-She said "don't get too close.
It's dark inside. It's where my demons hide.
-And I answered...
"Get too close, there is a hell inside of me, it's where your demons can live.
-unknown
The drive home was silent and uncomfortable. Edward never glanced my way; his angry eyes were targeted on the road in front of us as we sped towards home. It had taken everything in me not to cry, but I could feel the moisture welling in my eyes and I knew Ed would not be oblivious to this. There was nothing he didn't notice. My eyes slid over to him and my heart raced at the sight of him. He was the physical embodiment of raw power and he sent this message in subtle ways, barely moving at all. It was in the unwavering feirceness of his gaze, in the way he clenched his jaw when he was angry or stressed, in the confident smirk he wore. His right hand moved to grip the top of the steering wheel, and the white and yellow bubbles of reflected street lights streaked up the windshield, gleaming off his metal fingers. My eyes fell to his hand and I saw the blood on his knuckles. It had dried into a cakey, dark paste smattered in the hinges connecting his fingers, and the passing street lights revealed the grusome message behind it. My stomach turned at the consideration of what he had done to those men.
We finally pulled into the parking garage on my street and after finding a spot he powered down the engine and just stared at the wheel for a moment, seemingly engrossed in contemplation. The quiet tension continued to thicken. After several moments I glanced at him nervously, humiliated from the encounter and anxious to know what he was thinking.
"Please say something?" I whispered. He remained silent; never looking my way and angled himself out of the vehicle. Before I knew it my side door was yanked open and he looked away from me as I stood up. We walked back to my apartment and he opened the door, ushering me inside and thats when I whirled around.
"What the hell is your problem? I'm sorry I didn't tell you before but I never thought you'd react like this. Why are you so mad?"
"I'm processing." He corrected, closing the door behind him and tumbling the dead bolt into place. "Perfect Blood is supposed to be a myth."
"The military worked very hard for a very long time to turn the reality of my condition into a myth. They've worked secretly with the media for years drip-feeding the idea of Perfect Blood to the public so that when the truth comes out someday, hopefully the reaction will be different from before. More controlled, less chaotic for me. This was all over the news when I was a little girl, don't you remember it? It was huge worldwide."
I had shrugged out of his blazer and he rolled his sleeves to his elbows, getting comfortable as he eyed me in speculation.
"When did this all happen again?"
I thought back for a moment. "Well I was seven when we discovered it, so twenty years ago. Wow, I can't believe its been that long." I could see the gears turning in his mind as he did the math.
"If you were 7 that would have made me 9 when this happened..." His voice trailed off and his eyeline fell to look past me. "No, I don't recall anything about this in the news."
Silence slipped over us before his eyes fixated on my once again.
"Your arm." He started as stepped closer to me. "Why is it bruised? Did those guys-"
"No. It wasn't them." I covered the yellowish brown spots forming on my skin with my hand, shying away from Edward's analyzing gaze. "I...I ran into Major Kimblee back at the fundraiser. He was drunk. It's not a big deal, I'm fine."
My attempt at waving it off was wasted on Elric, who's look of irritation was back full-force.
"He and I don't exactly get along. What did he say to you?" Kimblee's dreadful words replayed in my mind like a broken record. The warnings that I had easily shaken off earlier had reattached themselves to my psyche after witnessing Ed's reaction to the comments from the two druggies outside.
"Nothing," I lied, "Just a bunch of incoherant babbling. He was slurring his words."
"Don't lie to me, Rockbell. Kimblee was one of the soldiers Mustang sent me to question. Tell me what happened, what are you afraid of?"
"I'm not afraid of anything!" I piped up a little too loudly in my attempt to remain nonchalant. "I'm tired, I'm gonna go to bed."
"You're not going anywhere. I've got questions and you're gonna answer them." Edward admonished with his hands on hips. Suddenly I felt like a teenager again, scolded for the secrets I'd been keeping, and I was also feeling irrationally angry. I knew just who to take it out on.
"There's nothing to tell, Edward! I'm exhausted, can I please go to bed?!"
His brow furrowed as he stood there, clearly not ready to fold.
"You're being ridiculous, Winry. I need to know what Kimblee said to you and I need you to tell me about your involvement with the military. It isn't safe for you to keep me in the dark. Stop acting like a child!"
I reeled back in shock, and my anger began to boil over.
"I am NOT acting like a child and I'm NOT afraid of telling you anything! Its 4 am, I just wanna sleep!
"Don't give me that." He responded, "You're afraid of everything! You say you're serving a purpose by locking yourself away and only coming out when Mustang's people need to experiment, but I can tell you want more and you're just too scared to go after it. I'm responsible for your safety yet you're too afraid to tell me why you're so important to the government. I'm on your side Winry, you can trust me. You don't need to be afraid of me!"
"Shouldn't I be?!" I blurted out. I hated the way he had just read me like an open book. "People would attack me in the streets! They thought I could save them, but I can't. Not yet anyway. I became a social obsession who couldn't leave home because of what others would do and say when they recognized me. You saw what happened tonight! Why subject myself to the torture when we haven't cured anything yet?!"
He folded his arms and went to say something but I cut him off. I knew he couldn't understand what I was talking about but I was too angry and upset to care, and I melted down.
"Don't you stand there and acuse me of acting like a child. You have no idea what growing up has been like for me; what sacrifices I've made to help the world. How dare you judge me! You wanna know what Kimblee said? He said that you're not supposed to be here. He said that someone over Roy's head ordered you here against Mustang's wishes and that you're mentally unstable."
The knuckles of my clenched fists paled from the pressure.
"What exactly did you do to those men tonight? Kimblee said that you've killed people, and you have the gaul to chastise ME for keeping secrets? So what if I am afraid. Maybe I should be since I've been forced to live with a controlling head case with anger issues!"
He glared at me hotly as I shot daggers back at him, huffing and puffing from my furious tirade; my breathing ceased for a moment when he stepped to me and leaned in close.
"I don't need to show up to every argument I'm invited to, and I certainly don't need to waste my time having a 'whos-life-is-worse' contest with you; but if it'll shut you the hell up then I'm happy to oblige. I'm painfully aware that I shouldn't be here. It's all I think about. I'm also aware of what it means to have a difficult past. You know you aren't the only person here with an abnormality."
My gaze fell to his folded arms and the incandesent light that reflected off metal. Cold reality splashed over me when I recalled the terrible things I'd just said to the man who was only trying to help.
"It's true, I've killed a lot of people for the government. Believe me when I tell you they deserved it. But you're not the first person that I've been sent to save. I didn't seriously injure those guys; they'll need some stitches but they'll be fine. You've got some nerve painting me to be the bad guy simply because I don't deal with your bullshit."
His steely resolve was slipping and my heart pounded away anxiously.
"I'm controlling because its my job to be in control. I need information from you because Mustang's hands are tied and it's my job to be fucking informed. And I'm angry for reasons aside from your behavior. I'm angry for reasons you wouldn't understand!" He bellowed.
He took a deep breath to collect himself before softening his gaze on me.
"I don't mean to be such a miserable fuck, but if it'll help me keep you alive then that's how it has to be. You need to grow up and start being open with me because its harder for me to keep you safe if I don't know why this guy is after you."
He turned to head to his room and that's when my brain pushed me into action. I reached out and grabbed his metal hand and he stopped, looking back at me.
"Wait," I stammered out, "I'm sorry- I didn't mean to- I- I shouldn't have-"
"Relax." He said, turning to me. I felt him tuck a strand of hair behind my ear and I raised my eyes to his.
"I meant it when I said that you don't need to be afraid of me. I'm here to keep you safe. I would never hurt you, Winry."
I knew that he wasn't just talking about my physical state.
Our argument had sparked newfound energy in me, and at nearly 6 am we were sitting in my darkened living room with a bottle of scotch and the gas fireplace serving as our light source. We sat there passing the bottle back and forth as I told him everything about my condition and the challenges it had brought me in the past, as well as the hopes that it held for the future. He'd speculated that whoever was stalking me must have ties with higher-ups in the military because of all the goings-on over Mustang's head. Cancer is a roughly 6 billion dollar industry and I if went curing the disease a lot of wealthy CEOs would suddenly be out of work. It must've been a conspiracy to stop my involvment with the military, started by someone who stood to make a fortune off the sick. He reasoned that Mustang must've wanted someone else living with me not because he didn't trust Elric, but because he would've had him watching from the outside, making sure that no one even came close to the apartment, and using his sharp mind to weed out the traitors at Central. But Roy's hands were tied by people outranking him who were either too far from the situation to truly understand what was going on, or were the very conspirators hoping to see me dissappear.
"We should turn in," He reasoned, taking a swig from the bottle before corking it. The sky outside had lifted from its blackness to an ombre of dark blue, and we knew the sun was on its way. He grinned at me. "You can barely keep your eyes open." He was right. I was beyond exhausted and would have fallen asleep on the livingroom rug had he let me. He stood and before I could protest he scooped me into his arms and carried me to my room. Sliding into bed was heavenly and my half-opened eyes found his as he sat on the edge of the bed.
"I'm sorry for calling you a headcase with anger issues." I murmured. He smirked at this and I felt his cold, steel fingers brush my messy bangs from my eyes. Without thinking I touched my hand to his and pressed his metal palm flush with my cheek. "This feels wonderful."
I felt him still for a moment. "You don't have to pretend to make me feel better. I know my automail is intimidating."
"It doesn't bother me at all." I replied, "Who am I to judge someone for being different? Lots of soldiers have prosthetic limbs, losing part of your body doesn't make you any less human. You're still a person."
His eyes widened at hearing this and he pulled his hand away, cleanching his fist.
"Get some sleep." He quietly demanded and as he went to shut my door behind him he paused.
"Thank you, by the way." He murmured.
"For what?" He smiled sadly at me over his shoulder.
"...For not asking me how I got like this."
He shut the door.
I awoke several hours later to sunlight pouring in my room; it's brightness amplified by the sheet of crisp white covering everything outside. I slipped out of my dress and shimmied into some black leggings and a slouchy petal pink sweater after I showered. Walking out into the livingroom met me with the surprising sight of Edward passed out on the couch, still clad in his pants and dress shirt from the night before. I couldn't help giggling at how uncomfortable he looked, and I gently brushed an errant golden hair from across his face. Seeing him so relaxed and peaceful made it hard to believe what Kimblee claimed; that he was capable of so much destruction. My tranquil moment with the slumbering adonis was cut short when his hand suddenly lashed out, grasping my wrist tightly and snatching it away from his face as his fierce eyes bore into me. As quickly as he grabbed me he let me go and put his hand to his chest, breathing out slowly.
"Jesus woman, don't sneak up on me like that."
"Sorry." I exhaled. "I didn't mean to startle you."
He rolled himself off the couch and stretched, yawning loudly and scratching his disheveled-looking head as he headed to the guest shower. I brewed us some much needed coffee and ordered some chicken parm sandwiches for us, and made myself comfortable on the sofa just as Ed emerged from his room. He shook a towel over his loose wet hair and grinned as I handed him his coffee; black with a little sugar, just how he likes it.
"So," He started as he settled next to me on the sofa, "I think we need a fresh start. No more secrets, its open communication from now on."
I nodded in agreement before responding, "Well what about you? What will you share?"
His eyes fell away from mine in contemplation, it was plain to see he was weighing his options. "I'll share what I can, but it's not much. There are some things about me that I can't explain to you, even though I want to. I need you to understand that and not push."
I could feel myself brightening from within at this newfound opportunity, and I aquiested enthusiastically.
The next few hours became a blur of coffee, chicken parmesean sandwiches, and him answering any of my questions that he could. He told me about some of his past missions, people he protected, countries he visited. I was dazzled by his vivid descriptions; the humidity and bright technicolor foliage of the amazon rainforest, the incredible sea life he encountered while scuba diving near the Great Barrier reef, the head-scratching mysteries surrounding Easter Island and Stonehenge. I found myself dreaming in the daytime as he spoke of the sun setting over the rolling hills of Tuscany, the magical light show of the aurora borealis dancing through the midnight sky above the snow-capped mountains of Alaska, the way the Grand Canyon seemed to stretch on forever. It seemed to me that heaven existed on earth, and a sudden pang of regret struck me which he noticed.
"What is it?" He questioned.
I drew in a shakey breath to sooth my aching soul.
"I... I'm just so angry at myself. I don't have to stay here all the time. I really can go out and live. I'm just so afraid of being recognized. I can't ask my Grandmother to leave her business so anywhere I go I would be alone, and if someone were to approach me..." I trailed off when I realized I had been rambling. "I can't have another incident like the one at Union Square. I can't subject myself to the possibility that I could be swarmed by people. I want to meet new people, see new places, have adventures. But I can't until we're finished."
"Finished what? How will curing an illness and letting the world know it was really you all along make things any better for you? How will it be safer for you when you leave the house?" Elric asked with a quizzical brow.
"Everyone knew about me years ago when this first hit the news. People didn't understand my unusual gift. I was chased in the streets and cast out in school, and life was really hard. I went to Mustang when I was old enough and we decided that I would mostly go into hiding. The military paid off higher-ups in the media so they would claim that the whole story was false, thought up by a crazed journalist and that I never had Perfect Blood in the first place."
He listened to all of this with an uncommon openess in his steely gaze. "It's our hope that my dissapearance will largely make the world forget me, and then when we finally succeed in our mission, the military and my doctors will reveal what we've accomplished. We're hoping that when its clearly explained to the world exactly what my blood can and cannot do, that people won't have unrealistic expectations. I won't be chased by strangers, or bitten by sick people, or attacked by the angry and confused out of desperation."
I twisted the loose fabric of my sweater in my hands nervously.
"I make an effort to blend into the crowd by not drawing attention to myself." I added, "I wear fairly plain clothes, theres nothing special about my hair, I almost never wear makeup so my face isn't worth noticing. It usually works for me to leave the house looking unremarkable."
Edward's sharp eyes connected back to mine at hearing this.
"You think you're unremarkable?" He puzzled incredulously. "I've got news for you, Rocky. You're far from plain-looking, and there's not much you can do about it so you might as well grow a pair and get over it. The few times we've left this prison I've watched guy-after-guy break his neck as you walk by, baggy sweaters and all. People are gonna notice you no matter what you do, you're not invisible. You need to start conquering this fear, and I'll help you. Its wasted effort for you to try going unnoticed. It'll never work with a face like yours."
I stared at him, unsure of how to respond. I think he mistook my stunned silence for offense because he leaned to elaborate.
"Its impossible to not notice you Winry. I could spot those bright eyes from a mile away."
I blushed, and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear shyly as he stood and pulled me up with him by my arm.
"Put your shoes on." He commanded with a smirk.
"Wait, right now?! We can't go out now, that guy is still on the loose. Plus theres snow on the ground and it's cold."
"Stop with the excuses, Rockbell. You're conquering your fear tonight. We're going to Union Square."
I dug my heels in. "No way! Are you insane?! Couldn't we go somewhere quieter? With security? How about the library?" He pushed me towards the closet where I kept my boots and jacket.
"You know what they say, 'the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step'." He said pulling on his leather jacket. "So step out of your apartment, and step onto the 1 train, then on to the L." I didn't hide my lack of amusement.
"I promised I wouldn't let anything happen to you and I meant it." He said pulling the door shut behind me. "I'll be with you every step of the way."
A/N: Thank you all for the kind words. Its wonderful to know that so many people are enjoying reading this story as much as i'm enjoying writing it. Rest assured to those who have asked, I will not be someone who leaves a story without a proper ending, and I plan to update every couple of days. I have most of this story finished so updating will be easy. Its simply a matter of crossing 'T's and dotting 'I's. Thanks again for the reviews, they are the most powerful motivation for me to write.