I sighed as I shut down my laptop. I had been online getting an idea about how we would get to school the next day without the car. Now it was very late and if I wanted to sleep at all I'd have no time for any homework. I thought about the teachers I had that day and if I could get away with it. Izzy always got away with not doing hers for some reason. She probably wouldn't have done the work even if we'd gotten home at the usual time. She was more of a last-minute kind of person.

Now I knew what time we had to be ready to leave in the morning I sent her a text to let her know. Yeah, I know it was lazy. I didn't want to go moving around and waking everybody up though. If I'd gone into Izzy's room she would have flipped out about beauty sleep or whatever.

I always told her she didn't have to focus too much on looking good but she'd only point out that not only did I have a brotherly obligation to say that kind of thing but I also didn't know what attracted guys to girls. That wasn't entirely true. I knew. I just didn't agree.

It would have been pretty hard convincing the guys at school I was straight if I didn't at least know.

I placed the laptop onto the floor curled up on my side. I gave up on that a year ago. Convincing them I mean. Most of them didn't mind when I came out. At least I didn't think they did. Not that much. I mean we shared a locker room… If you know an effective way telling guys you've showered with that you like men I would love to hear it.

I think it helped that I was just... Normal. No sterotypes: No rainbows or musicals or fashion sense. Just the same Alec I'd always been. People like me get overlooked. I thought it was better that way. Less hyporitic than people who make plees for acceptance and equality when all they do is try to stand out. Though if Isabelle had her way I'd be walking around with a flashing 'IMRU?' sign.

She hadn't stopped pestering me about guys all shift. It had been a long night between that and my own non-stop musings. I kept thinking about things I could have said to Magnus instead of what I actually said. I couldn't possibly text him after an introduction like ours.

I looked at my phone in consideration. The screen was too bright so I put it back down.

No. I could not contact him. I'd embarassed myself so badly that he had to have been messing with me. I wondered if maybe he'd given me fake digits. I probably would have if I were him.

My sister didn't possess any of my doubt. In fact all the way home on the subway Izzy had been trying to send him a text. I had to keep dodging and pulling my things out of reach. She'd managed to grab my phone and she'd gotten hold of the number; but thankfully never both at the same time.

In the unlikely event that it was his actual number there was no way I could let her get it. She was embarrassing and I think I'd proved that I was quite capable of embarrassing myself without her aid.

She had whined about it all the way back home, waving her arms animatedly while I held on to her heels. She'd gotten fed up and taken them off as soon as we were above ground. I'd never understand why she wore them to work. Or to anything that wasn't a special occasion. Mother wore hers all the time too so I always put it down to being another weird girl thing that I wasn't supposed to unsderstand and left it at that.

Before we stepped inside I reminded Isabelle that I would tell her if anything happened. That much was actually true. We told each other everything. We always had ever since we were little. The only thing I ever kept a secret was what I knew about the divorce.

We had developed a 'no guy-talk in the house' rule a long time ago. Those were conversations that we never wanted our parents to overhear. Funnily enough we had the same reason for that. We didn't want to be judged for our tastes. Granted all Izzy had to worry about was the: 'Musician? Were is that going to get him?' Talk and not the: 'He? He's a he?' Talk, but the point remained.

We needen't have worried about being overheard that night. When we entered Mother was already asleep on the couch. All the lights were off but the TV was on. The living room was illuminated by the screen, an eerie light which shifted shape and colour with the picture. I switched it off and felt static on my hand.

Mother never used to like the television. She would always be reading instead. The bookcase was full of things she could have read. All her favourites. Robert hadn't even touched the books on his way out. But I guessed she was finding it hard to concentrate on printed words now. It was easier to get lost in moving pictures.

I squinted at the wall clock. It was pretty late. I wondered when she'd fallen asleep.

Isabelle was about to creep in after me but I waved her upstairs. We both had school in the morning and she was terrible at getting up early. She looked reluctant to let me stay downstairs alone but crept up anyway. I waited until I heard her footsteps on the landing to turn back to Mother.

It didn't smell of anything in our living room; the air freshener had run out. Little things like that... They didn't sound like much but they meant something. The same way the browning leafs of the un-watered plants and the marks from muddy shoes on the rugs meant something. They were tiny signs that she had given up.

I grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch. I'd started keeping one downstairs for nights like this. They were becoming pretty frequent.

I wished I could carry her up to her room the way she'd carried all of us up countless nights before; when we were younger. She deserved to be looked after. But if I'd lifted her she would have woken up, so I just took the empty wine class from her hand and covered her carefully.

I grabbed the bottle form the table too before I padded to the kitchen. It was the expensive stuff left over from before the break up. Nothing we could afford to splurge on whenever we felt like it anymore. She had been getting through the bottles fast. I could only hope she'd waited until Max was in bed. He shouldn't have seen her that way; so broken when she'd always seemed like the strongest woman in the world to us.

I couldn't imagine what it was like to be her. To lose the man who promised you 'Till death do us part'. To find out you were parted from the very beginning.

I made my way mechanically to the sink and ran warm water into the glass. Swished it around, repeated. It looked clean enough; then again I couldn't see much in the dark. When I felt the usual spot for a towel there was nothing there.

I don't know why I thought there would be one in its place; organisation was out the window in our house now. It wasn't dirty or messy. Like I said, it was the little differences. Things didn't take care of themselves the way they used to. That was because things never took care of themselves. Somebody had always been looking out for us. My siblings and me. And now it was our turn to look after her.

I used some tissue I had on me to wipe up so I wouldn't have to bash around looking for another towel and placed the glass back into the cupboard as quietly as I could.

I'm sure you can see my mistake there. I didn't until the next day.

I'd destroyed the napkin with Magnus' number.

Well, there is a glimpse of life in the Lightwood household. I hope it didn't bore you without Magnus there. As always, thank you for reading!

Next is: 'Free-Fall'