You were different.
I let my walls come down for you.
-unknown
My eyes fluttered open to bright sunlight flooding my bedroom, reflected briliantly off the snow outside. Dragging myself into consciousness, I looked down and grinned sublimely at the feel of my sheets against my naked body as the events of the previous night came surging back. He was powerful and careful, wild while in control, slowly savoring the decadance of entering before surrendering us both to the clutches of primal nature. Warmth spread through me as I recalled the touches, the whispers, the sighs, and how they steadily wound the coils in my lower belly; tightening exponentially with his gradual loss of control before snapping spectacularly as we gave in to each other. Whever lines he felt he'd crossed before were peanuts compared to the things he'd done to me that night.
The bed was empty next to me, but the aroma of freshly brewed coffee carried from the kitchen and I rose to pull on my silk robe, gathering myself as I slid out into the livingroom, ready to face 'the morning after'. Riza was on my couch with a cup of coffee, eyes fixated on the crown roast being made on tv. She turned her attention to me and gave me her usual calm smile.
"Good morning, did you sleep well?"
I froze. Did she know? Was she being facetious or genuine?
"Um, yea. I did." It wasn't a lie. A mind-blowing night like that had left me dead to the world. "Have you seen Ed?"
"Only briefly last night as he was leaving." My stomach dropped, and I quickly crossed the room to the guest suite. Everything was gone. My sheets that were previously folded in the closet were back on the bed. His small arsenal was missing, every sign of his presence in my home had completely vanished. The sight knocked the wind out of me. Everything was pristine, just as it was before his arrival. I opened the drawers to find Riza's simple collection of belongings.
"Didn't he mention he was leaving?" She asked from the doorway.
I couldn't turn to face her for fear that she would read me like a book. I quickly blinked back moisture and steadied my breathing. He did tell me he was leaving. I just thought... After last night... I shook my thoughts away and turned to her.
"Oh, yea he did. I just forgot. Silly me." I said with a fake smile. "Please make yourself at home. I'm gonna hop in the shower." She returned to her spot on the sofa as I moved to my room and shut the door behind me. My throat was unbearably tight, straining from the weight of unreleased misery. Staggering toward the bathroom, I paused when my bare foot came in contact with plush softness and I looked down to find the only evidence of Ed's existence. The fur blanket.
That awful blanket that served as the warm foundation for the beginning of our intoxicating night. That stupid fur blanket that he dragged behind him when he playfully threw me over his shoulder before striding into by bedroom with his arrogant smirk, and me giggling with mirth the whole way. That absurb fur blanket that he curled around my shivering form when I came down from the stars. That damn blanket that he'd ripped off me an hour later and tossed to the floor, signaling the start of round two. That fucking blanket.
That fucking asshole.
I let out a fierce growl, grabbed the damned thing and heaved it across the room. Not that it got very far, being so heavy. I huffed angrily and made my way to the shower, deciding that if I was going to cry it would be somewhere that I wouldn't be able to tell if it was water or tears falling down my skin.
Days blurred together as I went about my normal monthly rountine. THe only difference was the newly-acquired crippling anxiety I felt walking into Central command with Riza. I was due for blood tests again, but this time the doctors wanted to test a virus to observe how my body would clear it. My mind was pre-occupied with the fear of possibly seeng Ed somewhere in Central and completely losing it. But I knew Elric would never be dumb enough to let that happen. After getting myself changed into a hospital gown and situated in a bed in the ICU, Riza was about to leave me so the doctors could begin the tests when she hesitated.
"Are you okay? You look really pale." She inquired. I was nervous. Tests never really bothered me but I found myself wishing Edward were there with me. Or that he at least cared enough to be concerned about me. Angry tears threatened to fall, but I blinked them back and smiled weakly.
"I'm fine, just hungry from not being allowed to eat. I'm gonna stuff my face as soon as I'm out of here." I knew she didn't buy it. Nothing got past Hawkeye.
"Winry is there something I should know? Anything you need to get off your chest? You've been so different ever since I arrived." I couldn't stop my quivering lip and I kept my attention focused on my lap.
"I'm alright, really." I insisted. She eyed me speculatively before leaving for the waiting room as the doctors came in.
I was laying on my couch that night with a pint of Ben and Jerry's waiting for the aching in my muscles to ease. The test had been successful, my blood had cleared the virus in a matter of hours. I was now waiting for the last of the side effects to wane when Riza set down her iPad and lowered the tv volume.
"Did something happen? Between you and Ed, I mean." Suddenly my cookie dough ice cream lost some of its appeal. I sat up, fidgeting nervously.
"How do you mean?"
"I know you two were friendly, there's nothing wrong with that if that's why you're nervous." She started. "But something's been off with him. You didn't see his face that night as he was leaving. He looked...guilty. Kind of devastated. Like he'd give his other arm to be able to stay. And you've been the personification of melancholy. Did you guys have a big fight or something just before he left?"
My mind rocketed back to his breath on my skin. His hands caressing, stroking, gripping me. My fingers laced with cool metal. His mouth, hot, wet, and unrelenting. My name growled out in primal fashion. Nope. No fighting then.
"Uh yea," I lied. "We fought. I think we were both going stir crazy from sitting here for so long. We drove eachother nuts, and I said some rotten things." I did my best to feign guilt.
"Well whatever happened, he didn't seem happy to be leaving. He wanted me to tell you he's sorry and hopes you'll forgive him. Ed may be stubborn and cranky, but he's not a bad person."
It took every ounce of me to act normal at that moment. How could he expect me to forgive him for jerking me around like that? After he spent weeks switching back and forth between pulling me closer and pushing me away, showing me he cared and telling me he couldn't, kissing me in the shower then ready to pack his bags, loving me so passionately then disappearing the next morning. Rage burned in my chest and I shoved another spoonful of ice cream in my mouth to keep from saying something I'd most likely regret. When I collapsed into bed a few hours later, my nose caught the familiar scent of crisp, clean earthiness lingering on the fur blanket that was spread over my sheets. My self-abusing soul just couldn't stop the tears.
Time passed and Christmas had come and gone before I knew it. I was able to venture out to Queens to spend Christmas Day with my Grandmother -whom I'd decided to keep in the dark about the stalker business- and it was a welcome break from the confines of my apartment. Gifting her the smoking pipe from Union Square was fresh turn of the blade wedged in my heart when I remembered that she would never meet the man who had purchased it.
Security at home had relaxed considerably since Ed's departure. Investigations had spent weeks running the voice recording Ed made of the disturbing phone call through Central's database of convicted felons searching for a match, only to come up empty. But Maes Hughes decided to go against the grain of proper protocol and ran the file against the database of active duty members and came up with a match; Frank Archer. Mustang had suspected him of everything since the night he attacked me, but corruption above him had greatly slowed the investigation. Someone above the General had wanted me out of the picture, and when properly motivated, Archer sang like a bird.
He confessed to the phone calls, the notes, the list of names sent to Mustang, everything but the fake body and eyeball. Credit for those went to two accomplices of Archer's; a pair that he knew nothing about, never met, and was simply taking orders from via a series of typed letters which he later burned. So while my stalker was taken care of, Central was still scrambling to figure out who was pulling the strings. Mustang and Hughes were hitting roadblocks at every turn, finding passwords denied by the mainframe and any request for help put on hold in favor of 'more pressing matters'. When Riza recieved order to pack up and return to Central, both she and Mustang argued with higher authority till blue-in-the-face, to no avail, insisting that this wasn't over. But my stalker had been captured and that served as good enough reason for Mustang's boss -Secretary of Defense, King Bradley- to send Riza back to her place in Central, attached at Roy Mustang's hip. He saw no reason to keep Riza away from her duties while the military focused on finding the people who had been pulling Archer's strings, since they had apprehended their enforcer. It was New Year's Eve, and she was set to leave the next morning.
Nobody living in New York ever went near Times Square if they could help it, especially on New Year's Eve. Riza and I opted for a bottle of wine and some cheese at home instead.
"He's alright, incase you were wondering." She said, her sharp eyes gleamed at me knowingly over the rim of her wine glass. "You haven't asked about him in days. It seems like you've been just as careful not to mention him, as not to ask about him." I swallowed my mouthful of fermented grape juice forcefully and feigned disinterest.
"I'm indifferent. He was a house guest and a friendly acquaintance. I'm glad to hear he's well, but I don't spend every waking hour wondering about him." Her knowing gaze held on me and her eyebrow shifting, raising slowly as her chin shifted toward her chest. Damn it.
"You're angry at him for leaving. You're hurting." I blinked back at her in utter stupor.
"How do you do it? Read people like that?"
She smiled and sipped her wine again. "I've gotten plenty of practice over the years. Being a sniper gives you a unique vantage point. You secretly shadow people through a scope from hundreds of yards away and interpret their every move, down to the smallest nuance, waiting for your moment to strike. Before you know it, it becomes a part of you. You can't separate it from the rest of your life. You begin to understand the people around you better than they know themselves, because you've read the behavior they don't even realize they emit ."
I savored the sharpness of cheddar as she added, "Plus, watching Roy read people over the years has been extremely useful. I've got him totally figured out and it drives him crazy." She laughed for a moment then grew quiet again.
"You love Edward. I can tell." She completely immobilized me. "I can see how it could happen easily, what with his charm and that pretty face. He's always prioritized the happiness of others above his own. Not to mention that he's entirely self-loathing. It's enough to inspire any girl to want to be his savior." She turned to me and her eyes became grave. "Don't try to be that girl, Winry. You have no idea what you're up against. Loving a State Alchemist is a hard enough life without the problems Ed is dealing with. I know about what Kimblee said to you at the fund raiser. Its true, Roy didn't want Edward here to begin with. He wanted him watching on the outside, but he never wanted the two of you to cross paths. You're too much alike. We knew he would identify with you better than anyone."
"Isn't that all the more reason why we should be together?" I pressed. Her expression saddened.
"If it were anyone else, yes. But not Ed. He's been fighting demons you couldn't comprehend. He's been through things your imagination couldn't conjure if you tried. We all love Edward, we're astounded by what he's made of himself. He's a good person who deserves all the happiness in the world, but he's not ready for something like this and neither are you." My heart was crumbling my chest.
"It kills me saying it Winry, because we care about you and Ed so much. But you two were never supposed to meet. Edward can't get so close to anyone because it's far too dangerous. He did the right thing by leaving, you need to trust me and let him go."
I was awoken in the middle of the night by festivities of a city ringing in a new year, along with the buzzing of my cell phone as it vibrated across my nightstand. I didn't give myself proper time to rejoin the waking world before I slurred out a greeting and was immediatly shot back into full conciousness.
"Keep quiet. If Riza hears you talking to me I'll be in deep shit." My heart nearly stopped. I knew that voice anywhere. That voice was knee-deep in shit. I sat up and focused on breathing, reducing my boiling blood to a simmer.
"You've got some nerve calling me now. It's been two weeks."
"I know, and I'm sorry. Really. Something's come up that I have to take care of and I had no choice. I can't talk about it, I was just calling to see if you're okay." I twisted my fingers in the blankets in effort to stop myself from yelling at him, and decided to change the subject.
"You forgot your blanket here." I murmured, smoothing my hand over the lush brown fur.
"I'll make sure I get it."
"Why do you have this gaudy thing anyway?" I could almost hear him grinning on the other end of the line.
"It's a trophy." My stomach turned.
"So it's real?" I gulped.
"Before you call PETA on me, it wasn't sport. It was survival. I got separated from my group and was lost with a dead phone and only one bullet left. I was alone, and the bear was hungry." A beat of silence passed, in which I once again decided to change the subject.
"Things have quieted down here. Archer confessed to everything so Riza's leaving tomorrow."
"...What?" I was stunned by his ignorance. It wasn't like Elric to be uninformed.
"So I guess no one told you then." I said.
"No. No one said a thing." The line went quiet. I could swear I was able to hear the spinning turbines of his brain in rapid contemplation. "What will you do then?" He asked.
I shrugged in the darkness, "It'll just be me and my books again. I'll go back to the way things were." I couldn't stop my voice from wavering. Muffled voices in the backround sounded over the line, and Ed muttered something away from the phone.
"I'm sorry, I gotta go. Delete this call from your recent list and lose this number." I found myself nodding even though I knew he couldn't see. He muttered something else to whoever was with him before his voice came back into clarity again.
"Listen to me, you're not alone. You're never alone. Even if I'm not there, I'm watching after you. Remember that."
The line clicked off. I pulled my knees up and wept.
A/N: I felt like a jerk for leaving you all with the two shortest chapters of the entire story just before my 10 day absense. I decided to give you chapter 14 to make up for it. See you in 10 days, and thank you all again for your reviews.