(A/N: so this chappie is a little different, but I hope you still enjoy it :))
Lesson One
He likes chocolate. Lots. Of. Chocolate. And treacle tarts.
Attempt One:
ZABINI?!
Uhm, yes, Potter dear?
Why is there a huge statue of you in chocolate in my bed?
Because... I wanted to give you a very handsome and sweet present?
...
.
Attempt Two:
Hey, Potter!
Yeah?
What do you and treacle tarts have in common?
Uh... What?
They both make me... very... sticky... ;)
... My mind! I'm dying! Hermione! Obliviate me! You horrible person! I'll never be able to look at treacle tart the same again!
...
Lesson Two
Harry does not appreciate pick-up lines. Especially ones about his parents. Mark my words, Slytherin, mark my words.
Hey, Potter, are your parents terrorists, because you are the bomb!
... My parents are dead.
Oh... right. I'm sorry, Potter, I didn't mean to- hey! I'm sorry! Come back!
Dammit, Zabini, I said he DOESN'T appreciate pick up lines about his parents! DOESN'T!
Oops?
*whack*
Ow! Geez, you violent woman!
...
Lesson Three
Know how Malfoy got Hermione a little warmer? He called her by her first name. Make sense?
Hi!
Uhm, hi.
Hi, Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarry :)
Hi, Zabiniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.
Hi, Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarry :)
Hi, Zabiniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.
Hi- look, are you going to notice that I'm caling you Harry or not?
I-oh. Huh. That's. Nice?
...
...
Lesson Four
Okay. So, Harry's actually a little timid. So you're going to have to practically sweep him off his feet in every aspect of thrilling and romantic. Excite him. Enthrall him. Entrance him. Got it?
Attempt One:
Harry, I love you.
Aww, I love you too.
So I-wait, what?
I just love me more.
...
.
Attempt Two:
Hey, Harry.
Yeah?
Let's get married.
... What?
Let's get married.
Uh, why would we do that?
Because we love each other very much!
I don't love you.
Because I love you very much!
I'm quite sure you don't love me that much.
Because I love you!
No you don't.
Because - uh. We're very close?
Right. How the heck does your irritating me and my rejecting you make us close? Give me some proof.
I... uh... call you by your first name?
...
...
Lesson Five
Summer break's coming up. Harry's going to be stuck with the Dursleys, and you know he hates them. I'm sure a little visit wouldn't hurt. Oh... and, his uncle Vernon, he really likes wizard robes... be sure to wear them, and demand for Harry on the doorstep ;)
There was a knocking on the door, and slowly Vernon looked up from his newspaper with a frown. When the rocking returned, he slowly stood up and made his way towards the door with a grunt, sticking on an awkward morning smile as he opened the door to receive the unexpected visitor.
He was almost blinded when a brilliant smile flew his way with glinting pearly teeth set against beautiful dark skin.
"Hello!" the young man grinned brightly. Vernon frowned as the cogs in his head started whirring in his head, rising from their morning stupor when he realised the young man was wearing a bottle green dress... no, not a dress... ROBES! He blinked for a few moments. Robes. Robes. Those horrible dress-like gowny things they wore. Them. This boy was one of them. This man was looking for-
"-Harry. I'm here to visit Harry Potter. He lives here, right?" the boy said cheerfully, peering over his shoulder.
"NO!" Vernon roared suddenly, coming to his senses. "HE DOESN'T LIVE HERE! NOBODY LIVES HERE! NOBODY-" He tried to slam the door but the boy jammed his foot in and cocked his head, ignoring Vernon's continuous ramblings of "NO, NO, NOBODY LIVES HERE, WE LIVE A VERY NICE, SANE, NON-MAGICAL, NON-POTTERY LIFE HERE, NO! NOBODY LIVES HERE! ALL ALONE, YES, ALL ALONE! NOBODY HERE! NO! NOBODY!"
"Harry?"
"Zabini?"
And across the distance, green clashed into brown in one ethereal, intangible dance, one glance of hope, delight and surprise - a hitched breath of blossoming warmth that was rudely interrupted by a high pitched shriek of panicked blabber.
"NUUU! HARRY POTTER NO LIVE HERE!"