Thank you for your reviews guys!
It's still freezing cold outside and I'm counting down the days until Christmas when I'll finally go home after this semester at school – it really feels like Hogwarts here :D
So…Jade's still dealing with nightmares, but she's at home and with more trust and family together it might help to stop them, what do you think?
Jade was exhausted when she climbed to bed, pulling out small vial of sleep-less potion.
Madame Pomfrey gave it to her a while ago, saying that she can use it whenever she needs, but only this one, and if the nightmares come back, they'll have to talk about it.
She also explained that now when Jade starts to like her family more and more, she has a lot more things to lose which results in the nightmares, as all her fear has origin in her worries that she would lose even more than she did so far.
The thing is that Jade didn't feel like talking about it, not yet, so she didn't use the potion and just pretended the nightmares went away.
At school it wasn't a big problem, with her bed charmed to keep her quiet while she slept she didn't worry about her roommates.
Sure it was exhausting to wake up in the middle of the night and be unable to sleep until next day but Jade considered it to be still better than talking about her past or her fears.
Now, back at home she wouldn't wake everyone, just Molly and Arthur because they put the silencing charm around theirs and Jade's bedroom last summer, but they thought the problem was solved as madam Pomfrey wrote them after Jade told her it's fine.
Jade was thinking it over. Should she risk it and just sleep, or take the only dose of potion she had and start her routine of sleeping every other night since tomorrow?
She wasn't particularly fond of the idea, but remembering how stressed and exhausted Molly was when the nightmares started in summer Jade decided it was her only option. She chugged down the tasteless potion and was asleep before her head hit the pillow.
She slept pretty well, and only woke up around six in the morning when someone knocked on her door.
"Come in!" she called softly still half asleep, bundled under the blankets.
It was cold outside and the air in her room, even though it was warmer than out, still felt chilly and uncomfortable, compared to the warmth of her bed.
It was Arthur who knocked on her door. He was on his way to work, taking some early morning shifts before holiday so he could be at home with family on Christmas Eve and he checked Jade's room when he was walking past, just a habit he picked up during the years of raising up his little kids.
And through her half-open door he saw a glass vial laying on the floor.
He walked in slowly, crouching down next to her bed, holding the side of the mattress for balance and picked up the glass.
"Honey, what is this?" he asked seriously, looking Jade straight in the eyes.
When she didn't answer he continued "did you take some potion last night? Did mom give it to you?"
"No, it was from madam Pomfrey." Whispered Jade looking down at her hands.
"What was it?" Arthur wanted to know. He was sure school nurse wouldn't give his daughter anything harmful, but it still wasn't ok to give kid some potion she could take herself, without her parents at least knowing about it.
"It was for dreamless sleep." Jade mumbled.
"Why? …oh! Did your nightmares come back? Did you have one last night? I thought you said they stopped." Asked Arthur confused and sat down on Jade's bed, suddenly feeling very tired.
"No, it was just… precaution?" Jade sort of asked. "I didn't want to have a nightmare so I took it. It was just one dose for me if I needed it."
"But the nightmares stopped, right?" Arthur insisted.
"Well, sometimes yes, but…" Jade hesitated.
"But why didn't you tell us?" he asked, sounding disappointed.
"I don't want you to worry, I still remember how Molly looked every morning after I had a nightmare this summer and …"
"that's what parents do. We take care of our kids, but you need to let us know when something's wrong. And sleepless potion is not a solution." Arthur said strictly but kindly, when he saw Jade's eyes glitter with tears.
"I'll let you sleep a bit more, but you need to tell mom yourself ok? Or I will do it when I come back from work, but I'm sure she'd rather hear it from you." He leaned over to kiss her on her forehead.
"Don't cry now, it will be fine and we'll get through this together ok? I'll see you tonight, and tomorrow we can spend morning in Diagon Alley before we go to pick up Charlie and Bill from the station." Arthur waved good-bye a disappeared downstairs, closing the door softly behind him.
Jade snuggled back down under the covers, wiping her eyes with the edge of her pyjamas. This wasn't how she imagined the beginning of the winter break, but somewhere deep down she felt relieved. Now she has to tell Molly and they will find some solution and maybe she wouldn't have to worry about waking everyone up every time she went to bed.
The only problem was, how do you start a conversation like this? It wasn't exactly a topic you would talk about over breakfast.
It was still dark outside and there was no need to hurry downstairs to face Molly so Jade closed her eyes and fell into blissful slumber for another hour.
Now it was seven, still pretty early but Jade was used to getting up for morning classes. She got dressed in her sweats (a hand-downs from Bill) and flannel shirt, she even pulled on two matched wool socks and combed her hair carefully, things she never paid attention to, but now every second that would set her further from going down and confessing about the night terrors still going on, was good.
Finally there was nothing more to do, no more things to put away, and she could keep straightening her bed cover only for so long.
Downstairs Molly was busy with preparing breakfast, she knew there was at least one more hour before first hungry kid comes down, but she liked to have everything ready. Usually she had Ginny's company in the morning, her youngest being the only early riser in the family.
"Hi." Jade greeted quietly and slipped behind the table, sitting on her usual place.
"Oh, good morning dear. What would you like for breakfast? I'm making scrambled eggs and toast but we also have cereals and fresh bread if you want." Said Molly cheerfully and flicked her wand in the direction of shelf with plates and big porcelain plate with blue ornaments came flying, softly landing on the counter.
"Eggs are fine, thank you." Jade almost whispered and then coughed, realizing how weird she sounded and trying to blame it on dry throat.
"Alright, here you go." Said Molly, putting a plate full of eggs and bacon on the table, while she added the first batch of toasts into their toast-holder which was set in the middle of the table. It was charmed to keep toasts warm and crunchy.
"Thank you." Said Jade and started to eat. There wasn't the usual wide selection of Hogwart's breakfast food but in her opinion this breakfast was thousand times better.
When Jade finished eating and was just sitting there, staring at the tea in her cup, Molly sat down opposite her and asked what's going on, while she pretended to wipe table with her tea towel casually.
"Nothing." Answered Jade in a tone which suggested she has no idea what Molly's talking about.
"Oh, come on, the sooner you say it, the sooner we can start cleaning and getting this house ready for Christmas." Teased Molly.
"Now, young lady, if you don't tell me right away we'll have to add some extra chores on your list. Is it some boy?" continued Molly, still in a light tone, she giggled and got up. She never pressed her kids to tell her something unless they wanted, or it was really serious, and as she couldn't think of anything important right now, she figured that Jade will say it when she wants.
She was half way back to the counter, where she was starting a dough for walnut-vanilla crackers when Jade suddenly said:
"the nightmares are getting worse and I took a dreamless sleep potion last night."
"You what?" Molly turned around, looking very angry and worried at the same time.
"I had one dose from madam Pomfrey, and I just didn't want to wake you up in case I had another…bad dream. Please don't be mad, I'll never take it again, and I'll be quiet at night, I promise." Exclaimed Jade, not sure why Molly would be angry.
"But they told us you're fine now, school nurse said the nightmares stopped!" yelled Molly, not really sure why she was yelling, as it really wasn't helping the situation but she couldn't stop herself.
"You need to tell us things like this Jade. It's not something you can deal with on your own. Why would you lie about something like this?"
"I didn't want you to worry." Sobbed Jade. "In summer you worried all the time. I don't want that."
"But you are my responsibility now Jade. You are our kid and we are family. Families deal with things like this together. You are only eleven, you need someone to talk to. Our family healer said that nightmares which come back are very tricky to stop. There's no potion or spell to help, you just need to talk about what scares you and deal with it, but you can not do it alone. That's why you have us." Molly finished more softly now.
"I know. But there's nothing you can do about what I'm afraid of. It's stupid really, and I know exactly what you'll say. I just… I need to learn believe in it, I guess."
Jade tried to explain, wiping her nose with her sleeve.
Molly silently handed her a handkerchief from the clean pile of laundry which was leaning against the wall in the corner.
"What is it? What is your fear?" She wanted to know, looking at Jade intensely.
"it's stupid, really…I keep having this dream when you all stand in the garden, and it's some kind of a picnic and everyone is there. You, Arthur, all your kids, Remus, and Luna and you look so happy. And I stand in front of the blue metal gate we have by the mailbox and I look at you. And when I call you, nobody looks at me, only Arthur comes and closes the gate and walks away, back to you. And I just stand there and cry and beg you to let me in, but then you pack everything and rush your kids inside and you close the door, but I can still see you through the window. And…" Jade hesitated, her eyes filled with tears she was trying to hold in.
"It's ok darling, we would never ever do anything like that, you know it right? You are ours forever…" whispered Molly, sitting down next to her child and hugging her close, while she shivered.
"But then something starts to pull me away from the gate, and I can never see it, but I always yell and try to stop it, but it keeps pulling me, and then you all look up and laugh." Sobbed Jade, burying her face in Molly's sleeve.
"That's terrible, it must be so hard to see it all the time." Whispered Molly and hugged her closer, and Jade felt better instantly. As soon as someone agreed that it was terrible and scary to see things like that every night, she felt better. Like, maybe Molly understood, and with the faith of a child, that parents can cure every illness and solve every problem, she suddenly believed Molly will find a way to stop it. She fully trusted that it will go away and she'll never have to worry about it again.
"What will you do?" Jade asked hopefully, looking up at Molly who looked back at her with pure determination in her face.
"We will make the nightmares stop. That's it, no stupid dreams will keep my baby up at night." She said seriously and Jade had to laugh. She felt free and much more happy than just a mere minute ago.
"You know we will never send you away. You have your own hand in our family clock, and it works, which is a proof you're family. Do you thing maybe it would be better is you waited with school one more year?"
"No!" jade exclaimed panicking. There was no way she would stop going to school, she loved it there, and there was so much to learn.
"Ok, ok, don't worry. Well, is there something that seems to help you sleep better?"
"Well, I once fell asleep with Fred and George in the common room and I didn't have a nightmare that night." Said Jade thinking if there was something else.
"Well, maybe we could move you in with Ginny, but that wouldn't really help during the year when you're at school, and she is sick now, I'm worried it might be flu…" Molly seemed worried now.
"see, you're worrying again." Sighed Jade, "that's exactly what I wanted to avoid."
"Ok, I'll tell you what we'll do now. Let's try one more night, you'll sleep in your room, we can have some nice calm evening, and we'll see. If you'll have one more nightmare, then we'll talk about it tomorrow ok? Maybe it will get better now when you're back at home." Molly sounded hopeful but Jade wasn't really sure about that.
"Alright." She finally agreed and got up from the table. Should I go and wake everyone up? We have a lot of cleaning to do after all." Teased Jade but Molly took it seriously.
"We really do, there is still whole first floor which has to be cleaned, plus the garden path could use some cleaning from all the snow we had at night, and I have to bake few more cookies for Christmas, and we still didn't send postcards, and it's only a couple more days until Christmas eve!" Molly started to count out all the chores which needed to be done, so Jade choose the easiest way out and sprinted up the stairs to se if her brothers are up already. Maybe Molly was right, maybe now once she was home the nightmares would stop. And with that happy thought and wide smile on her face she knocked on twins' bedroom door.