Hello, everyone! WOO, another follower! And a few new favorites as well! Seriously, you all are the most amazing people! Thank you for sticking with me so far. It is with a heavy heart for me to tell you all that we are nearing the end of our babies' journey! *cries with you all* But don't get too sad! We still have a few more chapters to go and a few more things to clarify and complete! So, with that, I introduce Chapter 30, and like always, Rate and Review, my loves! :3

Sasori sat in the lobby, bent over to allow his elbows to rest against his thighs, supporting his hands which held his face in pure fear and anxiety.

Mentally, he was cursing himself over and over again.

Everything was and felt wrong.

He hadn't heard any new news for the past six hours and the waiting was killing him.

He needed to know if Deidara was alright.

He cursed at himself for what had happened when they first arrived.

He had passed out after he had barely set foot inside the hospital, waking up in a random room with a nurse checking his pulse.

He had sat up and tried to move when the nurse put a firm grip on his shoulder. "Sir, please rest for a second."

"I can't rest when my boyfriend is dying," he had retaliated, shaking the man's hand off of him. "I'm fine."

"Sir, you suffered from a mild asthma attack."

"…I what?"

"You suffered from a mild asthma attack," the nurse had explained. "That's why you passed out. Didn't you recognize the signs?"

"If I have asthma, it's been years since I've had an attack," Sasori had growled, angry that this man was taking precious time away from him being with Deidara.

"Well, now that you're better, would you mind telling me of your boyfriend's condition? If you have any idea as to what he took."

With that, Sasori had explained everything, from the possible overdose on Disulfiram and Remeron to the excess consumption of alcohol.

He hadn't heard anything since.

He shook his legs impatiently.

He had always hated to be kept waiting.

And this was probably the worst his impatience had been in a long time.

The sound of footsteps reached his ears and he looked up to see a woman with a platinum blonde bun walking towards him. He stood up and they shook hands. "Pleasure to meet you. You must be Ino."

"Yes, I am," she grinned. "And it's a pleasure to finally meet my cousin's roommate."

"Well, I-"

"And boyfriend."

The redhead blinked, slightly shocked. "H-He told you."

"More like screamed at me, but yes, Deidara told me of the two of you," she placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "And I approve."

"W-What?"

"I'll be the first to tell you that every single relationship Deidara has ever been in has always ended in failure," Ino explained. "Every girl that he's ever dated somehow never truly felt for him the way he felt for them. When Deidara likes or even loves, he does so deeply. He hasn't been in a relationship since before Grad School. Ever since the first incident, he put dating in the back of his mind. I wouldn't put it past him to not have been looking for a relationship when he met you."

"He was still straight when he met me," Sasori remarked. "I knew I liked him the second we locked eyes. When I found out we were roommates, I felt like the happiest person in the world. But to be fair, I never tried to change him. The only times I ever pursued anything was when I felt the feelings would be returned. I did confess my feelings to him, not in the hopes that he would feel the same way, but just to let him know."

"So you would've been happy if he had stayed straight and dated a girl?"

"…I would be lying if I said it wouldn't hurt me," he smiled. "But all I care about is Deidara's happiness. If he's happy, then I'm happy. Even if it may not have been with me."

Ino's grin turned wider, showing teeth. "This is why I think you're the best thing that has ever happened to my cousin," her expression turned serious. "But if you hurt him like this ever again, I'll be sure to make you pay."

"I take that threat very seriously," he chuckled, only half-heartedly, though. He looked at the ground with downcast eyes. "I know everything that has happened is my fault. And I'm beating myself up over and over again for it."

"He's awake," Ino said calmly. Sasori shot his head up to give her a wide gaze. She gave another smile. "He wants to see you."

With that, he walked past her and down the hallway, knowing exactly where the room was.

Finally…he would finally see Deidara.

Alive and well.

He reached the door and without hesitation, walked in.

Deidara sat there, back supported by the pillows. His face looked sunken in, though the shine in his cerulean blue orbs was still bright. His skin looked slightly pale, but seemed to be gaining color. His wrists were bandaged, as well as IVs attached to his arms. At the sound of the door opening, he looked up and Sasori felt his heart clench.

All his feelings, his emotions, his physical aches, came crashing down in one full wave. As new tears threatened to form, he took the few steps necessary to reach the blonde and cupped the latter's face in his hands, crashing their lips together in a long-awaited kiss.

The redhead felt his heart sore out of his chest.

He wanted to cry, laugh, scream, and shout at just the fact that Deidara was right in front of him, his scent, his essence, his everything invading every one of Sasori's senses. His hands went from the younger male's face to clutching the blonde locks, gently, in his fingers.

"I've missed you so much," he breathed out between kisses. "I'm so sorry for ever leaving you, I'm so sorry for being gone so long."

"Sasori, un," Deidara's voice was almost a whimper, hands clutching the older male's arms. "Sasori~"

The older male pulled away, pressing their foreheads together. The blonde fought the first signs of tears. "Why did you leave me, un?"
"I was stupid. I was stupid, ignorant, stubborn, and every other word to describe an asshole. I never gave you a chance to explain yourself and everything that has happened was my fault and is my fault."

"Sasori-"

"Just don't say anything else," Sasori said. "I'm so sorry for pushing you to do this. I'm so sorry I caused you to do this. I never should've walked out and I never should've told you I hated you. I'll never hate you, Dei. Even the day after it happened, the anger was gone. I shouldn't have stayed away for as long as I did. And I'm so, so, so incredibly sorry."

"Sasori, un," Deidara whispered. They stayed quiet for a while, both just enjoying being in the other's company. The redhead sighed, gazing down at their laps. "How are your wrists?"

"They hurt, un," the taller male mumbled, eyeing his hands. "It's mostly just stinging."

"You're lucky you didn't cut any deeper, Dei," Sasori murmured. "Otherwise you would've been dead before I-"

Sasori stopped talking, not really sure where to continue. He averted his gaze to the windows of the room, not a single soul passing by.

In that moment…it truly felt like they were the only people on the planet.

"Sasori, I know what you did, un," Deidara said, making the former turn back to him. He smiled weakly. "The nurse…explained to me that I would have died back in that bathroom had it not been for you showing up. But how…how did you know that…that I was in trouble, un?"

"I was on my way back from the office when you called."

The younger male knitted his brows in confusion. "I called you, un?"
"Yeah, you did," the redhead sat on the edge of the bed. "You must've already been so out of it to not remember. You were mumbling, but you kept saying that you were sorry, that you were sorry for everything."

"Yeah…I don't remember much, un," the blonde agreed, twisting his hands together. "Everything...everything is blank after l I passed out in the bathtub."

"So you don't remember anything?"

Deidara clenched his jaw. "...It's hard to explain, truthfully, un."

"We have all the time in the world, Dei," Sasori covered his hands over the others for comfort.

The blonde swallowed loudly before starting. "When you left…it felt like the whole world was ending, un. I hadn't felt so much pain in so long. Knowing you weren't there…that was worse than just being alone in the first place, un. And it affected me much faster than I thought it would. It started getting in the way of my work, un. Four days later, I had an outburst during a meeting and I walked out. I walked out even as my boss threatened to fire me, un. But I didn't care about losing my job at that point. All that mattered was that you still weren't returning home, un. You were still gone every time I went back. Not having you around…showed me just how much I really needed you, un. After the outburst, I stopped going to work. I ignored the calls I was receiving, mostly because none of them were from you, un. Even through Hidan being angry at me, I stopped caring about everything. I stopped caring about my wellbeing, un. I stayed in my room almost 24/7, only leaving if to eat something or go to the bathroom. But even then, I wasn't finding comfort, un.

"The silence only helped the inner voices," he paused to take a deep breath. "I'm not sure if I told you this when we confessed everything to each other, but I guess now is the best time, un. We all have these inner voices that speak to us. They speak to us and often tell us right from wrong, un. But my inner voices…they rarely ever want me to be happy. They spoke cold, hard truths and made me believe things that weren't real, un. They grew immensely through you being away. They thrived on the sadness and loneliness that I was feeling, un. They fed off of that and started talking to me again. I didn't want to listen to them anymore, un. So I took to drinking in order to get rid of the voices. And it helped; so I kept drinking, un. I drank until I began waking up drunk. Funny thing was that I only threw up twice, which was surprising, considering how much I was drinking, un. But unfortunately, the voices grew immune to the alcohol, but I continued drinking, un.

"I became so numb. It felt wonderful, un. To not feel the pain anymore, to not feel the ache of your absence, it was incredible. I never wanted to leave that feeling of numbness, un. Unfortunately…that's when the hallucinations occurred."

"You had hallucinations?"

"How else would you explain why I saw you in my room and we talked, un?" Deidara looked at him with near embarrassment marring his features. "The things you were saying, how you were acting…it was so similar to how you normally are, so that's why I figured it was real. We spoke for only a few minutes before…"

He paused, a light pink flush invading his cheeks. "Don't really think I need to explain any further, if you can understand where I'm going, un."

"O-Oh," the redhead knew what he was talking about. "S-So then…how did you know you were hallucinating?

"At a certain point, when I opened my eyes…you were gone, un. I thought that you had just run off, but reality hit and that's when I realized that you never actually were in my room," the taller male exclaimed. "And when I realized…I hated myself, un. I hated that I had stooped so low as to hallucinate you in my room in the hopes of comforting me. I felt disgusted…sick…mortified at myself. That's when I became angry, un. I got angry at everything and everyone. And I drank more…and more…and more, un. And with your voicemail playing in the back of my mind, I became even angrier. I thought, "why is he waiting to come back to me? Why doesn't he just come back now, if he truly loved me?", un. Yet, through the anger, I wanted to get better. I didn't want you seeing me how I was, un. So I took my medication. But with the alcohol already in me, the drugs weren't working, un. I got frustrated and took more while still drinking. It became a pattern until my brain stopped all thought, un. After that…it's really all a blur."

Sasori didn't know what to say.

What was he supposed to say?

Just listening to his roommate's reasons was enough to reconfirm what he had already known:

He was the full frontal cause of Deidara's almost demise.

And he would never be able to forgive himself for it.

He shook his head. "How…why…?"

"I forgive you, Sasori, un."

"How can you forgive me?! How can you forgive me, Deidara?" the redhead asked, cheeks stained wet with tears. "I do not, under any circumstances, deserve your forgiveness."

For Deidara, he didn't need to think.

Why did he forgive Sasori?
"Because I love you, un," he smiled sweetly. "And you can't stay mad at the person you're in love with. It's just not possible, un."

"…You still love me?"

"Sasori, I wouldn't have done the things I did if I didn't, un."

"But why, is what I want to know. Why do you still love me? I mean…" the older male looked away. "I made you attempt suicide. That, alone, made me want to die as well."

"Why, un?"

"Because a world without you…it would be one hell of a lonely world," Sasori reached up and placed a gentle hand on the younger male's cheek. "Deidara, you may not see this, but you bring this light with you wherever you go. It travels with you and affects others around you. You make them laugh and smile until tears are running down their faces. You glow with this immense warmth that you're completely blind to. You may think that your personality changed once you went to Grad School, but Dei…Dei, it didn't. It expanded and grew in complexity and marvel. God that light, Dei, is what drew me to you and I craved to see it every day. Had you had died, I would never be able to see that light again. That incredible, blinding light."

The blonde sat there, stunned.

Shaking his head, he clutched the hand on his face tightly between his own, his emotions overflowing his better judgment. Tears fell fast and hard sobs began to wrack his chest.

He was turning into a blubbering mess and he didn't care.

Everything from the past two and half weeks came flooding back in a torrential downpour of physical and emotional pain. The absence was so painful, so gut-wrenching. The fact that Sasori was right in front of him, now, was making his heart swell to the size of a hot air balloon.

"I'm so sorry, un," he gasped out through sobs. "I'm so sorry I did this."

"No, Deidara-"

"I'm such a fuck up, un!" he yelled, tears falling faster. "I didn't mean to cause this much pain to you! I just…I couldn't be alone anymore, un!"

"…Dei~"

"I didn't want to be alone, un!" the redhead was quick to pull the younger male into a hug, holding him close as he cried, wetting the former's jacket with his tears. His body shook harshly in his arms, back jumping from the sobs.

Sasori pressed his lips against the other's hair. "You won't ever be alone again. I won't allow it."

"That's a fucking lie, un."

"No, Dei, I promise. I won't ever leave again," the older male felt his own tears falling. "I won't leave you alone."

Deidara just continued to cry. He couldn't stop and he didn't want to stop.

"I love you, un," he mumbled. "God I love you so much."

The older male shook his head, tightening his grip. He said nothing as he just held the younger male against him, holding him until the sobs were gone and the tears were replaced with sniffles. "Are you okay to talk?"

"Y-Yeah, I think I can, un," the blonde murmured, pulling away, wiping at his cheeks. "Sorry, I'm just a…fucking blubbering mess."

"No, no you're not," the redhead moved to place their foreheads together, staring into his blue orbs with his own amber ones. "I still love you even though your face is about as red as my hair."

They shared a few minutes of quiet chuckles, then silence until Deidara spoke again. "I'm going to tell my parents about us, un."

"Will they approve?"
"My mom, most likely, but my dad…well, that's a whole other story, un."

"…"

"But I don't care, un," he smiled. "I'm tired of trying to please him. It's my own happiness that

matters from here on out, un."

"Deidara-"

"I didn't answer your earlier question, did I, un?"

"What question?"
"Why do I still love you, un? Or better…why do I even love you?"

"Dei, you don't have to-"

"Obviously, when we first met, I was straight, un," the blonde started, ignoring Sasori's plea. "I knew I was, even with my best friend being gay. And with me being the oblivious person that I am, I never once thought of your liking me, un. I just took your kindness and caring as an act of friendship or even some way to make up for how you treated me in the café. But as the days progressed and I got to know you…I found myself caring more about you, un. And at first, I thought it was me becoming close friends with you. But upon realizing things…I wanted to be more than friends sooner than I had anticipated, un."

"What do you mean?"
"I chose celebrating your birthday with you over going on a date with a girl, un," Deidara explained. "There was so much planning done to make sure that day was a special one for you. I had dated girls during their birthdays and never had I gone to such lengths with them as much as I did for you, un. But again…I'm oblivious and didn't see the signs right from the beginning. Later that night, when we were stargazing and you admitted you had seen my medication, I will admit that I was embarrassed, un. Not even Hidan knew about what had happened and here I was, telling my roommate whom I've only known for a couple of weeks everything there was to know about me over a bottle of whiskey.

"One thing led to another and we ended up kissing, un," he took a deep breath before continuing. "I couldn't remember much the next day, but after a few more went by, the pieces put themselves together and I realized, with then startling realization, that I had enjoyed it. I had enjoyed my roommate, who was another guy, kissing me, un. That was when denial set in. Though something inside me was telling me to just trust my gut, there was a side of me that kept repeating that I was straight, un. It was like that every day for me and I would hate that when I saw you, all I could think about was the kiss. It was driving me insane, which was I avoided you for so long, un. But, then you confronted me and then the incident in my bedroom occurred and that just furthered my confusion. I mean…why would I allow another guy to grab my dick and jerk me off, un? I wasn't drunk, I wasn't high, I just…let it happen. The next morning, that's when I decided to ask you why you loved me, un."

He smiled at the memory. "And let's just say I was shocked. Not one girl that I have ever dated has ever said to me what you said that day, un. You made me feel wanted, accepted, special; like I was the only person on this whole planet. I didn't know how to handle such a confession, un. But it ate at my mind, my confusion on my sexuality growing immensely in the time before party. When that came and I saw you in your suit, I about nearly fainted, un. You looked so…so goddamn handsome. And for a long moment, all I wanted to do was repeatedly tell you that, un. But then your ex showed up and stole you from me and-"

"So you were jealous."

"I told you I was, un."

"No you didn't. You only told me you hated the fact that I was flirting with Komushi. You never admitted that you were jealous."

"So you were flirting, un."

Sasori rolled his eyes. "It was light-hearted fun and had no meaning behind it."

"Then what was that paper he slipped you before I left, un?"

"His number."

"And what did you do with it, un?"

"I threw it away. Why would I need it when I've got a perfectly amazing boyfriend right here?" the redhead leaned in and pecked the blonde on the lips, smirking at the pink flush invaded the latter's cheeks. "I love it when you blush."

"Stop, that's embarrassing, un," Deidara moved to turn his head away, but was stopped when pale hands forced him to gaze at the face in front of him. Sasori gave him a sincerely confused expression. "Why do you get embarrassed when I compliment you?"

"I've never taken compliments well, un. Not that I don't enjoy them, but…I don't know, it's hard to explain," he sighed. "Anyways, after I saw that, I lost it, un. Ino was being annoying and asking too many damn questions and I was fed up with that along with watching you and Komushi and I just…screamed at her. I never wanted to do that, but it happened; I just…exploded, un. I was embarrassed and knew I had to leave, so I did, knowing full well you were following me. We spoke, we yelled, next thing I knew, we were both naked and you were inside me, un.

"Throughout that whole experience, every question that I had was suddenly answered. I knew I loved you, I knew I never wanted to feel pleasure from anyone else but you, un. I knew I never wanted to be loved by anyone else but you. So when you found out about the job and told me you hated me, I guess that was my breaking point, un. I had had so many disappointments before, but this one took the cake.

"So Sasori, un," Deidara smiled, cerulean blue orbs shining, "I am in love with you. I've been in love with you since the day you kissed me, I just didn't know it yet, un. I fell in love with the way you viewed the world. The way you push forward, despite other's doubts, un. I fell in love with the way you could find amusement out of anything and everything. How you put my happiness before your own, un. How you treated me even when I accused you of taking advantage of me. I fell in love with you because of who you are as a person. I wanted to become a better person for you, un."

"Deidara…"

"So yes…I, Deidara Hayashi, am in love with a man named Sasori Akasuna, un," he leaned forward and gave the redhead a quick kiss before pulling away, smiling.

"And I wouldn't have it any other way."