AN: Little baby update because I have a weakness for season two!Spike and Buffy and Spike constantly bitching at one another. Sorry it took a while.

Sometimes I hate every single stupid word you say

Sometimes I wanna slap you in your whole face

There's no one quite like you

You push all my buttons down

I know life would suck without you

- True Love, Pink

He wasn't supposed to come back.

That was all Buffy could think as she stared at her former lover (Except lovers don't cry and scream and hate themselves and each other and blame the alcohol they didn't drink the morning after, do they? Enemies with benefits,)

But he was never supposed to come back. Even it the worst scenarios she came up with (Falling in love with him, him falling out of love with her, and what if she hadn't been able to stop him?) she never had to see him again. Not tied up in her living room, looking bored, amused, and mischievous all at once. Like he didn't even care. Like he was the same person she met five years ago.

Maybe he'd never changed.

"What is - why is - I mean…. huh?" Eloquent, Buffy. Really.

Spike smirked, and Buffy wanted to march up to him and punch him in the face. Only, she also wanted to burst into tears and scream at him and kiss him senseless and just turn around and walk out of the room, all at the same time, so she stayed silent and still and kind of just looked at him. And Dawn was talking, rambling on and not making any sense at all.

"Angel? Giles?" she cut Dawn off, turning to the men for a hopefully more coherent answer.

"He has amnesia," Giles said simply. "Not a single memory of the last seven years. His memories stop right before you come in."

Buffy frowned. "We only met five years ago." she pointed out.

"Yes, but you were called seven years ago," Angel threw in. "His last memory is of finding out the previous slayer was dead. Can you think of any reason somebody would want to make him forget you?"

Buffy hesitated, Tell them, a little voice in the back of her head urged. Let them hate him as much as you do. Except a louder, larger part of her cried in panic, they'll kill him! you can't let him die, you lo - are not going there, Buffy cut herself off abruptly. And now I'm having arguments with myself. Great.

"... Buffy?" Tara asked quietly. Buffy could hear her unspoken question.

"No, sorry. No clue," she answered finally.

"Wonderful!" Honestly, Buffy was surprised he managed to stay quiet for so long. Patience wasn't Spike's strong suit. "That's just fabulous! Now that we've determined that none of you have any bloody idea what's going on - something I could have told you the moment I got here, because you're clearly all sodding morons - would somebody please tell me what the hell I've been doing the past seven years?!"

Buffy's temper flared. "Yeah? Well, maybe if you hadn't been dumb enough to go and get all your memories erased, we wouldn't have to!"

"Listen here, you stupid, shallow little -" Spike began, outraged, but Giles cut him off.

"Well, I would say that little scene there is a fairly good approximation of what you two have done any time you've ever been in the same room," he snapped. "Now, are you done behaving like children?"

Buffy crossed her arms and pouted in a particularly childish way, and had Spike been able to remember it, he would have thought she looked an awful lot like her sixteen year old self. "I guess it's storytime then, " she grumbled sarcastically. Sitting on the couch, she leaned forward. "God knows what you were doing for the first two years, but….'

oOo

"Why would I help you? I just met you, and I already hate you more than him."

"The feeling's mutual, believe me. And I've had years to get used to you."

oOo

"Oh, I came back? Yes, because I'm sure I missed you terribly."

"Actually, it's because your girlfriend's a ho."

"Hey! Take that back!"

oOo

"Did they fight this much before?"

"Yeah. You know how they get. Dynomite, meet matches."

oOo

"Wait, Buffy! you forgot the Will Be Done spell."

"No, I left it out on purpose because it was awful.'

"Why? What happened? Tell me!"

oOo

"Oh god, that sounds awful."

"I told you. Besides, You clearly got the better end of the bargain - I had to be engaged to you."

"Bitch."

oOo

"Oh, finally. Something I might actually do."

"Adam nearly killed us!"

"I've no doubt I was right disappointed when he didn't."

oOo

"Buffy, you left out -"

"No, I didn't Dawn."

"Yes, you -"

"I haven't left out anything important."

"But…."

oOo

"She can't just not tell him he's in love with her, Tara!"

"Leave it be, for now."

"Why should I?"

"Because the way she's looking at him? That's more emotion than I've seen from her in months, even if it is anger. Leave them be. They'll figure it out."

"Think so?"

"Eventually…. probably."