Kakashi doesn't come after him when Deidara retires to the penthouse, Dei spending the next day alone while he cries. When Kakashi eventually comes back after work, Deidara is hidden in one of their rooms and refuses to come out. Kakashi sits at the other side of the door, hiding in his knees.

"Deidara, please… Can't we talk about this?"

"You're- You're fucking K-Kisame! There- There's nothing to talk about!" Deidara says through poorly muffled sobs. He sounds absolutely heartbroken.

Kakashi makes a little whimper at the pathetic sounds, torn between wanting to comfort Deidara and kill his stupid brain for ever letting him do such a thing. "Please. Pl- Please, Deidara. I'm begging you."

"Wh-Why don't you just go back to h- him?" Kakashi sniffles, holding his breath to stop any more noises before answering.

"Be- Because I love you. Not him." There is a long silence as Deidara quiets down and Kakashi hears a soft thunk, Deidara resting his head on the door he's leaning back against.

"Then talk, un." Deidara sounds resigned and hollow, which is even worse than the sobbing. Kakashi bites his lip before taking a deep breath.

"I'm- I'm bad with relationships. Really really really bad with relationships. They end 'cause of my job or we don't work or- or I end 'em. 'Cause I know it's gunna happen anyways. But I don't like- I don't like the fighting. So I always just fucked someone outside of the job and they just left, no questions asked. Yukio- Yukio didn't. He beat me. But I- I thought- convinced myself- that we were gunna last. Then he died. B- But you came along and- God, Deidara. You don't realize how fantastic you are." Kakashi gives a watery chuckle, resting on the door and uncurling a little. "And we work. I- I don't know how. Or why or when. But we do. And wh- when we started to fall apart, big time, I knew we could fix it. Because those things that happened- Pein or Yukio or O- Orochimaru- those are other people problems. Not- Not us problems.

"It was- It was the little stuff. You- You stopped topping. And you didn't like to cuddle after sex sometimes and there was- was always a night a week at least that one of us had to stay after for paperwork. And I thought that that was the beginning of the end. So I- I had Kisame t- take care of me as a kit- sub. We've done it before. He's good at it and he knows me. We didn't- we didn't fuck. I blew him sometimes or we got off, but we didn't fuck. 'Cause I didn't want to bottom for him while we were still together and I can't top like that. So- yeah. And then I figured out what happened and- and now we're here." He runs out of words rather abruptly, having nothing more to say.

"Kakashi, if Orochimaru came back and fucked you and threatened your life could you be able to top again?" Deidara's softly spoken question takes him completely by surprise.

"I- I know. I know I was wrong. I was so so so so wrong about that. I'm so sorry. I can't tell you how sorry I am. I just- didn't know. And I was wrong."

"It's fine. I'm the dumb shit who got himself hurt." Deidara says wryly, calling to mind exactly what Kakashi had said to him after finding out he was injured. Kakashi groans quietly, his head hitting the door as it lolls back.

"I was just mad when I said that. You know that?"

"You were mad!? My father raped me again! I have never been so fucking furious at being so fucking helpless! So I'm, sorry if you didn't get fucked while I was trying to avoid another meeting with him!" Deidara's sudden outburst startles him. Kakashi has never heard his blonde sound so hurt. Kakashi digs his hands into the carpet, controlling his reflexive 'flee!' response at the angry tone. He doesn't speak, not knowing what to say and cowering down. After a few minutes, he can hear sniffles behind the door as Deidara starts crying again, the sobs from earlier having faded to easier to conceal tears at the thought of what happened. All fear drains from Kakashi as he hears Deidara's next words.

"I'm s- sorry for le- letting you d- down. I- I sh- should have th- thought of y- you in- instead of my p- problems. Then- Then you wouldn't have gone to K- Kisa- h- him." Deidara manages through whimpers and the occasional quiet sob. Kakashi shakes his head, forgetting that Deidara can't see him.

"No. N- No no no. This is a me problem, okay? Not a you problem. My fault, not yours. I- I do these things. Not you. You focus on you, 'kay? And you tell me if you need me. I- I'm sorry." Deidara dissolves into hastily muffled sobs again, not knowing what to say to that.

"Dei- Deidara? Can you open the door? Please?" Kakashi asks. There's a soft click and the sound of shuffling as Deidara scoots away from the door. Kakashi peers in the door before coming in, settling against the door with his arms and legs open if Deidara needs a cuddle. Deidara eyes him warily for a moment like a kicked dog. He is an absolute mess, eyes red rimmed and makeup smeared everywhere. Kakashi doesn't bat an eye at his appearance, keeping still. Deidara hugs his legs to his chest, dropping his gaze.

"Wh-Why? Was it really just because I didn't fuck you?" Deidara asks after a long silence, trying and failing to hold back tears as he looks back up at Kakashi. Kakashi folds up a little bit on himself, glancing away from Deidara and obviously protecting himself.

"I'm bad at relationships. And you weren't- you. So I thought- I dunno. I'm- I'm insecure and stupid and I make the other person call it quits before we can fall apart if- if I think I love them or it looks like the start of the end."

"Oh." Deidara drops his gaze again. "So- So if we're still together that means- Oh."

"Wh- What?"

"If you end your relationships when you think you're starting to love them then- then you don't love me?" Deidara looks absolutely heartbroken. Kakashi's eyes go wide and he scrambles to his feet, reaching out to touch Deidara before stopping himself.

"No! Nono! I just hid it from you until you said it. I love you as a person. Who you are is- is fantastic. And I always want you. I love you." Kashi swallows hard before continuing. "I just thought that you weren't happy. And if you weren't happy then we were going to fight and if we fight then we yell and scream and throw things and it's- it's messy. Especially because I love you. A- And I don't like getting hurt. I'm weak."

"So you tried to end us without telling me? Just to avoid a fight?" His tone is one of disbelief. The way Kakashi presses his back to the door for defense and drops his gaze says everything. Deidara looks away.

"I- I think you should go. I need to think some things through." Kakashi slowly stands, murmuring a soft 'i'm sorry' before he quietly leaves.