How blessed is the last lights before the dark.
That last, rebellious and triumphant spark,
before it too becomes the ash of night.

-Tyler Knott Gregson

The silence of my apartment was crushing me. It was cold, stagnant nothingness. What was once my cozy sanctuary now felt more like an isolated museum dedicated to the lonliness I'd cultivated for myself. Tv was worthless. Books had lost their ability to capture me quickly. Sleep curled her fingers around me every night, luring me into a false sense of security, and I would wake shaking. Sleep soon became something I approached with trepidation, for when my mind surrendered to the soft waves of slumber, my dreams were consumed by the scent of earthy musk; crisp and clean like the early mornings of autumn. The chilly air skimming across my skin, smooth and cold like metal. The sunlight pouring it's rays through the multi-color trees, basking over me with it's heavenly halo. Every night I dreamed of gold.

I could feel myself stretching thin. It was becoming harder for me to portray happiness during phone conversations with my Grandmother. The guilt began to eat at me. She loved me so much, and didn't understand why I didn't visit as much as I used to. Lying to her was awful, but she couldn't know what was happening. I wanted her to focus on her mechanics business and the friends and customers she saw daily. I wanted her to be happy and worry-free. She was old and slow-moving, I couldn't allow her to become prey for my enemies. Archer's leaders were still out there and I wouldn't dare risk my Granny's safety. My exhausted, anxious mind recalled the words of warning that Riza left me with.

"Don't go outside if you can help it." She said. "We have people watching outside around the clock, but we're not sure how long we'll be able to keep this up without being discovered by higher-ups. We'll find them soon. Having a bunch of State Alchemists on our side is definitely helping. And keep your doors and windows locked at all times."

I stopped her on her way out the door with final question.

"Why are they called Alchemists? They're not scientists, they're soldiers." She looked back at me her usual sharp eyes.

"They alter the current state. Re-arrange the status quo. They're the fixers, the do-ers, the fool-proof plan. Alchemists are responsible for great change in the world. That's where the title comes from."

Being alone again gave me all the time in the world to mull over her words. There was no doubt that Edward had changed things. Before him I never questioned the life I'd been living. A small part of me was curious to know a different life, but it was so much easier to remind myself that the world was full of scary people who didn't understand me, and that I was safer here for now. Ed changed all of that. He was everything I didn't know I secretly wished to be. Confident and powerful, graceful and seasoned, sexy and intimidating. He'd awakened yearnings within me that I'd chocked up to being the stuff of fairytales, and I found myself growing exponentially angry along with my exhaustion. Riza was right. I'd fallen for someone I could never have, and missing him terribly every day would never become bearable if I couldn't find a way to stop dreaming of golden eyes every night.

Before I knew it I was hardly sleeping at all. I would catch cat naps during the day, and stumble to bed that night still exhausted, only to be shocked awake in the night by the image of golden eyes and the feeling of him in the room. But everytime I sat up, nothing. I'd search my apartment, my heart fluttering wildly with excitement, only to be crushed under the weight of dissapointment, then go crawling back to bed humiliated. Consistant betrayal by my own subconsious became torturous. The woman I saw in the mirror was no woman at all; a devastated, hopeless girl who couldn't manage to stand on her own. A pathetic sap who had once again allowed a man to force her emotions. I decided that if I ever saw Edward Elric again, I'd punch him square in the nose.

I was again roused in the middle of the night by the short buzz of my phone on the night stand. A text message from an number listing as all zeros.

*Are you alright?*

I knew it could only be one person, and my blood boiled. How DARE he put me through this. How dare he toy with me like that; making me feel so special and so cared for. So valued. So LOVED. And then to turn around and blame me for tempting him? To run away after he said he wouldn't. After he got what he wanted. After he got the only thing every guy ever wanted. Sex with 'the perfect woman'. My phone buzzed again with another message.

*Please tell me you're okay.*

I looked around the darkness of my room, my heartrate increasing as my lonliness closed in on me in a new way. I wasn't just lonely. I was vulnerable. I was defenseless. I was alone.

I was all alone.

The next night I sat at the bay window of my livingroom, awake yet again. I gazed down on the city streets with their light dusting of fresh snow and clutched my copy of Pride and Prejudice, one of my favorites, against my chest with a sigh. Reading was finally becoming a comfort to me again on those cold, dark nights. My eyelids grew heavy and I allowed my forehead to rest against the chilled glass of the window as sleep crept over me.

There was scratching. Soft scraping of metal against metal. Quiet clinking, tapping, from across the room. It seemed outside, yet inside. Far away, yet very close. My REM-deprived mind wouldn't ponder it anylonger and I began to slip back into blissful slumber.

Until the deadbolt rolled over. My eyes flew open, I was sure it was just another vivid dream. I stared into the dark and my ears strained against the silence, listening for the tiniest of sounds. Nothing. It was my awful mind playing tricks on me yet again. I rose from my spot in the window and turned to head to my bed, leaving my book behind me, when the soft scraping continued. I froze on the spot. Someone was here. The full moon outside cast its white, glowing beams in through the windows; offering serene ambiance to my sheer terror. The scraping continued. Clinking and tapping again, when I realized what it was. My front door handle was gently rotating back and forth, twisting one way before halting and reversing. Someone was picking my lock, attempting to break in.

My heart slammed wildly and my brain jumped into overdrive, thinking of what to do next. My phone. I needed my phone. But I couldn't remember where I'd left it and I couldn't see in the dark to find it. I didn't want to go running around because the intruder would hear my footfalls, and I couldn't turn the lights on and give myself away. I kept watching petrified as the knob continued to fidget. Deciding to make a break for it, I quickly crept my way back to my bedroom as light-footed as I could manage against squeaky old wood floors, and I shut the door and locked it. Praying this would buy me another minute or two, I scrambled to the window and threw it open, exhaling as the cold air shocked my skin. I turned back for a moment to grab my big, button-up sweater from the bed and found my cell under it. I heard the front door open, and slam shut a second later.

I had to get out. I knew I had to climb down my icy fire escape in my tshirt and bare feet. I cursed myself for wearing a tshirt that barely covered my ass to bed instead of actual pajamas like a normal person. My heart hammered in fear and I threw on the sweater and stashed the phone in my pocket quickly before swinging a leg out my window an onto the fire escape. I had a plan to run to the parking garage when I realized my keys were in the living room, sitting on the bench of the bay window. I couldn't go running through Manhattan barefoot in the snow at 2 am without a plan, a place to go, or pants for that matter.

'FUCK.' I crept back through the window and leaned my ear against my bedroom door, pushing away the frantic thumping of my heart to listen for a sound from the living room. Sure enough, the footfalls fell away from my door, sounding like they were heading to the guest suite. I said a little prayer, unlocked my door and slowly cracked it open just enough to slip through. My eyes scanned the darkness and I saw no one. It was now or never.

'Just grab the keys' I coached myself. 'Even if you make noise running away, just grab the little shits and sprint for the fire escape.' My eyes locked on my target, gleaming enticingly in the moonlight. I was 10 feet away... 5 feet... right there...

"Winry?"

I shrieked and whipped around, gasping at the sight of unmistakable golden eyes. He stepped into the light, and there he was. He was really there standing in front of me again, no mind tricks. His eyes widened a fraction, he looked surprised. Then relieved. Like he wasn't sure I would be there. Suddenly I was in his arms, his fingers buried in my hair, cradling my head to the curve of his neck. He pulled me closer and breathed me in. My petrified, furious heart melted instantly, and I couldn't stop my arms from snaking around him to clutch the soft leather of his dark brown jacket, and I let myself fold into his warmth. His wonderful smell invaded my senses; my anger and fear slipped away, making room for exhaustion and my eyes slid shut as I let him hold me. It was only then, in the silence of the night that I realized how heavy he was breathing. How every exhale was an elated release of oxygen, how his pounding heart finally slowed in his chest. He coaxed me to face him and a warm thumb stroked my cheekbone; his eyes dancing across my face in marveled astonishment. He murmured softly, utterly bemused.

"You're alive."

A/N: You're all troopers. It killed me not being able to update for so long, I greatly appreciate you all for hanging in there. Your reviews I received while away were the sweetest treat during my trip, and to answer the question that one reviewer left for me: no, I am in fact not a writer and this is my very first fanfiction. I can't begin to express my joy at receiving such a warm compliment. Thank you all so very much for reading and for your kind words. I eagerly await any future reviews from you all, as well as any other readers you think would enjoy this story. Someone recently asked me if I would mind them recommending my story to others, this of course was incredibly exciting to hear, for i'm thrilled to share this story with anyone willing to read it. Thanks again, more soon.