It was just about time for the medieval feast to begin when Jeff rode up in his Lexus. It hadn't taken him long to find the perfect costume - one that took only a few minutes to come up with and showed off his attractiveness. Down the hall from his apartment, there was a guy that did Renaissance reenactments. Jeff used his wits to get the guy to agree to let him borrow a "Knight in Shining Armor" costume. It almost looked real, but thankfully wasn't. Even though Jeff could handle it, carrying around armor that weighed so much would put a damper on things.
He stepped out of his luxury car and made his way to the quad. Once again, Greendale went all out for something that had nothing to do with learning. There was a makeshift cardboard castle cutout that stood about two stories tall and was as wide as ten people lying down. Surprisingly, there were actual horses, and people were riding them. To one side, there were a bunch of games, while to another, there were all kinds of foods lined up and down a table. Jeff wondered how good the food was. If it matched the food they usually had in the cafeteria, it wasn't anything to be proud of, or anything you'd want to eat. But he was sure he'd eat it, just like he did with the cafeteria food.
Standing near a castle themed moon bounce, was the rest of the study group. He had told the guy living down the hall to keep the helmet that went with the costume. There was no need to hide his model-like face. This made it easy for his friends to spot him through the crowd of other dressed up students and staff. They waved Jeff over, and he walked toward them.
"Looks like you actually put some thought into your costume," Britta noticed.
"I borrowed it from someone in my apartment," Jeff confessed. He rested a hand on the hilt of his toy sword that was sheathed on his belt.
"Boo!" Britta gave a thumbs down.
"I like the costume, Jeff," Annie said, admiring how good Jeff looked as a knight.
"You don't look so bad yourself, Milady." Jeff took Annie's hand and bowed as he kissed the top of her soft hand. He took a gander at her white and purple dress and the not-to-showy silver crown on top of her head. Chocolate curls fell from her head and brushed back and forth on her shoulders.
"Milord," Annie replied, giving a curtsy, trying her hardest not to blush.
"Jeffery!" Dean Pelton called. "My turn." He came running over, still in his queen's outfit and offered his hand, looking shyly away.
"Not going to happen," Jeff said, standing up straight with his hands at his side.
"Hmm." Dean Pelton dropped his hand. "Hope you seven enjoy yourselves. Look for the mini play. It'll be announced. Get ready for a special star and a surprise guest." The dean briskly walked away, going toward the horses.
"$20 bucks that he's the special star," Abed assumed.
"And let me guess . . . I'll be the surprise guest," Jeff said annoyed. He looked at Britta. "How much did you end up spending on that costume? I see you're still trying to convince the world that not every girl uses dressing up to make herself look sexy. It's working."
"I don't have a problem with girls dressing risqué," Pierce blurted. "Why limit it to Halloween and get togethers like these?"
Britta was dressed as a horse. Basically, she was wrapped in a brown, felt material that shaped her roundly. It almost looked as if a horse had eaten her and she was fighting to get free. "I'm glad it's working."
"I think Jeff said that to make fun of you," Abed pointed out.
"Oh. Well -" Britta began. She quickly turned around. "Troy, stop playing with my tail."
"It's fun," Troy giggled.
"So what happened to you both being dragons? And why is Troy in a dress?" Jeff asked. Abed was a dragon, as was planned. He wore something that looked like he had draped a burlap sack over his body, cut out a hole for his head, and attached some items to it for dragon scales. Even Abed's face was painted like a dragon. Troy wore a pointed hat on his head, something that resembled a dress, boots, a white beard, and held a tall wooden staff in his hand.
"It's a robe," Troy corrected. "How many people do I have to tell?"
"I'm Smaug," Abed said. He saw confused looks appear on his friend's faces.
"Is that a mood?" Shirley asked. "Are kids using that to mean glum now?"
"He's a dragon from the Hobbit," Abed went into detail. When nobody got it even then, he felt a part of him die inside. "You guys are killing me." He shook his head, and pulled himself back together with a long sigh. "Troy is Gandolf the White." Abed took a look at the other costumes. "We all know Pierce is trying to be a wealthy jester."
"Trying to be?" Pierce asked, offended. "I'm doing a darn good job at it." He was dressed in a yellow full body suit with red polka dots on it. He also had a jester hat of the same color on his head.
"All I've got to say is that you better stop teasing Jeff," Abed said, making a face. "Who are you Shirley? A bad representation of Robin Hood?"
"Abed," she scolded. "I'm Joan of Arc."
"Ha!" Pierce laughed. "It's Noah of Ark, stupid."
"Noah wasn't in medieval times, dummy," Shirley retorted.
"That is a great choice, Shirley," Britta praised. "Joan of Arc was the first woman activist. Well, not officially, but implying so, she was. She's a true hero."
"Stop while you're not so far ahead," Jeff told her.
"Where to first?" Annie asked, rocking back and forth from heel to toe. "Anybody hungry?"
"Not really," Jeff said, watching as Fat Neil took a look at the food set up and walked away. "If Fat Neil doesn't want it, neither do I. Greendale food isn't good inside, I'm sure sitting outside, it's even worse. Probably mutated."
"You seriously think it's mutated?" Britta asked, her eyebrows up.
"You mean like mutated genes?" Abed asked. "This could lead into so many movie discussions. Where should we begin? Want to go the X-Men route or the 28 Days Later route?"
"Neither, Abed," Jeff replied, then seeing how he may have upset his friend, - he could never really tell - he apologized. "Maybe later."
"Pew pew," Abed said, winking at Jeff.
"Mutated jeans?" Troy asked, astounded. "You think they put jeans in the food? Butts touch them. I kind of want to try the food. I've never eaten anything with jeans before."
"No, Troy," Britta said. "Genes as in g-e-n-e-s."
"You spell jeans weird," he told her.
"What are we doing?" Pierce asked.
"Welcome, everyone, to our medieval feast!" the dean's voice came over the loud speaker. "A complementary show is about to start on stage." There was a pause. "The pallets by the flag," he clarified.
"I guess that's our answer," Shirley said, unenthused.
The group made their way to the pallets - the stage - laid on the ground.
Just as they expected, Dean Pelton was standing in the center of the stage. In the crowd next to them stood Professor Duncan and Señor Chang. Duncan was dressed as a simple peasant while Chang looked like a twentieth century doctor.
"Chang?" Jeff asked. "What are you supposed to be?"
Ben Chang slowly turned to Jeff. There was a scar painted on his cheek and he wore a pair of prescription glasses with the lenses popped out.
"Please tell me you didn't pay for those glasses and make them completely useless," Jeff pleaded.
"Of course not," Chang replied. "I'm not stupid. I took them from some old lady when she wasn't looking. She took them off to put her eye drops in."
"No matter how heartless that is, that doesn't answer my question."
"What am I, yeah, yeah. I've been over this a million times with everybody. All I heard from medieval was med and evil. So I dressed up as an evil scientist."
"Why would we dress up as evil scientists?" Jeff thought for a moment and shrugged. "This is Greendale," he thought out loud.
"Can it," Chang pointed a finger at him. "If you say another word, I'll fail you."
"You're not even our teacher anymore."
"That's professor to you."
"No, it isn't."
"It isn't. You're right." Chang leaned his face menacingly toward Jeff and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose with his finger. "You just watch it."
"Oh, bugger off," Duncan told Chang as he was already leaving. "What an idiot," he laughed.
"Chang is so weird," Troy said.
"I can't believe he stole glasses from a poor old lady," Annie pouted.
"Poor?" Duncan asked. "I'm poor! I'm a peasant. Get it?" he joked.
"It's not funny when you're poor in real life." Britta folded her arms as best she could while having them encumbered by thick felt and looked at the ground.
"I couldn't tell you," Pierce spoke.
"Now, to begin this play," Pelton began, "I'll need my surprise guest to come join me up on stage." The dean quickly gave a nice look to Jeff.
"Kill me now," Jeff moaned. Hesitantly, Jeff made his way toward the pallets.
Dean Pelton offered a hand for Jeff to take.
"I will leave," Jeff warned.
Pelton pulled back his hand. "Watch your step."
"Your stage is literally an inch off the ground," Jeff pointed out as he took a stance beside the dean.
Dean Pelton smiled out at the crowd, while Jeff moped. "The summary of this story is that I, the Qu-dean. Oh, look at that - it already rhymes. I will be saved by my Knight in Shining Armor."
Flashes went off, making Jeff shield his eyes.
"Who seriously has nothing better to do than take pictures of a makeshift play at Greendale?" Jeff asked, looking out to the crowd when the flashes stopped. He spotted a camera crew in the back of the four row crowd. Jeff turned to the dean. "You hired professional photographers?"
"Jeffery, let me explain," the dean said, pulling Jeff back by the arm. "I just wanted to be able to remember this. It'll be fun."
"Take you're hand off me," Jeff demanded. "I'm done with this play."
Once Jeff rejoined the group, they made their way from the audience and Dean Pelton and apparently a hired camera crew.
"Remind me again why I'm here," Jeff requested.
"You wanted to skip class and stay home, but finding out that if you didn't show up, the dean would notice and you'd be caught, you decided to come here instead of going to class," Abed replied.
"It was rhetorical, but thanks, I guess."
Out of nowhere, Garrett came running up to the group. He looked as though he had just ran a mile from a ghost, so he looked like Garrett. "This isn't good!" he hollered to the group, though they were only feet away. "There's a war coming! A war! Prizes and teams! It's coming! Gather weapons and build alliances! Hurry before it's too late!" Just then, a rubber arrow shot through the air and stuck to Garrett's forehead. Instinctively, he dropped to the ground, pretending to be dead.
Jeff kneeled down next to Garrett. "What's going on?"
Garrett looked glassy eyed at Jeff, but didn't speak.
"He can't talk, Jeff," Abed told him. "He's supposed to be dead. If he talks, it'll ruin the realness of the game."
Jeff looked over his shoulder at Abed. "What game?"
"Sounds to me like a mix of Paintball Assassin and Fort Wars," Abed assumed.
"I wonder what the rules are," Annie pondered.
"I heard 'prize.' I want to know more about that," Shirley said.
"Let's go Braveheart on the enemies!" Britta roared.
"I'm not sure anyone is going to be afraid of someone dressed as a horse," Jeff chuckled.
"Braveheart is a movie," Troy said. "It's not a person."
"Well, let's go main character in Braveheart on the enemy then," Britta fixed.
"William Wallace?" Abed asked.
"Sure," she replied.
"In the end William Wallace is tortured to death by being hanged and disembowelment," Abed told her.
"How about King Arthur?" Shirley suggested.
"Abed!" Troy exclaimed thinking up a plan. "Let's find Excalibur! Maybe we should bring Pierce with us."
"Because I'm wise?" Pierce smiled, intrigued.
"Smart idea, Troy," Abed agreed. "Old people are supposed to have wisdom flowing out of their butt."
"Hey!" Pierce yelled, angered.
"I doubt you'll find that sword here," Jeff hinted. "Let me dumb that down for you - you won't find it."
"That's why you won't be able to pull the sword out, Jeff," Troy told him. "You need to be wise, and a comment like that just makes you un-wise."
"You just made up a word," Jeff pointed out.
"Exactly," Troy smiled and pointed to his head.
"Haha," Abed said proudly.
Troy and Abed did their hand clap and the group got ready to fight, whoever it was they were fighting, and for whatever the prize was.