Chapter 20

Lindsay looked down at Nick's outstretched palm to see a messily wrapped jewelry box with an off-centered red bow on top.

When she looked back up at Nick's face, he had a grin a mile wide.

"I'm not very good at wrapping," Nick admitted a little sheepishly. "It took me forever- that's why I'm late. But I just wanted to get you a little something to celebrate your class being over. I'm sure you rocked that final."

Lindsay accepted his gift through her window, though she knew that she was in no way deserving of it. But she tried to focus on the second part of his statement, where she could be truthful. She gave him just a hint of a smile; all that she could muster under the circumstances. "Yeah, I suppose I did. I think I'll end up with a B in the class- which, all things considered, is pretty good, I guess."

"Pretty good, you guess?" Nick echoed. "Taking a college calculus class as a junior and getting a B on the first try? That's more than pretty good- it's amazing. You're so smart, Lindsay."

No, I'm not, Lindsay thought to herself. If I was, I would never have done this to you. But he had no idea of the torture she was putting him through- and that made it even worse. She almost told him right then and there that she was seeing someone else.

But something stopped her (aside from the obvious reason which was, of course, that she was terrified that she would lose him if she did) - a selfish curiosity for what was in the package she was now holding. Lindsay couldn't bear to look up at Nick right then, just quietly asked him, "Mind if I open this now?"

Nick laughed, a hearty laugh, and it practically broke Lindsay's heart. "Of course; that's why I gave it to you."

Keeping her head down, Lindsay gingerly began peeling away the wrapping paper to reveal a simple white box. She gently lifted the lid to find a necklace nestled in the soft cotton lining.

It was thin and shiny, a chain holding a beautiful round silver pendant about the size of a nickel. The pendant had an intricate swirl pattern on its face that was breathtakingly elegant. But it wasn't until Lindsay inspected it more closely that she realized that wasn't all there was to it. There was a latch. It was a locket.

Lindsay opened the latch to reveal on the inside a tiny picture of her and Nick. She'd never seen it before, didn't even remember it being taken- but she was pretty sure it was snapped at some point during the night they all went out to see Feedback- she could tell by the shirts they were wearing. She wondered who would have taken it- who would have even bothered to carry around a camera- before realizing it could only have been one person.

"I brought a small camera and asked Kim to snap a shot of the two of us. She took one while you weren't looking," Nick explained Lindsay's unspoken suspicion. Of course- no one else in their group was as sentimental as Nick was. It also figured that Nick would choose a moment that captured the simplest connection between the two of them (the picture was taken before Lindsay was turned off by Nick's intensity) to put in this little keepsake and present to her. She wondered why he had never shown the picture to her before.

"Nick, it's beautiful," Lindsay breathed. It really was. The memory it represented, the jewelry itself- it was far, far, more than Lindsay deserved. "Thank you. Now get in here so I can hug you." Her voice almost broke saying it. She gestured for Nick to climb through her bedroom window, which he quickly did until he was standing close to her.

Nick gave Lindsay her hug, pulling her towards him, so close that she felt protected and insulated from the rest of the world, and for that brief moment, all her problems disappeared. She ran her hand over Nick's muscular back and broad shoulders and he brought his face down next to hers, so near her that she could feel his deep breaths on her cheek and in her ear and in her hair. She sighed against him, a release of stress and guilt and shame that she had been holding onto for so long, but even though she felt free for that one moment- it didn't last. She couldn't empty it out, release enough of it. The guilt and shame quickly filled her back up again, even more of it this time, until it was brimming over. Lindsay couldn't take it anymore. She pulled away.

I have to tell him the truth. Now.

Nick, eyes locking with hers, slowly took the box that was still in her hand. He gently lifted the necklace out and unfastened the chain with his nimble fingers. He gestured for Lindsay to turn around. "Can I?" he asked her quietly, positioning the necklace so that he was holding both ends with one hand.

Lindsay obliged, if for no other reason than because looking into Nick's eyes was absolutely killing her. So she quickly spun around so that he could fasten her necklace from behind.

Nick used his free hand to gently move Lindsay's hair to one side; as he did, the tender touch of his fingertips to her throat sent jolts of electricity coursing down her spine. Nick lifted his arms up to place each end of the necklace at Lindsay's front before bringing his hands back together at the nape of her neck. He was still standing so close that she could feel his breath on her body, and the way his forearms and hands were brushing against her collar as he was fastening her necklace was making Lindsay dizzy; she was practically hyperventilating.

When Nick leaned forward to kiss her neck, Lindsay felt like she was going to explode.

Nick kissed her neck and wrapped his arms around her and Lindsay groaned in pleasure and she almost forgot that just a couple of minutes earlier she had made a promise to herself to tell Nick the truth. She would still do it. She would, dammit. "Nick-," she mumbled, a feeble attempt at a protest. Feeble because as she said it she slipped her hand around the back of his neck, pulling his lips closer to her body.

"God, I missed you so much," he breathed into her neck before kissing it again. His arms tightened around her, one just underneath her breasts and the other at her hips, and pulled her flush against him. He wasn't being shy- Nick's kisses proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that he really did miss her. That he was telling her the truth.

The truth. Guilt wracked Lindsay's insides, and despite how good everything felt, she forced herself to spin away from Nick until she was facing him again. I can't do this, she thought. I have to tell him. Now.

But as she looked up into his concerned and slightly alarmed eyes, no doubt about to ask her what was wrong, Lindsay wondered to herself just what in the hell she was supposed to say. Oh, sorry Nick, I've been seeing someone else all summer and at this point I honestly have no fucking clue how I feel about it or what I want to do. Just what in the hell was Nick supposed to do with that information? After he tells her that he never wants to see her again, of course?

It was at that moment that Lindsay had one last idea of how to try to circumvent her problem with minimal collateral damage. One that once again required her to procrastinate telling Nick the whole truth, but if she succeeded, one that meant that she would never have to lie to him again.

If I wait to see him again until after Barry leaves, Lindsay thought, I'll be able to tell Nick something for certain: either that I don't want to see him again because I'll have decided I want to try to make things work with Barry, or that I was seeing Barry earlier in the summer but decided I'd rather try and make things work with him. Lindsay imagined that Nick hearing that she was dating someone else would be a lot less hurtful if he realized that she chose not to do it any longer. And if she waited until Barry went back to school before talking to Nick again, then it would be possible for that statement to be true.

Lindsay knew, she knew with total certainty, that she wouldn't be able to keep up this charade of dating them both at the same time after next week, even if Barry was out of the state. It was just too draining; it made her feel too awful. She would decide one way or the other when she saw Barry- next Friday, at the very latest- and she just needed to wait until after that to see Nick again. There wasn't going to be any more that she learned about Nick Andopolis in the meantime that would make her decision any easier.

Lindsay realized that Nick was still looking at her; she hadn't said anything in several moments. She cleared her throat. She was having a hard time forming coherent thoughts, though her recent embrace with Nick might have had a little something to do with that. But she had to say something.

"Nick-," she began.

"Yeah?" He asked her, an even more concerned look on his face.

Lindsay just needed to get to the point already. "Look, um, I'm sorry. It's just- I've been going through some stuff this past week, and, I um- need a little more time before I can start hanging out with you again. I know it sounds crazy- but…um, do you think we can just wait to go out again until next weekend?" Next weekend seemed like an eternity away, but Lindsay was confident that it was time that she needed. She added one of those things that you say when you know you want to be held accountable for your actions. "I'll explain everything then, I promise."

Nick's look of concern didn't go away; now he only looked puzzled in addition. "Lindsay, are you okay? Wait, you want to wait to go out until next weekend? Do you mean you don't even want to go out tonight?" His questioning expression deepened.

Lindsay looked at him, torn. She was about to say no. But then Nick's expression changed entirely. To one of regret and desperation.

"Look, Lindsay," he said, his words jumbling together in a rush. "Look, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to make things all serious or scare you by giving you that necklace; I just really missed you and wanted to congratulate you for finishing your class. If it freaked you out- I'm really sorry. I still really want to take you out tonight- I promise, if you'll go we can just keep things light. Talk about other stuff. I can tell you about my drum lessons."

So now Lindsay had made Nick feel guilty enough about buying her something that he actually just apologized to her. He apologized. To her. Lindsay decided at that moment that she would do whatever it took just to make Nick as happy as she possibly could.

She faked a smile. "Okay. Let's go," she said brightly, "Tell me about your lessons."

Nick took Lindsay to a local 24-hour diner. Though he wanted to take her out somewhere fancier, he said, this was the only place that they could really get something to eat that was still open. Lindsay felt overdressed in her skirt and sandals, but quickly got over it. Nick was true to his promise- they kept it light, at least, a lot lighter than the beginning of their date had been- though their meal was anything but. Nick ordered meatloaf and macaroni & cheese; Lindsay had chicken and waffles, though having lost a substantial portion of her appetite all she could do was pick at them. They ended up chatting about his drum lessons for quite a long time- he was so excited, he said, that he was going to increase the frequency of his lessons to twice a week- even after school started. Nick told her all about another basketball tournament that he had this coming weekend (he said it would have been hard to go out after tonight anyway, at least in the next couple of days), and she told him about her studying and work at A1. They laughed and joked and talked and ate good but oh-so-bad diner food.

But when Nick was driving Lindsay home, the heavy feeling started to creep back in- it just seemed to approach them like a storm cloud as Nick pulled up to the spot he had been dropping Lindsay off a couple of blocks away. Nick and Lindsay walked hand-in-hand towards her room, neither of them knowing what to say.

When they reached her window, however, Nick had to let out one more heavy sentence. "Look Lindsay, I know that last time we were together, I was really intense, and it scared you off. I don't want to do that again- so if I'm being creepy- like by writing you that song and singing it to you or by the necklace or whatever else- I want you to let me know."

Those gestures that Nick was speaking of as being creepy happened to be the most romantic things that anyone had ever done for her. Lindsay vehemently shook her head no but her throat was dissolving and she was unable to speak.

Nick leaned in and kissed her briefly. Lindsay was grateful for the opportunity to close her eyes for a moment and blink her gathering tears away. As they parted, she was anxious to hear that the date wasn't ending on terribly bad terms. She said desperately, "So- I'll see you next weekend, right?"

Nick shrugged, let out a sigh. "Do I have a choice?"

Lindsay felt crestfallen, but Nick quickly corrected himself. "I mean, yeah, of course. I wish I could see you before then, but I'll do whatever you tell me. I can keep myself busy- I have a lot going on, with this tournament and my drum lessons and everything. I just want to see you as soon as you'll let me."

Lindsay nodded. "Thanks for understanding, Nick. I'll talk to you soon." With that, Nick helped Lindsay slip inside her bedroom window.

As soon as Nick was gone, Lindsay burst out crying. Thank God this was almost over. She couldn't take it anymore.