It was Monday afternoon. 'Celebrating Invention' month began at the Museum that day, bringing in a lot of school trips and general visitors. People tended to flock in when there was an event on. Dr Zachariah decided to take a break from his research to help out and be a part of it. I was using the time off to take tour guiding shifts; but Monday was a half-day.
The perfect time to meet with Magnus.
Isabelle and our friends were stuck at school where they couldn't interfere and stop me. My parents were at work. I had nothing to get back to and Magnus was going to come as soon as he finished what he had to do that day; being lucky with his flexible hours. There were only so many shoots Ebony needed.
The cab driver had taken the address I'd given him and dropped me off in this run down part of Brooklyn. It didn't look like the kind of place anybody got noticed, but to tell the truth I was starting to care less and less about that sort of thing. Maybe it was me maturing or maybe I'd just started to pay more attention to the way my sister's gossip changed every day. Either way it all was beginning to seem very trivial.
People were over Camille and Magnus' obviously open relationship. Sure, there was outrage the first time Magnus was caught with somebody else, but since then Camille's partners were prone to change bi-weekly. Who knew about Magnus? His wife was the famous one. Magnus' job wasn't about being in the spotlight. It was to dress the people who would get noticed and photograph them.
Just because he acted like a big deal didn't make him one, I thought as I approached the building. It was old. Not the good, interesting kind of old, either. It was the kind of dull stone building which was built in a hurry and would probably stand forever.
Magnus was sat on the stoop. He looked strangely comfortable down there on the stone for somebody who lived in such a flashy place. The step didn't look very clean and his beloved clothes were going to get dirty.
He was dressed more maturely, now. Less like he was a student. It suited him to look his age, with his hair less gelled and more natural. I half expected him to put on his fake glasses.
"You came." He said, smiling and standing when I got close.
"Just about." I said.
Isabelle and Jace had both advised me not to go. My parents - who my sister ever-so-helpfully gotten involved - tried to argue about it to. I just raised my eyebrows at the two of them. I wasn't dumb enough to think they were still talking about Izzy's arts school in their little meets. The two of them dropped the topic fast enough.
"Well, I'm glad you did." Magnus grinned when he unlocked the metal grade in front of the entrance and guided me inside.
The hall smelled like alcohol and damp. Something, somewhere was dripping and the staircase Magnus headed up was uneven. The place I was now renting was far from idyllic; but this was a real dump.
I shuddered when my hand brushed a web. Spiders had always freaked me out. Not great when my room was basically attached to Isabelle's back home. Apparently getting rid of eight-legged abominations was a 'guy's job'. Tell that to any guys living in this building.
"Is this a friend's place?" I asked when we reached a door. The number was missing, somebody had carved 1B into the wood.
Magnus gave me a sheepish look and pulled out a key. "It's actually my place."
"Your place?" I repeated, looking around me again. Magnus and this kind of grunge didn't mix in my head.
"I didn't always live with Cammie." He smirked as he twisted the handle and gave the door two hard shoves. Then he laughed. "It always stuck."
The inside of the loft didn't look as bad as the outside. Everything in it was covered in dust from disuse, but otherwise the hygiene was pretty good. The furniture all looked to be second hand. How long ago was pre-Camile time?
I was lead into the living area and invited to sit on one of the battered couches. A cloud of dust rose into the air and I coughed while Magnus made his way over to open the windows. Like the door, they stuck, one of them wouldn't open at all. When Magnus got back to me he was shaking his wrist like he'd twisted it awkwardly. He took the seat across from me.
"I'm… very aware that I owe you an apology."
I said nothing at all. Anything that sprang to mind sounded sarcastic. Hostile. 'Oh really?', 'You think?', that sort of thing. That kind of talk wasn't going to get us anywhere good. The best thing to do was to let him carry on. So I waited in silence.
"Duh, right?" He tried to joke. His easy-going front was out of place there. So much so that I don't think he even bought it. He drummed his long fingers on his leg.
I blinked, still waiting. Did he think we were done now? Saying he owed me an apology wasn't actually an apology.
"Duh." I repeated flatly.
Magnus sighed. "I was stupid. Most people aren't hurt by my relationship with Cammie. But then again, most people know about her."
I decided to skim over the way he was making it sound like a lot of people. That was a whole different conversation for another time. If there ever was another time. He wasn't being all that convincing, no matter how uncomfortable he seemed. I had to keep a hold of myself; I couldn't give in and just let him get away with what happened.
He had to repent if we were ever going to speak again. More than that; he had to mean it.
"When I realised you were really upset, 'I'm sorry' just didn't seem like enough. And the longer I left it the more pathetic it sounded, you know?" He babbled.
"You clearly don't say it often." I commented, still noting that he was skirting around it.
"I don't, actually." He confirmed, with a look which seemed like he was thinking back. Possibly over situations in his life where he should have. When his attention was back on me his eyes were intense, and he leant forward in his seat. "But I'm saying it to you. I'm sorry. Beyond that. They'd need a whole different word for what I am."
I paused. He'd said it, at long last. I was relived. Of I should have been. Didn't they say better late than never? Wasn't it all supposed to feel okay now? It didn't. It felt the same. The only difference was that now – even though I was still hurt, and by then a little jaded too – now it felt like I could rationalise forgiving him as something other than giving up. It didn't make the forgiveness happen.
"Jace has a few for what you are." I said as the corner of my lip quirked up for the first time. I still felt pretty happy; after all, he said the one thing I'd wanted to hear since that day. "They're all curse words."
"I deserve that…" Magnus accepted, looking me over. He was waiting, now. For me to react. To accept or reject or just plain ignore him.
How was I supposed to react? I never thought that far ahead. I didn't even know where to begin. What did he want to hear, and would that correspond with what I wanted to say? What did I want to say?
"I was never good with words." I mumbled. His gaze softened in understanding and he took hold of one of my hands while he searched my face for signs he should let go. I squeezed back, going into autopilot.
Overthinking never did me any good. I tried not to think. I just reacted.
"I don't know what to say…" I told him honestly.
"Say I can see you again." He said with his nerves plain as the daylight through the windows. "Say I can have more chances to make it up to you."
His hand held mine firmly, my throat was dry from more than the floating dust in the air. I looked down at myself; young and clueless and dumb enough to dive back in. Camille was still around, so not completely. Not right that second. Maybe not the next time I saw him, or even the tenth next time I saw him, if we ever got that far. But what I did know is that I wanted for there to be a next time.
So I sucked in a breath, getting that free-fall feeling I got the first time I ever agreed to go spend time with him.
"Sure." I said. Just like the first time. "I'll see you again."
Fingers crossed that this one goes down okay with you guys.
I'm sitting on the fence about where to tie this off. On the one hand, I kind of like how it is here with the ending semi-open. On the other hand, there is still more I can write about what happens after this. So anybody who feels like responding, go ahead and let me know what you prefer. Because if you want more, I will quite happily write more.
Thank you for reading!