I have no connection with any part of the Nashville Television series.
This is a pure figment of my imagination as there is very little information available concerning this situation. It is pretty much being created as I go. Basically, have a new idea, write something about it. There is no plan so I have no idea how long or how many chapters it will be. The only guideline is: when I exhaust my ideas then I will write an ending. I will make an excuse right at this point if the writing becomes verbose or vague. I do not have an editor and I am hopeless at the job. Fiction is an unfamiliar medium. I'm just doing this for a little fun.
The Reconciliation of Avery and Juliette.
Managing the Issues.
Chapter 2.
The Conflict.
"So now," Juliette said. "Where do we go from here?"
"I'll support you completely," Avery said. "I'll go to the doctor with you, any classes you might have. I'll help with any exercises you need to do and I'll be with you at the birth if you want. After the baby is born it'll need to be with you all the time but I'll come around to visit and help you if there's anything I can do. Later on I guess we can work out some kind of co-parent arrangement."
"I see," Juliette did not seem impressed. "That just seems like an easy out to me. I want our child bought up in a real family. I had enough of a disjointed childhood. I'm not going to dump that on our child without a fight. We have issues between us and they need to be sorted out. I don't want our child to pay for our mistakes. We are seriously going to try and solve these problems before I'll settle for some lame joint-parenting cop out. It's time this all got sorted out."
"I suppose you mean how do we reconcile being parents with this Fordham issue between us?" Avery guessed.
"There are a lot more issues between us than just that but we can start there if you like. Actually that is probably the best place to start. We've been though enough crap to last a lifetime over this, now the hens can come home to roost. I promise you though it'll be pretty ugly. You're going to hear some stuff you won't like. You'll hear stuff you were never aware of but you are going to take it no matter how unpleasant it gets. We're going to clear the air around us."
He'd missed something here. He was supposed to take the initiative and solve this like a managerial problem. Somehow Juliette just seized the issue by the throat and he was on the defensive. He could see, any thought of getting control back and he had a major problem. He walked into this. He picked the topic but she grabbed the ball.
"I won't like this? You're the one who slept with him." He attempted to regain some ground but she just went straight over him.
"Ok," Juliette said. "Let's be completely clear about something. To sleep with someone generally infers some level of intimacy, foreplay or an emotional connection. Fordham did not sleep with me unless you consider fucking a prostitute in a back alley is sleeping with her."
Her attack here surprised Avery. No mincing words or niceties. He had never really heard her talk like this before. This was a full on 'go for the jugular attack'. He had a distinct premonition what was coming and he was not going to like it. He was on his left foot right from the start. She was right, he could see this getting ugly quickly. She had spent days constructing and preparing this case and he was going to wear it, right between the eyes.
"No, with this there was no intimacy, no foreplay and definitely no emotional connection." She was determined and he would hear it exactly as she experienced the episode.
"Let me describe what happened between us in plain terms just so we are clear on our point of discussion," she snarled. "Fordham at no point even tried to prepare me. He kissed me once, spun me around, ripped off my underwear, jammed his cock in me and climaxed. It was all over that quickly: roughly a minute. Needless to say it hurt like hell. The fact is I was hopelessly drunk, so drunk that legally I could not have given considered consent even if he allowed me the opportunity. So legally guess what that makes this? However I am not even going to raise issue with that, I've been raped before, several times, especially as a kid. Let's just say I was acclimatized to that a long time ago. No, I was there and I allowed it to happen irrespective of the circumstances. So, I've admitted to it and described exactly what happened. The question is: are you going to acknowledge what you did because in my book you're equally as guilty as me."
"I'm equally as guilty? How do you even dream up something like that? The fact is you were there and that's why it happened," Avery said.
"Fuck you Barkley. You sanctimonious bastard," Juliette swore. Angrily she raised her voice. He was beginning to frustrate her. "Why was I there? Have you ever asked yourself that? You are that conceited you are completely ignorant of everything you did. You think that weak assed apology you made the next morning squares everything for you? It wasn't even close and far too late. If you had done that the previous afternoon then it would have mattered. You weren't the only one with a share of the blame, but you are the one I cared about, the one whose actions distressed me, the one who drove me to that party. Now we are going to sort this out if it takes all night, all tomorrow and there's blood on the floor. You will not walk away from this one."
But that is exactly what Avery intended. He stood up and headed towards the door. Despite what Deacon had told him he could see what Juliette intended was far beyond his emerging capacity to cope and discuss.
Juliette snatched up a solid glass ornament off the table. "No you don't," she shouted. "You're not walking away from this Barkley. Take one more step towards that door and I'll throw this at your head. Walk away now and you'll destroy us. I love you too much to let that happen and you love me too much for me to allow that to happen."
Avery just nodded and sat down.
"There's more to this Fordham business. You remember after the Opry performance he dropped me? Then after HowieV recorded me and half the record labels were trying to sign me he made that deal of my own Imprint and a quarter of a million dollars for you as my producer. He must have been really pissed when we tore it up and signed with Highway65. Actually he must have been more than pissed. I can't prove this but I really suspect, because of how drunk I was, and I was really, really drunk, he saw an opportunity and acted on it. I never went to that party to have sex with anyone. I went there to get drunk, that was my only objective. I'm almost positive he deliberately set me up. He wasn't drunk that night he maybe only had a couple of drinks. I'm sure he tried to take advantage of my drunken state. I think to see how far he could get. I was in a really bad place, I despised myself and I despised the world plus I was too drunk and stupid to know what he was up to. After that he tried to blackmail me into getting fired from Highway65 and signing with him. Otherwise he was going to tell you all about it. I was desperate and that's why you thought I was slipping away. I didn't know what to do."
"But you were still there. You did it to yourself. That's the crux of the matter. If you hadn't gone none of this would have happened. It is so weak and lame trying to put blame on me," Avery said.
"You really are a self righteous bastard aren't you? Have you been listening? You won't even give me the slightest pity or room for doubt. You know what one of your absolute worst faults is? Avery, you hurt people who care about you. You are hurting me right now. You're not even trying to think of what you might have done even though I've said you have a major part of the blame in this. You haven't even asked what you did. No, just shift everything onto me like you have been doing for the past few weeks. I know how you work, when you feel bad say something cruel so Juliette will feel worse. Not even one mention of sympathy, just nothing, but you will understand or I will die trying."
"There is something you need to realize before we begin," Juliette said. "You are my first true love. You and I are a completely new experience for me. The truth is I am twenty-four and I have never even had a parent's love to share let alone something like we have. Consequently I have a lot of feelings I have never experienced before and I don't really know how to handle them or in a lot of cases what they mean. I've had many bad episodes with men. I couldn't tell you how many times I was told someone loved me only to find out they lied. They loved something alright but it wasn't me. Honestly, I reached a point where I thought there was something wrong with me, that no one wanted me. But then I met you. I knew I loved you almost from the start and I believed you loved me. I knew and believed this in my heart. I wanted to be deserving of you but I didn't feel I was good enough. I kept trying, really hard to be worthy. I was improving but my history can't be completely erased in only a few months. This causes my reactions in certain situations to be impulsive or not normal. I am trying to learn. What I do know is you are the complete focus of my world and the worst disaster that can befall me is to lose your love. Right now, as we stand now, is absolute torture for me."
"However, let's take issue with this problem and get it sorted out," Juliette said. "This entire shambles started with your little ex girlfriend Scarlett and is the result of some very poor decisions by Rayna who was on the verge of a severe financial crisis with Highway65. Scarlett should never have been involved in this industry. Mind you she has a tremendous talent but does not have the temperament for it.
Rayna had engaged Liam to produce an album for her. Liam has a well known reputation. He tries to screw every female he works with. Well he was screwing Scarlett. Even worse Rayna had them under so much pressure for the album he was flogging Scarlett into the ground work-wise. So he got her started on pills. Rayna found out what was going on and fired him and this is when my problems started."
"Rayna is desperate now," Juliette continued. "She asks Scarlett if she knows a producer and she recommends you. You ask me and I say no. I can see you aren't happy and I get the impression you think I refuse because I'm jealous. That wasn't true. I'm about to go on tour in the North West. I really need this tour to work. I've had negative publicity all over the country and I'm under a ton of pressure. You are my band leader, lead guitarist, show consultant and boyfriend. This throws a huge wrench into my tour arrangements. Saying no isn't good enough for you. You pull the old guilt trick. Remember what you said? 'You will say no to Scarlett but you hope I can find a way to be ok with it so you don't have to.' That's great. You've got me in a corner, of course I have to agree but imagine how you made me feel. I needed you as much, in fact much more than Scarlett but you go to her. Quite frankly Avery, that hurt me a lot."
Juliette was not about to relent now, Avery was going to hear all of it. "Then things went from bad to worse. The only opening act Rayna could let me have for the tour was Scarlett. I pointed out that she was making an album so touring was impossible for her.
Then Rayna has this absolutely crazy idea. Scarlet and you can make the album on the tour. That is absolutely ridiculous. If it was practical, everyone would do it and we wouldn't need recording studios. Now Scarlett is on tour, with an impossible workload, making an album that at best will be slap dash and you agree to it. Did you even stop to think what you were doing to me? I was starting to get feelings I didn't understand and I didn't know what they meant or how to cope with them. What I thought was 'I'm losing my best friend and I don't know how to stop it happening.' Something else I found out about later was both Rayna and Deacon were at a Luke Wheeler concert a few months ago and Scarlett broke down on stage. Even knowing that, they still sent her out with me and that impossible workload. What is your reaction when I see the tour isn't working and Scarlett needs to spark-up? 'Do I have to be so rough on Scarlett and power-play her?' Thanks for the lack of support Avery, why not just paint a sign?"
"I'm really sorry," Avery said, "I never thought or intended…"
"That's your trouble Avery," Juliette cut him off. "I said before, you hurt people who care for you. You don't think or intend but you do it just the same. It's your selfishness. You think only of yourself and what interests you and damn everyone else. I didn't need much. Perhaps just an acknowledgement, some reassurance, a gentle kiss, a touch but I was left to cope on my own. Damn you Barkley, I've been punishing myself over this entire scenario to the point of desperation and all you can do is 'I never intended'…bullshit. But you don't get off that easy, there's a lot more to go and it gets a lot worse."
"Where the real issues start is your behavior with Scarlett out on the tour. When Wentworth came onto me you did not show any reaction but he only needed to touch Scarlett and you were all over him"
"Just a minute here," Avery interjected. "You didn't hear it but I did speak to him. I told him I didn't like the way he treated you. He then sarcastically asked if I could do better. I told him that seemed to be your opinion. Do you know what he came back with? 'I'll never have you for long. You are right out of my league. I wasn't good enough for you."
"At that concert," he continued, "I knew Scarlett was on the verge of something bad. That's why I stopped him with her. That was the only reason. I wanted to stop her going on stage. I sent for you. You only saw me trying to stop Wentworth and misunderstood. Then Wentworth distracted me and she went on stage and broke down. But I never forgot what he said, 'you are out of my league and I'm not good enough.' It certainly looks like he was right. You betrayed me with Fordham like I was nothing. That is what hurt the most. I loved you with everything I had."
"You are so wrong about me thinking you are nothing. You are the love of my life. However, I must admit you have given me a new perspective," Juliette said. "Can we come back to this? You have just made me realize there are other factors involved in this. First let's get all the issues out in the open. It seems from what you have just said that there are issues you are not aware of and issues I am not aware of. There may be a light at the end of this tunnel."
"What was really unfair was when we got back to Nashville. I was as worried for Scarlett as everyone else. I mean, I arranged the doctor, I organized a car to pick her up, we used my plane and I was right there the whole trip back. But when we got back basically Rayna blamed me. As I pointed out before it was primarily her fault and yours as well for knowingly agreeing to Rayna's stupid idea. Deacon even came to my defense. He asked her, 'You blame Juliette for this?' I'm sure he knew what went down. But Rayna brushed me aside. She would take Scarlett to the hospital with you and I could go home. Damn, I had never been made to feel as small and insignificant in my life. Even Scarlett's crazy mother went as well and I reckon she had more to do with this than we realize. However that's something you would know, you knew her back in Natchez."
"Then I went to the hospital that afternoon to see how Scarlett was and she went off her head blaming me for everything. I was really upset having to unfairly accept all this so I went home to wait for you and a friendly shoulder," Juliette said. "At least, I thought, I will get some reassurance from you and right then I really needed that."
"However, when you came in you were dog tired. I should have realized this and not expected anything from you but I was pretty low. Stupidly I thought sex would cheer you up, like it always does. You surprised me when you were too tired even for that. The fact was we were both tired and both on a short fuse. We had words, over Scarlett and you pulled the usual Avery trick and walked out rather than face the issue. That was a very crucial action. You have no idea what you just staying there could have avoided."
"After you left I felt guilty," Juliette continued. "You were tired and so was I. We shouldn't have argued. I decided to apologize and we could have the make up sex in the morning. So I went to your apartment but you weren't there. So I decided to wait."
Avery suddenly felt very apprehensive. Straight away he knew where this was going. She had followed him that night, and she was right to be upset. Especially considering how he had punished her since. He has been grossly unfair, how did she tolerate him? Almost like being hit over the head with it, he immediately knew now what she was leading to and where he came in it. She was right, he did have a significant share of the blame. Briefly the thought of leaving crossed his mind but he eliminated it just as quickly. He suddenly knew if this could be resolved it would have a significant effect on both their lives.
"I must have fallen asleep on your couch," Juliette continued. " When I woke up next morning you had not been home all night. I suddenly had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Surely you weren't with Scarlett. What good would that do? You could be of no use to her. They have nurses for that kind of thing. If you had gone there after you left me that could only be the worst possible indication. I decided I had to see for myself. Hopefully my fears would be ungrounded. When I got to Scarlett's room you were just waking up having spent the night in a chair beside her. I stepped back outside the room and I heard you both talking. You obviously still had deep feelings for her. She told you she would never love anyone as much as you and you said she would always be in your heart. I knew I could never measure up to her. She is the kind of woman all men want. Not like me, I can hope and try but the fact remains, Fordham picked it, I am just trash. Love and a happy life are just not for me. My heart broke in that hospital Avery. I had so much love for you and such hopes for us but I could see it was gone and I could do nothing to get it back."
"Oh, Juliette…"Avery said but she cut him off.
"I went home. I had nothing else to do. I clung to the hope that you would come to see me later that day. Rayna rang me about mid-morning and told me Scarlett was to be discharged and Deacon was coming in to take her to his place. I asked about you but Rayna said there was no-one there when she arrived. My last hope was that since you weren't at the hospital you would come to see me. But you didn't come, yet you had three parts of the day when you could have called. This only confirmed my fears. You were going to break us up. Avery, I was so distraught I could not cope with the thought, it was unbearable. I was so fearful I could not even ring you, dreading what you might say. I have never been so desperate in my life. I hated myself. I would go to the BMI party and get so drunk I would pass out…that was the worst thing I could think of. It is difficult to let you know how miserable I was. Honestly Avery, if I had thought of it that night, I would have stepped off the Shelby Street bridge. Yes Avery I was literally that bad."
"That is why I was at that party and those three things, walking out of our discussion, not going home but instead going to Scarlett and not calling on me after you left the hospital. Any of those things would have kept me away from that party. But they weren't to be. The rest you know."
Avery sat on the couch just staring at her. He had no idea how to reply. He could understand everything she said and although she made no attempt to excuse herself for Fordham Avery understood how and why it happened. She was right, his lack of consideration, neglect and ignorance were just as much to blame for this situation as anything she did. This was too much to absorb. He needed to think, get it straight in his head. Then he could discuss the issue with her. But he needed time, he was overwhelmed.
"I have to think about this," he said. "I need to get this together in my head. It's too much to take in at once."
"That's fine," Juliette replied, "but you will do that here. You're not leaving, we are staying with this until the end and you will stay here until then. This will be resolved Avery, one way or the other."
"Juliette, it's one thirty in the morning," he objected. She was being set and he felt she was unreasonable. He also needed sleep.
"That's ok," she said, "you can stay here. I have four spare rooms or if you want you can stay with me. Actually I would like that but it's your choice."
In the end he didn't move. He stayed on the couch and tried to put all this into a perspective he understood. Juliette sat on the couch with him. She looked at him softly but said nothing. He would ask if he wanted her to speak. No, she had prepared this over several days. She didn't do it in five minutes. He obviously would need time, she could tell by the look of troubled concern on his face.
'Ok,' he thought, 'best to use what I'm used to and what Deacon suggested. Manage the situation. Look at the facts, solve the problem, find the solution.'
'Fact one. I'm in love with her. Now, solve this. The fact is there is no solution here. There is either acceptance or rejection. I've tried rejection and how did that work out? Pretty damned poorly. I tried to hurt her to get her to hate me. That didn't work. Why? She said it before, 'she loves me too much.' I tried other women but they just made me think of her even more and besides, they bought back the memories I was trying to lose. So I tried alcohol. I don't understand why people think alcohol makes you forget, it doesn't, unless you pass out. No, it just makes you do stupid things. I'd better take a mental note to remember that when I get to Juliette and Fordham. Nope, that's the problem I've tried everything I can think of and I can't shake her loose. I know now I'll never shake her loose. No matter, even if the pain eases eventually and I suppose it will, if I can stand it that long, I'll never forget her. She's like a drug to me and I'm addicted. Juliette Barnes is my life sentence. He needed to remember that. There were issues to still be addressed and that was one for the list. So what's the solution? Well obviously there is only one. I have to accept I love her and end this pain.'
He said nothing but just looked at Juliette who had not moved. She still had that look on her face. He decided it was love he was looking at. She still loved him.
"What?" She said.
"I've just decided I have to accept you as a part of me. Like my right arm. No, no that's a poor analogy, more like my heart."
"Well, that makes two of us. Have you got it all worked out?"
"Not yet but I'm getting there."
'Ok, let's say fact one is sorted out.' He was back thinking again. 'However, before that can be put into practice I need to solve fact two. I would need to forgive her. Can I do that? Well standing back and taking an objective look at all this new information the first point is: Did she really betray me? Firstly she was very drunk and what was my idea on alcohol before? It makes you do stupid things. Alright, how affected was she? Would she have ever been involved with Fordham if she was sober? The answer to that is: of course not, she hates his guts. So, obviously the alcohol was a major factor. Ok, I can accept that. Next: her mental state. That's where I come in. I have to accept a lot of the blame. She needed me and I ignored her. What did she say right at the start? We are a new experience for her and she has trouble controlling her feelings. Another mental note: That goes on the list for later discussion as well. Also, of course and again on me, if I had not walked out of that fight, not spent the night with Scarlett at the hospital or called on Juliette after I left the hospital she would have never been at that party. That is my fault, plain and simple.'
'Her mental state is on me. I ignored her. Was her ultimate state of mind an over reaction? Yes it probably was in reality but it wasn't to her. She has admitted her reactions are not normal, so to her, mentally, she was severely depressed. It's difficult to imagine she could have committed self harm but I suppose if she felt her anguish had reached that point perhaps she could have. I should be thankful she is still here: things could have been a lot worse. Nevertheless, my actions or rather, lack of action caused that. She is right I became so focused I lost awareness of what was happening. Selfishness she called it. Maybe she is right. That can go on the list to be discussed later as well.'
'Now and here is the biggie. Was she manipulated by Fordham? Even though I hate him he is no fool. Could he do this? Of course he could, the guy has no scruples. Could he think this up? Again, of course, he is a corporate executive. Thinking and being aware of situations is right up his main street. If given the opportunity would he do it? Again, look at the situation objectively. He had just lost his two top artists to the opposition. These are his options. He can manipulate Juliette, blackmail her though me, and she re-signs with Edgehill. Win to Fordham. Alternatively Juliette doesn't sign with Edgehill. He destroys me and Juliette. Both she and Highway65 lose their only signed production combination and this is exactly what's happened. Win to Fordham. So, at the very worst Juliette should be considered a victim in this but in truth she was probably really a very drunk and admittedly stupid pawn in a pretty cunning plot. That brings to light something I can never tolerate. Fordham is having an influence on both Juliette's and my lives. Even worse he has made them both miserable. That's where I should shift my anger, onto that bastard. For both our sakes Juliette should be completely forgiven. I cannot hold what has happened against her as any sort of a betrayal. But if I'm ever given the opportunity I'm going to smack that scum Fordham fair in the mouth and to hell with the consequences.'
He looked at Juliette who was still in same position. Her expression had changed somewhat. She still had that soft look but somehow it was mixed with what he could only describe as a peaceful satisfaction.
"You know," she said. "It's amazing the things you can notice when you focus completely on someone. You have a truly expressive face. It's fascinating to watch you. I swear I can see what you're thinking." She smiled that soft smile she used in the past, just before she kissed him.
"Oh, read me like a book can you? Ok smarty, what was I thinking?"
"You're getting closer and it's all looking good for us."
"Hmm, perhaps I should wear a mask. Anyway, you're right, I am getting close."
"What about the 'us' part?" Juliette asked. Her tone just suggested a little anxiousness.
"Ok. No significant negatives yet. Is that alright?"
She gave him that soft smile again. "Keep going."
The last fact was his most difficult. He had no control over its outcome. He could not forgive Juliette for this because it was for all the neglect and painful insults he had directed at her. He said some terrible things. Things deliberately designed to hurt her. Comments like not being able to stand the sight of her. Things he even screamed at her. He knew they struck her deeply. He meant them to, and they were meant to be cruel; as if making her feel bad eased his pain. But it didn't. He knew he was irrational, bearing a terrible pain and striking out in any direction in a desperation to ease it.
Then of course was the inaction on his part that led up to this. The things she made him aware of; his stupid ignorance of her and her needs. He was powerless to solve any of these things. She had asked him to forgive her. She had suffered as much as he had though this entire ordeal. Yes, he would forgive her, move ahead as if this had never happened. Devote himself to their family. He would beg her for the same. Just move ahead. Their future was too promising to ignore or stifle with trivialities like Jeff Fordham.
He looked at her again and smiled. She looked at him curiously. He didn't waste time letting her know how he felt. "It would be impossible for you to even remotely conceive how much I love you."
She drew a quick breath and just uttered an "Oh." She clasped both hands over her heart. Suddenly she was on top of him, her arms around his neck, kissing any part of his face she could reach. He returned her kisses with equal enthusiasm.
"We need to move ahead," he said when they finally paused for breath. "This whole business is just a sad mistake and means nothing. We have far more important considerations in front of us and I want to share them with the bravest, most devoted and determined woman I have ever met. Among many things, we need to build our family. In case it isn't clear you are as faultless as an angel"
"But I need to ask you something for my own peace of mind." He hesitated, he was suddenly aware he may not like the answer. He drew a breath. "I am guilty of hurting you so badly both in things I said and things I failed you with. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me my stupidity?"
"Oh my love, I love you so much. I have been dreaming of hearing you say that. Now we can build our lives together. Now we are a family. This answers my prayers. Thank you. We have moved past all that, our future is what we look towards and it will be wonderful, I know." She entered another bout of random kissing. They were both laughing with the joy of their realizations.
"I don't want to change the subject but what do you think about some sleep, it's nearly three in the morning?" he asked. Even the kissing had become a physical effort.
"Yes and we will sleep together in my bed…actually our bed."
"I don't think I would be much good at lovemaking tonight. I am exhausted."
"That's Ok. Make up sex is in the morning."
He laughed, "what about the baby?"
"Hey," she said. "I'm into Country and Western, a real cowgirl. I can ride horses…and other things as well."
"Good to see you are your old self," he laughed. "However I think we may still need to look at ourselves. I think there is scope for discussion to really make things solid between us."
"I agree but right now get your beauty sleep. You will need the energy in the morning."
Note: I didn't think this story was popular as initially it received no reviews. Consequently I decided not to continue. Then some kind person posted a review and I discovered the 'Traffic Stats' page. I was surprised to see the story does have quite a few readers. So I have completed another chapter. As I stated in the preface, this is my own visualization of an Avery/Juliette reconciliation plus the issues between them I think they should resolve for a stable relationship. I hope others enjoy this approach.