Disclaimer: I do not own HunterxHunter, nor do I profit commercially from these writings.

ABC Series

L is for Lunatics

The Major was a happy man. The mountain was thriving, the animals living in it were thriving, and therefore hunting had been good. The townspeople were happy, nobody was being a bum, everyone had enough food. The children were running around the town, playing and laughing to their hearts' content. Nobody was miserable, nobody was sad.

He was so happy that he decided to greet everyone he met on the streets and to visit every house in the town. He was now on his way to the Prancing Pony Inn, as the establishment was rather near the outskirt of the town—although strictly speaking it was not the The House on The Outskirt. No, that title belonged to another house; which the Major was sure to visit as well.

With springs in his feet and lips pursed for a whistle, the Major strolled down the street in the direction of the inn/bistro/café. The Major didn't really go to the inn often; not because he hated the place, but more because he enjoyed the presence and cooking of his wife at home more. There was no point of him going to the inn, really. He didn't exactly participate in the rumour mill that was going on there either; because he had his own sources.

The inn had just come into his view when he spotted the current owner of the inn stepping out of the front door.

"Fino!" The Major called out happily.

The said young woman turned around, and her face beamed when she saw the Major approaching.

"Major! How are you? How unusual to see you here. Do you need something?" Fino turned to fully face the Major respectfully.

"No, no. I'm just walking around visiting people. How are you and your family?"

"We're good. Mom and Dad are inside talking with the guests, and Shalnark is running errands for them." She answered sweetly.

The Major nodded. Fino's young husband was an interesting new addition to the town, and many people were curious about him. He was very amicable and polite, and so baby-faced—a quality that many young girls in town were jealous of. However, for all his niceness and easy-going-ness, the Major knew that he was a dangerous man. Some townspeople remembered the day years ago when some shady-looking guys in black suit stormed the inn and took the family hostage in attempt to blackmail Kurapika, that crazy woman. They still remembered how they had tried to prevent Shalnark from coming to the rescue, but the young man would have none of that. He had simply stormed in and killed all those people single-handedly. When asked why he did that, the young man simply answered innocently:

"They weren't treating Fino nicely."

"How's your little angel?" The Major asked while looking around. "She's usually hanging around you."

"Oh, Sherry is at Kurapika's place." Fino laughed. "In fact, I'm just about to go there to see how they are doing and bring this snack over for the kids there."

The Major looked down at the basket that Fino was holding. He hadn't noticed it before, but the basket actually looked pretty big. Well, considering that Kurapika's four children and Fino's daughter probably would spend their waking hours playing nonstop, the Major wouldn't be surprised if those kids inhaled these snacks in a matter of minutes.

"Well, would you mind if I come along? I haven't seen her and her family in ages."

"Oh, sure. Come along! Kurapika would be surprised to see you." Fino giggled, and turned to lead the way.

They spent the entire walk chatting about little topics like the weather, the market, the trade business, etc. Fino told the Major of the few travellers that managed to find the inn, about their stories and any other interesting things they might have told her.

"Come to think of it, I don't really see Kurapika's husband around the town often." The Major suddenly said as he scratched his bearded chin.

"Kuroro? Well, I suppose he doesn't really go out to the house once he's in town." Fino tilted her head slightly as she thought of the occasions when Kuroro actually did go out of the house. Most of the times, he just went to her inn.

"He's out of the town most of the time?" The Major asked, quite curious about that handsome young man whom he hardly seen. Ever.

"Yes. His job requires him to go to many places, much like Kurapika's Hunter duties." Fino said, and quickly added: "I'm not too sure what his job is, though."

Well, she couldn't very well tell him that one of his jobs is being a S-rank criminal group leader, could she?

"Is he a Hunter too, then?"

"Nope. He's not interested at all in it." Fino shrugged. She knew Kuroro was probably overqualified for the exam, though.

"Hmmm… Very curious." The Major continued scratching his chin. "I should like to talk with this young man sometimes."

"You'll like him, Major. He's very knowledgeable! His stories are so interesting." Fino smiled even wider. Kuroro could be such a good storyteller when he felt like it.

"I haven't talked with Kurapika for a long time, too. Maybe I should talk with the two of them."

"Err…" Fino faltered at the notion. Individually, they would make fine conversation partner. However, when put together, they tended to go after each other in the conversation-turned-argument; leaving the third-party either flustered (for the first-timer), or exasperated (for experienced ones like Lucian), or entertained (for weird ones like Fino).

Fino was about to voice her opinion; having the good intention of giving the Major a fair warning, when a soft meow distracted her. She looked around, and immediately noticed a pair of golden eyes staring at her inquisitively.

"Bast?" She inquired. It wasn't often that the cat would stray from her 'master'.

The said black cat turned her attention to the Major once she made eye contact with Fino. Bast tilted her head as she scrutinized the Major and then turned back to Fino, giving her a who-is-he look.

"What a beautiful feline!" The Major enthused when he spotted Bast. "You know her?"

"Yes. She's Meta's cat, Major." Fino said, emphasising on the 'major' part slightly to answer Bast's unspoken question.

Fino saw the cat nodding her head, as if confirming that yes she heard her. It felt strange to communicate with the cat non-verbally. Fino knew that Bast was a supernatural cat, and that she could talk. However, she also knew the rule that the cat wasn't supposed to speak in the presence of 'outsiders'; meaning those people who didn't know about Meta's Nen.

"She's gorgeous!" The Major; obviously a feline-lover, approached Bast while holding out a hand.

Bast didn't even deign to sniff his hand, and merely turned up her uppity little nose and stalked away towards the direction of Kurapika's house. Fino could just roll her eyes. She just hoped the feline would alert Kurapika about the Major's arrival and would keep the unicorns and the raptor out of sight.

"And so arrogant, too." The Major laughed, not minding Bast's rudeness. "Meta is a lucky fellow. Where did he get her?"

"I think the cat adopted him, not the other way round." Fino giggled.

"Oh?" The Major laughed more. "I see, I see. She's such a lady."

Fino grinned, and they continued walking. Not long after, they started to hear noises from the direction of Kurapika's house. Fino could recognise the noise for what it really was because she had heard it many times before, but the Major obviously knew nothing.

"What's that? What's happening? Is there a fight?" The Major asked, immediately alert. The fact that the ground shook slightly at some points didn't help to ease the poor old man's anxiety.

"Relax, Major. This is normal."

The Major could only blink and threw Fino a quizzical look while following her from behind, unsure of what was going on. The next thing that the Major did the moment they rounded up the corner was something that he would never ever forget for the rest of his life.

Just in front of the house, four children were ganging up on one Kuroro Lucifer. They were making good use of their Nen, although the presence of their oh-so-strict mother on the side-line kept them from unleashing the full extent of Meta's and Bia's Nen (which would probably level half of the town in record time, when they were unleashed at the same time).

To the Major's untrained eyes, there were sparks flying around the fight arena, especially around that creepy white-haired girl with icy green eyes. Those weird sparks were, even more creepily enough, seemed to be remotely controlled—and were aimed at scary places like, say…Kuroro's eyes. Kuroro always managed to evade them by a hair's breadth; only because he was too lazy to evade them earlier. Meta seemed to be the most experienced about fight, and was the most practical hand-on-hand fighter of the children. Since the Major obviously knew absolutely nothing about fighting, he didn't know that Meta's role was actually not the main offensive, but as a distraction. The main offensive were actually the twins; although the creepy mini-Kuroro was more on the stealth department while crazy little girl was more head-on. The mini-Kuroro boy always tried to get on Kuroro's blind spot and behind him, while the crazy little girl would throw seemingly endless number of throwing daggers at his own father.

The thing was the children weren't the only ones doing the attacking. Kuroro did his share of counterattacks as well, throwing his kids around like rag dolls towards the cold hard ground or the sturdy trees around the area. He did make sure to limit the collateral damage, though. He would hear no end of it from Kurapika if the house suffered even as much as a scratch from their roughhousing. In fact, she would probably chew his ears off; both literally and figuratively.

The Major could only gape as Fino; who had forgotten all about the poor old man in her excitement, ran towards Kurapika; who was standing off the side of the fight arena.

"Kurapika!" Fino waved her free hand towards said female, and rushed to her side.

"Hey, Fino." Kurapika gave a nod towards Fino without taking her eyes off the fight before her.

"What's going on?" She asked innocently as she began observing the fight, too.

"Kuroro felt like playing." She deadpanned with a roll of her eyes.

"This is playing? I thought this is training." Fino tilted her head sideways cutely.

"This is Kuroro's definition of playing." Kurapika snorted. "And anyway, Kuroro always trains the children all the time in whatever he does with them."

"Yeah? Then…" Fino scratched her chin. "Why is Sherry included there?"

True. If the fight itself wasn't bad enough, Kuroro Lucifer had only one arm and two legs to fend off the children's relentless attacks. Why?

Because one of his arms was occupied with one squealing toddler.

A toddler with green eyes and dusty blonde hair, and a blazing cheery smile that told everyone that she had no care of the world except for the current excitement.

"Fino! This is INSANE! They have Sherry there! What's going on?!" The Major; who recovered to his senses once he noticed Sherry being carried like a treasure chest in Kuroro's arm, ran screaming towards the women with his skinny arms flailing about.

"Well…" Fino glanced to Kurapika for answer.

"Kuroro is training the children—"

"But Sherry! She is just a baby! Why is she there? She can't even do anything!" The Major squealed frantically like a pig to the slaughterhouse.

"—and the objective of this training is for the children to get Sherry from Kuroro without a scratch on her. It is much more difficult to procure a precious cargo from the opponent without the slightest harm on it—"

"WHAT! Why are you insane people treating her like some object?! She is a baby!" The Major's face was flushed like a tomato, half incensed half horrified at seeing the little girl in the middle of such Ground Zero.

"—the children have yet to have fine control over their coordinates. Even now, they are still a tad disorganized and rather haphazard."

"Disorganized?!" The Major looked like he was going to faint. If those kids' movements were disorganized, he hated to imagine how it would be like when they were perfectly organized.

"Kuroro will make sure nothing happen to her and I have means to completely heal her—leaving NO scratch on her—should anything happen in the worst case scenario." Fino could hear the annoyance creeping to Kurapika's tone. Kurapika didn't tell the Major about her Healing Chain because the Major wouldn't understand and she just couldn't be bothered to enlighten him about Nen.

"B, but—!"

"Major, it's okay. I trust Kurapika and Kuroro." Fino put placating hands on the old man's shaking shoulders. "Besides, Sherry is enjoying herself there."

The Major looked forlornly at the fight going on. It was true, though. Sherry looked like she was having the time of her life. She didn't look like she was injured in any way, too. In fact, the Major was pretty sure that the girl would start spouting nonsense like "again, again!" once the fight was done.

"This is going to take a very long time." Kurapika finally averted her eyes from the fight. "Do you need anything in particular, Major?"

The Major could only sigh tiredly.

"I came here only to see how you are doing. I can see you are doing more than fine, though."

Kurapika smiled at him.

"Would you like to come in and have a tea?" She asked him politely.

"Well…"

"I've got snacks!" Fino said enthusiastically with a smirk while holding up the basket she was carrying.

Kurapika grinned.

"Come on inside, then." She said with a nod of her head towards her house.

They had only taken several steps towards the house when the commotion increased behind them.

"Snacks!"

"Can we take a break now, Papa? Please?"

"No."

"Why?!"

"Sherry is still with me."

"Again, again! More, more! Weeeee!"

"But Dad!"

"You have five minutes to complete this session. Otherwise, no snacks for the rest of the day."

"Eek!"

"Gah! Let's go, guys!"

"Right! For the snacks!"

Kurapika simply rolled her eyes, and Fino giggled. The poor Major looked like he was going to get heart palpitations. He couldn't believe this! He had thought that Kurapika was such a decent woman and her husband such a reserved gentleman. He never thought they could be so brutal in their upbringing of their children! They weren't raising kids! They were raising monsters!

They were a bunch of lunatics! How did he end up with a family full of lunatics in his town?! Gosh!

It took Fino hours of convincing that the family was not going to bring an early Armageddon on the town. Similarly, it took Kurapika more hours than Fino to convince the Major that she and Kuroro were not abusing the children.

It took the children slightly less hours to convince the Major that they weren't abused by their parents and that they loved them very very much. It took a full body inspection on Sherry to convince the Major that she wasn't injured at all—not even a scratch.

It took Kuroro three minutes of conversation to get the Major to like him.

Author's Note: I think that it's about time to give Fino some screen time, as well as some introduction for her daughter Sherry. As you should realise by the brief description, she's basically a mini Shalnark. However, she is more like Fino in terms of her talent and affinity towards the olfactory senses. Poor Major didn't understand the dynamics of the family, and how such 'brutality' was the norm there.

And of course, Kuroro's ability to win people over never failed him.