A/N: I am shamefully sorry for the delay, but Merry Belated Christmas! Here's the new chapter, I hope you enjoy it!

"Even if we save the world tomorrow and mutants are accepted, my feet and your natural blue form will never be deemed beautiful." The hot sting of tears at his words betrayed her anger, shocked that Hank of all people could be so callous. He was the one who was supposed to be on her side – who was supposed to understand. How could she have been so foolish?

The crackling of burning wood in the fireplace filled the silence that extended between them. Defeated, and at a loss for words, her blue skin returned to its normal state – human. The word was like acid in her mind, corroding every last shred of caring what anyone else thought.

"You're beautiful as you are now." Hank said, almost crushing the syringe in his hand as he held it out to her. "We need this cure." Her fingers curled around the cool metal, mesmerized that something so small would erase everything that made her who she was. Before Raven could give him a piece of her mind, Hank rose from his chair and left her alone.

She glared at the poison in her hand, her anger burning hotter than the flames before her. He's just like Charles, she realized…and maybe that was what drew her to Hank in the first place. Both of them were kind, sweet, smart, and compassionate men. They were both good – both safe. But they were alike in all the wrong ways too. They longed to be part of the world that rejected them; they both told her to hide herself when all she wanted to do was reveal herself to everyone.

It was just over a week ago that she allowed Hank to take her blood to create a serum that would alter their outward appearance, and for a time that's what she wanted…or so she thought. It's what Charles always wanted for her, that she be normal and safe from harm. But she's a mutant, and none of them will ever be truly safe.

It never ceased to amaze her how quickly things can change, for better and worse. When Moira Taggert first approached Charles, Raven assumed she'd be just another conquest. There had even been the beginnings of a bitter jealously when Charles didn't bother to hide his enthusiasm for her. Little did Raven know the life-changing gift Moira brought with her. The CIA Initiative breathed new life into her – life she didn't even know she'd been missing. Leaving England and returning to the States felt like being reborn with a brand new purpose.

After the initial fear wore off of what would happen when they revealed their mutations to the government, there was an incredible excitement watching Charles find new mutants, recruiting them to a team that would make a real difference in the world – in their world. It brought her to Hank, someone who could finally understand what she felt, who knew the shame of a physical mutation and what it felt like to hide. She thought he was just shy, oblivious to obvious interest in him. Now she knows that he's just not interested in her – at least not as Mystique. But that no longer mattered; being a part of this team was all she's ever wanted.

Suddenly she was surrounded with others her own age, mutants she could laugh with and relate to. It was no longer just her and Charles against the world and she was surprisingly at peace with that. Raven wasn't aware of just how lonely and isolated she'd been until she was freed from their burden. Everything was nearly perfect until they were attacked by Shaw, a mutant just like them. The horror of witnessing a member of their tight knit group murdered before her was still much to close. It was that night that Raven learned she'd never be truly safe – not from humans, not from the government, or even other mutants.

Charles had never hugged her tighter then when he found her in the ruins of the headquarters. He was prepared to scrap the entire initiative in favor of her safety, as always. But together, they all convinced him – the moral, compassionate Charles Xavier – to fight. And now they were home once more – together – the old mansion given a new purpose as well. It was here they would all find shelter and comradery, a safe place to learn and fight. It would've been perfect. But all good things must come to an end, and like the changing of the tide, her world was crashing down again. Tomorrow they were at war and the world will know that mutants exist.

Holding the cure in her hands gave her a shocking sense of clarity, suddenly no longer at war with herself for her identity. She was Mystique and damn anyone who couldn't accept that – including Charles. Rising from her seat, Raven tossed the vial into the fire, relishing the resounding shatter and the sound of the poison sizzling as it boiled. With a satisfied sigh of relief, she tightened her robe around herself and curled up in her chair to watch it burn.

She loved Charles and a part of her heart would always belong to him – would always hope that one day she'll be his. But for now, she would no longer hinge her life on what might never happen. She was on the verge of something, of discovering who she was and what she was capable of. She wanted something, and though she couldn't quite name it, she knew she hadn't found it yet. The life before her was full of possibilities, and after all this time, nothing would hold her back.

Charles studied the chess board, hardly able to focus enough to make his next move. Peace was never an option…Erik had said. They were on the brink of nuclear war; it was up to them to stop it, and now Charles had the added burden of knowledge that Erik would kill Shaw if given the chance. Too much was riding on this, too many people would be watching for anything to go wrong. The fate and future of all mutants rested in everything going off without a hitch and Erik was integral to that plan.

"So, how long have Raven and Hank been dating?" Erik asked, shattering the oppressive silence.

"Erik, if you're trying to distract me it won't work…" he said, taking the black knight. "Hank isn't even her type." He added, leaning back in his chair as he sipped his drink.

Erik leaned forward with a crooked smile, not lifting his gaze as he said, "Oh? And what is her type?" The ice clinked as Charles swirled the contents of his glass, glaring at the man before him. He had never given it much thought, in fact the idea of those two had never even crossed his mind, but the thought of Raven and Hank together just made him cringe.

"I don't know, just not Hank." Charles huffed as Erik claimed his bishop.

"You should speak with her." Erik studied the wooden pawn between his fingers, then crushing it in an iron grip he reclined, meeting Charles' gaze straight on. "The last thing anyone on this team needs is the distraction of a childish romance." Charles shook his head, his gaze drifting down to the game at hand. The more he thought of it, the less he liked it. He had nothing against Hank; he was a good man with a promising future. It just made no sense. They were too odd a pairing – vastly different and try as he might, he just couldn't picture them together.

"They've barely known each other a few weeks. What even makes you think they're dating?"

"Haven't you seen them since we've been here? Raven hasn't exactly been hiding how she feels. While we were still at the CIA compound I found them having an impromptu indoor picnic, hidden from sight. They were practically kissing as he was taking her blood." Charles took a swig of his drink, wishing he could erase the image that just flashed in his mind.

"Well, I know Hank is trying to make a serum that will change the outward appearance of their mutations, but –"

"And you're allowing him?!" Erik's anger shocked him, his eyes wide and disbelieving as Charles held his gaze.

"Yes, of course, why wouldn't I?"

"Charles, the outward appearance is as much a part their mutation as their gifts, especially Raven's. She can change her appearance at will, why would she need a serum?" Charles couldn't give an adequate answer; he only knew that when Hank mentioned it to him, it made perfect sense.

"Hank has assured me that altering their appearance won't affect their powers." Erik was silent as he glared in amused disbelief.

"And you trust him?" Charles could only nod. Erik leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "Be careful, my friend. You're walking a dangerous line."

"You're one to talk." He countered, knowing that Erik was walking the tightest rope of them all.

"No matter how much you may want to, you can't unmake who or what she is."

"I'm not –"

"Checkmate," said Erik, cutting him off. Charles looked down, his king surrounded by a queen, a rook, a knight and a pawn.

"You cheated." Charles mumbled, half in jest.

"Never." Erik managed a wry smile. "It's been a tiring day, I'm heading to bed. Better luck next time, Charles."

Charles was speechless, downing the rest of the bitter liquid in his glass. He wasn't trying to unmake who Raven was; all he wanted was her safety. Only a week ago he almost lost her – almost lost all of them – in an attack from Shaw. The one time he was away from her she might have died, and he wasn't there to protect her. If anything had happened to her… but Charles quickly shook that thought from his mind. He rose from his chair with a heavy sigh and walked slowly, taking his time to reach Raven's room.

Hank and Raven… Some part of him desperately hoped it wasn't true – he needed it to not be true. He would never begrudge Raven's happiness, but of all the times she could've started dating, why would she choose now? Why would she choose a mutual friend – one Charles rather liked and hoped never to lose? As he reached her door, he promised himself he would keep his cool, to speak with Raven civilly and respectfully as they had discussed. He couldn't handle another thing going wrong; not tonight.

"Raven?" he called, knocking gently on her door. She cleared her throat.

"Come in…" she said hoarsely. Charles opened the door, peeking in to see her in her bath robe, curled up in a chair before the fire. She had obviously been crying, wiping the tears away as she stood up.

"Hey Charles…" She greeted, smiling weakly.

"Hello, darling…" He approached her slowly, her wide, tearful eyes staring at him as he stood before her. "Is everything alright?" Charles smoothed a strand of hair from her face, his thumb brushing the tears from her cheek.

"Never better." He didn't need to be a mind reader to know she was lying. Instinctively, he pulled her into a hug, affectionately kissing her temple. Her body stiffened, scarcely letting him hold her for more than a second before her hands were on his chest, pushing him back.

"What's up?" she asked glibly, sitting back in her chair.

Charles stood in stunned silence; a slap to the face may actually have hurt less. Never before has Raven so blatantly pushed him away. But then, she's been different since they arrived here – angrier and more volatile – ever since the attack from Shaw. It was as if the girl he grew up with had been replaced with a cold and distant stranger. If only he could understand what he'd done wrong, perhaps he could make it right.

"Nothing really…" He replied, moving mechanically to the chair beside her, "With all this CIA business we haven't been able to spend much time together. I miss you." A small smile graced her lips, a look of pure affection filling her eyes.

"I've missed you too…"

"Is that why you're crying?" he asked, a playful edge to his voice in hopes to cheer her up. Her smile instantly faded.

"Hank was here earlier and dropped off the serum…" she said, her voice laced with bitterness. Somehow, he already knew the answer to his next question.

"Did you use it already?"

"No," he followed her gaze to the fire place, confused to see shards of glass blackened by the dwindling flames.

"Why not?"

She shrugged her shoulder, her gaze far off, "I guess I'm just looking for something and I don't think I've found it yet."

"What are you looking for?" Raven was a quiet a moment, contemplating her answer.

"Acceptance, the freedom to be who I am…"

"But you have that here with us – you've always had that with me." He stated, confused by her words. Finally, she lifted her eyes to meet his.

"Charles, I love you, but you never really understood. Your power is invisible; you've never had to hide."

"I've always accepted you Raven." He told her. Raven looked as though she wanted to laugh, shaking her head as she turned her gaze to the fire. Charles never had cause to doubt those words until now, struck by the look on her face. He had accepted her, from the moment he caught her stealing food in his kitchen right up until this moment. Did she not know that? She believed it once – had something made her doubt him? He wanted to ask, but he couldn't. Not if it meant hearing her say that he'd failed her.

"Is it strange being back?" he asked instead, changing the topic.

"At first it was, but now with everyone here, it just seems like this is how it was always meant to be."

"Yes, indeed. I must admit, you've surprised me of late. I had no idea you were so…passionate for the cause."

"Well, why wouldn't I be? I am a mutant."

"I know, I guess I just never really realized..." his voice died on his lips as all their time together these past few years flashed in his mind. "Did I make a mistake in bringing you to England with me?" her head snapped in his direction, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Why would you think that?"

"It's just that since we've been home you've come to life. Compared to England, I might think you were entirely miserable." Her gaze didn't tell him that he was wrong.

"Charles, England was your experience, we were there for you. I worked and kept myself busy; I may not have had the time of my life, but I was happy. Like I said, I wouldn't have wanted to be here without you."

"Good." He cleared his throat nervously, "Raven, uh, Erik brought something to attention earlier regarding you and Hank." She rolled her eyes, uncurling herself and dropping her feet to the floor.

"Oh, here we go…"

"I don't want to fight," Charles interjected quickly, "And I won't tell you to break up."

"Well, we couldn't anyway. We're not even officially dating." He kept his face impassive, hoping she couldn't see how relieved he was at her words.

"Then what is going on?"

"Nothing. I'd like to date him, but he's resistant – or oblivious – to the idea."

"Then he's a fool. Shall I break his legs for you?"

"Charles!" A broad smile spreading from ear to ear broke her surprised expression as she gaped at him.

"What? My little sister's happiness is worth a few broken bones…"

"You're crazy…" she laughed, shaking her head. He missed seeing such a smile on her face, hearing her deep belly laugh followed by a series of giggles. He laughed with her, relishing these few moments of peace in the calm before the storm. It was anyone's guess where they would be tomorrow.

"It's good to hear your laugh again. It's been too long." Raven held his gaze with a sympathetic glare.

"I laughed…" she informed him.

"Not much…" Not enough… he looked away to the fire and rose from his chair. "Well, as leader of this group, I can't condone the inter-team dating. As your big brother, I hope he doesn't make you wait too long." He made to bend down and kiss her forehead, but stopped himself given her earlier rebuff. Instead he smiled with a slight nod and started awkwardly for the door.

"I've waited longer for some things..." came her voice behind him, a truly acid edge to her voice that made him stop. The depth and implication of her words made him curious, as though she had experienced some great loss that he knew nothing about.

"Like what?" he asked, turning once more to face her.

"Do you really not know, Charles?" his heart sank at her bitter aggravation.

"No, Raven, I really have no idea what you're referring to." He couldn't tell if she was sad or angry, or both, but all he wanted was to hug her…and to read her mind.

"Just forget it." She turned her back to him and it was enough to make him snap. He rushed toward her, not allowing her to ignore him.

"No, Raven. You used to talk to me. There was nothing you couldn't tell me, and now –"

"I can't talk to you about this, Charles, not when you're so blind to it!"

"Well then enlighten me, Raven!" he chided himself for raising his voice, hoping the others couldn't hear them. He pursed his lips, inhaling deeply as met her eyes once more. "I can't take this silence – this tension – between us. Please just tell me what I've done wrong so I can fix it."

"You didn't do anything wrong, and you can't fix it. I just…" her voice trailed off, her eyes searching, looking as lost as he felt. Panic tightened its grip around his heart with each moment of her silence. What could it possibly be that she can't tell him, that she can't even find the words for it?

Never before had he so regretted promising her that he would never read her mind. Then again, he never really needed to. There was a time when Raven would tell him everything, and eventually, he could just look in her eyes and know exactly what she was feeling or thinking. Now she was a mystery, one he couldn't seem to solve. Through the last few years her strong will and defiance only grew stronger, something he initially attributed to growing up; it was as though an unseen force had come in and built a wall between them, cutting him off from the person he cared most for in this world.

He promised to take care of her every need, to keep her safe from all that would harm her. Though, in that, he did fail her. He should've been there with her. Did she blame him for Darwin's death and for Angel's decision? Had something else happened? Was she hiding something from him? At the terrified and uncertain look on her face, he feared the worst.

"Raven, just tell me whatever it is, please." He pleaded, frightened for her answer.

"I don't even know where to begin." she breathed, her voice trembling on the verge of tears.

"Whatever it is, just say it."

"I love you." She blurted out instantly. He couldn't help but smile at the sentiment, even if it didn't answer his question. It was just nice to hear it affirmed.

"I love you, too." She rolled her eyes with an exasperated sigh.

"No, Charles, I love you – I love you like I want to be with you, like I want you to stop saying we're siblings. I want to kiss you and everything that goes with it, I –"

"What?" he breathed. She stopped, a wave of stark fear washing over her features.

"You told me to just say it." She began, panic edging her rising voice.

"Yes, but…but I didn't think…" His head swam as he stared at her, her eyes watering and her heart wide open. Of all the horrible things that flashed in his mind, hearing Raven make such a confession wasn't even on the list. He was her brother, her protector; it was the core truth of their relationship from the beginning. She never seemed to resent their arrangement before – certainly never seemed to be in love with him. What had changed? When had it changed?

He scoured his memories in the whirlwind of his mind, trying to pinpoint where he went wrong – how on earth this could have happened. And how on earth he could have been so completely unaware. No, she couldn't be in love with him – this wasn't happening. She wanted Hank and he wasn't what she thought and this was just her grief talking. She was just confused – he saved her as a child and practically raised her – she's just confusing her gratitude with real love.

"I think you're just confused, Raven." He said at last. The corners of her mouth were pulled into a bitter imitation of a smile, shaking her head as she laughed mirthlessly.

"I knew you'd say something like that." She swallowed hard, but it wasn't enough to clear the tears in her eyes or wipe the pain from her face. "Just forget I said anything…" she mumbled, pulling her robe closed tighter as if it could make her disappear.

"No, you can't just say something like that and expect me to leave it alone." He rubbed his eyes, bringing his fingers to pinch the bridge of his nose.

"Do you feel that way for me?" she asked, her voice barely audible.

"Raven…"

"It's a simple question, Charles."

"You're my sister," was his simple answer.

"No I'm not, we're not related by blood, nor was I ever formally adopted by your parents. You made everyone believe that that was what happened; I was never your sister." He stared at her for a long, silent moment. She'd given this thought, enough thought to justify her feelings.

"How long have you felt this way?"

"A while, I didn't really admit to myself until we were in England." She admitted, sitting on the edge of her bed.

It suddenly all made perfect sense, and equally, nothing made sense at all. Her sudden withdrawal and subsequent silence, her refusal to go on any real dates since her eighteenth birthday. Her ever more frequent mood swings, happy in his presence one moment and miserable the next. It was all the frustration and bitterness of being so close to something you want, and yet so very far – for years.

"Say something, Charles."

"I don't know what to say."

"Well, was there ever a time you felt that way for me, even if you forced the thought out of your mind before you could dwell on it?"

His heart raced, closing his eyes against the hurt, fear, and hope that flashed in her eyes, striking him like an arrow straight to his heart. The answer to all his confusion had been in front of him the entire time and he was wholly – willfully – blind to it. The jealousy he felt towards any man who so much as looked at her was easily written off as concern for her safety, using the mask of the protective older brother. How bitter and rebellious she became whenever he would flirt with another woman in her presence and a thousand more not-so-subtle hints that she wanted something more.

It was all locked away in a corner of his mind where even he dared not venture into. It was the one thing he had always been looking for, something he could never really have, something he would never admit to…and it was the one thing he never found in all his dalliances with countless women. Every woman he ever used that same routine on were all a near physical copy of Raven – with the exception of Moira and it was her who approached him. They were all the same height, similar build, a round, innocent face framed by long blonde hair. But for all their similarities, they weren't and could never be his Raven.

"You did, didn't you?" came her excited voice, pulling him from his thoughts.

"It's not so simple,"

"Of course it is; you feel the same way." Raven laughed and practically launched herself into his arms. For the first time, Charles couldn't hold her. He tried to pry her off, to gently push her away so he could talk some sense into her. He had never denied Raven anything she ever asked of him.

"We can't do this," he choked out, his heart hammering in his chest.

"Yes, we can." Her arms tightened around his neck and shoulders, "You can tell everyone that we were never related, or do what you did with your parents and just make them believe this is the way it always was."

"No, stop it, Raven!" The force of his own voice sounded unfamiliar even to him and she finally let him go. She blinked in surprise, backing further away as if he'd struck her. He could never have her the way he longed to, as more than a friend and definitely not his sister.

"So, you lied to and manipulated everyone to make me your sister – and you'll admit that you have feelings for me – but you won't do the same to allow us to be in a relationship?"

"I haven't admitted anything. Have you lost your mind?"

"Why can't you just let us be together?" she demanded, but her anger was gone, replaced by sadness.

"Because you're my sister, Raven! I swore I'd protect you – even from…" his voice died on his lips, and he chided himself for yelling at her. "Even if it meant protecting you from me…" he stated quietly, his voice almost defeated. He raked his hands through his hair, unable to look at her.

"I don't need protection from you." She said, her voice cracking, "In all my life I've never felt safer than when I'm with you." At the pleading hope in her eyes he almost gave in. With a deep breath, he steeled his nerves and cleared his throat.

"We have a very busy day tomorrow, Raven. I suggest you get some rest." Without so much as a glance, he retreated from her room before he could change his mind. He practically ran to the bathroom, drenching his face with ice cold water. His heart already felt torn in two; nothing had ever hurt so much. He promised that he'd never read her mind, but that didn't stop him from hearing her agonizing screams and cries. No one else heard them, he knew, for Raven was completely silent. It was all in her mind, echoing in his.

She doesn't truly love me; this won't break her heart, he thought, trying to make himself believe it. As much as he denied the existence of his own feelings, he never expected to hear such a confession from her. It was too good to be true, and that thought alone was enough to make him feel like a predator. It occurred to him that he had the power to remove the memory of this night from both their minds – to end their pain right here. The temptation was overwhelming.

He couldn't think about this now. He couldn't split his focus between Shaw, Erik, and Raven. Tomorrow they'd be at war and he couldn't afford the distraction – none of them could. When it's all over, he vowed. Once this had all passed and the world returned to normal, they would sit down and talk about this like rational adults. Then, maybe then, he could tell her that he loved her.

We're in the homestretch, just 2 chapters left! School is out for the month and I really hope to have this story complete before Jan. 21 (fingers crossed) Feel free to review, I really hope you enjoyed it despite the angst! Thank you to everyone who reviewed this story, you have no idea how much your feedback is valued and appreciated! Have a wonderful weekend! :DDD