Hello, everyone, and welcome to the family, new follower! Hope you all are enjoying your day! Chapter 26 is here and please enjoy! R&R!
Deidara stumbled into his room, free hand gripping the threshold of the entrance while the other gripped a half-empty bottle of Jack. Downstairs in the kitchen were at least 5 empty, forgotten assortments of 375 and 750ml bottles of other alcohol.
He couldn't remember too much.
When had he started drinking?
How long had he been drinking now?
Oh that's right…he had started drinking yesterday.
He had stopped long enough to go to bed, but ended up waking this morning still drunk off his ass, which he promptly ignored and continued to drink.
Instead of milk with his cereal for breakfast, he had had the rest of the leftover rum from the night before.
Instead of water with his lunch, he had had gin.
And for dinner…a nice date with Jim and Captain Morgan.
He had thrown up at least once, but other than that, he was doing fine.
The voices were gone.
They had disappeared awhile after the first bottle of Jim Beam was finished.
He took another swig of whiskey, a slight hiccup escaping his throat.
He didn't feel anything anymore, either.
Every one of his senses was dulled to the point where he could jam his hand against the corner of a drawer and not even be fazed by it.
No pain registered in his brain.
And it felt incredible.
To not have to worry about emotions, feelings, thoughts, or inner demons.
It was a paradise he had been searching for ever since Sasori had left.
In this paradise, he was free.
Free of worry, regret, remorse, hate, etc.
Free of anything that was willing to hurt him.
Free of anything that was willing to sadden him.
And even free of anything that was willing to love him.
Taking another swig, he stumbled over to the bed, careening off to the left as the world tilted precariously in front of him.
He didn't mind the dizziness.
If it meant being numb and keeping his thoughts at ease…
He didn't mind one bit.
How long had it been since he had set foot outside?
Felt the December chill on his face?
Christmas Eve was tomorrow and no doubt his family was expecting him home for the holidays.
His phone had stopped ringing yesterday, though.
Or maybe he was too drunk to have had heard it.
Either way, he knew he should go home.
But no doubt Ino had already told his parents about what was going on, therefore alerting suspicion, which would lead to questions if he so happened to show up at their doorstep tomorrow afternoon.
And he wasn't willing – or ready – to be interrogated by them.
How was he going to tell his parents that he was gay?
Wait…was he?
He did have sex with Sasori, who happened to be a male.
But he didn't look at Hidan and think he was attractive!
Too many thoughts.
He took another swig.
Better.
In his state, he had managed to flop onto the comforter of his circular bed, holding the bottle in a way so that it wouldn't spill.
Didn't want to waste good liquor.
Suddenly, something in the corner of his eye caught his attention.
Rolling his head to the side, he gazed over at the dresser that held all of his clay sculptures. The home phone's voicemail light was flashing a dark blue.
He knitted his brows together.
When had someone tried calling the home phone?
And why hadn't he heard it?
Sighing heavily, he sat back up and zigzagged his way over to the phone, where he pressed the button rather harshly.
He didn't know his own strength when he was drunk.
The familiar beep popped up, along with the automated voice.
You have one unheard message. First unheard message sent December 22 at 6:45pm:
Hey, Deidara, it's…um…it's Sasori…
The blonde nearly choked on his next swig.
Sasori?!
It was Sasori!
I just…wanted to call and see how you were doing…
Oh doing pretty well, just drinking away his problems.
I'm sorry I haven't been back in so long. I've just…needed time to recuperate and figure things out with my job.
Did he mean the job he thought he was losing?
That job?
Deidara couldn't remember too well.
My boss called me earlier and asked me to come in tomorrow night. Probably to discuss my status –
Which wasn't changing…
…a-anyways, I also met up with Hidan today. You've got so many people worried about you.
Really? Didn't seem like it.
Why haven't you been to work?
It was too stressful.
Ino's going crazy at this point and Hidan's just…I don't know, it's Hidan, he's your best friend, not mine.
That was true.
But was Ino really that worried?
She hadn't tried calling in days, though.
Or maybe she had been…
But Dei…you've also got me worried.
…he was…worried about him?
Sasori was worried about him?
I'm sorry I haven't been there if you're going through something. My hope is, is that you're still taking your medication.
Obviously, he wasn't.
Um…I'll be coming by tomorrow after my meeting.
Wait...Sasori was coming back?
Really?
I…I want to see you. I want to talk…face to face.
He wanted to see him.
I just…I need you, Dei, and walking out like I did was a stupid mistake on my end.
Sasori was apologizing?
I'll go before the stupid thing stops me. But Dei, never forget this…I'll always love you…no matter how angry or upset I get. I'll never stop loving you.
With that, the message ended, leaving Deidara stunned where he stood.
Had he…had he really heard all that correctly, or was his drunken mind fucking with him?
Was Sasori really still in love with him?
Even after having said that he hated him?
He smiled.
(You thought, though)
His face turned stone cold.
(He's only saying that because he feels guilty)
(Because he feels bad)
No…that wasn't Sasori.
He wouldn't –
(You're right; that wasn't Sasori)
He didn't mean it like that –
(Doesn't matter)
(If he honestly cared about you, he would be here right now)
(Instead of waiting until tomorrow)
(Right?)
That's right.
If Sasori really cared about him, and honestly loved him like he had said, he would be here right now, in the penthouse.
(See? What did I say before?)
(Nobody really loves you)
(You'll always be alone)
He'd always be alone.
(No one cares about you)
No one cared about him.
(No one loves you)
No one loved him.
Suddenly, he felt warmth begin to radiate from his neck and into his jaw, turning his face red. His heartbeat started to race and his teeth clenched tightly together.
His grip on the bottle's neck nearly shattered the glass.
Angry.
He was angry.
Angry at everything.
Angry at his family for not caring more.
Angry at his uncle for threatening to take away his job.
Angry for ever having met Sasori.
Angry for even falling in love with him.
Angry for having those feelings thrown back in his face.
Angry at Sasori for not being there when he had needed him.
Angry at Sasori for leaving him.
Angry. At. Sasori.
(Yes…be angry)
(Get angrier)
He hated the voices, too.
Hated those goddamn voices that whispered to him constantly.
He wanted them to go, the fuck, away!
(We're not going away)
(We're you)
(Speaking the truths that you don't want to hear)
Those were lies.
(Hardly; we're speaking the truth)
(You just don't want to believe us)
Shut up.
(You can't get rid of us)
Shut up!
(Taking the medication only covers us up)
Shut up!
(Same goes for the alcohol)
(Fucking alcoholic)
He wasn't an alcoholic.
(Then what do you call someone who drinks away their problems?)
(And drinks through all hours of the day?)
Shut up.
(You keep telling us to shut up and we're still here)
SHUT UP!
Feeling hot tears begin to form at the corners of his eyes, Deidara gripped the bottle tighter.
(Go ahead; take another sip, if you want)
(You're only hurting yourself in the end)
He didn't care.
He didn't care anymore.
He wanted all this pain to end.
To go away and never come back.
He wanted to escape this hell.
Escape into his own world.
His own happiness.
As tears collected and ran down his reddened cheeks, he tilted the lip of the bottle to his open, trembling mouth.
"What the hell are you doing to yourself, brat?"
The blonde stopped his movements.
That voice.
With its edge of smirk and wave of sultriness.
He'd know that voice anywhere.
So when he turned around, he wasn't surprised to see the familiar mess of blood red hair.
"Danna?"