A/N: Thanks for the reviews everyone! If you couldn't tell just yet, this is a coming of age story. But it will always be Kataang! But thank you so much for reading! Also, half chapters (like 1.5, 2.5, etc) are shorter, but they are used as connectors. Plus, they're fun.

2

"What do you mean you're not going to become a monk?"

The kettle screeched in the background for the morning tea, but no man near the kitchen hurried to fetch it. Newspapers were laid flat against the low rising tables and conversations ceased. Both seasoned men and young boys watched with disbelief as the Order's prime candidate for leadership recanted his intentions.

Aang wanted to retreat–to run away, but he refused to waver. Crossing the threshold of the doorway into the dining room, he continued, "I'm sorry, High Abbott Tashi, but I won't do it."

To right of him, he heard Gyatso–his mentor–call his name, but Tashi rose from his table angrily, "What do you mean you won't do it?" For an old man who promoted peace, Tashi was always quick to anger. With a face turning red, the old man spat out, "It's because of that woman, isn't it? She most likely seduced—"

Aang snapped back defensively, "How dare you speak of Katara that way! You never liked her–"

Yet the High Abbott wouldn't be intimidated by such rhetoric, he crossed the room until he was arms' length away, "Oh, I know her kind. Those women who fetishize and sexualize men like us and try to make us unchaste."

Fetishize? Sexualize? The words assaulted Aang to his core, without knowing the way to truly articulate the growing anger bubbling inside of him. To think that anyone in their right mind would attempt to describe Katara as some sexual deviant that preyed upon any men–let alone Buddhist monks! Even the idea itself burned him like acid. Yet, the novice monk could feel his arm rearing back, almost like it wanted to punch the crass old man in front of him. Before he could though, Aang felt a familiar hand upon his shoulder.

Looking down, Gyatso's somber gaze sobered him. His mentor turned his line of sight to the High Abbott and spoke in a calm voice, "I think I have some things to discuss with my pupil." Letting go of Aang's shoulder, Gyatso spoke to other men in the room cheerfully, "I hope everyone enjoys their breakfast." With that, he exited the room.

While he could hear the High Abbott muttering under his breath, Aang followed after his mentor–refusing to meet anyone's eye. As he again crossed the threshold, what was once confidence diminished to shame and frustration. Was he about to resort to violence against Tashi?

Creaking floorboards echoed through the now empty halls as Gyatso led them both towards his bedroom. Aang was so lost in thought–reflecting over his actions–that he only realized they met their destination once his mentor clicked the door closed. He fell down onto the bed–the scent of tobacco and flour comforting as it reminded him of childhood. Those nights where storms were scary and he would curl up next to Gyatso to feel safe. Or the days when he would wake up really early, but instead of waking up his friends, he would pounce on his mentor to be his personal wake-up call.

He heard Gyatso chuckle as he opened the screen door revealing a view of the garden. A gentle breeze kissed their skin, "I haven't seen you collapse on my bed like that in years," he remarked, but his smile was gentle. "You even still have your famous childhood pout."

Closing his eyes, Aang tossed an arm over them to drown out all light, "Well, I haven't been a child for some years, you know."

The edge of the bed shifted as the Abbott sat down, "Well, I don't know about that. You were quite childish in the dining room just now."

The entire morning replayed in Aang's mind for what felt like the thousandth time. From the moment he awoke this morning, dread settled in his stomach like poisonous lead, weighing him down. It started with a dream he could barely remember, but he knew that it didn't end well. All he could remember was watching a woman–apparently the love of his life–having sex with another man. It was as if jealousy and contempt manifested itself in his subconscious, reminding him of all things he sealed away. This dream became the catalyst to unearth every negative emotion and thought that he had bottled up for the last approximate year and a half.

The novice monk sighed, but did not move from where he laid, "You're right." With his admittance, he continued, "That was childish of me, but I was serious."

His mentor patted his calf, "I know. You still need to apologize for your behavior though." His pupil whined, but Gyatso let it pass, "Do you want to mediate together? Maybe help clear your head?"

Aang propped himself onto his elbows, "I'd love to, but I've been so messed up lately I can't even mediate." Flopping down on the bed, he went on dramatically, "I can't do any of this, Gyatso. I just can't."

"Well, let's talk about it. A good old fashioned confessional."

Aang let out a dry laugh, "Usually, I love your jokes, but for today can I just vent like a normal kid?" His mentor opened his mouth, but Aang rushed, rolling his eyes, "Yes, I admitted it. You've been right all along."

Patting his leg again and hiding his smile, his mentor stood and motioned for his pupil to come to join him on the walkway outside. Together they settled themselves on the hardwood walkway and dangled their feet above the flowers and dirt down below. Soft flower petals tickle the soles of Aang's feet.

"I was so close to punching Tashi straight in his smug face," Aang hissed out. "Making Katara out to be like she was monk man-eater…"

"That should be on a t-shirt: monk man-eater," Gyatso laughed, but stopped when he saw his pupil's glare. He cleared his throat, "Okay, but on a serious note, are you leaving for Katara?"

Was he? It seemed like it. Until he saw her a month ago, Aang was living a perfectly detached life from the world. Accepting pleasures when they came, but overall, living as a monk should. He was ready to take the next step and become ordained. He could live his life out doing what was expected of him contently. But after seeing Katara, all the dreams, hopes, and feelings got stirred up so quickly–like a twister–that he didn't know which way was up anymore. Could he really find the freedom he desperately craved? Seeing her also reminded him of the past–of the younger self who wanted so badly to be with her, but was unsure about his future. Though he was older now, he was still unsure about his future and what it all meant.

Before them, little squirrels ran back and forth, searching for nuts or playing. Song birds sang, but in the distance, the bells chimed to signify morning prayer and text recitation and memorization started. The halls creaked again with the young boys and men heading to the classroom, to press forward with their path of enlightenment. Before he made his intentions clear, Aang would shuffle with the rest of them and would have taken his usual seat near a window at the back of the room. From there he could survey everyone, but also enjoy nature outside. Today, Teacher Choden taught and would begin with the Four Immeasurable Thoughts prayer. As if clockwork, Aang mumbled:

May all sentient beings have happiness and the causes of happiness;

May all sentient beings be free from suffering and the causes of suffering;

May all sentient beings never be separated from the happiness that knows no suffering;

May all sentient beings live in equanimity, free from attachment and aversion.

"Aang?"

Gyatso's voice broke his concentration, stopping him for continuing to the next prayer that Teacher Choden would most likely recite. Aang only knew this because he had studied under the teacher for most of his life. And if he stopped from becoming a monk, it was this familiarity that he would be giving up. Aang knew his life here and he knew what his life as a monk would entail. What was unknown was the life outside the monastery walls. What would be his new vocation or life's path now? He didn't know. Furthermore, the question if whether or not he was leaving his life behind for Katara still hung in the air.

Aang shook his head, "No, I'm not doing this for her. I'm not leaving the monastery for Katara."

"Aang," his mentor began, "You don't have to lie. Plenty of men have left for a woman–some just as devoted as you."

The pupil sighed, not surprised his mentor didn't believe him, "I'm really not leaving for her or because I'm planning on being with Katara." Turning to face the old man, he continued, "But I am leaving because of her."

Gyatso furrowed his brows, "What do you mean?"

"Of course, I'm in love with Katara. I'm very much in love with her," the novice monk said, his voice barely above a whisper. An image as she was leaving after he told her was going to become a monk crossed his mind, the heartbroken look in her eyes. His hands felt sweaty against the wood, his heart constricting as he confessed his feelings, "But I'm leaving because she reminded how unhappy I was here. I don't want this life. I didn't choose his life."

Gyatso was going to say something, but Aang spoke over him, "Do you remember how I was applying to go to college about a year and a half ago?" His mentor nodded, "Well, I was still a little unsure, but Katara helped me. And I've never told you this, but she and I kissed that during her last real visit–not this passed one, but the one before that." He wore the faintest smile, his heart skipping a beat as he remembered how she returned his kiss, "At the time, I really was going to leave to be with her. Our feelings were mutual and college seemed like a reasonable option, but I overheard a conversation with one of the Higher Abbotts from the Order…"

"…that you were wanted to lead the Order one day," Gyatso finished. His eyes widened, "That's why you turned Katara away–why you suddenly became so serious about becoming an ordained monk…" He became quiet as connected all the dots.

The secret was out. He felt a weight start to lift from his soul. He was choosing monkhood as a duty to his people, to the ones who raised him, instead of personal happiness. He was going to give up the love of his life and the decision to choose his own path as an obligation. He finally told someone the truth.

"Yeah, and I thought I could do it too." He drew his knees to his chest, "I let go of everything–became unattached, became basically numb. I thought I would be able to handle seeing her again…" His voice hitched in his throat, "But I was wrong. Seeing her unraveled me and reminded to me how much of a lie I was living.

"I can't find enlightenment here–I just can't. I'm so unhappy, words cannot describe how unhappy I am," he choked out. Becoming a monk meant becoming trapped and the idea poisoned him everyday. He needed out. Tears began to prick at his eyes, "It isn't going to be easy, but I need to find a new path–one that makes me happy and it has to be one that I choose." He sobbed a bit, "…but it's not here and it's not with you."

His mentor quickly wrapped an arm around him, "Things will be different, you're right, but you'd never lose me, Aang." He squeezed a little tighter, "I will always love you, my child. Nothing could ever separate us."

A comfortable silence passed between them. Aang wiped his tears, but smiled, "I know, I know. And I will always love you too."

Transition was not easy, but it had to be done. But there was comfort in knowing that bonds that he had with Gyatso wouldn't change. Much like his bond with Katara, it was strong and would last a lifetime. Fondness touched his heart knowing that the two people he cared most about in the world would always supported him in one way or another.

After a few moments, his mentor stood up and stretched his back, "But the good news at least is that maybe you can finally be with Katara now." Winking, he added, "I've always liked her, you know."

Aang got up as well, "Yeah, that would be awesome if I could date Katara, but let's get my life order first." Regretfully, he shared, "Besides, I guess she started seeing this guy."

Gyatso's jaw dropped, "What? How do you know?"

Aang walked back into his mentor's room, stealing an orange left on the nightstand, "We talk now so she told me. I think it's karma coming back to me for screwing everything, lying, and breaking her heart." Peeling the orange, the juices stung his dry fingers, "Not like I don't deserve it, but I have to get my life in order before I figure out a love-life."

With a wry smile, his mentor quipped, "Well, I'm still betting on Team Monk Man-eater Katara."

Aang choked on the orange he was chewing. After painfully swallowing, he asked, "Seriously, where do you hear these things? You're supposed to be old and a monk." As he chewed, if he had to be honest with himself, a part of him still hoped that Katara would have him, but he wasn't going to push it. He already knew how much he hurt her.

"Just because I'm old and a monk doesn't mean I don't have access to the internet," he gestured to the laptop not too far from his bed.

Aang shrugged his shoulder, finding that he couldn't argue with that. After finishing the orange, he tossed it in the bin. "Thanks for everything, Gyatso. I mean it." He rubbed the back of his head and puffed out a breath of air, "I guess I need to start packing."

Gyatso clapped him on the back, "I'll come help you."

Both men left the room and wandered slowly towards Aang's bedroom. On the way, he knew exactly who he was going to call first, but it wouldn't be Katara.