Chapter 15

All the next day, Lindsay brooded over her predicament. She knew this was going to happen. Once again, she cursed herself for allowing herself to go out on a single date without having planned this all out better. Now things were only going to get harder. She found herself fantasizing about both of them, and when she meant both of them, she meant Nick and Barry somehow morphing together into a single perfect guy. Barry's intelligence, Nick's idealistic view of relationships, how easy it was to talk to Barry about anything, how sweet Nick was. Even physically, Lindsay realized why she thought Barry looked so much better now than when she first saw him- with his landscaping job, he was working outside most of the day, so he was getting tanner and more muscular. Like Nick.

And yet, after having two dates with them, she realized that her previous attempts to categorize them in her mind were an utter failure. Based on their first date, she might have guessed that things with Barry would be almost all mental, involving mostly minds and mouths- but the kiss he gave her on their second date shot that theory to hell. She thought after her first date with Nick that the romantic side of him would mainly extend to first dates and late-night candlelit picnics and sunrises- but who knew she could still feel the romance in the middle of a date where they went to the Laser Dome?

But honestly, it didn't really matter. Lindsay didn't feel deserving of either one of these guys right now. Surely there were decent people out there who dated more than one person at a time- she just had no idea how it was accomplished. I mean, how would anyone knowingly still want to date you if they knew you were dating someone else? And if they didn't know, then how could the other person not feel the guilt that Lindsay felt for not telling them?

She had no idea how Barry would react if he knew she was dating someone else, but even with his "wait and see" type of attitude, she suspected he'd be pretty hurt- at least, hurt that she hadn't been straight with him right away. Given how easy it was to talk to him, she figured a conversation like that had to be down the road, but she hadn't quite mustered her courage to start it yet.

Nick was another story. He wouldn't be pretty hurt- he'd be crushed. And it wouldn't necessarily be over the fact that she kept it from him as much as it would be that Lindsay was seeing someone else. Their conversation went really well last night, but that's because Nick seemed so happy at the prospect of the two of them going out. She hated to think of what he would say if he knew he wasn't the only one.

But there was one thought that kept resurfacing: It's August. Barry would officially be leaving for college later this month. Surely she and Barry would have to discuss what they want to happen when he leaves for college in the next couple of weeks. Maybe there was a chance she could she just ride things out until then, keep them both in the dark until at least she had some idea of what was going to happen. Because right now she sure as hell didn't.

Lindsay attempted to do some calculus, but she was having difficulty concentrating. She needed to work ahead but the thought that she could focus during this kind of crisis was almost laughable. So she hung out with her parents in front of the TV on her day off while Sam was over at Bill's house.

On Monday, Lindsay went to calculus, then to work. At both places, she heard a lot of talking but was unable to engage herself with any of it. Her dad had to snap his fingers at her a few times to bring her back to reality. All she could think of was that while what she found herself in was the absolute best kind of problem to have, it was still a pretty big problem.

Lindsay's distraction continued on into that evening. She changed into her pajamas and lay down on her bed, absentmindedly flipping through her calculus book. She wondered if she might hear a knock at her window tonight, since both guys said they wanted to see her earlier than the end of the week, but she quickly dismissed the notion as ridiculous. It was only Monday, after all.

She couldn't have been more wrong. A few hours later, she heard a soft tapping coming from outside.

When she went to open it, Barry was there, giving her his usual brilliant smile.

"Lindsay," he said, grinning. "Sorry, I told you I couldn't wait until Friday. Is this an okay time to see you?" He quickly looked her up and down, clearly noting her pajamas, "Or were you about to go to bed?"

Lindsay shrugged. "It's okay," she replied, a little embarrassed at her loose cotton pants and baggy T-shirt. It was right at 11. She still had some homework to finish up, but she could work on it in the morning. Assuming she went to bed early enough, that is. She shrugged. "I can hang out for a little."

Barry met her gaze. "Awesome," he replied.

Just then, Lindsay noticed that the rose that Nick had gotten her were probably right in Barry's eyeline. Lindsay quickly leapt in front of them. "I'll just have to change first," she said a little nervously, before adding, "So what is it tonight? Croquet? Bocce? Horseshoes?" Lindsay rattled off a list of activities where you kept score but were not particularly athletic or sweat-inducing.

Barry coughed once, smiling but looking a little anxious. "I, um, actually don't have anything planned for tonight. I was wondering if maybe you wanted to just hang out here." He quickly added when Lindsay raised an eyebrow, "We don't have to; we can do whatever you want. It was just an idea."

Lindsay considered this. They'd have to be quiet, whisper, though Lindsay wasn't opposed to that. And she actually liked the idea of not sneaking out for once. She glanced around her bedroom- she'd never had a guy spend any significant time there before- at least, not a guy that she enjoyed kissing as much as Barry. She really didn't have a whole lot of furniture- the only place they'd be comfortable was the bed- unless they wanted to sit or lay on the floor. Her heart sputtered a little.

"Um, okay," she said, excited and hesitant at the same time. She would have been more nervous, but she knew she could trust Barry, that he respected her and would respect her boundaries. She just wasn't sure what she wanted the boundaries to be yet.

She told Barry to hold on as she shut the curtain and guiltily moved the glass containing Nick's single red rose from Saturday night (the other had wilted beyond resuscitation) into her closet. She couldn't let Barry see it, especially since the flowers Barry had gotten her had already died. Then she helped Barry climb through her bedroom window. For a second they just looked at each other. For once, neither of them seemed to have any idea of what to say. After a minute, she coughed and gestured to her bed.

"I'm sorry. Take off your shoes; have a seat."

Barry obliged, sitting on Lindsay's bed. This was weird, to say the least. She sat down across from him but at a respectable few inches' distance. In the next couple of minutes they attempted some small talk. It was stiff, uncomfortable- definitely unlike any time she'd ever spent with Barry before. There was an elephant in the room, in-between them on the bed, in fact- we're sitting on my bed together; what's going to happen now? How far is this going to go?

So when Barry jokingly suggested that they attempt to cut the tension in the room by kissing, Lindsay couldn't agree more. She nodded earnestly, wholly serious.

Barry leaned in and kissed her. This kiss felt completely different than the previous two they had exchanged. The other two felt desperate, almost frenzied- they were in semi-public places towards the end of their dates, so time was of the essence. This time however, they were in complete privacy, and it was early (relatively speaking); it was much easier for them to relax and slow down. She hated, hated, that she was already making this comparison, but these kisses were a little more like that ones that she shared with Nick. They did take advantage of their reclined positions for different types of touching- while they were kissing Barry kept gently running his fingers down Lindsay's side, for example, following the curve of her waist and hip before moving down to her thigh, and back. But the touches, like the kisses, were softer, slower, more thorough.

And it was a good thing that these kisses weren't quite as intense as the one on their last date- because if they had been, it might have been harder for Lindsay to figure out how far she wanted to go. But as it stood, it made her decision pretty easy, the lines pretty well drawn in the sand. Heavy kissing and PG-type touching. That's all I can do until I make up my mind between Barry and Nick. I can't let it go any farther than that until I choose.

That said, Lindsay wanted to decide really soon.

She and Barry made out for hours. It quickly became clear to Lindsay that Barry was purposely holding back, letting her take the reins and control how fast and how far things went. For that, she was really grateful. First of all, she was able to dismiss Barry as a sleaze bucket who only wanted to get laid- though Lindsay pretty much knew that already- if that was the case surely he would be focusing his energy on college girls with more experience, wouldn't he? But she was also glad that she could slow things down because the truth of the matter was that she didn't totally trust herself. She was a curious hormonal adolescent making out with someone older and more experienced that she had liked for a long time. If things got too passionate, she might lose control altogether.

Kissing, like they'd hoped, had loosened them up, opened the door to engaging, albeit whispered, conversation. They kissed and talked and kissed and talked and kissed and talked.

It was five a.m. the first time that she looked at her clock. Lindsay practically jumped out of her skin.

"Barry!" she whispered loudly. "You have to go! I'm sorry….but it's so late. I have class today. Plus, my dad will be getting up soon to go to work."

Barry got to his feet slowly. "This was wonderful," he said sincerely. "I wish it didn't have to end. When can I see you again?"

Lindsay swallowed. She had to get some sleep in there somewhere. And she was seeing Nick on Thursday. "Friday again?" she asked him reluctantly. Her mind was still on their kissing.

Barry nodded, but his expression said it all. "I don't know if I can wait until then," he said honestly. "I guess I'll have to try to, though, huh?" he added jokingly.

Lindsay nodded, a slight smile on her lips, before practically shoving him out the window. "Good-night, Barry," she said, still breathless.

The next day's calculus class was awful- Lindsay had barely had any rest, and exhausted as she was, she wasn't able to focus at all. As the teacher went on and on, Lindsay wondered instead if seeing Barry last night was a mistake. She had a great time, but her work was going to suffer. Though it was only a matter of time, really- she was pretty amazed that she'd managed to avoid the temptation of going out during the week until now. Realistically, how many times could she be expected to choose a low-fat oatmeal raisin cookie over double chocolate chip?

Still, her out-of-whack sleeping schedule and going out at the beginning of the week really threw Lindsay off of the routine that had been working so well for her. She practically sleepwalked through work and class the next two days, and was behind on rather than ahead of calculus going into her date with Nick on Thursday. Which sucked, because the last calculus exam before her final was the following Monday. But Lindsay put it out of her head.

When Nick knocked on Lindsay's window later that night (with yet another rose that she quickly put in water), Lindsay wondered what he had planned for the evening. It was interesting to see the contrast in what the guys had planned in terms of date progression.

When Nick mentioned that his dad was out of town and suggested they go to his place, Lindsay gulped. She wasn't sure about that kind of progression.

But really, she knew better from dating Nick last time- he never pushed her or pressured her. She told Nick his plans were fine with her.

Still, as great a time as she was having hanging out with Nick lately, when they arrived at Nick's place she was still just a little concerned about his intensity. Lindsay half-expected to see a million candles lit and a shrine with her picture or something.

But thankfully, Nick was a little smarter than that- at least when it came to leaving multiple open flames unattended. When they entered his house it was dark, and when they reached the basement things looked just as they had before, or at least as far as she remembered (she had smoked pot back the last time she was there, so who knows if she was suffering from any cognitive impairments at the time). Nick did ask her shyly if he could light a candle or two- a few were still sitting there presumably from back from when he had serenaded "Lady" to her- but one or two didn't seem too extreme at all, so chuckling to herself at the memory Lindsay agreed. Tonight felt incredibly different than that night did - she was so much more attracted to him now that he had put his life together a little bit- so things were already less weird. Her initial concerns about coming here were unfounded. Nick was still Nick, but he was busier, more involved with things. She asked him how work was going.

"Fantastic," he replied.

"Did you have your drum lesson yet?" As she recalled, it was to happen sometime this week.

"Tomorrow," he said, grinning at her. "I can't wait. But I've been keeping busy anyway- I've been able to borrow a couple of old guitars from the store and have been hanging out a lot with the guitar guys I work with, playing. It's a little easier, I guess, since the instrument is so small compared to my old kit," Nick smiled wistfully as he gazed at where his 29- or 31- or 32- or whatever number- piece drum kit he used to have took up over half the basement. Lindsay was so glad he was going to be able to buy a lot of those drum pieces at a discount- they made him so happy, and would make him even happier now that he already had to do without them. No one deserved happiness more than Nick, Lindsay was convinced.

Lindsay chuckled. "Yeah, I can imagine," she replied. "I would say that most instruments are a little smaller than your old kit."

It was Nick's turn to chuckle. "Yeah," he said. "I've been talking to the guys at work about that a lot. They told me to start small on the drums, master the little stuff first. I think my lesson is only going to focus on a couple of pieces. Which is a good way to do it, I guess, since I won't be able to afford to buy all of the pieces back at once, anyway." He grinned sheepishly.

Lindsay smiled. Nick continued.

"So, anyway, we end up jamming on the guitars at work after hours all the time. I've learned so much! It's like having free guitar lessons whenever I want them." He coughed as he reached for a guitar at one end of the couch and put the strap around his body, suddenly looking uncomfortable. "I've, um, been working on a song a lot lately. It's actually- um, it's about you. Do you, um, want to hear it?" He was clearly nervous.

Lindsay wasn't sure how to reply. She thought back to the day of The Who concert. Despite Ken's successful attempt in thwarting Nick's efforts to sing to her, Lindsay had heard all about "Lady L". Ken had told Daniel, who told Kim, who told her- so Lindsay was well aware that Nick had a song about her so terrible that it even made one of his best friends cringe (though she didn't really know many specifics- the story was that Ken was so traumatized that he blocked the lyrics from entering his head and only remembered the title). Then again, if Nick had been working with guys at his music shop that gave out lessons- perhaps they had given him some tips to improve it.

Looking into Nick's eyes at that moment, Lindsay knew that she couldn't say no to him. He looked so eager, so sweetly vulnerable. He reminded her of when she was going to try to break up with him and he told her all about the love letters that he wrote for Heidi Henderson. So she just nodded slowly, not trusting her voice, and braced herself for the absolute worst, the awkwardness of Nick singing "Lady" intensified by a thousand-fold- because these were going to be his words, not a popular songwriter's. Lindsay closed her eyes, unable to make contact, because she was terrified that the mortification that she would feel for him would read plainly in her expression. She just tried to keep her face neutral and leaned back, settling into the couch, attempting unsuccessfully to relax.

But when Nick started playing, she snapped her eyes back open and sat up with a jolt. He was good.

Lindsay couldn't believe how agilely Nick's hands transitioned across the fret board, how smoothly he strummed, how clear and pure the notes that escaped the instrument sounded. The melody in his tune was haunting, each note piercing and the cumulative effect of one after the other leaving chills up Lindsay's spine. Just when Lindsay thought she couldn't be any more impressed, Nick opened his mouth and started to sing.

His voice was still his voice, of course- it's not like any magic was done- but he had obviously learned a lot from singing with his coworkers. He had definitely trained it to do things- hold notes, reach pitches- that Lindsay swore he wouldn't have been able to do before. And the words- Lindsay was rapt, listening intently to every syllable- the words were so sweet she felt for certain she was going to cry. There was no way that this was Lady L, even a redone version. It was new, and even with her untrained ear she could tell it was based off of the last few weeks.

Lindsay knew she wouldn't be able to remember the song or the lyrics after one time it had been sung to her- but the feeling that she had after he was finished- it was priceless. Tears clouded her vision and she felt her throat dissolve a bit as she tried to figure out what to say, how she could thank him.

"Nick," she said hoarsely, intent on not crying. "Nick, that was beautiful." She was utterly surprised at how much he seemed to be applying himself to music, one area where his passion always seemed to outweigh his talent.

Nick, who had ended up closing his eyes throughout his song, looked up at her and smiled. "You make me want to work harder, Lindsay. You make me want to- I don't know- live up to the potential I have in everything. You- and my dad, I guess- were right. I can do a lot. I just needed- a little more confidence, I think. I know you and him always told me that I could do it- whatever- basketball, music, school- but I guess it took a while for me to believe it myself. Maybe that was why I needed Sara in my life, at least for a little while." He eased the guitar strap off of his shoulder and set his instrument aside.

Hearing that name quickly put a sour taste in Lindsay's mouth- she smacked her lips, but it didn't seem to do any good. No, this night was going to go perfectly- especially after hearing her song. So she did the only thing she could think of to rid herself of it- she leaned in and kissed him.

Nick kissed her back and they leaned sideways, quickly relaxing into the couch so that they were laying side-by-side. Lindsay forgot about Sara, just like she forgot about everyone and everything else, and just focused on the soft, full, and talented lips of a sweet, sweet guy who had just sung a song that he had written expressly for her. They kissed and kissed, and, admittedly being swept up in the moment she had just experienced, Lindsay felt a passion for Nick that she had never felt before. She kissed him wildly, her tongue dancing enthusiastically with his, and his oh-so-talented hands- hands that she now knew could strum an instrument as effectively as they could dribble a basketball- explored her body with a fervor that she wasn't quite used to- he was clearly responding in kind to her eagerness. These kisses- and she hated, hated, that she was making this comparison- but these kisses were a little more like that ones that she shared with Barry.

But she put Barry out of her mind, too- because nothing, nothing was going to ruin this moment. Nick, having circumstantially been the one that she usually dated after, had been on the receiving end of her distraction one too many times. Well, not tonight. It wasn't fair to him. Plus, she was just enjoying this too damn much.

Driving home from their time at Nick's house a few hours later, Lindsay's pulse was still racing. Her lips were pulsing, sore and swollen, and her hair was tangled and frizzy- let down because while it was ridiculously humid out she was quite certain that she had a hickey and didn't want anyone to see it, even though realistically no one she was going home to would anyway. Her clothes were on- they hadn't been re-moved, but they had definitely been shifted around a bit. She had kept her promise to herself about what she would allow herself to do- but just barely. And worse, she wanted to do more with Nick- at least tonight.

When they reached a street a few blocks away from Lindsay's house, Nick parked and shut off the engine. "I- um, I had- yeah," he stuttered, probably wondering what in the hell had taken over Lindsay on their date.

"Nick, that was, just- ," she replied, equally at a loss for words.

Nick leaned in and kissed her again, though since it was the end of the night, the kiss was much sweeter, more finite. "I wish I wasn't going out of town," he said hoarsely. "I just want to see you again. Tomorrow before I leave. Or now." He smiled.

"Me, too," Lindsay admitted. For the first time in a while, it was entirely, 100% true. She made the conscious decision to postpone the inevitable guilt she would feel until well past the end of their date.

"Maybe I'll play terribly so that our team loses and we can come home on Saturday," he half-joked.

But Lindsay teasingly punched him on the arm, cutting that talk off immediately. "You'd better not, Nick," she replied. "Not if you want to live up to your potential." She winked at him.

Nick kissed her and they said good-night. And as Lindsay sneaked in through her bedroom window, she was grateful for the thought that surfaced again. It's August. Things would all be resolved with Barry and Nick this month. As it was, she knew she couldn't wait any longer than that.

A/N: Sorry for the delayed update guys- real life gets in the way sometimes :) And while I know my last few chapters have probably seemed really similar- I am going somewhere with this story, I promise. You'll see in the next few chapters :)