You know how some families have defining traits? You could just assume things about some people by the family they come from. Like how Penhallows weren't quick to anger; and you've got no in hell hope of finding a Wayland with a long attention span.

Lightwoods didn't cry. At least, we weren't supposed to.

I'd only seen my Mother cry once in my entire life. Isabelle a couple more times which usually had more to do with pain than it did genuine upset. Even then, by the time she was five Izzy was tackling the boys in the school playground and getting grit in her knees without flinching.

No, tears were not for public. They belonged confined to private rooms where nobody could see you hurting. It was one of those things I felt as though I'd known my entire life; I couldn't place for the life of me when I'd learnt it. I did know that Izzy had the same attitude long engrained into her, though. Which made it all the more heart wrenching to watch her try to hold it together while I told her the truth behind the divorce.

It was a lot for her to take in. Izzy had been listening to my conversation with Jace through the door – which was patient, for her, normally she would have barged in as soon as the barricade was gone – and had probably expected me to break down on her with my own problems when the door was eventually opened for her.

Instead I had another story for her. She found herself discovering that her Father had been cheating for longer than she'd been alive. Something her brother who she trusted with all her secrets had kept from her for months. She trembled as I spoke and I could only imagine what she must have been thinking.

She was going to be mad, I knew. I would have been if I were her, being allowed to defend a guy I should have been angry at for weeks and weeks when I didn't have all the information- Ouch. Okay. I definitely knew how she felt.

Isabelle didn't leave the room like I thought she might. She just buried her head into my shoulder where I couldn't see her. I felt moisture soak through my collar and felt the lump in my throat threatening to choke me again. A sensation I was not happy to be becoming familiar with.

"So, what, he never wanted us anyway?" Isabelle sobbed.

By the Angel. It was painful putting her through this.

I stroked her hair calmingly; it looped wildly where it was falling from a poorly-made bun and half of it was cascading down her back. Falling apart. I had no idea what to do. It was difficult trying to be the comforting one when you had no way to help the situation.

"He told me that he still cares about us, Izzy." I said softly.

She shook and made a noise that pretty much said she didn't believe me. "Yeah. Sure does sound like it."

Things had been so much easier when she didn't know. Of course, the easy way isn't always the right way, and all those words of wisdom. Really, though? What good did making Izzy completely turn on one of her parents do?

She was already mad at him anyway, forming her opinion by herself. Pushing her over the edge wasn't helping anybody.

I didn't know what to say to her. It was hard to get my thoughts into order. Mainly because I had no idea how I felt about anything anymore. Everything in my mind was a jumbled mess of nonsensical double standards that I was trying to sort.

I was still as disgusted by my Father as I was the day he'd left the house. What he did took immoral to whole new levels, in my book. I still had this hatred for him. The way he'd made my Mother feel. The way he'd been so stony as we grew up and turned on me completely when I didn't turn out the way he wanted. I hated that he ever had a mistress and that she was the most important thing to him now. I hated that my little sister was crying and that instead of being there for her I had to figure all this crap out.

Because I hated Magnus, too. He was a liar and a user and a cheater. Everything that made me sick to my stomach. But I couldn't get past loving him. I was head-over-heels in love with him. First boyfriend and centre of my whole world in love with him.

I wanted to believe that Magnus loved me too. Maybe he couldn't help it. And yeah, he went about it all wrong, but maybe I could forgive that. I could forgive love, couldn't I? But didn't that mean forgiving my Father too? And shouldn't I have been worrying about my family life before I worried about some guy?

I was starting to see why Mother had drank so much in the weeks after her breakup. This was hard. All my ideas about right what was right or wrong and what was forgivable or not had completely gone out the window.

All the while I had Izzy there. And she needed me. I had to be surer of myself than I was for her sake. When I'd found out I had struggled with nothing stable to hold onto. My sister had me for guidance about how to react and what to do with herself. I had to encourage a path which was healthy and good for her. In spite of not having a clue what I was doing with myself.

So, I had to make a snap judgement.

Instinct kicked in to remind me what I'd wanted for Izzy in the first place. I didn't tamper with her and Father's relationship because they were happy as they were. She didn't need that kind of thing dragged up to put bad feelings between them.

Since then more had happened and there had been more strain between them. Once again, that was kind of on me. Isabelle had been so angry when he'd banned me from his house. Alright, I couldn't have kept a fundamental part of me a secret forever. Nonetheless, we always knew he wasn't going to react well. The man wasn't the most liberal of people.

All along I'd been secretly hoping it would all work out well for them. For me it was hopeless, with the way he felt, but the rest of my family deserved to move along. To be happy together.

I never wanted my sister to share the animosity I felt.

It seemed like the only way I was going to keep things civil and happy was by being civil and happy myself. In that moment I took on a new resolve: Learn to forgive Robert Lightwood.

This one was a struggle. I kept going back and changing it over and over. It's muddled, I know, but so is the narrator.

Thank you all for reading! As of yesterday this became my most faved story, so I'm feeling all the more grateful. "Understanding" is the next chapter!