Disclaimer: I do not own HunterxHunter, nor do I profit commercially from these writings.
ABC Series
Q is for Questions
Children ask questions. Everybody knows that. They also tend to ask embarrassing questions with straight, innocent faces—much to the chagrin of most adults. Parents had it especially hard because they had the obligation to answer the children's questions in order to educate them and—most often than not—not to appear stupid in front of their children.
Such things weren't the problem of Kuroro Lucifer and Kurapika Kuruta, though. One, they were well confident in their vast reserve of knowledge not to be intimidated by a child's innocently weird and potentially embarrassing questions—although the embarrassment of them asking in inappropriate time and place was rather a problem, as their children had a sense of timing that left much to be desired. Two, they knew ways to avoid answering questions by deflecting the inquisitive little spawns of devil to other more appropriate sources.
"How do people killing each other in wars solve world's problems?"
Kuroro and Kurapika promptly bundled the children and shipped them to one Killua Zaoldyck; who then took them with him to the Zaoldyck house to question the elders of the family because Killua claimed to be a retired assassin. Zeno Zaoldyck had the most fun in his life educating them on the business of assassination and trying to convince them to join the trade. Killua immediately regretted his decision of introducing the impressionable kids to his assassin family and grovelled for forgiveness by Kurapika's feet when the children came home and Sarai announcing that she would like to try becoming an assassin—which would never happen because Sarai Lucifer Kuruta did NOT do silent and stealth. She had a natural tendency of making an entrance with loud fanfare. Kuroro had a stomach cramp trying to rein in his laughter in order to maintain dignity and reputation in front of the young Zaoldyck.
"Why do some people eat other humans?"
"Does human flesh taste good?"
"And why do they sleep with corpses?"
Books on human psychology were employed and shoved to the children's arms and they were sent away to Lucian in Wallachia. Lucian's subsequent ranting over the phone claiming that he was no necrophilia or a cannibal was largely ignored because while they knew that Lucian was neither a necrophilia nor a cannibal, he was the only undead they knew and supposedly knew better in the manners of dead bodies. The thought was not appreciated by one apoplectic vampire, but said vampire still managed to educate the children by bringing them to some mental institution and making them sit for three-hours-long lectures on human's mental illnesses by the resident doctors. The children came back home looking slightly green, with Noah looking disturbingly interested in mental illnesses.
"Do daemons fart, pee, and shit?"
Both parents honestly had no idea where this fascination with the non-human excretory system came from, but couldn't exactly fault them for being curious. They didn't know either. So they did what they could only do: the extensive lending of one Encyclopaedia of Daemons and siccing Bast on them. Bast threw a hissing fit on them for throwing her under the proverbial bus and forced to endure the most humiliating questioning of her lifetime. On hindsight, not only that Kuroro and Kurapika also learned of daemons's varying excretory system, they also learned that cats—animals, daemons, and otherwise—did hold grudges like nobody's business. Their only consolation was that Bast was fond of Meta and the kids enough that her grudge wouldn't extend for seven generations.
"What's oral sex?"
…Hatsubaba was the next victim, with the excuse that she was the expert on human anatomy. Which was partially true, considering that she was a 'doctor' in some way. A witch doctor, no less. Kuroro and Kurapika gladly endured her ranting, going as far as answering her summon to Ryuusei-gai and sitting with bowed heads like errant children as she chewed their ears off. In their opinion Hatsubaba's wrath was worth suffering than answering that question. It was the lesser evil, so to say.
And of course, the most dreaded question of all time.
"Where do babies come from?"
Because in order to answer that question, the mechanic of sexual intercourse had to be explained as well. And to Kuroro's horror, the question was directed at him. Why they asked him and not Kurapika, he had NO idea and had the suspicion that he didn't want to know why. So Kuroro did the first thing that came to his mind:
"Go ask your mother."
Which, on hindsight, wasn't the brightest idea. Ever. Because Kurapika refused to suffer alone on this and sending them over to Hatsubaba again was probably the better choice. Alas, the damage had been done.
"Get your father here and we will tell you together."
In the end, Kurapika and Kuroro spent the day arguing over who was going to explain which parts. Kuroro argued that since Kurapika was the mother so she had to do the explaining, but Kurapika insisted that Kuroro had a major role in creating the lives as well. The only concession that they agreed on was that they were NOT going to use the birds and the bees or whatever metaphor to explain the whole reproduction system; because Kuroro thought they were just silly and humiliating and Kurapika thought the children were smarter than that.
In the end, the children learned of the whole reproduction system through gleaning from their heated, long-drawn, extensively educated arguments and using the Human's Biology book as reference.
Author's Note: My brain came up blank and could only do this short chapter on Q. It's been fun putting our favourite couple on awkward moments. Hope you all enjoy it. Review please!