Hello everyone! Welcome to the family, new follower! Chapter 27 is here! Warning: chapter contains elements that many will find very sensitive, so please read with caution! I love you all and Rate and Review!
"Danna?"
"You gonna keep calling me by that pet-name, brat?" Sasori asked, his familiar smirk playing at his lips.
Deidara gulped, letting the bottle fall to his side, watching as his roommate's amber orbs followed its path, his head shaking. He looked back up at the blonde. "Honestly, Dei…why have you done this to yourself?"
"Iss cause you fuucking walked out on me, un!" he yelled, barely recognizing his own voice behind the slurred words. "Fuckin' walked out after we made – hiccup – love!"
"Brat, I can't take you seriously with you drinking yourself into a stupor," the redhead chuckled lightly, beginning to make his way closer to the other male.
Deidara felt anger run down his spine, causing him to move away from the other's advances, reversing until his back slammed harshly against his dresser. "You s-stay the fuck away from mee, you b-bastard, un!"
"Bastard?" Sasori merely smiled at the insult, continuing to stride forward. "Such a harsh word coming from someone so nice."
"I'm not nice, un."
"Yes you are," the older male chided, increasing the speed of his steps until he was positioned right in front of his roommate, gaze playful. "It's why you've put yourself in this situation."
"What situation, un?"
"Where you're drinking yourself to death," the redhead explained, eyes filling with concern. "Why are you doing it?"
Anger flared red hot inside the blonde. He glared harshly, voice surprisingly stable as he spoke. "Do you know what it's fucking been like without you here, un?! To not see you every fucking day?! Do you even understand how fucking lonely I've been, un?!"
"I don't appreciate such vulgar language. You're not Hidan."
"Go fuck yourself, un."
Sasori smirked. In an instant, he had the other pinned against the dresser, the siding digging into the latter's back, insinuating a slight whimper from the back of his throat. "D-Danna, what are you-"
"Personally, the idea of fucking myself seems tempting," the redhead purred, gaze darkening, "but I'm looking at something else I'd rather fuck."
"Y-You're hurting me, un," Deidara whispered, the pain in his pelvis becoming more and more prominent by the second. "Let me go."
"You tell me that," the older male brought his face closer, lips millimeters from the other's, "but I don't think you want me to let go."
"D-Danna, that's not-"
"You've missed me."
"You fucking left me, un!"
"Dei-"
"STOP FUCKING CALLING ME THAT, YOU NO GOOD FUCKING SON OF A BASTARD, UN!" the blonde screamed, tears streaming down his face. "STOP CALLING ME 'DEI'! YOU DON'T FUCKING DESERVE TO CALL ME THAT, UN!"
"You-"
"YOU FUCKING WALKED OUT BEFORE I COULD EVEN EXPLAIN MYSELF, UN!" the younger male continued. "WALKED OUT, SLAPPED ME, AND THEN TOLD ME YOU FUCKING HATED ME!"
"Dei-"
"AFTER I FUCKING FULLY COMMITTED MYSELF TO YOU, UN! I TOLD YOU I LOVED YOU AND YOU REPAY ME BY WALKING OUT OF MY LIFE?!"
"Deidara-"
"WALKED OUT OF MY FUCKING LIFE WITHOUT ANY REASON, UN! I'M SORRY ABOUT YOUR JOB! I NEVER WANTED THAT TO HAPPEN, UN! THAT'S WHY I WAITED SO LONG TO MAKE A DECISION!" he looked away. "That's why I never made a decision, un."
"…You what?"
"I NEVER SIGNED THE CONTRACT, UN! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!"
"…But your job-"
"EVERYTHING DOESN'T MATTER ANYMORE BESIDES YOU, UN!" Deidara yelled, glaring at the shocked expression marring the older male's face. "I DIDN'T CARE IF I LOST MY JOB! IF IT MEANT KEEPING YOURS, THEN IT WAS WORTH IT, UN!"
"W-Why would you do something like that for me?"
The blonde sighed, feeling his energy seeping out of his body. "Danna, I love you, un. I meant everything I said that night. I was scared to finally admit my feelings, un," he gave a weak smile. "But I'm glad I did! Not seeing you made me realize how much I need you in my life, un. I need you so much, Sasori no Danna. I miss you, un."
"Dei-"
"I miss you so much, un!" tears began falling again, running like mad down his cheeks and onto the floor. Through his sobs, he felt arms wrap strongly and protectively around him, one of the arm's hands guiding his head to rest against a strong shoulder.
"Dei-"
"Why did you leave me, un?" he mumbled.
"I'm sorry."
"That's not an answer, un."
"I can't give a better one," he heard Sasori whisper, his grip around him tightening. "I shouldn't have been away for as long as I was."
"I hate you, un."
"I know you do. You have every right to hate me."
Deidara was ready to respond, but his sobs prevented any coherent word from forming. All he could do was bury his face into the crook of the redhead's throat, feeling the pulse against his cheek.
"Don't ever leave again, un."
"I promise I won't."
"Don't make promises you can't keep, un."
"Deidara," Sasori moved back in order to place their foreheads together, forcing the other's cerulean blue orbs to stare straight into his amber ones, "never make light of the promises I make. When I say I promise to never leave again, I mean that."
"Promises are just empty words, and – w-why are you laughing, un?"
The older male had started chuckling lightly, interrupting the blonde from continuing.
"Nothing, it's just…" he shook his head, giving his usual smirk, "your breath reeks of alcohol, brat."
"I hate you – hiccup – un."
"I love you, too, brat."
They stared at each other for a few seconds, neither saying anything.
Just living in the moment of being in each other's company.
"Danna-"
"Sasori."
"W-What, un?"
Sasori chuckled again, cupping the other's face in his hands. "My name is Sasori, brat."
"B-But-"
"You talk way too fucking much," before he could give the blonde a chance to respond, he leaned his face forward and connected their lips together.
Deidara wasn't surprised or shocked.
In fact…he had been waiting for this moment for the past two weeks.
So he didn't think twice about letting the bottle slip from his hand and fall to the floor in order to free both of his arms to wrap them around the redhead's neck, tilting his head to deepen the kiss.
In mere seconds, he felt Sasori's mouth open slightly, his pierced tongue flicking out to rub against his own lower lip, asking for entrance, which he happily granted.
The wet appendage moved everywhere in his mouth, tasting every crevice it could find, slow and melodic, causing a wanton moan to escape his throat. He met the tongue eagerly with his own, rolling over the metal ball, hearing a growl escape the older male.
Nothing was hesitant, but neither was anything rushed.
In the restored exploration of each other's body, both males took their time. Hands feathered light touches over skin, tongues massaged each other gently, synchronous in their movements, and bodies pressed close, but didn't crush.
The pale body led the tan one over to the circular bed, settling it down gently against the soft and fluffy comforter, the fabric ballooning up around them as if they were lying on a surface of clouds. Lips were reconnected as the heat between the two grew, suffocating both until they were only breathing in the warmth of the other.
"I've missed you," Deidara whispered against the older male's mouth, flicking his tongue out to tip against the other's upper lip. He was quick to rid himself of his sweatpants and boxers before tossing them off into the darkness of the room. "I've missed you so much."
"Me too, Dei," Sasori breathed, stripping off his shirt, revealing the toned body and dermal and navel piercings. He reached down and pressed their bodies together, grinding his pelvis against the blonde's, causing a breathy moan to escape the latter as he felt their erections push and rub each other.
Within seconds, his own hips began moving in sync with the other's, his body desperately attempting to reach that level of bliss he had felt so long ago.
"Dei," he heard the redhead whisper dangerously close to his ear.
"Yes?"
"Help me prepare you."
"Wha – how?"
Sasori didn't explain. All he did was gingerly grasp the younger male's wrist in his hand, bringing it towards the former's face. He placed three of the hand's digits against the other's mouth. "Suck."
Too pre-occupied with the knowledge that his lover was back, Deidara didn't question the command as he brought the digits into his orifice, coating them with his saliva as he gazed at the redhead with a lustful glee, cheeks dusted a rosy red. Satisfaction swarmed through him like liquid fire as the older male let out a low moan at the sight.
After a few seconds of this, Sasori pulled the younger male's hand away, guiding it towards his entrance. He leaned in to whisper, "Stretch yourself."
Swallowing down the nervousness, the blonde pressed one coated finger into the tight hole, feeling the hot, ringed walls of muscle wrap around him, insinuating a hoarse moan to escape his dry throat.
It didn't hurt to have something inside him, like the first time. It still felt foreign, no doubt, but it was far from painful. He twisted his finger around a bit before sliding in the next one, a gasp vibrating his vocal chords.
Okay, that one hurt.
"D-Danna…ah…it hurts," he breathed out through his teeth as he began turning and scissoring the digits, the tight walls slick against them.
The other male was busy planting feather light kisses across the tanned torso.
"Just keep going," was all he whispered against his skin before going back to doing what he was doing before.
Deidara swallowed again, whimpering at the feeling of being stretched by himself.
This felt so weird, but at the same time…it felt so right.
If he closed his eyes, he could…almost imagine it was Sasori's hand doing the work.
"S-Sasori~" he moaned out, long and low, as he pushed his fingers in deeper, searching for that spot the redhead had been able to find so easily last time.
A little deeper and –
The digits suddenly rammed against a bundle of nerves in the inner depths of himself, causing his vision to white out harshly and his body to start shaking uncontrollably as a whorish cry escaped from his mouth, head thrown back against the pillows and eyes rolling into his skull.
A chuckle emanated from Sasori as he ran his tongue up the length of Deidara's neck before pressing his lips against his ear. "Seems you found your prostate, eh Dei?"
The younger male didn't respond as he continued poking and prodding the sensitive nerves, adding a third finger as gasps and cries rolled passed his lips in an endless chorus of hypnotic rapture.
"S-Saso-ah~!" he gazed up at his roommate, a sliver of drool running down his jaw from his chin. "I-I need – AH – I need you!"
"Not yet, brat," the older male exclaimed, smirking evilly as his fingers wrapped around Deidara's erect member, eliciting a wanton moan to undulate out of the latter's mouth at the feeling of his roommate's skilled hand begin to pump him harshly. That, plus the feeling of his prostate being rammed every second sent the blonde's mind reeling into insanity.
"AH – Sasori~!" he screamed, meeting the other's hand to start pumping his own member, his hips beginning to grind up into the air in an attempt to make Sasori go faster.
But the other wouldn't budge. Just kept the same pace. The blonde grunted in annoyance and therefore increased the speed of his own hand, running his thumb harshly over the pulsing, throbbing vein on the underside up to the head, which was slick with pre-cum. This only provoked him to go faster, more harshly, until he was jerking his head from side to side, screaming as he was pushed closer to the edge.
"Sasori!" he moaned, hips gaining in thrusts. He continued to jab his fingers against the tight bundle of nerves within him, chest heaving from the pleasure and ecstasy invading his body.
He felt hot all over, fire coursing through his veins. When he tried to breath in cool air, all he got was the humid mist of his gasps in return, making him dizzy. When he tried to look up at Sasori, he could barely see his silhouette.
"Sasori! I-I'm-mmm-AH~!" he was cut short as another wave of pleasure sent him into a chorus of moans. The familiar coil in his stomach tightened to stillness.
"Scream my name louder."
"Sasori!"
"Louder."
"Sasori!"
"LOUDER!"
"I c-can't…a-anymore…AH!...mmm…oh…S-Sa…ah…mm – SASORI!" Deidara threw his head back, hips snapping up one final time as he released onto his abdomen and chest, the off-white liquid burning his skin.
Relief washed over him almost immediately, his body relaxing as it came down from its climatic high. While catching his breath, he smiled weakly, opening his eyes. "S-Sasori, that was-"
He stopped talking when he realized something.
Sasori wasn't above him.
Knitting his brows together in confusion, he scanned the room.
The redhead was nowhere in sight.
When had he-?
He looked down at himself.
He was completely naked, three fingers still inside him, other hand wrapped around his limp member, the skin coated in his own seed.
…Had he…had he done all this by himself to himself?
(You sure did, dumb ass)
(Sasori is not, and never was, here)
(You really have gone crazy)
Numbness overcame his whole body in an instant.
He was disgusting.
(Yes, you are)
His mind was fucked up badly.
(Yes it is)
He hated himself.
(As you should)
No wonder Sasori had left.
But wait…he was…returning.
He had even said so in the voicemail.
Shouldn't that be making him happy?
Yes. It should.
…So why in the hell wasn't it?
Sasori gazed up at the tall building that housed the offices of HelioTech, knowing full well that his boss was waiting for him inside. It was late evening, the time on his watch reading 6:45. His boots sloshed against the brown-tinted slush that caked the sidewalks, insinuating his nose to scrunch up in disgust.
Snow was pretty until it met the earth's dirt.
But that was for everywhere.
It was December 23rd, the day before Christmas Eve, and he was here at his work, about to be fired by his boss.
What a great way to celebrate the holidays.
A puff of warm air undulated out of his mouth as he exhaled a long sigh, walking on into the building and heading over to the elevators.
On top of the conversation he was about to have with Mr. Sato, his mind was also occupied with other thoughts.
Thoughts about Deidara.
And how he had left a message yesterday and hadn't heard anything back, yet.
No text as to whether the blonde had received the voicemail.
No text as to whether he was excited to see him.
Hell, not even a call as to whether he was still alive or not.
Sasori gave another sigh.
He had really fucked things up, hadn't he?
He knew Deidara wasn't in the best of mental states.
So why had he walked out in the manner that he had?
Okay, so he knew why, but at the end of the day, it had honestly been a very stupid reason.
But, now, here he was, the doors opening to the level of the offices.
And though his thoughts were far from what was in front of him.
He still knocked on the door that led to his boss's room.
Deidara's heart was ramming against his chest.
(Get angrier!)
He threw another empty bottle against the wall, the glass shattering on impact, joining the other fragments on the kitchen floor.
(Look at what he's done to you!)
Another bottle, shattered.
(Look at what he's turned you into!)
Shattered.
He hated everyone.
Hated what they'd done to him.
Hated what they hadn't done for him.
He hated Sasori.
For making him fall in love with him.
For allowing him to make love with him only to throw it back in his face.
He fucking hated himself.
Hated what his past had done to him.
What his current self was doing to him.
He wanted it all to end.
He was about to chuck another empty bottle, but stopped when his eyes caught the glimmer of the kitchen lights on the glass. He stared down at it for a few seconds, mind slowly emerging from its alcohol-induced haze. He continued to stare, long and hard, allowing his brain to comprehend what was happening, allow it to acknowledge what had happened and what was going to happen.
What was he doing to himself?
Why was he drinking himself to death?
What did he have to gain by doing so?
(Take a Disulfiram)
Right…his medication.
Something he hadn't taken in over two weeks.
Had it really only been two weeks since Sasori left?
It'd felt more like a year…
With that, Deidara set the bottle on the counter, stumbling over to his black bag and extracting his Disulfiram and Remeron pills, the sight bringing relief, and worry, to his mind.
He needed to get sober and needed to, fast.
Not for Sasori's sake…
But for his own.
Taking a deep breath, he opened up both bottles and took the dosage, swallowing them dry.
Now all he had to do was wait…
It was only 10 minutes after taking his medication that Deidara found himself in the bathroom, body hunched over the toilet as his body pushed the alcohol up out of his stomach. The sound of retching echoed across the heated tiled floor and ran up the painted walls, almost mocking him for his stupidity.
(It's the Disulfiram. It's trying to get rid of the alcohol)
Right…the Disulfiram.
That's what was causing him to puke.
After a few shaky seconds of waiting for his stomach to stop rolling, he sat back against the wall behind him, tilting his face up to the ceiling as the beginning of a strong headache started to overcome his body.
So the Disulfiram was working.
But why wasn't the Remeron?
Sighing, he stood up, almost too quickly as he almost fell back to the floor as another wave of nausea and dizziness overtook him.
What the hell-?
It almost seemed as if he was even more drunk than before.
But why?
Why was he?
Nothing was making sense besides the whirling of his stomach, which suddenly clenched.
Fuck, not again…
Within the next second, he was back at the toilet.
He hated himself.
He hated everything he'd become.
Leaning back slightly, he gazed up at the sink to his left, noticing a half-empty bottle of Bushmills, the amber liquid inside tempting him.
When had that ended up in his bathroom?
Reaching up, he gripped the bottle's neck in his fingers, tilting the mouth towards his lips, gulping a long swig.
Sad thing was that it didn't even burn on the way down.
Time didn't matter.
Whether it was 5pm or 5am, it didn't matter.
People didn't matter.
They had all left him anyways.
His life didn't matter.
Everyone hated him.
Hell, he even hated himself.
Why couldn't his life have stayed perfect?
Why had he let himself become consumed in alcohol?
Why had he let himself become dependent on the shit?
He took another sip of whatever was in the bottle he was holding.
The headache was killing him.
His body ached in a way that sleep couldn't fix.
It ached from deep inside, right down to the marrow of his bones, reaching out past veins, muscles, skin, until it hurt to even breathe.
He hadn't felt such pain in quite some time.
The world spun in circular motions about him, the overhead lights tilting left, then right, then back again, over and over in an infinite pattern that was making him go crazy.
Where was Sasori?
Why was he thinking about his roommate?
Why was he thinking about anything?
His body was numb.
He gazed down at his hand, finding it unbelievable that he could still grip anything.
He felt weak.
He couldn't move from his spot on the tiled floor.
His heart…it was pounding so fast.
So fast it felt like it was about to burst out of his chest.
God, his head was killing him.
He'd stopped throwing up, thankfully.
But when he had been, he hadn't been able to find the strength necessary to move to the toilet, so his clothes were covered in bile, surrounding his nose in the putrid smell.
He should take a bath.
Right…a bath.
That sounds good.
Using what little strength he had left, he moved to sit on his knees, peeling off the layers of fabric that suddenly felt too constricting. He stood up, shakily pulling off lounge pants and underwear, stumbling awkwardly over to the tub and turning on the faucet, allowing the hot water to fill the porcelain.
He took another sip of his drink before letting the bottle slip from his grasp, the glass shattering into fragments that slid across the floor in different directions.
Somehow, he managed to get into the tub without fault, settling down into the heat until his chin was covered. The water felt soothing, the steam invigorating his senses.
He felt horrible.
(You look horrible, too)
Somehow, the voices were still able to penetrate his numbness.
(Yeah, dumbass, it's because you can't get rid of us)
(If only you had listened to us sooner)
(You wouldn't be in this mess)
What mess?
(Overdosing on pills and still drinking your weight in alcohol)
Overdosing?
How many pills had he taken?
He'd lost count after 10…
(How the fuck are you still alive?)
He didn't know how, either.
For some reason…he which he could die, if only for the sake of escaping this pain, both emotionally and physically.
He felt too numb for his own good.
Numb…he hated it.
Hated that he felt outside of his own body, while still feeling everything it felt. His heartbeat throbbed annoyingly in the back of his neck, sending waves of sharp pain to radiate over his skull, reaching his temples before branching out towards his ears. His breathing felt ragged and hoarse, like he'd been screaming for the past hour or running a marathon.
He felt sick, but felt no need in trying to make himself better.
(Rotting away, like always)
(If you hate being numb so much, why don't you do something about it?)
(If your life feels like it's spiraling out of control, take back the reins)
(Find control)
But how?
He bent forward, pressing his face into his hands while his fingers clutched at his hair, pulling hard on the strands until it was extremely painful.
But even that couldn't compare to the pain he was feeling inside, the dull, aching pain.
So much throbbing.
It hurt.
(So do something about it)
What?
(You know exactly "what")
He was lost.
So lost.
Nothing made sense anymore.
What little knowledge he had left fell away in one giant wave, leaving him empty and hollow. He could feel a black muck begin to creep its way into his brain, adding heaviness to the vacancy that had already solidified itself within. It reached forward with its tentacle-like arms, wrapping around the grey matter and forcing itself to latch on to the neurons below. Bubbles of black were passed through synapses, encasing his entire mind with the darkness.
And he let it.
He allowed the heaviness to weigh him down, allowed the vacancy to make him feel devoid of any internal organs or skeletal structure, and allowed his mind to be overcome with the thick muck.
Allowed all of this.
Until he wasn't thinking anymore.
No thought ran through his mind.
His brain was stuck in a tar pit.
And he had no intention of attempting to rescue it.
Instead, he watched himself, with tired, vacant blue eyes, as he reached over the lip of the tub to snag his phone from on the floor. He dialed the first number he saw, not caring who it was or even if they answered.
They didn't, at which he promptly hung up and tossed the phone aside.
He was done.
He was ending it.
Ending everything.
If no one wanted him here…
Then he should swiftly make his exit so as not to disturb any future persons in his life.
He was ending his relationships.
Cutting his ties.
It was for the best anyway.
A dull ringing had begun in his ears, and he allowed it to grow louder, becoming insistent, like a mosquito buzzing next to one's head.
As he reached for his next item, he suddenly felt a sharp pain in his chest, immediately realizing his heart had skipped a beat, finally also realizing that its pace was beginning to falter.
He didn't care, though.
Although the haze of black that was beginning to edge his vision was a bit concerning.
Oh well…he wouldn't mind soon enough.
He settled back down into the tub, staring up at the ceiling, his hands moving on their own accord.
Another sharp pain in his chest accompanied the sudden piercing pain in his wrists. He gazed down at them, eyes tracing the rivulets of red crimson as they ran down his arms and met the water.
Shit…he'd cut too deep.
Dropping the razor, he leaned back against the tub.
So much blood; who knew one person would have so much?
Was he ever going to run out?
Somewhere off in the distance, he heard what sounded like a banging with a voice attached to it, but both sounded too muffled to distinguish.
The sharp pain in his chest grew to an alarming rate, the blackness creeping ever so slowly forward.
His brain felt extremely heavy.
Was he even still breathing?
He couldn't tell.
All he knew was that he was finally free.
Free of all the worries of the world.
Free of pain.
Free of emotions.
Free of love and suffering.
At that, a small smile graced his sunken, yet still beautiful, face as he slipped down into the water, covering his head as well. He kept his eyes open, the dark veil almost covering his entire sight. His heart was barely beating anymore.
He had definitely stopped breathing.
This was it.
This was the end.
I'm sorry, Sasori, was his last thought before his brain shut down completely.
His last sight was the lovely shade of pink all around him.
And his last sound was that of a door being broken down.
Side Note: If some of you are confused about the interaction between Sasori and Deidara in this specific chapter, I am here to clarify that Deidara dreamt/hallucinated that happening. Hallucinations and realisitc dreams can occur with heavy drinking. Sasori was never at the penthouse in this chapter.