Author's Notes: Well, this one is a bit of a character study and I hope you enjoy it. The quote about the monsters Ianto uses is by Nietzsche. I'd love to know what you think and, as always, feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Colour: Black

Prompt: Buttoned black shirt

The Doctor had learnt to get used to the variety of Ianto's shirts and the meaning behind their colours fairly quickly. It hadn't been all that hard, really; he'd only had to pay attention and soon enough, it became as clear as it could get.

Pink meant a regular day; it meant that Ianto was calm and relaxed and in a particularly good mood. Green meant broody and mysterious. White meant sorrow. Red meant that the Doctor would have to expect trouble and Ianto would act like an intergalactic Casanova. Dar blue meant business. Yellow was like a warning that shouted 'Keep away!' to the entire Universe. Purple meant playful and the Doctor usually had to be extra careful around him and tell him on random intervals to keep his hands to himself and calm down – whether it was because he tended to touch the wrong people at the wrong places or because he reached for a gun every time someone tried to breathe in his direction. He was always keen to carry the gun and, as much as the Doctor disapproved, nothing could convince him otherwise.

Black, though, was new. Black was unfamiliar and he wasn't sure what to expect.

"Hello there." Just like usual, Ianto had sensed him coming. "Are we ready? You said you could get us straight into their base."

"Of course I can." He stuffed his hands in his pockets. "I just don't know why you're doing this." There was no response as Ianto kept grooming his hair. "Why torture yourself? You only just stopped constantly thinking about Torchwood, so why would you go back?"

"I have to know." There was urgency in Ianto's voice as he swirled around to face the Doctor. "I've been dying to know for years. Don't tell me you're not curious." There was a challenge in Ianto's voice and, when the older Time Lord still seemed unmoved, he kept going. "Come on! Torchwood Five – lost in time, and we finally found it! You can't not be interested."

"Fair enough," the Doctor conceded. "How are you planning on getting in?"

"Well, I never did quit Torchwood," Ianto said with renewed enthusiasm as he neared him. "My codes should still work."

Suddenly, the Doctor found himself crowded against the door of Ianto's room. He scolded himself for the momentary lack of attention – after all, he hadn't figured out what the shirt meant yet, and anything unexpected about his companion was potentially risky – and stepped back, but to no avail. There was a rather suspicious look in Ianto's eyes.

"Why are you so afraid of Torchwood?" He asked quietly. "I know, Canary Wharf and all that, but I was there too, and I kept going. What is it about Torchwood that scares you enough to make you – the man who never backs out of anything – avoid it like the plague?"

"Canary Wharf wasn't just a bad day for me," the Doctor replied, voice icy. "I lost someone there. Someone I loved."

"So did I," Ianto said quietly and, the Doctor noted, rather alarmed, didn't back off. "And I'm sorry for your loss, but if there's one thing about Torchwood I can tell you, it's that we're not monsters. We fight them. And we–"

"– never leave."

The younger Time Lord seemed taken aback. "Sorry?"

"You keep saying 'we'," the Doctor pointed out. "And, really, even if all your codes are still working, you're not working there any longer. It's supposed to be 'them', but it's not. You still consider yourself to be a part of Torchwood, even after everything they did to you."

"I chose that job!" Ianto objected heatedly and the Doctor idly wondered how many times he'd had the same conversation with Jack. He didn't mention anything about it, though; it might have been too cruel.

"And you meant well. I know. You wanted to fight the monsters but sometimes, Ianto, just sometimes, that can backfire and then you lose control."

"Me in particular or just the Torchwood folk in general?" Ianto asked. However he'd planned on having that conversation go, he'd let it go now in favour of exploring the new topic and the Doctor didn't know if he had to be grateful or disappointed.

Also, he noted forlornly to himself, while the exact meaning of a black shirt was still unknown, it was dangerous. Definitely dangerous.

"Torchwood in general, of course. After all, they're only human. But you–"

"I was human too. At the time, anyway. Do you think I was a monster too?" Ianto's eyes were unreadable and stony, just like usual, and the Doctor almost felt compelled to look away.

Almost.

"No." When he spoke, his voice was gentle and he felt his companion relaxing, if only minutely. "No, I don't. I think that you were a machine; detached, calculating, a silent witness of the Universe rather than a participant in it. You're still the same and, in a way, you're the perfect Time Lord." Ianto smiled proudly and the Doctor returned it, even if his answering smile was rather bitter. "And that isn't necessarily a compliment. Haven't you ever wanted to be a part of something? Anything?"

"I was a part of my team," Ianto said slowly, biting his lip, but his eyes kept wandering around the room as he tried to separate the consciousness of Ianto Jones with his own. "We caught the aliens – we often killed them as well. Is that not taking part of the world?"

"If the only thing that made you a part of the world was killing and fighting, then how are you any different from the monsters?"

The exchange of the several past minutes felt a bit like a tennis match and when Ianto suddenly stared at him, eyes wide with realisation and horror, the Doctor felt rather guilty for bringing it up at all. Yes, Ianto had started the topic, but he'd carried it on out of sheer fear of Torchwood and the creatures it spawned, even if one of them was the only one of his species in the Universe.

"Whoever fights monsters," Ianto started quietly after a short pause, and he looked haunted, "should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you."

"And this is why we give everyone a choice or a second chance," the Doctor said and he sounded centuries older even to his own ears. "Everyone. Even the monsters." He patted Ianto on the shoulder gently and then turned into a soothing caress. "Ready?"

There was barely a moment before Ianto nodded, the fire rekindled in his eyes. "Ready."