Title: Stress
Author: Stargirl888
Word Count: 2200
Spoilers: None
Pairing: Brittany/Santana
Rating: T
WARNINGS: Allusions to Domestic Discipline
Disclaimer: Not mine, never has been and unfortunately never will be :(
Summary: Brittany finally finds out what's up with Santana and they discuss making changes
A/N: So I'm back! Yeah, ummm...its been a while ;) I'm so sorry for leaving you all or so long, and on a cliff hanger like that, but I lost all inspiration, like all of it. I haven't written barely anything in months and then recently I found it again!
Thanks to everyone who has stuck with me through these lulls; it is for you guys that I came back :)
And the next few chapters are practically already done, so don't worry, I won't leave you guys in the lurch for so long again.
I think you've all waited long enough for this, so without further adieu...
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Brittany looked up to see her girlfriend sheepishly re-entering the room.
"It was fine." Santana answered the unasked question.
"And how are you doing?" Brittany asked gently; trying to gauge how Santana was after the new punishment.
"I'm...okay." Santana hedged, to which Brittany raised a sceptical eyebrow and held out her hand towards the latina. "Well I will be; just need time to process; you know?" She took the offered hands and sat on the bed. Brittany nodded understandingly. She considered suggesting they leave their talk for later but decided against it; figuring it would be better to start it now when Santana's defences were still down.
"You ready to tell me what's been gong on?" Brittany watched as Santana stared at a spot on the bedspread for a long moment while she decided where to begin.
"I've just been really stressed." Brittany bit back the urge to scoff at the understatement. "It's not any one particular thing."
"It's all the little things together." Brittany finished for her and Santana nodded in agreement. "All right so what are the little things?"
"Course work; things around here; the stupid cheer leading squad that's been trying to recruit me since before we left Lima. I know they cheer about never giving up; but apparently this team practices what they preach...or cheer; whatever. At least that's only going to last a few more weeks until they realize I'm no longer academically eligible."
"Wait what?"
"I may be on the verge of flunking out of two of my courses." Santana spoke quickly without looking at her girlfriend.
"How are you managing that? You study every evening; even Rachel thinks it's excessive." Santana didn't answer and after a second realization hit "You're not actually studying?"
"I did try but I fell behind in my coursework and there never seems to be enough time to make it up so after a while I stopped trying."
"So you're letting you're letting yourself fail?"
"That's not how I'd put it."
"Then how would you put it?" Santana didn't reply. After a moment Brittany softened, knowing that Santana was disappointed enough with herself that Brittany didn't need to add to it. "Honey, why didn't you say anything; you know I would have tried to help." Santana sighted heavily.
"I'm not meant to find it this difficult.
"It's college; it's not supposed to be easy.
"I know, but not this hard either. I've never even struggled before. In high school I always did well without trying; and I didn't exactly expect for it to be the same but...I couldn't tell you." Brittany unthinkingly pulled Santana into a hug.
"Okay; was there anything else you couldn't tell me?" she asked; Santana still wrapped in her arms.
Santana shook her head, murmuring "I just really miss you.
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They had decided to table the rest of the conversation for that night; both rather tired and feeling that it could be left for when they met up for lunch the following day in favour for spending some much needed relaxing time together.
Brittany met Santana at around one the next day holding a couple of soft pretzels and a coffee for Santana.
"So I've been thinking about things;" She began as they found an outside, fairly secluded bench to sit on. "and clearly we need to make some changes because things are not working at the moment." Santana didn't say anything. She had been expecting a conversation like this after the previous night. "It's not healthy for you to be so stressed all the time."
"I know. I was thinking about taking up jogging; I need an outlet and I haven't really done anything physical since graduated." Brittany raised an eyebrow pointedly and Santana rolled her eyes. "You know what I mean.
"I do." She agreed, smiling. "And I think it's a good idea. I also think that once those courses you're behind on are sorted it'll be better. And with those I wanted to ask; do you have time to catch up if you really work at it or is it past that point?"
"Theoretically I can probably catch up enough to pass it. I wouldn't necessarily do that well but it would be a pass."
"Would it be better to drop them for now and take them in another year?" Santana considered it seriously.
"I'd rather pass them now if I can; it'll be a hassle to organize if I drop them and then want to retake them later."
"Okay, then I think it's time for us to take stock of some other things." Brittany paused to make sure she had Santana's full attention before continuing. Santana nodded for her to go on, albeit with slight trepidation. "Our relationships not great right now, it's fine, but we're going through the motions, and I think that a large part of the reason we're not having more serious problems is because we don't see each other much at the moment." Santana considered that, she hadn't really thought they were in such a bad place, although she hadn't really thought about it much at all... she wouldn't describe where they were at as good though...she realised then that Brittany may have had a point about going through the motions.
"So where do we go from here?" Santana's eyes widened, startled by the question "I'm not talking about breaking up.' Brittany assured her quickly and Santana breathed quick sigh of relief "But we need to do something. When we're around each other; yes we're together but we're not really spending time together, you know? I want to do that more stuff together, go out, see a movie, things like that. Obviously it would also be nice if you could stop treating me like crap too." The sudden segway surprising the latina enough to splutter slightly on the sip of coffee she had just taken. "Don't look at me like that San, you know it's true; and I get that you've been stressed and everything with College but really, it doesn't give you the right to take it out on the world."
"I know," Santana agreed "it's not persona though, you're just around."
"Rachels around a lot more than I am" She added. She didn't challenge Santana's statement because she knew how Santana meant it, and it wasn't an excuse or justification. Santana looked away, embarrassed.
"I'll talk to her." Santana agreed, then hesitated, trying to deicide how to say what she wanted to say. Finally she asked "So where are we?
Brittany raised an eyebrow questioningly, not sure what Santana meant. "This has been happening for months, and last night...that was the first time since before we left Lima. Do you not want to any more?"
This time it was Brittany who was embarrassed. "Want to or not want to is not really the right words."
"Fair enough, but I still want to know."
"I think if this last while has taught us anything it's that stopping isn't a good idea."
"B, if it's what you want...I don't want you to feel like we have no option but to continue" Brittany considered.
"It's not...I don't really want to stop, as such. of course I've thought about it at times, but no, it's not what I want. We're better when we have that element of discipline in our relationship. You're right though, it has been a while, and I've been letting a lot go. I was actually thinking about this this morning though and I'm thinking we need to do like a reboot on the whole domestic discipline front." Santana waited for Brittany to explain more; sure that 'a reboot' wouldn't exactly be pleasant but willing to hear her out. "We both need to get back into the rhythm of things again; so I think that maybe we should go over the ground rules. We haven't really talked about them in years, because we both know them implicitly, but I think now might be a good time to review them properly, you know, remind ourselves.
"Okay," Santana agreed, thinking it probably wouldn't be a bad idea.
"I was also thinking, and give me a chance to explain before you shoot this down, we should maybe look at doing maintenance spankings; at least for a while." Santana nodded for her to go on without comment "On the one hand it would be good to get us back into that whole flow again, and I think that the connection would be good for us too. You know I don't like punishing you, but I do miss those moments of connection around it. And they wouldn't be like a punishment, just...a warm up." She didn't add that she also thought it would be good to give Santana more opportunities to get out pent up emotions in a non-destructive way if she needed it. On hearing Brittany's reasons she could in some ways see her girlfriends point; and though she wasn't about to admit it, she also missed those occasional moments of complete love and openness after a spanking. Even if she didn't like the idea of being regularly spanked when she hadn't done anything.
"So it would only be with you on top?" Santana clarified.
"It doesn't have to be; we can switch if you want to; I just thought..."
"That I'm the one who needs to be kept in line?" Santana flushed as she said it.
"I didn't say that." She refuted but Santana ignored her, knowing it was true. She considered it.
"We can try it. I don't like it for obvious reasons, but it could be good; and I wouldn't mind trying to get back a little more to how we were before we started switching. So we can try one way and see how it goes."
"Do you not want to switch any more?" Brittany asked curiously. Santana shrugged.
"I don't mind it; but I also don't really feel like we are switches. It's more like the majority of the time we're one way, and then there are just those occasional times when we switch because of something specific; it's not a core underlying aspect of Us. That's probably why I'm okay with the occasional change, if it became more even...I don't know how I'd feel about it.
"Okay, so then we still switch and we're going to give the maintenance spankings a go?
"Yes." Santana confirmed "So when do you want to do this whole rule review thing, because we only have like another few minutes before I have to go to my next lecture."
"Well I'm home on Thursday night, so what if we do it then? We can sequester ourselves in my room with some pizza and have a night to ourselves."
"A night to ourselves discussing all the ways I can get myself into trouble." Brittany gave her a look half way between exasperation and hurt and Santana relented; admitting, "It actually sounds like a good idea."
"Okay good. Now one last thing, and it's going back to your courses, do you wan't me to help you with accountability and your studies? I probably wouldn't even know where to begin planning and what needs to be done for when, but if you come up with a plan I can help holding you accountable for sticking to it. It's entirely up to you though, I won't push if you don't want me involved." Brittany assured her; it wasn't her role to force the issue unless Santana wanted her to.
Santana gave her a disbelieving look; knowing Brittany wouldn't be able to not try monitor her progress now even if she tried. It would help make her life easier in some ways too. "You can help." she agreed.
Brittany glanced at her watch and realised they were out of time.
"Okay so we can discuss that also on Thursday." They began clearing away their litter to the nearby trash and got ready to part ways, Santana to her class and Brittany to go home to get ready for work.
"So we're okay then?" Santana asked just before they separated.
"Yeah." confirmed, giving her a quick peck on the lips "And don't forget to talk to Rachel."
"I won't." Santana replied with an eye roll, though she was smiling, knowing it was meant well.
"Okay." Brittany agreed, with a smile and another quick kiss "I love you. I'll be out before you get home, but I'll see you in the morning."
"K." Santana agreed and they each headed off in their separate directions to the rest of their day.
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AN: So there you have it, a nice full chapter for you guys and you finally know what was going on with Santana. I'm really curious to know who's still around and still reading this years down the line, so please review; and if you're new to this fic, please review too; I always want to know my readers thoughts!