A/N – Thanks for the comments! Carly is kind of interesting in this because she was just doing the best she could with a really bad situation. She was married and stuck by her husband and tried to keep the peace thinking she was helping Jason. Mental Illness is hard to deal with. * Guest – If they get married, Anthony will still come after them because he will be pissed that they defied him. So a MOC will solve nothing. * Liasonisthebomb – At least Anthony is the last one…. * Guest re: Q's being upset. They don't want Jason dead. * kikimoo – It's complex! *

Chapter 14 - Regrets

Jason woke up the next morning. He had a slight headache, but he actually felt a little lighter. He watched Elizabeth sleep for a moment and then got up and went to the bathroom and turned on the shower. It was like he needed to wash yesterday off of him. As relieved as he was about Lila, he was sad that everything was so screwed up. Standing under the hot spray of water, he closed his eyes and thought about all the things that led up to yesterday. It had been so great to see Lila again. She had always been there for him. No matter what, she always loved him and saw the good inside of him. A part of him was glad that Emily wasn't around to witness all of this. During his second attempt at dying, he swore he saw her. She had begged him to stop. He could remember it so vividly. She had looked so real like she did before the cancer destroyed her body. It had made him pause long enough that Francis was able to get to him. He had been walking around the last few months like a functional zombie of sorts, shutting himself off from everyone. But he was done shoving his emotions down. His body wasn't letting him get away with it anymore and then there was Elizabeth.

She had stayed with him like his own guardian angel. And even though he had long ago given up hope, she saw something in him that he thought was dead and buried. She was worth fighting for and she was trying to show him that he was worth fighting for too.

Turning off the water, he stood there for a second and briefly smiled at the thought of having a relationship with her. He had no idea what was going to happen in the future; if she'd leave or stay. All he knew was that he was going to cherish the time that he had with her.

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Jason emerged from the bathroom with a towel wrapped around him. Elizabeth opened her eyes and held her breath as she took in his body.

"Good morning." She said softly.

A small smile crept onto his face. "Good morning."

He went into this dresser and pulled out some clothes and then disappeared into the bathroom. She jumped out of bed and went to her room and turned on the shower and then washed and dressed. When she opened her door, she could smell bacon cooking and ran downstairs.

"Jason Morgan, what are you doing?"

He looked over at her. "I'm cooking us some brunch."

Elizabeth looked at the clock and saw that it was 10:30. "I should be cooking for you."

"It's okay. I feel fine."

She looked around in the cabinets and found some plates and put them down on the counter. Jason put an omelet on it and some bacon and pointed to the toaster.

Elizabeth buttered some toast and then put the plate on the table and then helped fix Jason's plate.

They sat down and quietly ate.

"Thanks again for taking care of me."

Liz put down her juice. "Are you feeling any better today?"

He understood she was not talking about the gunshot wound. "Actually yes." He said before wiping his mouth. "I feel a little more like my old self."

She smiled. "Good."

Getting up she rinsed her plate and put it in the dishwasher, and when she approached the table again, Jason pulled her down on his lap.

"I thought I'd thank you properly."

She smiled, happy that he was in a playful mood. And then his lips touched hers and it was like an electric current ran through her body and she was lost as his tongue penetrated her mouth; sliding in and out at a slow and deliberate pace.

"I love your mouth." Jason said softly.

And before Liz could censor herself, she said, "Wait til you see the rest of me."

Her eyes snapped open and Jason grinned.

"I'll look forward to that." He said as she blushed. He kissed her again and then hugged her to his body.

There was a knock on the door and Jason sighed as Elizabeth slipped off his lap and ran to get it. Francis poked his head in. "It's Monica."

Liz sighed. "Hold on." She turned and ran right into Jason. "Sorry."

"I'm fine. Who's at the door?"

"Your mom."

Jason closed his eyes for a second.

"You don't have to see her today."

"I know. It's probably better to just get it over with."

"I'll clean up the kitchen." She said continuing on.

Jason opened the door and Monica slipped inside and waited for him to sit down.

"I just need you to hear me out; please, just listen. Edward and I were talking last night and I had to admit an ugly truth. We were so mad at you and Sonny because of the shooting. Keeping Lila's recovery a secret wasn't just to protect her, it was also to punish you for not only endangering her life but because you weren't him—that you had rejected us."

Jason watched her look away but didn't say anything. He knew what she meant.

"Edward wanted to take the entire blame for it but I can't let him do that because I was wrong Jason; so wrong. I know I can't take it back or erase what you went through but I thought you at least deserved the truth and an apology." She said before turning and walking towards the door.

"I saw Emily." Jason said softly.

"What?" She said spinning around.

"The second time that I…..she came to me and stopped me."

Monica sighed. "Oh Jason, I'm so glad that she did. I always like to think that she is watching over all of us. I know she'd be disappointed with us for our choices. Thank you for sharing that with me." She said quietly leaving only to stop in the hallway and looked up. "Thank you Emily." She said softly before pushing the button for the elevator.

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Elizabeth walked back into the living room. "Are you alright?"

"Surprisingly yes."

"What did she want?" She asked as she sat down next to him.

"To apologize and explain."

"Did it help?"

Jason shrugged. "I honestly do understand why they did what they did. Keeping Lila safe was the right thing to do. It was my choice of a career that got them kidnapped in the first place. Hell, I've been where they were and actually faked Sonny's death at one point. But there was also a lot of anger behind their actions because I'm not Jason Quartermaine anymore. And I don't think I can do anything about that. I'm not innocent in all of this Elizabeth. I treated them horribly after the accident. I was angry and really mean to them. I fought against all of their efforts to reach out."

"Jason, you had brain damage and no memories of them and it doesn't sound like they were willing to accept the new you either. The blame can go both ways."

"It was hard for them. I get it but I just don't know if it can be fixed. When I'd go over to see Lila there was a lot of name calling and baiting. They hated that I wasn't him and that never went away. I understood why they were bitter. But what was I supposed to do? It just became easier to stay away."

"Are you mad at them for what they did regarding Lila?"

"Yes. But, we can't go back and change it. I don't want to live in all that pain anymore. I don't know if this situation can ever be okay, but I'm just so tired of fighting with them."

"Whatever you decide, I'll be there for you. You don't have to deal with all of this today."

His phone rang and he saw it was Alan. "Hello."

"Jason, we're at the hospital, Edward had a heart attack. Lila is here and I thought that maybe you'd want to be there for her."

"I'll be right there."

He shut his phone. "Edward had a heart attack. I need to go to Lila."

Liz stood up. "Come on, I'll go with you."

He told Francis to go get the car and they headed out. Jason was also concerned because he wasn't sure how people were going to react to Lila being alive. For her sake, he hoped that Edward would survive.

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Jason and Elizabeth got off the elevator and walked towards the waiting room. Tracy was sitting there with Alan.

"How is he?"

"They are preparing him for surgery. He wants to see you." Alan said softly. "Follow me."

Liz squeezed his hand and sat down next to Tracy.

"You must think we're all monsters." Tracy said softly.

Liz shrugged. "I do a little but I get that this has been an impossible situation ever since Jason's accident. I get your need to protect her after what happened. I just wish you would have told him. He would have stayed away."

"Edward might be stubborn and a pain in the ass, but he's my father. I love him. I think this situation with my mother has been weighing on him. And now that the secret has come out, he feels guilty—we all do."

"I just hope that Lila can handle this because I don't want Jason to lose her when he just got her back."

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Jason walked into Edward's room. Lila was holding his hand and talking to him softly.

Edward looked up. "Jason."

Jason took a deep breath and walked towards him. "Edward."

Lila smiled at him. "Thank you for coming." She said touching Jason's arm.

"You know I'd do anything for you."

"I feel the same way about you."

Edward cleared his throat. "If I don't make it, I need you to know that I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I still think hiding Lila was the right thing to do but lashing out at you wasn't one of my finer moments. I can't go back and change it. I should have tried to get to know you after the accident, but I didn't. Instead, I kept hoping that you would remember and when you didn't, I was bitter that you chose Sonny over us."

"I had a lot of anger and I lashed out too. It wasn't necessarily that I was choosing him over you. I was a mess and when the family looked at me there was so much pain and hurt. I ran and I couldn't control my emotions. I don't think any of us handled the accident very well." Jason said softly.

"I agree, but you had a better excuse." He said before clearing his throat again. "Just take care of Lila if anything happens to me okay? She'll need you. Being married to me was never easy but she somehow managed to love me even when I was being a complete idiot."

"You have my word. I'll be there for her."

Jason kissed Lila on the cheek and then started to walk out of the room.

"Don't you ever think I don't love you Jason Morgan because I do. You still have Quartermaine blood running through your veins. You are family."

Jason had paused for a second. He let out a deep breath and turned around. "Thank you for keeping her safe." Edward nodded and Jason left the room. Elizabeth could see that he was upset, so she took his hand and was surprised when he led her up to the roof.

"You want to talk about it?"

Jason leaned on the railing and looked out over the city. "Edward told me that he loved me. It just hit me that I couldn't say it back. I've never allowed myself to feel anything for them once the anger subsided. They are supposed to be family but I'm not even sure what that means anymore. You know, I tell people that I don't care what other people think and to a large degree, that is true. It's just the way I'm wired now. It's more like I feel a little guilty for not being able to be who they wanted me to be. And that guilt turned to anger. I shoved them away and was mean to them and in return, they were mean to me and hid Lila's death. Maybe it's karma."

Liz spun him around. "I don't want to hear you talk like that. You had brain damage and lashed out because everything was overwhelming you. They didn't deserve to lose their son and you didn't deserve to think you were responsible for killing your grandmother. Jason, if you want to forgive them then do it on your own terms not theirs. Do what feels right to you. I think you need to think about why you continued to push them out of your life."

"It was hard for me. I'm not Jason Quartermaine and I can never be him. After a while, it was just habit to shut them out especially since my life was so full of danger. But, that's just an excuse. I couldn't remember them and they didn't like who I had become. It was easier to stay away so I didn't have to see the disappointment in their eyes and hurt them more. And now, I don't see our relationship getting any better. How do you deal with the fact that your very existence hurts people? The way they look at me….." His voice trailed off and Elizabeth pulled him into her arms. "What am I supposed to do with that?"

Monica put her hand over her mouth and hurried down the stairs to the next floor as she held in her sob. She hadn't meant to eavesdrop. She didn't even know they were there. This whole situation was emotionally draining. She ached for her son back and logically she knew that couldn't happen. While she didn't like Jason's profession, she had observed him being soft and kind. He was so gentle with Lila and Emily. But she realized that if she was ever going to have a relationship with Jason, then she was going to have to be able to look him in the eye and not think about what she lost or hope that he'd change. The question was could she do it. Could she ignore that he killed people for a living and just focus on who he was separate from his job? Leaning against the wall she thought of Emily and Lila who had seem to be able to do just that. Maybe she needed to talk to Lila to get more perspective. That man standing on the roof was not her Jason. It was almost like a cruel gift from God when he survived. Every time she saw Jason was like a knife in the heart.