Not a year this time right? I'm trying I promise!
I really hope that you guys like this chapter!
Disclaimer. Obviously this is not the Maximum Ride series, as I'm on a fansite. I still wish I owned Iggy though.
Things had been a bit awkward after our walk home. Fang seemed to sense it, really the whole house seemed to sense that I was off, though I really wanted to know how considering I had ceased to verbally communicate. We ate dinner in silence, with Camy shooting curious glances at Fang and me. I wished she would stop.
I refused to make eye contact with Fang, though I worried that he would think that I was still mad at him. I was far from mad at him. I wanted to ask him for his forgiveness, rather than make him think that I was still upset. He had been honest with me, and I had shoved him away with all possible force. I could feel his eyes boring into me, so I stared at my mashed potatoes as though I could make them levitate through my sheer force of will.
I had to fix this.
"Max, are you all right?" Fang's mom asked me, her eyebrows drawn together with worry. I glanced up to see matching faces on everyone else at the table, and realized that I was the only one with food still on my plate and I hadn't even taken a bite yet.
I felt a blush rise to my cheeks as I nodded. I took a bite of my mashed potatoes and began to carry my plate to the sink. I wasn't that hungry anyway. Though I knew it might worry everyone more, I had to get out of this kitchen. I couldn't sit here any longer with those worried eyes all on me. I took the stairs two at a time and locked the door to my bedroom immediately.
I knew they would come to check on me, so I put on some music. I needed to think about a few things, and I didn't want to be interrupted. I fell across my bed and began to deliberate, ignoring the knocks at my door until they went away.
Fang was right. I had changed, and although I didn't like who I had become, I didn't know how to change back. I hated this new Max. This girl that cried at the drop of a hat, trembled in the face of danger, and refused to search for her courage.
Fang was right. It was time for me to change back.
So, as the evening wore on, I tried to decide what that would look like. How can a person change overnight? What could I do that was different? That could bring me back to myself? A person can become tired of jumping at their own shadow.
It had to be big. It had to be something that showed Fang that not only was I sorry, but I was trying. I had to show him that I could be me. So I agonized over his speech from the choir room, and I wondered how I could make my actions the most meaningful.
I thought about this new me, what had changed the most. Not just in becoming scaredy-cat-Max, but also in what had forced her to stick around. Even now, with four safe walls and temporary freedom, scaredy-cat-Max didn't seem ready to leave. What was keeping her here?
I thought of those years in darkness, in the shadow of Walters amusements. How I had secretly wished that someone would come for us. That someone would be the hero, and rescue not only my sisters, but me. I had prayed for rescue, though I didn't know if I even believed in a God anymore. And since my prayers were secret, I'll admit that I prayed for Fang. I thought about the despair after a few months when I had realized that Fang wasn't planning on coming for me.
That had been the worst –thinking that no one would ever save me, that I could never be normal again. That's when scaredy-cat-Max had taken over my body. She believed that she could handle this new despair. She could endure what I could not. She could cope with the fear that rescue would never come.
Except, rescue had come.
Fang came for me in that place. He risked his life to drag me out of the darkness. In those moments, when I realized what had happened, I had felt hope. I had fallen to the ground in relief when we entered the safety of Fang's house, because I had felt hope. That's when scaredy-cat-Max had decided that she wanted to stay, when I realized that I was terrified of hope.
I was done.
Scaredy-cat-Max needed to go. I wanted my body back, and I only knew one way to take it.
Which is how I decided that tomorrow, like or not, I was going to find my voice.
I was going to talk to Fang.
-YourMoosyFate