second I believed she was done speaking. Winry let out a tired sigh. I could hear the wariness deflating in her breath before she started talking again in a more assertive tone. "Didn't you just go on a date last night?" She asked, all signs of tears erased from her blue eyes.
Her words were spoken with a vile temperament behind them. This is when I realized her crying was a ploy to get me stop yelling at her. Well fuck that…
I couldn't help but groan inwardly at the mention of my and Roy's date last night. My eyes fell shut as I spoke next, "He's different…" I instantly froze as Winry gasped at what I had said. Realizing what I had done, it was too late to take back my words. My face drained of color, and I couldn't catch my breath for the life of me.
Oh fuck…
Confusion covered Winry's voice, "Excuse me?" Her hand found her chest like that of a damsel in distress who had just learned her prince charming was actually a flaming homosexual. She looked thoroughly disgusted at my unintentional omission.
Oh fuck-ity fuck… I felt like slapping myself for my stupidity.
"I-I-I…" I was stumbling over my words as my eyes darted around the room for a way out.
"D-d-did you just say, He?" She questioned as her pale eyebrows wielded together in the middle.
My first reaction was to lie, but loud warning bells sounded out through my head, screaming, "Mayday…mayday…do not lie…" But my mouth didn't listen.
"N-no… I said she's different. SH-E!" I enunciated the S and H on She to drive the concept home. But it only came out sounding like I was shushing towards Winry. Her face told me she didn't believe me nor my poor attempts to sway her.
My ears and face turned a deep maroon color.
"No, I clearly heard you say he, as in a man!" Her expression took on a more sour apple appearance before she said, "You're gay." It sounded more like a statement than a question to my ears, and I could feel my heart dropping into my stomach.
Fuck… I felt my eyes close before I took a single breath through my nose and let it out my mouth, readying myself to omit the obvious truth.
Opening my eyes, I focused directly on Winry, who was standing a little bit in front of me. "No, I'm not gay…" I paused because that didn't sound convincing enough. I tried again. "I'm not gay…or...I don't think I am."
My voice quaked with uncertainty, and the look Winry was giving me wasn't helping any.I let out a growl of frustration and stood abruptly. I went over to where my clothes were lying in a pile in the corner and vigorously put them on.
This whole time Winry watched me like I was a cockroach beneath her boot and couldn't understand why I was trying to be more than I was. Already emitting waves of irritation, my ill-tempered mood was deepening further with each passing second.
I knew I should have expected this sort of reaction from Winry. She had told me periodically when we were together that she couldn't understand how two men could do that sort of thing with each other.
I snapped out of my thoughts. The amount of anger I was feeling was uncanny. You know what, fuck this. I don't need this shit… I headed for the door, all the while hopping on one foot to get my boots on both feet. I didn't want to slow down long enough to put my shoes on correctly. I needed to blow this joint immediately.
My pride was the only thing that stopped me by the door, though. My hand rested on the knob, but instead of walking out, I paused. "You know what, Winry?" I spoke slowly, facing the door. "I might be gay, and might being the big word there, but at least I know for sure, I'm not a cheating whore."
With that, I walked out the door.
I realized as the door chimed closed behind me that I needed to find a new automail mechanic.
The best part: I couldn't find an ounce of care.
I should have known Winry would call Russell and cry to her new boyfriend.
In hindsight of everything, I wish I would've kept my big mouth shut…
Walking into the station, I was receiving a lot of strange looks from the people I passed in the lobby. I brushed them off, thinking- I hadn't been here for a while, they are probably wondering what I'm doing here now.
I continued to walk down the hallway that led to the conjoined office I shared with six other detectives. I was about to step through the open door, when I heard my name being spoke in a laughing matter.
"You mean Elric's gay?" This was from Detective Archer.
I felt my inside crumble at those four little words.
"That's what Winry said…" Russell's baritone voice spoke with a laugh lining his words. I felt something worse than rage building in my gut.
My ex-partner went on to say, "…I just got a call from her. She was in tears over what happened between the little queer and her." My hands clenched into fists… They were talking about something they knew nothing about!
The final straw was the derogative comment that came out of Archer's mouth in response. "I always knew the little fag was a pillow-biter." The room was alight with laughter at my expense.
"Don't you mean an ass bandit…?"
"Fairy pusher…"
The laughter continued like fuel on an open pit of fire, and I was the explosion begging to erupt.
I pushed around the corner and slammed my fist down onto the first desk nearest the door. The laughter in the room died off quickly, replaced by utter silence as everyone turned to look at my seething form.
I was breathing heavily, bangs falling over my eyes.I stood there with my head hung and my fist resting on the edge of the brown desk. To say I was pissed was surely an understatement. I had to withhold all thoughts of strangling everyone in the room with my bare hands. My fists clenched at my sides; my automail hand groaned under the pressure.
These men – who knew nothing of my real life – stood openly in the office mocking my sexual orientation. Well fuck them.
I raised my head to glare at everyone standing speechless in the small room. My eyes landed on Russell, and our gazes locked.
The blonde jerk who stole not only my girlfriend but my job was now spreading rumors about me like a child in high school. I was over this childish game.
Marching determinedly towards Russell, my line of sight never wavered from the bastard before me. When I stood toe-to-toe, I had to gaze upwards. Normally, back when we'd been friends I hadn't rarely cared for such superficiality. He was my friend, my brother... That kind of pettiness never existed between us back then. But now staring upwards at his overly smug face, I felt a flood of anger come crashing down over me.
I did the only thing I could think of… With the sound of blood pumping in my ears, I mustered all my strength and pulled back to punch him as hard as I possibly could. I struck Russell dead on his mouth. His blonde head tipped backwards from the force, and he stumbled on to one of the desks behind him.
"I am. Not. Gay…" I spoke through gritted teeth.
He was fucking lucky I hadn't used my metal hand. My automail fist at my side was itching to hit him again.
With a heaving chest I watched Russell sit upwards; his long hand was covering his bleeding fat bottom lip. I honestly felt self-satisfied for a solid second before I realized the blonde man before me was smiling arrogantly behind his fingers and was gazing over my shoulders. I took a step forward towards Russell. Readying myself to knock that look off the bastard's face, but a voice of authority behind me stopped me in my tracks.
I felt dread creep up my spine.
"Detective Elric!"
I turned slowly to pass a glance behind me at Lieutenant Marco. My ranking officer stood in the archway of the door looking furious at what he had just witnessed.
I was thoroughly fucked. There was no way to explain what I just did…no excuse as to what I was about to do… I was plainly fucked.
And Russell knew it… My eyes got round at that thought, that's why he'd been smiling. My insides twisted violently. He planned this!
I realized what Russell was playing at. He had taken my woman and my job, and now he was trying to take over my life. The nasty feeling of anger swelled within my chest. I was burning in my inner heat.
I had trusted him… like a brother… I looked back over towards Russell, a scowl riding my face. He was smiling innocently. I wanted to hit him again, but the sound of my ranking officer's voice stopped me again.
"In my office now, Elric!" Marco barked at me before swiftly marching down the hall towards his office.
I glared one more time towards Russell, before turning on my heels to follow my demise down the hallway.
I was almost out the door – everyone's judgmental eyes watching me as I passed – when Russell spoke out, words muffled by his own blood. "You lose, faggot."
I stopped in the archway, spine ramrod straight at Russell's slurs. I think I broke his jaw. It took every ounce of will power not to turn around and finish what I had started. Instead, I kept walking…
As I headed down to Marco's office, knowing what awaited, I couldn't help but think that I should have hit him with my metal hand. God-Damn it.
When I was a teenager, I realized my dream of becoming a police officer we not my own but instead were of my Fathers. You see, m-my dad… well he'd been a Detective, actually he was one of the best. A legend among these parts.
I grew up watching him catch the bad guys and put them behind bars. I'd thought as a child of the simple age of 4, one day when I grow up I want to be just like my dad. It's true that at one point in my life I wanted to be a carbon copy of my father. I wanted to wrangle in the villains and be the hero on the front page of the newspaper. I wanted to save the innocent.
But I grew out of these thoughts and wishes by the time I was 9 when I realized my father wasn't the man I thought him to be. When he left my mother for another woman…
Life doesn't always pan out to be black and white or even gray for that matter. The reality of the world is that life was hard and gritty, with the people of the shadows clashing with those of the light. The saddest part of my coming to this realization is that the good guy doesn't always catch the bad guy. Someone couldn't always be around to help the good guy when trouble was too grand. Even when the supposed "good guy", turns out to be the true evil in this world.
I was Fifteen years old, when my father died in the line of duty.
"To serve and protect…" He'd always said.
Heh, what a load of crap.
I looked down at my hands as I stood outside the precinct I just come out of.
I closed my eyes and groaned internally…
Suspended for a whole month… I groaned with frustration. Without pay— for a whole month… this time I did growl out loud. What am I going to do? I questioned myself as I brought my hands to drag my bangs out of my face.
They even took my girls… a scowl was permanently taking residence on my face. My guns and badge had been confiscated upon my departure out of Marco's office.
This day had turning out to be a rotten egg. With a despondent sigh, I walked down the steps to the side walk and headed home to sulk in private.
Hope you're proud of me, Pa. I thought in a mockery of my success or there in, lack of. The dark cloud following me overhead exploded with an impending downward flow. I frowned even harder than before and hurried my steps in the direction of my apartment. I needed a tall glass of something hard to drink.
By the time I was halfway home I remembered. Roy may still be at my apartment.
"I really hope not." I grumbled as I entered my building.
It wasn't that I didn't want to see Roy at this very moment…Okay. Maybe that was the case. I frowned at my line of thought and took the stairs two at a time to get to the top floor. The elevator was an entirely unstable death trap. I learned my lesson the first day of living here. If you didn't want to die, stay the fuck away from the elevator.
Reaching my floor, a dreadful feeling overtook me. I didn't want to turn the knob of my apartment. It would tell me whether he was still here or not...
Taking a deep breath I reached for the gold door handle and turned it.
Locked.
A great sigh of relief washed over me. At least one thing is going right in my life…
I pulled my house keys out from my coat pocket and opened the door. Kicking off my boots at the front entryway and tossing my jacket over the coatrack, I trudged over toward my fluffy coach and flopped down onto it. I would have to call Roy later and get my spare key from him.
For now, I was content just sinking down into my comfortable cushions, letting my mind rest for the first time today.
Not until my stomach growled did I even contemplate getting up. In the end I did. I made myself a quick sandwich and ate it just as quickly before heading towards the bathroom to take a leak and a soothing well-worth-it shower.
After taking care of business, I quickly disrobed, throwing all my clothes onto the bathroom floor. I entered the hot stream of water flowing over head. My metal foot was clanking around the porcelain tub but I was used to the sound. It was just ambiance to me.
I made swift work with cleaning the day's dirt away from my body. Finishing washing my hair, I tossed the wet strands over my shoulder. I sighed with relief, at least my day is over. No more surprises... I thought with a subtle smile tracing my mouth.
Even though today sucked, everything was going to be alright. I hope, I added with a hint of worry in my thoughts.
Leaning forward, I let my hands support my weight against the tiled wall. I dipped my head back under the steamy water. It felt good, like it was washing all my sins away.
The water slid down my body like a cocoon of warmth, caressing my skin in all the right places. I was becoming more relaxed under the spray, and in no time, I realized heavy arousal was rolling in my gut. My growing erection was the first sign as it pressed up underneath my bellybutton.
A muffled moan broke loose, and I brought my hand down to stroke along the hardness between my legs. A fire erupted in my belly; I was hot with desire. My fingers wrapped tighter around the base and drew up until they were catching on the purple swollen tip. I couldn't tell if I was leaking precum, since the water was washing over me, but somehow I knew I was wet with want.
I bit a whimper out as I squeezed my length in my hand.
My mind instantly went to the time I shared with Roy, not even a night ago. It ripped a ragged groan from my throat. The sound echoed off the green tile surrounding me. My face instantly went red at the passionate noises I was making. I bit my bottom lip again as a preventative measure. It was all for naught though. As soon as my mind began replaying the memory of Roy's hot mouth swallowing me down, I was moaning all over again. This time, I was even louder than before.
I left like dying and crying all at the same time. The emotion rippling through me left me ashamed at what I wanted but turned on with the knowledge that I had already experienced all of this at the mercy of Roy's talented tongue.
It was all on insignificant grounds, I purely wanted more… I wanted Roy.
Fuck, I wanted him. My mind was wheeling in pleasure as my hand stroked me into nirvana.
I should have been thinking of all the reasons not to masturbate over another man, but I couldn't bring myself to stop the imagery and motion of my hand stroking me off. It felt impossibly good.
With my eyes screwed tightly closed, the images of Roy on top of me stroking our cocks together in a fluid motion, assaulted me head on. The way his dark, sultry eyes never stopped watching me writhing in desire.
I was moaning out again, not caring that my neighbors could probably hear me with how loud I was being.
Unexpectedly the power of my orgasm shot through me like a tidal wave on a destructive path. One minute I'm standing up on shaky legs, painting the wall of the shower with thick white strips of cum, and the next I'm swaying on the cool tile walls of, with the edges of my vision blurring.
"Holy fuck…" I wheezed to myself in disbelief.
I stood on fuzzy legs as the water slowly drifted from warm to chilly. The evidence was washed away leisurely as the stream from the nozzle soaked the white tub. Watching the swirling drain my thoughts drifted…Maybe I am gay…Did I just cum ridiculously hard to thoughts of another man?
A bout of shivering racked through my body; the water was getting too cold. I arose from the depths of the icy shower, and hurriedly dried myself off… I seriously needed to thinking about all of this… Confusion rarely happened on my part, and when it did… I always felt like I was stumbling around in the dark. The one good thing in which I could find hope was lying under the brown couch.
My laptop, or to be more descriptive, Google.
The first forty-five minutes of my search on Google led me into a lot of dark areas on the internet. Actually, the first link Google displayed when I typed "gay sex" into the search window was a really bad movie of boy-on-boy porn. I slammed my screen shut at what I had just seen. My face was blistered into a red tomato. Honestly, some things just cannot be unseen.A shudder raced up my spine at the memory. I had learned quickly. It was all in the way you worded your search. I couldn't just type "gay sexy." I had to add detail about exactly what I was looking for. Sadly, I figured this out after opening many gay porn sites.
I sighed as I pulled the laptop away from the coffee table and up onto my lap. Repossessing my fingers on the smooth keys, I typed 'forums for a newly found gay male.' This only pulled a variety of links for HIV positive gay male's sites. I felt my gut churn at that thought. Quickly I moved on.
I deleted the search engine, and typed 'A gay male forum'. Thousands of sites pulled up, but I clicked on the one on top of the list, with four golden stars next to it.
*RealJock was the name of the webpage and, by the look of it, was for gay males to congregate and talk about their sexuality. I dove into the forum like a heroine junkie craving his daily dosage.
I spent the next two and half hours, enlightening myself on all thing homoerotic. Reading post after post, my face and chest grew redder and redder and tighter and tighter. Some of the articles were not as knowledgeable as other, but I continued to read. I was like a sponge absorbing all the water it could
The thing was…I was ignoring anything and everything that had "anal" in the title. This was one area I couldn't wrap my brain around. I got the wanting to kiss and touch and experiment. Roy and I had done that already and I loved every moment. But the thought of him touching my ass in anyway -or vice-a-versa- freaked me the fuck out.
When I felt like I'd read everything I felt I could. My curiosity was about to kill the cat, and I don't even like cats… As my mouse clicker hovered over a link labeled: Anal play, is it right for you? My house phone started ringing, I jumped out of my chair and slammed the lid of my laptop down like I'd been caught red handed... My eyes darted to the clock, it was 9:35pm.Who would be calling at this hour? I stood to retrieve my phone from the cradle on the entertainment center.
I picked up as I recognized the number flashing across the screen. It was Al calling from the hotel. My heart was still beating a mile a minute.
"Hey Al…" I spoke trying to make my voice sound normal and like I wasn't just reading about gay sex...
-"Brother! You finally answer." Al's voice sounded frantic. I was instantly on the alert. All thoughts of anal play were out the window in a burst of a moment.
"What's the matter?"
-"Oh Ed, something terrible…"
I cut him off. "Alphonse are you alright?" the pitch of my voice rose in my excitement. I silently prayed to a god I didn't believe in for everything to be alright.
-"I'm fine." Al spoke, with a tremble in his voice. I felt chilling relief rush through me. Alphonse was alright. But the feeling of ease was gone in the next minute as my younger brother continued to talk.
-"…it's Roy," he said with a sniffle in his voice.
I was instantaneously back to being worried…what happened?
-"Oh Brother, it's terrible." I heard him pause again as someone – probably Riza - spoke to him in the background.
-"Did you tell him?" Riza's saddened voice sounded through the phoneline.
"Tell me what, Alphonse!?" I snapped at my brother. My insides felt tied up in knots. What happened to Roy…?
Al let out a shuttering sigh into the receiver. "Ed…" he spoke in a small voice, "Roy's best friend was murdered."
My insides twisted again. I was really relieved that nothing terrible had happened to Roy, but I was still deeply saddened by what I had just heard.
I tried to speak but my throat hitched in the effort. In an attempt to clear it, I tried again. "D-do they know who did it?" I rattled off, feeling really numb to the conversation I was participating in. I should go to Roy. What he must be going through right now…
Al's small voice chirped over the line. –"No. They have no idea who would do this kind of thing. Maes was well loved in his community." He paused for a moment, which did nothing for my nerves. I wanted to get off the phone and to Roy immediately.
-"Edward…I need to ask you do something for me and Riza…I know you're probably not going to want to, but please just hear me out…" There was another pause. I assumed Al was gauging if I was still on the line.
I was paying attention, admittedly actually. I let him know with an improbable softness in my voice. "Yeah, Al. What is it?"
-"Is there any way you could…hang out with Roy…tonight?" He followed his request quickly. "He knows near to no one else in the city, and from what Riza has told me, you met him at our wedding reception-."
I was speechless. I knew how I would've answered before everything had happened between Roy and me. But now, I didn't know how to make it sound believable.
"I-I…ah…" I stumbled over my words until Alphonse interrupted.
-"Oh don't be that way, Ed. We really need your help. Please."
"Well, when you put it that way…how can I resist?" I answered as nonchalantly as I could with my and rubbing along my neck.
-"Thank you, Brother. Thank you so much. You don't know how much this means to me and Riza."
An image of Al bowing with phone receiving held to ear flashed across my mind. Shaking my head, I cut him off before he could get too mushy.
"Al, its fine. I'll just go over with a pack of beer and try… to take his mind off the problem."
Al agreed and told me the address and room number where I could find Roy's hotel. As if I didn't already know…
Hanging the phone up, I hurriedly raced up my stairs to my room, flinging on a black long-sleeved shirt and jeans. Without dawdling I headed back towards the front door, all the while braiding my wet hair back into a tightly woven braid. Tying the end off with the black rubber band from around my wrist, I scuffled my boots onto my feet and reached for my red coat.
Before I knew it, the cool autumn breeze was assaulting me outside my apartment building. I made a quick stop at the liquor store on the way and grabbed a six-pack from the back of the freezer.
I was genuinely concerned for Roy. I knew how it felt losing someone close to you. It would always leave you with a gaping wound in your chest.
Paying the clerk, I exited the store and hurried my steps. I wanted to see Roy right away. I was little antsy, and this emotion didn't sit well with me. It was an unsettling urge writhing in my chest.
I really just wanted to know that he okay in a physical sense of the term. I wasn't sure if Roy was mentally stable or alright. I could be walking into a mess of male tears and sobs, which in my mind was acceptable considering what he was going through. My anxiety spiked. It was very likely Roy didn't want to see me, and I would be turned away. I most certainly did not want that to happen. The fact of the matter was that I didn't understand my feelings towards the other man and that scared me. However, I was certain I needed to see his face as soon as possible.
A hop, skip and jump.
I arrive at Roy's Hotel suit.
Room: 203.
Taking a deep settling breath I raised my hand and rapt on the door with two knuckles. I felt very apprehensive standing there in the empty hallway with its fine carpeting and splendid golden wall paper. The feeling only grew as my knocks were ignored. I tried once again.
*knock knock knock.*
I thought I heard grumbling behind the door, but it could have just been my imagination playing tricks on me. Moments later, I actually did hear a deep baritone voice coming through the wood.
"I already said I didn't order room service… So will you –for the love of all that is holy-. Go. Away."
Standing there stock still, I let Roy's voice wash over me in waves.
He sounds mentally distressed but physically alright... The findings made me frown towards the door in front of me. Roy… my chest squeezed tightly and I urgently wished for the white wood to disappear. I abruptly decided to make myself known.
"Roy," I hoped my voice was cutting through the wood which separated us. "It's me, Edward Elric. We met at my brother's..."
The door flew open faster than I could say the rest of what I was about to...
There before me, stood the man I'd been lusting and worrying about for the past day. He was a lot more rumpled than I remembered, but then again, he was going through some major shit…
I looked up towards his tired but handsome face, and noticed his dark soul-searching eyes were brimming in redness. He had either been crying, or drinking himself into oblivion. I noted. Either way I felt horrible for him.
For Roy's sake –and maybe my own- I smiled as wide as my mood would let me. Trying to lighten the heaviness floating in the air, I brought the beer up to eye level.
"I've come baring gifts…"
In that exact moment, Roy's expression turned from unexpected surprise to confusion and then his face melded into an indirect smile.
I understood. My confusion and denial, my worry for a man I barely even knew was gone. It all came down to the one obvious emotion. I wanted Roy in body, heart, and soul, and it scared me beyond words. It may be a rudimentary principle, falling…in love. It was something everyone was supposed to know, and I was just figuring it out at this moment.
Oh fuck, I was in love.
To be continued…
P.S: Please take a moment if you enjoy Edward/Alphonse pairing and go check my new story out. Blood is thicker than water. It's in desperate need of loving. *hugs and kisses*
Next time: The explanation of Maes Sudden death. :O Roy's P.O.V
RealJock- It's real. I'll have you know. I found it while looking at forums on the internets. It's really informative about anything homosexual related. I've honestly learn a lot about being in gay relationship through other people experiences and stories. If you're curious check it out. It free and safe, and you learn about a lot of cool, interesting and informative things.
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