"It ain't gon' be easy, but Lori and Carl they'll get over you, they've done it before, they're just gonna have to…" Shane is looking at him with such hatred and mania carved into his face, Rick can't help but flinch; he's piecing everything together and it all culminates to this, what he knew all along, what he never wanted to consider. Shane was as blood thirsty before the turn as he is now, Rick reflects on the old days, wondering how Shane managed to work his way out of several police brutality accusations, he was always heavy handed. He murdered Randall, simple as that, fair enough he was part of a group with 30 guys, but he was blindfolded when they travelled with him back to the farm, even if they let him go. He wouldn't be able to confidently say where they were, and for his cronies to ditch him at the bar, they mustn't have cared too much- this was Shane throwing his weight around under the guise of doing what's best for the group.
Shane has his gun drawn and aimed right at Rick's heart, "You gonna kill me in cold blood? Screw my wife- have my children call you 'Daddy'"- Rick sneers- "That what'chu want, Shane?" He's panting, the shell of his best friend standing before him, volatile, tension rolling off him in waves- Rick needs to be careful, or this could go south very quickly, Shane is quick to respond, "Come on, man, raise your gun! You ain't the good guy anymore, isn't that what you said? You gonna fight for 'em? I'm a better father than you, Rick- I'm better for Lori than you, man, I'm a better man than you, you come back here and you just destroy everythang! Raise your gun!" Rick tries to change tack, he can feel his pulse thrumming with adrenaline, it's almost deafening. "You're gonna have to kill an unarmed man, now listen to me Shane, there's still a way back from this…" He studies him, those beady eyes not wavering, not even to blink, and he makes his decision in a split second- Shane has wreaked enough havoc, and a loose cannon in the apocalyptic scenario they currently find themselves in is just downright dangerous- he hands his gun over in a placating gesture toward Shane, and quick as a whip with his other hand stabs his knife to the hilt in Shane's abdomen and drags it vertically all the way up to the bottom of his ribcage, gutting him, as blood pours out of every orifice, Rick is in hysterics, "Damn you for making me do this, Shane! This is you! You did this to us, this is you, not me"- over and over like a mantra and then-
…
Rick starts awake immediately, panting and sweating buckets; he needs to get out of his claustrophobic cell, lest he have a panic attack and that's the last thing he or anyone else for that matter needs. Ever since arriving at the prison and still to this day, him and Lori have each had their own cell, and that hasn't changed after he rebuffed her attempt at a reconciliation a couple of nights ago.
He quietly pads out of his cell, and is making his way down the stairs when he suddenly comes into contact with an immovable, hard and muscular chest, he's still in a daze, and slowly realises it's Daryl, he doesn't come to and through his fuzzy vision he notices the archer wave his hand in front of his face, "Rick? Rick, man, it's Daryl, where are you goin'?" He shakes himself out of his reverie, remembering Daryl had been on watch, he must have finished- "Uh, just need a breather, need some air, you know?"
…
Daryl looks at his leader with something akin to concern, well as much as Daryl Dixon can look concerned, anyhow, and he is extremely shit at reading people, but even someone as socially inept as Daryl can figure something is wrong with the usually stoic leader. Daryl despises small talk, just content for companionable, non-awkward silence, but he'll make an exception, doesn't mean he has to feel comfortable about it, though, he's never had a way with words- that was Merle's domain, charm the pants off a nun if he wanted to- he lowers his head, biting a thumbnail, "Wanna talk 'bout what happened back there?" Rick looks up at him, shocked the archer has initiated any form of conversation, Rick sighs and plays dumb, "Wha'cha mean?" Boy, was that the wrong move, "Don't play dumb with me, Sheriff, you won't win", he grouses, "Let's talk 'bout how you were all dazed and confused like, you looked like one'a the walkers…" Rick sighed, he knew Daryl had been fast becoming his right hand man and supposed that meant Daryl would notice when he wasn't himself, especially with stumbling around with a dazed look halfway through the night.
"Jus' relivin' the memory of when I killed Shane", it hurt to say it, made it feel more real, "and then lookin' in Lori's eyes that it wasn't me she wanted to come walking back, there I said it- I had to kill my best friend, he wasn't meant for this world, you know? It awakened a dormant beast within him, but that's not the hardest part before I did it- killed him- he was sayin' he was the better man for Lori, that I can deal with, but sayin' he's a better father than me for Carl, I couldn't, Daryl, I couldn't listen to that"- his voice breaks and Daryl just stands there and after a few beats, comments, "That's some real heavy shit right there, look, Rick, ya not a cold blooded killer, a'ight? He had a gun pointed at ya, it was self-defence, look, Rick, I ain't gonna lie, we all could see Shane was mad, it was one of those thangs though, that ya needed to see for yourself and ya did- ya defended yaself and ya did what's best for the group, a'ight? Don't beat yourself up about it", Daryl laughed to himself internally, this was the most he'd spoken in one go in a very long time, and to a Sheriff's Deputy no less, Merle would have his ass if he knew, "but he doesn't know"- his brain supplied, "Merle and Rick don't need to know your feelings run deeper than friendship, Merle ain't here, what happened to Jace won't happen again, he ain't here"- Daryl shuddered briefly at the memory that shook him to his core- Rick was nothing if not observant and he noticed Daryl's shudder, "You right, Daryl?" "This ain't about me, Sheriff", he snapped, no real malice to it, walls immediately back up, and Rick knew to leave well alone; he needed to get another thing off his chest, "Why'd ya shoot Dale for me?" Daryl's head snapped to attention- "Like I said no reason ya should do all the heavy liftin'- could see ya were struggling thought I'd ease the load". Rick was still stunned even though he'd heard the reasoning before, but to hear it again shook him to his very existence, "But why? You've gone from throwing squirrels at me to doing anythang to make my life easier, it just seems like a paradoxical shift is all"- Daryl looked at him with wide eyes, cursing internally, "Fuck! Am I that obvious?!" running through his brain, he calmly answers, "Look I was pissed at the whole Merle thing, but he's a dick and if he jeopardised ya'll I get it, you've done alright by me, Rick, you've got honour."
Rick didn't know what to say, he felt overcome by the gravity of Daryl's statement, "Thanks, that's what I needed to hear, Daryl, I feel better already"- he looks to see wisps of light start to come through the windows and he realises they've been there a couple of hours at least. "S'nothin, just didn't want ya'll going half-cocked to God knows where in a daze from ya nightmare, this group needs ya, Rick"- "I need ya" his brain betrays, he raises his hand as if to pat Rick on the shoulder, but pulls it down, and stalks to his perch to get some much needed sleep, and Rick is left wondering what the fuck just happened.